We met 10 years later, now in love but...

[ckg1073]

I recently re connected with a friend I went to school with, we were like best friends - so we’ve known each other for quite a while. We're both 24. So we met three weeks ago for the first time in 10 years, we instantly fell for each other because of our mutual connection to Jesus and the understanding of the global agenda. I really believe this was ordained as it came out of no where, in no circumstance was I seeking a potential spouse or relationship - it just came out of no where. It moved quite quickly after a few days, he asked me straight up if there was any possibility of a future relationship and I said yes.

After a few more meet ups and strange coincidences which I believe we’re very much God ordained, we started to have division. I noticed he is quite religious and tried very hard to convert me to his coptic orthodox church (he goes to church like 5 times a week) and i'm non-denominational, he's an extrovert and i'm introverted, he just graduated/doesn't have a job or routine and he has never been in a serious relationship.He told me he does not understand relationship ques too.... while on the flip side, I came out of a 10 year non-christian relationship, I'm stable in terms of career and quite matured in life generally.

Eventually he calls me to ask how I am and how I feel about everything. He was saying how he was concerned that I was going to have a culture shock with his family and church, and I also explained to him my concern of him having way too many female friends and how that could be an issue moving forward if we were to date and he says to me that he thinks we should go seperate ways because of the hurdles early in, but he made it really clear that he wants to remain in touch as friends - we both came into agreement with this.

I'm not sure if the enemy was trying to creep in to cause division between us - because coming from a 10 year relationship, the disagreements we encountered can be easily developed and fixed, these are petty little issues.

Not sure what you guys think of the basis of my explanation. I feel very strong on my heart that we may meant to be in the future but I also don’t want to be deceived. Also, I've been lead to pray for him and strong holds to be lifted and that the Lord have his way.
I believe God has placed him in my path for a reason, and it feels like there’s an unfinished story.

Anyways, what do you guys think?
Blessings,

 

[cinder]

You're former close friends who talked for the first time in 10 years and after 3 weeks he's decided it's over. It's possible he needs to go through a few rounds of "oh this person is a wonderful dating prospect, oh wait they don't agree with me in everything how will this work" before he realizes that a successful relationship isn't about not having conflict. But personally I think it's far more possible that you were both just really excited to reconnect to someone you had a common history with that makes you automatically feel close, and that a few weeks in after all the past has been rehashed and you start looking to the future, he realized that you weren't going the way he wants to go in life.

I do have to disagree with you though, I wouldn't consider a markedly different preference for church denomination and worship styles to be a minor issue. Especially if he was as keen as you make it sound for you to join his denomination. For two people serious about their faith, what church you go to and how often and stuff like that is a huge part of your life and therefore of your life together and if you can't agree on that (or at least agree to disagree), it can be a deal breaker.

So if he says it's over, live like it's over and trust that if God thinks otherwise, then God will make that second chance happen just like he made the first chance.

 

[Subhumanoidal]

I 100% agree with cinder. It sounds like a lot of things are in play to make this situation sound better than it really is.
And to be honest, by the way you were describing things in the beginning i thought you were complaining about him, so I was rather surprised to see you wanted to Be with him.
And, yes, drastically different denominations, church habits and a need to have you convert are all problematic.
Adding to this he states plainly he doesn't get relationship cues, is a big problem. Chances are that's not the only area he doesn't get social cues, either.

I find it a lack of wisdom to make such decisions before a year, let alone 3 months. You seem to have the typical "these red flags are no big deal" mentality common to people first attracted, and that continues an average of six months before it wears off.
Also we see people on this site All The Time expressing how convinced they are God has put them with someone else, then confused why things didn't work out. As I just said the other day, it's easy to hear God say yes when that's what you want to hear. I find most people that claim to be asking God, especially about romance, aren't listening for an answer, but looking for a yes. And whether it's there or not that's what they hear.

It sounds as if you are looking at this situation as one that will change, and that he will change. That is a false idea. It's a quite common problem women make, assuming a guy will change, and change in the way she wants. Or thinking she can change him. If you don't like who he Is, an out of work coptic orthodox that lives at church, then you don't really like him, just the idea of him.
The "i can fix him" idea common to women is flawed. Not to mention an insult.

Even if some of the issues you two share Are easily fixable (which they don't sound easy to me) that doesn't mean he will be so willing. And in fact he's proven he's not.

The fact is he doesn't want to be with you, and you should be grateful. He has the ability to see things you either can't, or refuse to see, and not let this go further.

Even "if" God wants you together, and i consider that a big if, that doesn't have to mean right now. Maybe it's in the future.

What cinder said is right, move on and live your life. Far too many people sit and do nothing while waiting for things to magically fall into place. 20 years later you find you spent 20 years wasting your life away rather than living it. Then have to live with that until the day you die. And that's a crushing weight to bear. I should know.

 

[JustEli]

Run for the hill's, it will not get any better. Really, no job? Work is money, money is well................ a necessity.
Is this dude living in grandmas basement or what?

 

[Lanolin]

i think just be friends.
You were friends before so you could be friends again. relationships are hard, friendships are easy. Jesus always picked friendships over relationships...and its the christian thing to do.

relationships tie you down, friendships lift you up.

 

[Lighthearted]

You're former close friends who talked for the first time in 10 years and after 3 weeks he's decided it's over. It's possible he needs to go through a few rounds of "oh this person is a wonderful dating prospect, oh wait they don't agree with me in everything how will this work" before he realizes that a successful relationship isn't about not having conflict. But personally I think it's far more possible that you were both just really excited to reconnect to someone you had a common history with that makes you automatically feel close, and that a few weeks in after all the past has been rehashed and you start looking to the future, he realized that you weren't going the way he wants to go in life.

I do have to disagree with you though, I wouldn't consider a markedly different preference for church denomination and worship styles to be a minor issue. Especially if he was as keen as you make it sound for you to join his denomination. For two people serious about their faith, what church you go to and how often and stuff like that is a huge part of your life and therefore of your life together and if you can't agree on that (or at least agree to disagree), it can be a deal breaker.

So if he says it's over, live like it's over and trust that if God thinks otherwise, then God will make that second chance happen just like he made the first chance.

God is always working and moving to bring all sorts of things and us into alignment with His will. I would certainly not close a window to all the possibilities seeing as you aren't in full understanding of God's purposes...
I myself am a firm believer that everything and everyone brought in and out of our lives is for a reason. If you choose to let Him lead and guide you...trust Him and go with the flow. Pray. Easier said than done because God's timing is His alone...just be ready for anything.

 

[ev4989]

I recently re connected with a friend I went to school with, we were like best friends - so we’ve known each other for quite a while. We're both 24. So we met three weeks ago for the first time in 10 years, we instantly fell for each other because of our mutual connection to Jesus and the understanding of the global agenda. I really believe this was ordained as it came out of no where, in no circumstance was I seeking a potential spouse or relationship - it just came out of no where. It moved quite quickly after a few days, he asked me straight up if there was any possibility of a future relationship and I said yes.

After a few more meet ups and strange coincidences which I believe we’re very much God ordained, we started to have division. I noticed he is quite religious and tried very hard to convert me to his coptic orthodox church (he goes to church like 5 times a week) and i'm non-denominational, he's an extrovert and i'm introverted, he just graduated/doesn't have a job or routine and he has never been in a serious relationship.He told me he does not understand relationship ques too.... while on the flip side, I came out of a 10 year non-christian relationship, I'm stable in terms of career and quite matured in life generally.

Eventually he calls me to ask how I am and how I feel about everything. He was saying how he was concerned that I was going to have a culture shock with his family and church, and I also explained to him my concern of him having way too many female friends and how that could be an issue moving forward if we were to date and he says to me that he thinks we should go seperate ways because of the hurdles early in, but he made it really clear that he wants to remain in touch as friends - we both came into agreement with this.

I'm not sure if the enemy was trying to creep in to cause division between us - because coming from a 10 year relationship, the disagreements we encountered can be easily developed and fixed, these are petty little issues.

Not sure what you guys think of the basis of my explanation. I feel very strong on my heart that we may meant to be in the future but I also don’t want to be deceived. Also, I've been lead to pray for him and strong holds to be lifted and that the Lord have his way.
I believe God has placed him in my path for a reason, and it feels like there’s an unfinished story.

Anyways, what do you guys think?
Blessings,

You previously dated 1 guy from the age of 14 to 24?

 

[LittleMermaid]

I was wondering about that too. That's ten years. I'm thinking you might be rebounding. I say give it a good year at least to be single and focus on God. The guy doesn't really want to move forward...so I don't know why you think you have a decision to make. He already told you no. I'm sorry if that sounds mean, but you need to value yourself. Don't beg him. If God wants you to get married, the right guy will value you and you won't have to beg him to be with you. He already gave up on the first obstacle. You don't need a man like that to marry you. Blessings!

 

[BrotherMike]

I do have to disagree with you though, I wouldn't consider a markedly different preference for church denomination and worship styles to be a minor issue. Especially if he was as keen as you make it sound for you to join his denomination. For two people serious about their faith, what church you go to and how often and stuff like that is a huge part of your life and therefore of your life together and if you can't agree on that (or at least agree to disagree), it can be a deal breaker.

I have to agree with Cinder on this. I met a lady a few months ago. She is a seventh day adventist. I don't know much about that denomination, but I do know church denomination and worship style preference has made us just to be friends. She is a goody two shoes and very very sweet natured and humble. Really really nice to be with and we go on walks and talk about our faith and various issues. I guess this falls under equally yoked? There is nothing wrong with her worship style and I can't really say much about her denomination preference because I haven't dug deep into it, but I do know that my spirit is telling me no. I want to be a part of worship services that brings me to tears and I can feel the Holy Spirit in the place of worship.