So since this died last...I got a job where I have been working with homeless families with small children. It’s wonderful work, only recently I got the “do your job or we’ll find someone who can” speech. And I’ve been trying my hardest (I think??) to try and do better. Hasn’t worked yet.
I’m at the point where I’m barely able to do my job. Emotionally I feel so tired and withdrawn. I’m fighting really hard not to give up when I feel like I have emotionally already
Oh. I just read up and realized you got the job you're speaking about last year...
Sometimes the job or environment just isn't right for you, and this doesn't mean that God didn't give you that job, or that you failed God by failing on the job. If you slacked up on the job, or were irresponsible (such as coming late), then it would be proper to blame yourself, but you didn't. You tried hard and wanted to excel.
Forgive me for inserting something from my life now, I just want to share this to help you stop feeling so bad. I've worked in retail before, and I can tell you that retail is definitely not for me. But I did it because I had to pay bills, and God was very gracious to provide me with every job opportunity He gave me. So... my last retail job, I ended up in a very abusive environment, which made my panic attacks return (which I thought was over) I had them daily and that job almost drove me to a mental breakdown, I made it a year there since I didn't want to rock the boat with our finances, and I finally resigned. My husband, when he understood how bad it was, was only upset that I put up with it for so long!
I believe you too are also too hard on yourself and are overthinking things. Just because God provided you with a job doesn't mean He wanted you to spend your lifetime on it, or that you failed God. You paid bills for a little while, had an opportunity to learn something, got a little closer to what should you do for a living and what environment you should or shouldn't be in. I learned some very important things, to stand up to abusive people, not to put up with abusive environments, and that a job is not worth my health. Maybe I was a witness to someone at that job. Maybe you were too, we will never know these things. God maybe had you there because some people needed to encounter you there and you helped their day better than someone else.
I will only be in retail again if I have no other choice, and now I do manual labor projects when I can pick up a job, and enjoy it. Sometimes it takes a lot of stress until we figure things out, and then after a while when we look back, things become clear. So don't stress in vain just because you don't have all the answers right now. Things will eventually become clear. Praying you soon get a job that won't be this taxing on your mental well being. Amen lord Jesus.