When a broken heart turns you gay

Tum8 · Apr 18, 2020

Hi, so this is kind of hard for me to talk about because most of the stuff I am saying here, I have never really been able to talk about it. Mostly because if I talk about it, it becomes real.

So my first year of varsity I made some pretty bad choices. One of those choices include getting black out drunk at one party and then getting raped. I remember not being able to call it that for a while because I thought people wouldn't believe me or think I am seeking attention, but it was rape. My friend found out it was rape because I couldn't never give her a straight answer as to how I lost my virginity. That year was just bad overall, my dad had medical problems and he was jumping from rehab to rehab and he just turned into a complete stranger. Growing up I had a really good life, I went to private schools, I never got into trouble, I made top ten and I wasn't promiscuous at all. I dated a few guys but that's it. None of them really hurt me. But after the rape things went down hill. We were starting to lack financially and my dad became sick. Then after being raped I got a boyfriend and he was my everything. Till we broke up. Then he slept with my friends and told people I had STDs. It really started messing me up and I started sleeping around. I grew tired of that, eventually and decided to follow God. I didn't know what I was doing and this other guy started helping me out. Let's call him Tom. I thought he was perfect and we started liking each other. He started helping me grow spiritually and I really thought that we could have a future together. He was celibate and helped me to stop a lot of my bad habits and I really started living him. Tom used to tell me that we would get married and that he loves me and thinks I am beautiful, but then this thing started happening. He would always drop these hints that I am taking him away from God. He once even told me that I am like Delilah in the bible. It would hurt me but I always pushed it aside. His family would also start treating me as if I am trying to defile this holy man and that's when I really got hurt. Because it's like I haven't been that person for two years now and no matter what I do, it seems I am always reduced to my past. I took comfort reading the book of Acts and how no one believed Paul had changed in the beginning. It made me question if I really could be a new creation in Christ. I ended things in January but I can't shake this feeling of never wanting to be with another man again and keep wondering what it would be like with a woman. I feel constantly ashamed that no matter how many scriptures I quote, I can't seem to see guys in a desirable way anymore. I even had a crush on one girl at school and thought about her the way I would a man. I know I am straight but I need help navigating through this.

blue_ladybug · Apr 18, 2020

Why would you want to have sex with another woman? Women can break your heart just as badly as any man can. The most important thing to remember is: homosexuality IS AN ABOMINATION TO GOD..

Having sex with another of your gender is wrong, unnatural, and disgusting. You don't need to be with a man OR a woman, anyway. Just be you, and let God be your "everything"..

Hungry · Apr 18, 2020

Tum8 said:

Hi, so this is kind of hard for me to talk about because most of the stuff I am saying here, I have never really been able to talk about it. Mostly because if I talk about it, it becomes real.

So my first year of varsity I made some pretty bad choices. One of those choices include getting black out drunk at one party and then getting raped. I remember not being able to call it that for a while because I thought people wouldn't believe me or think I am seeking attention, but it was rape. My friend found out it was rape because I couldn't never give her a straight answer as to how I lost my virginity. That year was just bad overall, my dad had medical problems and he was jumping from rehab to rehab and he just turned into a complete stranger. Growing up I had a really good life, I went to private schools, I never got into trouble, I made top ten and I wasn't promiscuous at all. I dated a few guys but that's it. None of them really hurt me. But after the rape things went down hill. We were starting to lack financially and my dad became sick. Then after being raped I got a boyfriend and he was my everything. Till we broke up. Then he slept with my friends and told people I had STDs. It really started messing me up and I started sleeping around. I grew tired of that, eventually and decided to follow God. I didn't know what I was doing and this other guy started helping me out. Let's call him Tom. I thought he was perfect and we started liking each other. He started helping me grow spiritually and I really thought that we could have a future together. He was celibate and helped me to stop a lot of my bad habits and I really started living him. Tom used to tell me that we would get married and that he loves me and thinks I am beautiful, but then this thing started happening. He would always drop these hints that I am taking him away from God. He once even told me that I am like Delilah in the bible. It would hurt me but I always pushed it aside. His family would also start treating me as if I am trying to defile this holy man and that's when I really got hurt. Because it's like I haven't been that person for two years now and no matter what I do, it seems I am always reduced to my past. I took comfort reading the book of Acts and how no one believed Paul had changed in the beginning. It made me question if I really could be a new creation in Christ. I ended things in January but I can't shake this feeling of never wanting to be with another man again and keep wondering what it would be like with a woman. I feel constantly ashamed that no matter how many scriptures I quote, I can't seem to see guys in a desirable way anymore. I even had a crush on one girl at school and thought about her the way I would a man. I know I am straight but I need help navigating through this.

Sorry for your pain. It must feel like the world is falling in on you. Interesting that in all the uncertainty you found CC in your search for peace. I have daughters your age so I can relate to you as a father would...sort of. In the stressful era of trying make the leap from carefree teenager to responsible adult, disaster finds you repeatedly. Might I suggest that making more decisions in your frame of mind may lead to more problems. Just stay relationship free for a bit. You are hurt and confused and you should be. You’ve been through a lot. Start getting some victories on your own. Can I ask what you’re studying? Focus on that. Focus on healing. You have scars that need time not more drama. We would all like to find someone to help us forget the pain but usually they add to it. Learn to love yourself again. The Lord can help but you have to let Him.

Tum8 · Apr 18, 2020

Hungry said:

I'm studying, IT and in my final year. I'm a focused individual most of the time, I get distinctions for all my subject and I'm a tutor at my institutions for programming. I appreciate the message, I really do but I think I'm just going to delete my account.

Hungry · Apr 18, 2020

Tum8 said:

That’s fantastic...about your schooling. Whether you decide to stay or go is up to you obviously. Hopefully you stick around for awhile. There are many fun people here to meet. Sorry dudes have let you down. I can’t defend my gender, only apologize for them. In all honesty, I can’t blame you for losing interest. It’s unfortunate that you haven’t met any guys who represent. Seeing the guys my daughters bring home, I feel your generation of men have lost the essence of manhood. All I can do is set an example for my boys. Be blessed and wise.

blueluna5 · Apr 18, 2020

Tum8 said:

I would say given what you've been through your feelings are completely normal. You've been through things that are very traumatic.

It's normal when breaking up to hang out only with the same gender. Along with that you've been deeply hurt by men and start to think they are all the same.

However.... Just because you have some fleeting thoughts about something does not mean you actually agree with it. Demons tend to kick people when they're down.

The thought that there's no pain involved with homosexuality is a big lie. There's pain involved with everything in life. The handful of homosexual people I know or have known actually live very sad lives. I've never known any "happy" gays despite what tv portrays. A lot also come from extremely terrible upbringings and a lot do drugs. I've never known any that don't do drugs and stastics align to it as well.

I think you should talk to a Christian counselor. I wouldn't say you can just get over what you've been through. However you can still overcome it and find happiness living for God. Your desires for a compassionate partner are normal and I hope you find him soon.

Tinkerbell725 · Apr 18, 2020

Don't give in to your evil thoughts or else you will put those evil thoughts into action very soon and commit sin against God. Think of good things.

And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient;
Romans 1:28 KJV

MegMarch · Apr 19, 2020

I’m so sorry. Please know there are people here that can offer you some support in prayer and remind you of God’s healing power. It’s so good that you are finally opening up.

You are not alone even if it is hard to believe.

Susanna · Apr 19, 2020

MegMarch said:

You’re a wise lady❤️.

MegMarch · Apr 19, 2020

Susanna said:

That is a big complement coming from someone such as yourself. Thank you so much. 🧡

AngloADR · Jun 7, 2020

Hello Tum8. I'd like to start with something positive. The fact you are wresting with yourself and you are feeling that conflict inside you is good. If you weren't feeling any remorse or guilt over your feelings then it would mean God wasn't at work inside you. This is great news as it means you have the holy spirit in your life and you should be very proud of the way you handled your crisis. You have looked for answers through scripture and that is fantastic. that is exactly what you should be doing. I think however you have the same struggle as i do. Through your description you sound as though you are alone in your family as a spiritual christian. Like me you probably find that on your own it is hard to find how the scriptures relate to modern life. This is where yourself and I need a community to help us. I haven't been to church since my awaking. I haven't been courageous enough. Because i haven't listened to that instruction from God, that a christian has to be courageous, it has meant that growing on my own has been difficult. This is an example of the Lords truth. Deviating away from it will not lead you anywhere good.

Ok and now to move onto your attraction. You have obviously gone through a tough time in your life. Very rough. The devil has left many influences in the world over the ages that have us questioning God's word. These influences best effect us when we are emotional. I remember when my relationship with my girlfriend ended 2 years ago. My response was to numb the pain with pornography which was an awful choice by myself. I had been afraid of getting into another relationship after but i managed to repair this when i though of God's ideal image of humanity. His ideal image is for a loving family of a Man and a Women and their children. Perhaps if you think of the role God has given men perhaps you will find that your attraction returns. For example think of a man who will defend you and your children whenever there is danger. Think of a man that will provide for you so that you will never need to worry. A man who is soft with you and your children.He is the kind of man who will make you feel safe, loved and grateful that God's ideal image is as beautiful as that.

I hope this helps you. God bless.

Ran · Jun 16, 2020

Pray for god and Jesus will help you, jesus loves you and he will always listen and understand. God bless you ❤️

alistaircook · Jun 17, 2020

I hope my post will encourage you, and that you haven't deleted your account; I'm just gonna share something my friend sent me, when I felt a similar way, though for different reason- it was also fairly recent.

OK, so first this is how I felt

I was feeling really guilty over a temptation I was worried about falling into; also hopeless, because I reckoned that eventually I would fall into it. In addition to this, the fact that this temptation was constantly attacking me -even whilst I was doing work- gave a me a greater sense of despair. I had the idea in my head that even if I avoid it today that the temptation will be there to torment me tomorrow. It doesn’t help that this sort of thing has made seem very down outwardly. My parents aren’t great comforts, my Mum especially, tends to tease the fact that I’m feeling down ( understandably she’s trying to make me happy in her own way), usually saying some along the lines of “ whats wrong with you”, “ I’ve had enough of this attitude”, “ you’ve got problems”, and other hurtful stuff which just makes me feel more down, since I then mourn over my sins against my family.

Brace your self, this is what he wrote.
Also i think there is quite a few spelling mistakes.

You must first and foremost get a grasp of God's love for you, that He just can't get enough of you but that He is enamoured with love for you, that He loves you, it would be absurd for us to think a plant could flourish if you put it in a dark room outside of reach from the Sun's life giving influence? So too a Christian will not survive, but will rather wither and die if he does not have a sense of God's love for him. This is the very first thing the devil tries to obscure. In time of temptation the devil tries to emphasise where we fail and tries to make us feel that God does not love us, that Christ does not love us and so our love for Christ diminishes. For the only reason anybody can love Christ is because God first loved him. For the devil knows that if we are assured that God loves us, the devil knows, is certain and convinced that if we were sensible of the love of Christ to us, we would love Christ again. For love is a kind of fire, an active quality, which will set us about glorifying God, and pulling down Satan's kingdom. In nature fire does everything, a man can do no work without fire, by which all instruments are made and heated. So grace does all with love. God first manifests to our souls His love to us in Christ, witnessing His love to us by His death and quickening us by His Spirit, wherewith he warms our hearts, kindles and inflames us with love, that we love Him again; this love has a constraining, sweet violence to put us upon all duties, to suffer, to do, to resist anything. When we fall back in love with Christ and are crazy about Him, when He is the object of our love we cannot but resist temptation. If a man be in love with Christ, what will be harsh to him in the world, sin will be embittered to Him? The devil knows this well enough; therefore one of his main engines and temptations is to weaken our hearts in the sense of God's love and of Christ's
The next point might be the most important point which I am going to say next and which has blessed me so, so much and if you grasp this and believe it you will be relieved from your galled conscience

Now what is the ground of God's love? He loves you not because you are of yourself good, for you are a sinner, so how is it that God loves you? He loves you because He sees you in Christ. Now to really, really get this you need to realize that God's character is set in perfection and so He cannot love you less, will not love you less despite your sin and because He has loved Christ with an everlasting love and because you are in Christ He loves you despite all the sin and weakness in you, despite all the filth in your life God loves you because He sees you as perfect, spotless, blameless and desirable in Christ. Yes there's sin in your life, but I can tell you one thing about myself, I am sure that I am gonna sin tomorrow, probably its gonna be the same sins as today. So where does anybody get assurance from, not from ourselves, but from Christ and resting in His finished work, when David sinned by committing murder and adultery do you think that God loved David less because David sinned so terribly. No! Because David was elected in Christ before the foundation of the world God would not suddenly cast Him away, and so Christ could say to David "Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold, thou art fair;" despite the fact that He had sinned. God could not love David less because of his sin, yes, God hated the sin, but it didn't suddenly mean that God was not David's Father because He had loved Him with an everlasting love. God's character is immutable, unchangeable, if He has seen you in Christ once He is not gonna suddenly not do that.

Also you are making salvation about yourself, you are making salvation contingent and dependent upon you. If you do this sin,fall into this temptation you feel as if God hates you and is against you, if you obey you feel God loves you, so instead of making salvation about God you are making salvation about yourself. If I sin, If I fall in this sin because of weakness then God must hate me and I'm lost, if I obey, then God loves me and He will save me. No! Salvation does not work like that, although when written you obviously agree that salvation is all from God, in practice, when it comes down to it, you are not resting in His finished work for you and on your behalf, outside of yourself, you disagree, you make it contingent upon yourself, that becomes the determining factor, whether you are resisting temptation or not resisting temptation. No, God saves people, David's salvation was not contingent that He perfectly obeyed God, no, God loved Him, before God made him God knew his name and it was as if to say "this is the one whom I will save." By nature we always make salvation about ourself and this is what casts us into despair because of course, guess what? We cannot save ourselves.

Also, the fact that you feel guilty, and down is a form of chastisement, and is thus an excellent evidence that God does indeed love you, Hebrews says:

"6 For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth."

Why are you galled about it in your conscience why do you feel distressed. It means God loves you and cares about you and desperately wants you in His glorious kingdom. Men by nature do not feeled troubled for sin, so you can rest assured that
The Spirit is within you and if within you then He will perfect you until you are presented as glorious, perfect and without spot before Christ your husband at the marriage feast of the Lamb.
Now you must think about it this way, instead of feeling that you are hopeless and unable, instead of blaspheming God by being hopeless, go to Christ, He has power to save, He has power to give you and to help to resist all temptation. However, not only must you see Christ as able to give power because He was raised from the dead, but when and if you fall He is also mighty to forgive, He is a mighty Saviour, not only to give power to defeat any and all temptation but also mighty to forgive when and if you do fall into temptation. Don't blaspheme Christ either way, when you do fall into sin, believe that He will forgive, admit that you blasphemed Him by not believing in Him and getting power from Him to resist the temptation but don't blaspheme Him a second time by not trusting and resting in His sacrifice on the cross for you and which means God will forgive you in Christ, as many as your wanderings have been so your restorations will be

The way I also like to think about God's love is this way. Since God loved me with an eternal, everlasting love, elected me before the foundation of the world, since God did all this for me and is sovereign over all things and since His will cannot fail, then am I not hopeless in time of temptation but what actually is the case is that the sin is hopeless, the sin will not win. Since God is Almighty and Sovereign do you think my sin, which is small compared with God's Almighty power will resist His will?? If He has elected me, then surely His will will come to pass the sin has no chance in succeeding and taking me to hell, that therefore follows that it is pointless for me to continue in this sin, since God is going to complete the good work He is begun, and loves me all the same, then why would I do that which will clearly not succeed. By sinning I am trying to seperate yourself from God in that moment, but can a child separate himself from a Father who literally has His child's hands tightly and fily held? I don't think so? He cannot let you go!

Lastly, if I were to say whats helped me most, it would be the continual prayer that I would love God more: Do not focus on yourself, focus on him; when we dwell on our own pitiful state despair and sorrow are near, dwell on it too much and life can be a living hell, and do not think you do yourself well by crying over these things. Sorrow over sin is good, but this sort of thing is destructive. I hope this is of some help; it saddens me to here you going through this, but if this in someway resonated with you, or perhaps your confused on a point, please reply.

Anyway God Bless you, I'll be praying for you my sister.

PennEd · Jun 17, 2020

Tum8 said:

Hi, so this is kind of hard for me to talk about because most of the stuff I am saying here, I have never really been able to talk about it. Mostly because if I talk about it, it becomes real.

So my first year of varsity I made some pretty bad choices. One of those choices include getting black out drunk at one party and then getting raped. I remember not being able to call it that for a while because I thought people wouldn't believe me or think I am seeking attention, but it was rape. My friend found out it was rape because I couldn't never give her a straight answer as to how I lost my virginity. That year was just bad overall, my dad had medical problems and he was jumping from rehab to rehab and he just turned into a complete stranger. Growing up I had a really good life, I went to private schools, I never got into trouble, I made top ten and I wasn't promiscuous at all. I dated a few guys but that's it. None of them really hurt me. But after the rape things went down hill. We were starting to lack financially and my dad became sick. Then after being raped I got a boyfriend and he was my everything. Till we broke up. Then he slept with my friends and told people I had STDs. It really started messing me up and I started sleeping around. I grew tired of that, eventually and decided to follow God. I didn't know what I was doing and this other guy started helping me out. Let's call him Tom. I thought he was perfect and we started liking each other. He started helping me grow spiritually and I really thought that we could have a future together. He was celibate and helped me to stop a lot of my bad habits and I really started living him. Tom used to tell me that we would get married and that he loves me and thinks I am beautiful, but then this thing started happening. He would always drop these hints that I am taking him away from God. He once even told me that I am like Delilah in the bible. It would hurt me but I always pushed it aside. His family would also start treating me as if I am trying to defile this holy man and that's when I really got hurt. Because it's like I haven't been that person for two years now and no matter what I do, it seems I am always reduced to my past. I took comfort reading the book of Acts and how no one believed Paul had changed in the beginning. It made me question if I really could be a new creation in Christ. I ended things in January but I can't shake this feeling of never wanting to be with another man again and keep wondering what it would be like with a woman. I feel constantly ashamed that no matter how many scriptures I quote, I can't seem to see guys in a desirable way anymore. I even had a crush on one girl at school and thought about her the way I would a man. I know I am straight but I need help navigating through this.

Your eyes are on the wrong man. Your eyes should first be on Christ, and His Will for your life.
It’s Satan who is constantly reminding you of your past. Don’t let him fool you into thinking a homosexual relationship is the answer to your problems.

Reformyourself · Jun 17, 2020

Tum8 said:

Hi, so this is kind of hard for me to talk about because most of the stuff I am saying here, I have never really been able to talk about it. Mostly because if I talk about it, it becomes real.

So my first year of varsity I made some pretty bad choices. One of those choices include getting black out drunk at one party and then getting raped. I remember not being able to call it that for a while because I thought people wouldn't believe me or think I am seeking attention, but it was rape. My friend found out it was rape because I couldn't never give her a straight answer as to how I lost my virginity. That year was just bad overall, my dad had medical problems and he was jumping from rehab to rehab and he just turned into a complete stranger. Growing up I had a really good life, I went to private schools, I never got into trouble, I made top ten and I wasn't promiscuous at all. I dated a few guys but that's it. None of them really hurt me. But after the rape things went down hill. We were starting to lack financially and my dad became sick. Then after being raped I got a boyfriend and he was my everything. Till we broke up. Then he slept with my friends and told people I had STDs. It really started messing me up and I started sleeping around. I grew tired of that, eventually and decided to follow God. I didn't know what I was doing and this other guy started helping me out. Let's call him Tom. I thought he was perfect and we started liking each other. He started helping me grow spiritually and I really thought that we could have a future together. He was celibate and helped me to stop a lot of my bad habits and I really started living him. Tom used to tell me that we would get married and that he loves me and thinks I am beautiful, but then this thing started happening. He would always drop these hints that I am taking him away from God. He once even told me that I am like Delilah in the bible. It would hurt me but I always pushed it aside. His family would also start treating me as if I am trying to defile this holy man and that's when I really got hurt. Because it's like I haven't been that person for two years now and no matter what I do, it seems I am always reduced to my past. I took comfort reading the book of Acts and how no one believed Paul had changed in the beginning. It made me question if I really could be a new creation in Christ. I ended things in January but I can't shake this feeling of never wanting to be with another man again and keep wondering what it would be like with a woman. I feel constantly ashamed that no matter how many scriptures I quote, I can't seem to see guys in a desirable way anymore. I even had a crush on one girl at school and thought about her the way I would a man. I know I am straight but I need help navigating through this.

I always thought I was gay or bisexual. And was very promiscuous. I always found women more attractive than men. Then I tried it. I definitely wasn’t gay.
Sometimes the unknown can make something more appealing than it actually is, and our imaginations can run riot. You were very likely psychologically damaged from the rape, which is completely understandable, why wouldn’t you be?
I will pray that The Lord reveals your true sexuality to you, as He revealed mine. Sexual desire (for any gender) can often be a distraction from who The Lord wants you to be in HIM. The Lord bless you and keep you sweetheart 😊

SoulWeaver · Jun 17, 2020

Tum8 said:

First, I am so sorry that this happened to you. You paid a high price for getting drunk. Yes, it was rape, you could not even stand on your feet nor were you fully conscient, and were definitely taken advantage of. So first I will say that, since some people wouldn't believe you. But who cares about opinions of people who are not even able to put themselves into another person's shoes. We are your brothers and sisters, and we believe you.

This "Tom" sounds very toxic. If he was so displeased with you, why was he staying with you? Some people get a kick out of belittling others. These people are called narcissists. They also know how to present themselves beautifully to charm you in the beginning, which explains why the relationship was so great in the beginning. You made a wise choice, good riddance.

The struggle you have, I think it's curiosity that kicked in because you were hurt by men. Confusion like this and thoughts of being attracted to same sex commonly creeps in after sexual abuse, that's a known fact. Then people respond to it as in, "if I have these thoughts, something must be wrong with me". Then they accept there is something wrong with them, and take that direction, live all their life upon what started as one thought... thinking it more and more and strengthening these thoughts... Resist, and it will flee. I also prayed for you, that your mind clears up. Walk in Christ is about walking by faith not by sight. You might not see yourself yet where you want to be as a Christian, we were all there at times, disappointed with ourselves and thinking we're failing Christ when we run into an obstacle and stumble. But do not give up, press on, cry out to God to deliver you. Jesus will never leave you stranded halfway. He will lift you up.

P.S. How is your dad now? You might want to post in prayer requests, so we can pray for him and your whole family...

DrGuyPhD · Jun 20, 2020

Man, my heart breaks for you! I am so sorry that you went through what you did. It was sin, that hurt you and brought you pain. And not necessarily your own. Here is my advice to you. The bible talks about the fact that in the presence of God is hope. You have access to that everyday. Hope that you will heal. Hope that you will get better. Be better. And the peace to journey onward is in his presence too. Your problem is of the heart. And the only person that knows you well enough not only to know what is wrong, but how to fix it, is Jesus Christ. Ask him to heal your heart. To give you a new one to love him and others the way you should. I will pray for you in my time with God. I hope this blesses you!

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When a broken heart turns you gay

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