If you tap into your human spirit, where Christ dwells, you will love your wife with Christ's Love - agape.
How do Christians “tap into their human spirit, where Christ dwells?”
The very first action is to call on His Name. Most often a situation escalates too fast to make any preparations. When Peter asked if he could come to the Lord by walking on the stormy waters, he had time to formulate his request. But as he sank he had just seconds to turn his focus from the waves to Christ. When your wife or husband makes an inappropriate comment, your mind processes it in less than a second, your emotions well up, and you are set at a T-Junction with no warning. Your will will decide if you give back, or ignore it, or if you will seek revenge later. In that second you have one resource. Call on Jesus' name. Don't be afraid to do it out loud. It will show your partner that you have been moved but are turning to Christ for the next Chapter of this incidence.
Your next most effective move is to have spent a quiet time with the Lord first thing after waking up. Israel were to collect their manna before the sun melted it. That 15 minutes you spent with the Lord reading His Word and praying will prevent a spiritual "low blood-sugar". You will have the ammunition to extend the time of decision by initially just keeping quiet. The spirit works like the body. If it is starved, its response will be weak and irrational. If it is full of the Bread of Life, it can cope much better.
The next point of defense is your willingness to deny yourself. Even if you have neglected your morning time with the Lord, and your spirit is low, if you have schooled yourself to bind your thoughts, will and emotions, you have won 50% of the battle. Remember, this battle is NOT with your wife or husband. It is between the flesh and the spirit. If you are used to fighting for your rights, you will ignore your spirit.
Now, not all situations are fixed by retreat. If you are the husband you are the head of the woman. You must give yourself for her and the children, but NOT relinquish your position. God's first accusation against Adam was that he "had hearkened to his wife". Adam was a head, and he also had a Head - God. So sometimes something needs to be said or done. The captain of the ship might have a rebellious and/or panic-stricken crew. He may feel helpless. But he may not give away his lawful position. In this case, whatever time the situation gives you, use it to ASK the Lord. The Lord has promised TWO types of answer;
- A still small voice (1st Ki.19:12; Isa.30:21; Zech.4:6)
- Inward peace (Phil.4:7)
But more than this, you have made the battle the Lord's. His FULL RESOURCES are brought to bear. Your job is to say what you have to say, or do what you have to do IN LOVE. The consequences are the Lord's. I am not an authority on wives. I've had one only, but for 42 years. I did not always do things like I report here. I had to learn, and am still learning. But I have seen that a quiet, truthful word spoken in love might not work immediately. But somehow, over the next days and/or weeks, my wife has changed her path. Recently, with our Tuesday night prayer meeting changed to "zoom.us" because of the Covid, my wife relaxed to wear her head covering. Now, I don't want get into this discussion here, but I mentioned it to her. The reaction was as expected. She felt accused and met me with tight-lipped silence, and some sharp words a day or two later. I did nothing but to say that it was a matter for her and God and the angels (1st Cor.11:10). The next Tuesday night, on "zoom", she had her little symbolic head-covering on, and neither of us said a word after that. The Lord had worked on her - and taught me - again - to trust in Him.
In ending, I would like to warn you that this matter of turning to the spirit is not learned in a day. I've been learning this for 38 years, and I don't nearly always get it right. It must be a conscious way of life - and the flesh is ever-present to foil me. I do not say that we should not follow Christ's New Testament way in favor of ONLY listening to the Spirit in our spirit. God will never contradict His written Word. But like Paul, when he was forbidden by the Spirit to go to Asia and Bithynia, God has specific instructions for nearly every event. He does not write ten volumes on marriage. He DWELLS IN YOU as the ever present Head - and it is your job to get to know His voice - however "still and small" it is. It is also not a formula for success. Sometimes you can do everything right, but the other party has a free will too. Some situations are doomed to failure, even when you did everything right. Jesus did fully the will of His Father, and His ministry to Israel still did not help them. A marriage partner who is bent on rebellion, or abuse of their power, will end up in the ditch anyway, no matter how much you turned to your spirit.