Why do you think God has you single?

[Lynx]

A grandma is always a lovely person.

Yeah, my grandma sure is that, to be certain.

 

[NestForASparrow]

Because I am not yet ready. Whether that is me not finding the one or God putting in my heart a desire not to get attached to those who are attracted to me.

 

[CozHElivesIcanface2morrow]

True love despite all the undesirable qualities... I suppose anything is technically possible. But it is a bit naive.

Yeah...I understand...It is hard to find someone like that.... That person is so precious and special

 

[Lynx]

*Lynx prowls through the forum underbrush armed with a flamethrower, silently tracking CozHElivesIcanface2morrow the matchmaker.

 

[love_comes_softly]

I think more often than not we get in the way of God’s plan.

Perhaps we weren’t open to who had for us.

Perhaps we have our focus elsewhere.

Perhaps we let fear get in the way of taking that next step.


I think it’s a great question “why does God have you single?”, but for me at least, I’m thinking I’m single because of me, not God.

 

[Lanolin]

for me I think why I didnt stick with anyone I dated me was because of age difference and also logistics I mean in my twenties the men I met lived or had families in completely different countries and I wanted to stay home, being married and living in a different country was not even appealing to me. I had my own life I had to sort out first plus healing from emotional abuse etc.

it was weird too that in my twenties, men who were like 10 or more years older would be interested in me and that was off putting because thats a huge difference in age at the time. I had too much energy for them to cope with.

Then in my 30s when i came to the Lord and got healed and sorted my life out I thought hmm maybe its time but no God was like Ive got something better for you. And all the people that came my way who I started being friends with, christians, female friends many had come out of really unhappy marriages and partnerships. Just dealing with the fall out from THAT was exhausting...when you are single you end up being somtimes like a substitute husband for someone elses failed marriage. or a confidante girlfriend, nanny, counselor, agony aunt etc.

 

[MultilingualMessenger]

Question 1 would be is it really God who has me single? Or is it possibly my own preferences, lifestyle, or maybe even a bit of bad church teaching?

If we're going to be brutally honest here, I'm pretty sure I'm single through a combination of being an introverted homebody, being cautious about who I trust in general and who I'd trust for a relationship even more so, and the fact that that emotional romantic stuff doesn't really compute in my head so I can't really get beyond some of the whatever that would be the emotional precursor to a serious dating relationship before I feel completely confused, lost, and incompetent. And while for many skills you lack you can take classes, the majority of the attitude around relational skills seems to involve a lot of whitewashing the truth at best and outright manipulation at worst; and as state before I do the brutal honesty thing. But as I'm rather super independent and competent in a lot of areas of my life, I've also rarely felt the need for such a relationship so it balances out and I rarely feel down about being single. And then there are the moments when another person around would be nice or you just want a buddy. My plan is to get a robot for the need another person to help with tasks (just as soon as they're invented and on the market) and a dog for the buddy. And in thinking about getting a dog I also realize how much I don't want my plans and routines interrupted, which might be another reason I'm single, just not willing to accomodate my life to another person.

..Did you read my mind? Because basically all of this is true for me as well.

Being single seems to be the most appealing option.

 

[Lynx]

Ha! See there, I'm NOT the only one!

 

[Lynx]

This thread keeps reminding me of a certain manager at w*rk. She has been married three times. She is currently divorced, but almost every time I see her she is complaining about her current boyfriend or complaining because she is currently alone and can't find a boyfriend.

She also keeps nagging me because I'm happily single. I can't tell if she thinks I'm miserable and lying about being happy - maybe she just can't wrap her mind around the concept of being happy without a spouse - or if she wants me to be as miserable as she is because misery loves company. All I know for sure is I'm single and content, and she's always looking for a guy and she's miserable.

I keep trying to tell her she's never going to find true happiness just by finding a man. No man is good enough to make a woman happy just by being there to be her man. She needs to figure out how to be happy first, and THEN she will be in a better shape to find a man. But she won't listen because she's convinced all she has to do is find the right man and her life will be all sunshine and rainbows and daisies. All the other men were the wrong kind of men, but if only she can find the right one...

*sigh

"Why do you think God has you single?"
I don't know, but I sure am grateful for it. Some of the women I know make me downright exuberant about being single.

 

[MultilingualMessenger]

This thread keeps reminding me of a certain manager at w*rk. She has been married three times. She is currently divorced, but almost every time I see her she is complaining about her current boyfriend or complaining because she is currently alone and can't find a boyfriend.

She also keeps nagging me because I'm happily single. I can't tell if she thinks I'm miserable and lying about being happy - maybe she just can't wrap her mind around the concept of being happy without a spouse - or if she wants me to be as miserable as she is because misery loves company. All I know for sure is I'm single and content, and she's always looking for a guy and she's miserable.

I keep trying to tell her she's never going to find true happiness just by finding a man. No man is good enough to make a woman happy just by being there to be her man. She needs to figure out how to be happy first, and THEN she will be in a better shape to find a man. But she won't listen because she's convinced all she has to do is find the right man and her life will be all sunshine and rainbows and daisies. All the other men were the wrong kind of men, but if only she can find the right one...

*sigh

"Why do you think God has you single?"
I don't know, but I sure am grateful for it. Some of the women I know make me downright exuberant about being single.

Absolutely. That (only applying this to men, in my case), and some of the relationships I see play out make me glad to be single as well.

 

[Lynx]

The lady... er, woman in question is also always hyper-critical of everything. When I gave people a loaf of sourdough bread at Christmas I didn't dare give her one, because I hated to think what fault she might find with it. Even if she found the perfect man, she would find a flaw in him somewhere, or something she could claim was a flaw.

This is another problem with expecting a spouse to make your life perfect. When it doesn't happen, you start blaming the spouse, because your life is not perfect like you thought it would be, so it must be because your spouse is lacking in some way.

Man I just LOVE being single!

 

[MultilingualMessenger]

The lady... er, woman in question is also always hyper-critical of everything. When I gave people a loaf of sourdough bread at Christmas I didn't dare give her one, because I hated to think what fault she might find with it. Even if she found the perfect man, she would find a flaw in him somewhere, or something she could claim was a flaw.

This is another problem with expecting a spouse to make your life perfect. When it doesn't happen, you start blaming the spouse, because your life is not perfect like you thought it would be, so it must be because your spouse is lacking in some way.

Man I just LOVE being single!

I would hate for this kind of pressure to be put on me. Marriage is not a cure for deep-seated dissatisfaction with life. I don't get why people put this kind of burden on their partners.

That might be why the same people who burden their partners this way think that single people cannot be happy (because marriage, in their mind, is the cure-all and single people are not married).

 

[OneOfHis]

The lady... er, woman in question is also always hyper-critical of everything. When I gave people a loaf of sourdough bread at Christmas I didn't dare give her one, because I hated to think what fault she might find with it.

"NOT SOUR OR DOUGHY ENOUGH"

*football punts it to the top of the roof*


hah.... it probably went to better use sharing it with others... but now she can say you gave one to everyone but her...

 

[MultilingualMessenger]

"NOT SOUR OR DOUGHY ENOUGH"

*football punts it to the top of the roof*


hah.... it probably went to better use sharing it with others... but now she can say you gave one to everyone but her...

Lol! This reminds me of an episode of the Proud Family where Bobby takes a fruitcake and literally kicks it to the curb. And then sings while he's kicking it: "This ain't a fruitcake, it's the bottom-of-a-boot cake!"

 

[Lynx]

"NOT SOUR OR DOUGHY ENOUGH"

*football punts it to the top of the roof*


hah.... it probably went to better use sharing it with others... but now she can say you gave one to everyone but her...

She... didn't even notice. And I would have known if she had noticed... believe me, I would have known.

 

[Ahwatukee]

Maybe this is meant to be a little cathartic, but what do you think is the reason God has you single in this season? Be honest with yourself. I often think people blame themselves for something awful they did and think God is punishing them with this single and sometimes lonely life, instead of it being a time to grow. Maybe even a time for ones heart to heal, since we often find ourselves too readily hopping into a new relationship.

And if you don’t know, that’s ok. I think with me God is working on me both in a big transition in my home life as well as career.

Hello ArtsieSteph!

Regarding marriage, Jesus said the following:

========================================

"Why then,” they asked, “did Moses allow a man to give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away? ”

Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because of your hardness of heart; but it was not this way from the beginning. Now I tell you that whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman, commits adultery. ”

His disciples said to Him, “If this is the case between a man and his wife, it is better not to marry.”

“Not everyone can accept this word,” He replied, “but only those to whom it has been given. For there are eunuchs who were born that way; others were made that way by men; and still others live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.”

=======================================

In addition to the question of marriage, Paul said the following:

"Are you committed to a wife? Do not seek to be released. Are you free of commitment? Do not look for a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned. And if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.

Therefore, everyone has their perfect gift from God, to married or to remain single and celibate. There are those who were meant to marry and some to be unmarried to be free from the troubles that arise from being married and the cares of this world.

 

[Nehemiah6]

Maybe this is meant to be a little cathartic, but what do you think is the reason God has you single in this season?

People should not make God responsible for their marital status. Those who are single have chosen to remain single. Those who wish to be married make the necessary efforts to do so.

Did you know that God wants ALL to be married, raise children, and have a family? That was His decree at the time of creation.

 

[Lynx]

Here we go again...

"Baby if you turn me down, that's against God's will!"

Not to mention all those people who can't have children... tsk tsk, whatever will they do? So terribly out of God's will and nothing they can do about it.

Oh and what about the current overpopulation problem? Hmm, that's God's will that we overrun the planet and decimate it?

Hmm... maybe that was just what God told specific people at specific times? You know, kinda like God told them to march around Jericho, but that doesn't mean we are supposed to march around any cities today.

 

[EternalFire]

People should not make God responsible for their marital status. Those who are single have chosen to remain single. Those who wish to be married make the necessary efforts to do so.

Did you know that God wants ALL to be married, raise children, and have a family? That was His decree at the time of creation.

Are you sure? Matthew 19:12

For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it.

 

[Susanna]

Here we go again...

"Baby if you turn me down, that's against God's will!"

Not to mention all those people who can't have children... tsk tsk, whatever will they do? So terribly out of God's will and nothing they can do about it.

Oh and what about the current overpopulation problem? Hmm, that's God's will that we overrun the planet and decimate it?

Hmm... maybe that was just what God told specific people at specific times? You know, kinda like God told them to march around Jericho, but that doesn't mean we are supposed to march around any cities today.

People can swim around Galveston.

But I agree with you.