Someone needs to hear this tonight. ❤️
I am going to bare my heart and hold nothing back because God has used my life stories to help others time and time again.
As with everyone else who had to endure this, the four months of isolation were hard for me. I am an extreme extrovert to a fault. I need to be close to people. I also rely heavily on a lot of people for support because of the overwhelming trials (blessings) that God has given my family.
Then suddenly, it was a crime to be with people. School was canceled without warning. Church stopped meeting. Friends stopped visiting. Even most of my children’s critical support services stopped providing services.
In a nut shell, four months of isolation from family and friends drove me to the point that thoughts of suicide to escape the overwhelming responsibilities and loneliness crept into my mind every. Single. Night. It became an unhealthy coping mechanism for me; a horrible “back up plan” that gave me a false sense of relief when I was at the end of my human strength to go on.
Suicide, you say? *gasp!* I thought you were a Christian?!?
Yes, even Christians face this very strong temptation. Biblical heroes faced this very strong temptation. And you know what? God NEVER condemned them for it. He reminded them that he is God and that he was there in their darkest moment. God understands when we are at our limits and gently brings us back with his promises.
So what helped me fight this thorn in the flesh that relentlessly tormented me every night? First, I reached out to other believers I could trust and asked them to pray for me. Somehow opening up about the struggle gave it far less power. I knew that other believers were interceding on my behalf while my prayers came out too jumbled and broken for me to comprehend (but God knows my heart, and knew what I needed). Second, I found an unruly bunch of outlaws who ignored social distancing and included me on a very large painting project (you know who you are 😉 ). The face to face fellowship was PARAMOUNT to my mental well-being.
*gasp!* But THE ‘RONA!!!
Look, I had more chance of dying alone by my own hand than I did from contracting a virus, so I took my chances.
Third, and probably THE MOST IMPORTANT I started writing down verses that reminded me of the promises of God and placed them on the table by my bed. That way, when Satan tried to take me out of the ranks of God’s earthly army I could remind myself that SATAN IS A FLIPPIN’ LIAR and no matter how hard life gets, God is strong enough to be my rescue and my place of peace.
Fourth, I started excepting that being tempted was not a sin in itself (even Jesus, who was sinless, was tempted). It’s what we DO with that temptation that matters. If I were to give in to that temptation, I would be sending a message to my children, my family, my friends, my community and the WORLD that my faith in God had limits. That maybe it was all hype, and when reality hit hard God didn’t show up for me. Is that the legacy I wanted to leave in my passing; that God was not enough for me in heavy trials? Heck no.
Christian, Satan KNOWS your weaknesses in your flesh. He wants you OUT of the battle. You are God’s warrior, and you are a threat to the enemy. If he can convince you that God has left you in your darkest hour, and he can convince you to end your life, he will. He knows his fate is sealed, so he’s mad as a hornet and wants to drag down as many people as he can take with him. If you go through heavy trials and cling to God instead of running away, you ruin Satan’s plans. Others might see your perseverance and faith and accept Christ because of your testimony. That makes Satan VERY angry. That’s why even Christians are tempted with suicide. Satan wants us and our testimony gone.
Remember, just because you may not FEEL God’s presence during a trial doesn’t mean he has abandon you! He gives us heavy trials so we can learn to put our trust wholly in him. Trust me, I know it’s near impossible to force yourself to remember this when your heart is shattered in a million pieces, your stomach is full of bricks, and your eyes run out of tears. But he will NEVER leave you nor forsake you. And that is a promise he will always keep.
I am going to bare my heart and hold nothing back because God has used my life stories to help others time and time again.
As with everyone else who had to endure this, the four months of isolation were hard for me. I am an extreme extrovert to a fault. I need to be close to people. I also rely heavily on a lot of people for support because of the overwhelming trials (blessings) that God has given my family.
Then suddenly, it was a crime to be with people. School was canceled without warning. Church stopped meeting. Friends stopped visiting. Even most of my children’s critical support services stopped providing services.
In a nut shell, four months of isolation from family and friends drove me to the point that thoughts of suicide to escape the overwhelming responsibilities and loneliness crept into my mind every. Single. Night. It became an unhealthy coping mechanism for me; a horrible “back up plan” that gave me a false sense of relief when I was at the end of my human strength to go on.
Suicide, you say? *gasp!* I thought you were a Christian?!?
Yes, even Christians face this very strong temptation. Biblical heroes faced this very strong temptation. And you know what? God NEVER condemned them for it. He reminded them that he is God and that he was there in their darkest moment. God understands when we are at our limits and gently brings us back with his promises.
So what helped me fight this thorn in the flesh that relentlessly tormented me every night? First, I reached out to other believers I could trust and asked them to pray for me. Somehow opening up about the struggle gave it far less power. I knew that other believers were interceding on my behalf while my prayers came out too jumbled and broken for me to comprehend (but God knows my heart, and knew what I needed). Second, I found an unruly bunch of outlaws who ignored social distancing and included me on a very large painting project (you know who you are 😉 ). The face to face fellowship was PARAMOUNT to my mental well-being.
*gasp!* But THE ‘RONA!!!
Look, I had more chance of dying alone by my own hand than I did from contracting a virus, so I took my chances.
Third, and probably THE MOST IMPORTANT I started writing down verses that reminded me of the promises of God and placed them on the table by my bed. That way, when Satan tried to take me out of the ranks of God’s earthly army I could remind myself that SATAN IS A FLIPPIN’ LIAR and no matter how hard life gets, God is strong enough to be my rescue and my place of peace.
Fourth, I started excepting that being tempted was not a sin in itself (even Jesus, who was sinless, was tempted). It’s what we DO with that temptation that matters. If I were to give in to that temptation, I would be sending a message to my children, my family, my friends, my community and the WORLD that my faith in God had limits. That maybe it was all hype, and when reality hit hard God didn’t show up for me. Is that the legacy I wanted to leave in my passing; that God was not enough for me in heavy trials? Heck no.
Christian, Satan KNOWS your weaknesses in your flesh. He wants you OUT of the battle. You are God’s warrior, and you are a threat to the enemy. If he can convince you that God has left you in your darkest hour, and he can convince you to end your life, he will. He knows his fate is sealed, so he’s mad as a hornet and wants to drag down as many people as he can take with him. If you go through heavy trials and cling to God instead of running away, you ruin Satan’s plans. Others might see your perseverance and faith and accept Christ because of your testimony. That makes Satan VERY angry. That’s why even Christians are tempted with suicide. Satan wants us and our testimony gone.
Remember, just because you may not FEEL God’s presence during a trial doesn’t mean he has abandon you! He gives us heavy trials so we can learn to put our trust wholly in him. Trust me, I know it’s near impossible to force yourself to remember this when your heart is shattered in a million pieces, your stomach is full of bricks, and your eyes run out of tears. But he will NEVER leave you nor forsake you. And that is a promise he will always keep.
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thanks for sharing. Please keep pressing on, you are such a valuable soul 😘
