Marriage is hard don't do it 😮

CozHElivesIcanface2morrow · Jul 16, 2020

If Marriage is hard why even the happiest singles I know still want to marry if the person They hoped for comes along, although they are contented and happy at the moment they don't remove the possibility to still find a home in the arms of a man/woman. Is marriage really that great? 🤔

What's are the nice things about being married? Why many people are willing to risk the comfort of being single and enter marriage if it is hard...? 🤔

What excites you most about being married and what scares you most...?

Do you picture yourself with someone living together a happy married life ?

Or do you see it coming into your life soon? Or you don't think about it and have given up about marriage a long time ago already?

I would love to hear from you please feel free to share your thoughts and stories about your marriage or your single life on this thread 😊 thank you 🤗❤

Lanolin · Jul 16, 2020

I think its cos they want a mini me child. But babies grow up and leave you too, so...marriage is just a way to keep a hold of someone IMHO.

Mj777 · Jul 16, 2020

CozHElivesIcanface2morrow said:

Sure! For me, I always saud never again, but I feel differently now, if I meet someone whose on the same page who wants to travel & has a passion to do missionwork together, I would in that case marry. My last marriage fell apart bc we didnt share the same goals & were young. And now wiser, I know what I want in a spouse & if God gives it the green light🚦😌✌

Lynx · Jul 16, 2020

Some of these questions are for married people to answer... some are for single people... I think only divorced/widowed people can answer them all. I will answer the ones I can.

CozHElivesIcanface2morrow said:

zeroturbulence · Jul 16, 2020

CozHElivesIcanface2morrow said:

Because no matter how happy a single person is, loneliness still sucks.

tourist · Jul 16, 2020

zeroturbulence said:

I know from my long single years that loneliness does indeed suck.

TheIndianGirl · Jul 16, 2020

Loneliness is one's best friend and one's worst enemy.

tourist · Jul 16, 2020

Lanolin said:

I would agree with the marriage being a way to keep a hold of someone and there are marriage vows that state, 'to have and to hold'. A lot of couples that marry desire to raise a family so that is really that unusual. I remarried at age of 59 for companionship and the woman that I married was the same age. We both each had a grown up daughter from a previous relationship so having babies was not the impetus for our getting married.

Runningman · Jul 16, 2020

CozHElivesIcanface2morrow said:

If you want to have children then go for marriage.

Otherwise I recommend having friends and family if you're just lonely. Going through the legally binding and lifelong commitment of a marriage is a lot of paper work and emotions just to have someone to be with.

There are easier ways to not be lonely; God, your friends, and family are there for you.

I think married or single both have their pros, cons, and unique challenges.

Gregoryp · Jul 16, 2020

if you have enough self love and respect, you wont ever feel lonely. You shouldn't need anyone to complete you, you already are complete.

TheIndianGirl · Jul 16, 2020

If you are single but live with people such as other family, kids, roommates you may not feel lonely.

However if you are single and live alone it is a different story, it is very likely you will feel lonely especially when you are not busy. Phone calls are not the same. Friends are not available when you need them, etc. A little bit of feeling down will lead you to ruminate and feeling even worse/depressed. Personally I feel lonely when I start missing certain people. However if I lived with someone even a roommate I'm not close with I won't miss people as much.

TheIndianGirl · Jul 16, 2020

I think unless you live with someone you won't bond closely with them. This could be a spouse, other family, roommate, dog, etc. You can have many brunches and outings with a friend or cousin, but you are not going to be close with that person when compared with someone you live with. In most cases this is a spouse or immediate family. No wonder a lot of people who live alone feel closer to their dog than their friends. But I agree you might feel the same level of closeness (in terms of friendship) as you feel with a spouse when compared with someone else you have lived and bonded with.

Lanolin · Jul 17, 2020

doesnt have to be a dog...could be a cat, or budgie, or mouse.. or in Elijahs case, ravens.

Lanolin · Jul 17, 2020

a friend from church just msged me yesterday on fb me saying she was getting married in november and did I want to come to her wedding. I have not ever met her fiance who I heard some time ago she had been engaged. When I went to visit her she hinted she was flatting with someone but never introduced him.

she lives about 3 hours drive away. The last time I saw her was about 2 years ago.

I havent responded yet as I am not sure I can go...just thinking on all these questions that I COULD ask her but Im not that nosy...

in nz...you can live with someone and not be married. You can have babies together and not be married. But I think after two years, even if you dont marry, but you still live together, you are considered married.
I think the benefit really, is for the children, but it could also be, you want to hold on to that person. cos nothing stops anyone from taking off if they arent married.

I dont know how it is in other countries, but most people here shack up together before they get married. their engagement period is living together I guess. whether its just on account of economics or convenience I dont know. some people are still sorting out their previous relationships before they go on to the next one.

People in church do this its not just non christians. it makes things confusing for sure.

cinder · Jul 17, 2020

I'm reminded of the movie quote " If it weren't hard everyone would do it..... the hard is what makes it great." And if we're talking about successfully staying married till death (in a good marriage, not a he'll kill you if you don't get out abusive one), I think that's applicable. But since everyone seems to be getting married, if we're talking about just getting married well yeah often seems like everyone is doing it even when their track record shows they're really crappy at making things work out.

SoulWeaver · Jul 17, 2020

Marriage can be difficult. Because none of us is perfect. I've never regretted being married though.
Life can also be difficult and it is easier to take life on as a team. Eccl 4:10
It really boils down to whether you function better in a relationship or solo.

Lanolin · Jul 18, 2020

wonder if I should ask her these questions or just say dont do it!!

but then if youve lived with someone for two years without killing each other surely you can marry each other wont it just be more of the same? except you can say now this is MY husband. Or this is my Wife.

Instead of saying well this is my partner or fiance. Other than that I dont know what would change...?

apostlez · Jul 18, 2020

If God wills that I be joined in marriage, then I shall become one in flesh with her. If not, I will live happily otherwise. I like how Paul described this issue in his letter to the Corinthians.

[28] But if you marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. Yet such will have trouble in this life, and I am trying to spare you. [29] But this I say, brethren, the time has been shortened, so that from now on those who have wives should be as though they had none; [30] and those who weep, as though they did not weep; and those who rejoice, as though they did not rejoice; and those who buy, as though they did not possess; [31] and those who use the world, as though they did not make full use of it; for the form of this world is passing away. [32] But I want you to be free from concern. One who is unmarried is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord; [33] but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how he may please his wife, [34] and his interests are divided. The woman who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband. [35] This I say for your own benefit; not to put a restraint upon you, but to promote what is appropriate and to secure undistracted devotion to the Lord. (I Corinthians 7:28-35 [NASB])

Lynx · Jul 18, 2020

CozHElivesIcanface2morrow said:

I'm happy with a good slice of pizza. I'd also be happy with a bowl of homemade chili. Or a plate of good lasagna.

Just because I'm content to be single doesn't mean I'm not willing to get married. It just means I haven't wanted to yet.

Marriage is hard, but so is being single. Both have different sets of challenges. Life itself is hard... but living still seems to be popular.

tourist · Jul 18, 2020

Runningman said:

Speaking from actual marital experience I will say the legally binding and lifelong commitment that a marriage entails is well worth the cost of admission. Family and friends are fine but at the end of the day you will still sleep alone in your bed.

Marriage is hard don't do it 😮

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