High-functioning autistic guy is so confused about dating

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commodoredude

commodoredude

Member
#1
Jun 26, 2020
90
70
18
#1
@Magenta: I wonder sometimes if I do things that cause me to shoot myself in the foot. I don't know if my expectations are too high, if I should have any expectations at all or how to actually go about finding the right lady to pursue marriage. Am I too impatient and can't wait on God to make things happen?

Today, I met Mike who was a complete stranger to me. Turns out he was a software engineer and I'm also a big computer guy. The way we got along like a house on fire was amazing, and he really lifted my depressed mood (I'd asked God to send me an angel and Mike was it). I was wishing I'd met a lady who isn't necessarily a retro computer geek like me, but somebody who's just so "chatty" and we had so much in common.

After last night's Bible Study group (where we practiced social distancing and it was a small group) when Paul and I met 5 others for the first time, I've got so many questions, now that my eye is on this girl, Ashley. WHAT do you say, WHEN do you say it, WHAT do you do and WHEN do you do it? Also, WHAT must you NOT say, and WHAT must you NOT do? So many jolly questions. If I get one or more of these things wrong, I'll chase away every girl in sight and they'll never come back, thinking that marriage is all I want out of them!

I want to meet and befriend more people online who actually live near my zip code (92276), but where are they?

Thanks for your help, @Magenta!
 
C

CozHElivesIcanface2morrow

Guest
#2
#2
I am not Magenta but can I tell you something, please? Thank you 😊


Maybe just Relax 😊 take it slow get to know the person more. Spend time with her wait and observe 😊 don't rush her or the things between you and her...because if she likes you she will reciprocate your feelings if not she will not...well,I guess rejection hurts but it doesn't mean you don't deserve her, it doesnt mean you are not valued it just means things with that woman didn't work out.

And if that will happen I hope it should not/ would not hold you back from continuing your next turn,because maybe in your next turn another one will come... the reason why it didn't work out with the previous one 😊
 
M

MustangMichelle

New member
#3
Jul 22, 2020
5
5
3
#3
commodoredude said:
@Magenta: I wonder sometimes if I do things that cause me to shoot myself in the foot. I don't know if my expectations are too high, if I should have any expectations at all or how to actually go about finding the right lady to pursue marriage. Am I too impatient and can't wait on God to make things happen?

Today, I met Mike who was a complete stranger to me. Turns out he was a software engineer and I'm also a big computer guy. The way we got along like a house on fire was amazing, and he really lifted my depressed mood (I'd asked God to send me an angel and Mike was it). I was wishing I'd met a lady who isn't necessarily a retro computer geek like me, but somebody who's just so "chatty" and we had so much in common.

After last night's Bible Study group (where we practiced social distancing and it was a small group) when Paul and I met 5 others for the first time, I've got so many questions, now that my eye is on this girl, Ashley. WHAT do you say, WHEN do you say it, WHAT do you do and WHEN do you do it? Also, WHAT must you NOT say, and WHAT must you NOT do? So many jolly questions. If I get one or more of these things wrong, I'll chase away every girl in sight and they'll never come back, thinking that marriage is all I want out of them!

I want to meet and befriend more people online who actually live near my zip code (92276), but where are they?

Thanks for your help, @Magenta!
Click to expand...
Hi! My name is Michelle. I have a little bit of experience with dating, but am currently single by choice. The reason I have stopped dating is because I kept running into guys who just wanted sex even on Christian Mingle. Talking from a female point of view, i would say avoid talking about sex in the beginning even as a joke unless she brings it up first. I dont think you're the type of guy who would use a woman, but you dont want them to get the wrong impression of you. I hope this helps!
 
Subhumanoidal

Subhumanoidal

Well-known member
#4
Sep 17, 2018
4,056
3,170
113
#4
@commodoredude
Marriage shouldn't be discussed until you have been in an exclusive relationship for some time. On a date a person may ask you about it, but thats only to see if you are both in the same page about the future. So answer it honestly, but don't dwell on it.
In fact I'd push marriahe out of your mind for a while. It's fine to know that's your long term goal, but the more you focus on it the more it will interfere early on.
Personally I have a rule, I will not ask anyone to marry me I haven't officially dated for at least a year. It can be discussed but I won't make a move in that direction for a year.

Know the first six months of any relationship are the most deceiving. During the first six months your brain releases chemicals that put you in a good mood and makes the relationship easy and seem good. After (roughly) that six months that chemical fades and this is why so many relationships fail around this time. Because there is nothing solid between the two people that helps them maintain the relationship during difficult moments. Fighting may increase if there isn't something solid there.
So a year is enough time to see if the relationship can last.

I am not one to go on dates, but rather be friends and then have that turn into a relationship. It's much slower, but I prefer it. So dating advice is not my speciality.
But I feel being yourself is of top importance. Because if not, then who you really are will surface eventually and if she's not attracted the relationship will fail.
There's all kinds of rules and do's and don'ts in dating. I think most of it is dishonest.

Keep in mind, if you run her off, by being yourself, Good! Because she was wrong for you and you got to find out early and not waste your time, money and life on someone that it would never have worked out with.
Worry less about being impressive and focus instead on getting to know them and see if They are of interest to you. It's easy to see a glimpse of someone and create an idea in our head of who they are, but rarely are we correct. So don't get hung up on who you Think they are, find out who they Actually are.

And always have an eye out for red flags. Red flags are warnings and should be heeded, regardless of how otherwise great she seems.

Hope some of this helps.
 
Subhumanoidal

Subhumanoidal

Well-known member
#5
Sep 17, 2018
4,056
3,170
113
#5
MustangMichelle said:
Hi! My name is Michelle. I have a little bit of experience with dating, but am currently single by choice. The reason I have stopped dating is because I kept running into guys who just wanted sex even on Christian Mingle. Talking from a female point of view, i would say avoid talking about sex in the beginning even as a joke unless she brings it up first. I dont think you're the type of guy who would use a woman, but you dont want them to get the wrong impression of you. I hope this helps!
Click to expand...
Actually, from what I've heard, Christian dating sites are notorious for such men, moreso than the Christians on secular dating sites. But dating sites as a whole are pretty well known for this.
 
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