~Chuckle for the Day~
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Many years ago when I was growing up, after BRO Sparling retired they hired a new Preacher, very young, married with a baby. Pay was not great so he took another job with the city, 350 people. He was to read the water meters around town, collect overdue bills, and turn water off to those way behind and refusing to attempt to pay.
BIG John owed 6 mo and refused to pay anything. A lot of folks were afraid of him, big and could get mean. The new Preacher was a little feller. He turned big johns water off after talking to him several times.
Big John was not real smart, but caught the Preacher in the café drinking a coke. He picked the Preacher up by the neck with one hand and said, you shouldn't have done that, now I gotta hurt you. Preacher said, now hold on John, lets go outside, I'd hate to see Maries nice floor get all bloody. John says OK but it won't save your butt.
As soon as they got out the door John grabs him, Preacher says hold on John, I'd like to say a prayer first. OK, but I'm still gonna hurt ya.
Preacher pulls out a knife and kneels down by the curb and starts whetting the blade on the concrete as he prayed.
LAWD LAWD, I know ya forgave me for killing that guy in Nashville and that other boy in Memphis, but you KNOW they had it coming to them. LAWD LAWD I'm afraid I'm gonna need you to forgive me one more time, cause I'm afraid I'm gonna have to kill this boy too. Preacher stood up and all he could see was Johns elbows and butt as he ran away. YES, Big John paid his bill and behaved much better after the Preacher stood up to him. This was told to me by my Uncle Woodrow.
BIG John owed 6 mo and refused to pay anything. A lot of folks were afraid of him, big and could get mean. The new Preacher was a little feller. He turned big johns water off after talking to him several times.
Big John was not real smart, but caught the Preacher in the café drinking a coke. He picked the Preacher up by the neck with one hand and said, you shouldn't have done that, now I gotta hurt you. Preacher said, now hold on John, lets go outside, I'd hate to see Maries nice floor get all bloody. John says OK but it won't save your butt.
As soon as they got out the door John grabs him, Preacher says hold on John, I'd like to say a prayer first. OK, but I'm still gonna hurt ya.
Preacher pulls out a knife and kneels down by the curb and starts whetting the blade on the concrete as he prayed.
LAWD LAWD, I know ya forgave me for killing that guy in Nashville and that other boy in Memphis, but you KNOW they had it coming to them. LAWD LAWD I'm afraid I'm gonna need you to forgive me one more time, cause I'm afraid I'm gonna have to kill this boy too. Preacher stood up and all he could see was Johns elbows and butt as he ran away. YES, Big John paid his bill and behaved much better after the Preacher stood up to him. This was told to me by my Uncle Woodrow.
G
I was a little rushed when I first read this the other day and didn't get it.
Now I'm relaxed, went back, re read it and it is that much funnier now that I've had the "light bulb" moment and "get" it
I just read it, still went "huh?" , re read it again and laughed so hard, I'm still smiling from it.
Now I'm relaxed, went back, re read it and it is that much funnier now that I've had the "light bulb" moment and "get" it
I just read it, still went "huh?" , re read it again and laughed so hard, I'm still smiling from it.
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G
Walking through the Clock and Watch department of your local store
is a good way to pass the time
is a good way to pass the time
now that one I got as soon as I read it -
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Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about
their fathers.
The first boy says, 'My Dad scribbles a few words
on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50.'
The second boy says, 'That's nothing. My Dad
scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100.'
The third boy says, 'I got you both beat. My Dad
scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight
people to collect all the money!'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An elderly woman died last month.
Having never married, she requested no male
pallbearers.
In her handwritten instructions for her memorial
service, she wrote,
'They wouldn't take me out while I was alive,
I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A police recruit was asked during the exam,
'What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?'
He answered, 'Call for backup.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Sunday School teacher asked her class why
Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem.
A small child replied, 'They couldn't get a babysitter.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments
with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to 'Honor thy
father and thy mother,' she asked,
'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to
treat our brothers and sisters?'
Without missing a beat, one little boy answered,
'Thou shall not kill.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
At Sunday School they were teaching how God
created everything, including human beings.
Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they
told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.
Later in the week his mother noticed him lying
down as though he were ill, and she said, 'Johnny, what is the matter?'
Little Johnny responded, 'I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
their fathers.
The first boy says, 'My Dad scribbles a few words
on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50.'
The second boy says, 'That's nothing. My Dad
scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100.'
The third boy says, 'I got you both beat. My Dad
scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight
people to collect all the money!'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An elderly woman died last month.
Having never married, she requested no male
pallbearers.
In her handwritten instructions for her memorial
service, she wrote,
'They wouldn't take me out while I was alive,
I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A police recruit was asked during the exam,
'What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?'
He answered, 'Call for backup.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Sunday School teacher asked her class why
Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem.
A small child replied, 'They couldn't get a babysitter.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments
with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to 'Honor thy
father and thy mother,' she asked,
'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to
treat our brothers and sisters?'
Without missing a beat, one little boy answered,
'Thou shall not kill.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
At Sunday School they were teaching how God
created everything, including human beings.
Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they
told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.
Later in the week his mother noticed him lying
down as though he were ill, and she said, 'Johnny, what is the matter?'
Little Johnny responded, 'I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Posted fine for me. And the striped cat is at least not dropping bits of food on the floor like the black cat.
I can't say a thing about the striped cat. I eat like that myself sometimes. Not all the time, or even most of the time, but sometimes. You can cram a whole standard donut in your mouth, and when I don't have time to stand around and nibble sometimes that's what I do.
I can't say a thing about the striped cat. I eat like that myself sometimes. Not all the time, or even most of the time, but sometimes. You can cram a whole standard donut in your mouth, and when I don't have time to stand around and nibble sometimes that's what I do.
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