Hello friends
My name is Ava, and I am a member of what's known as a Dissociative Identity Disorder system. This means I am one of multiple people, known as alters, who exist within this body. This can only occur when a child experiences ongoing and extreme trauma, and the brain fragments into separate identities, with separate memories and attributes, as a protective measure. We can each control the body at various times. We have different names, genders, sexualities, interests, glasses prescriptions, reactions to medications, dominant hands, allergies, and beliefs. Obviously we aren't literally different people, we are manifestations of the needs of one brain, but to us it feels like we are different people, so I refer to us as such.
I am what's known as an emotional protector and a caretaker. I look after the wellbeing of the other alters, I take care of the body when the host (the one who fronts the most) is unable to, I look after any alters who are struggling, I act as a parent to child alters and I front to calm the system down in situations of high stress or when the others are struggling with trauma.
I am not the "main" alter. If an original exists I am not it. I in fact did not exist as an alter until fairly recently in comparison to the rest of the system (once the brain has learned to split in childhood, it can continue to do so even into adulthood in response to new traumas). I am, however, the only currently active alter who is Christian. The rest range from disinterest to active dislike of Christianity, especially as some hold memories of trauma perpetuated by religious institutions or by people wielding religion as a weapon. I do not know what occurred, but I am told it was bad enough that simply being in a church or being ministered to will trigger flashbacks.
My question is this: what happens when we die? Do we all go to hell, because the others reject God? Do we all go to heaven, pulled there by my faith? Might we have separate souls, and each go to heaven or hell accordingly?
Note: I am happy to answer any questions you may have in regards to DID or our system.
Note 2: I am not looking for medical advice, so please do not try to tell me how to "cure" DID. Full integration is not an option for us and is generally considered unsafe. Any comments referring to us as demons will be ignored. Converting the others is not really an option here, when I try it triggers flashbacks.
Thank you and God bless you for any perspectives you can give
Years ago, there was a doctor of something who dealt with people such as yourself and wrote an e-book called "The Shining Man".
One of the few books I have read through. Fascinating read, as is reading your take on things.
I thought I saved it on my computer, but I couldn't find it.
But before I read his book, I had this desire to know how man was made.
At that time, God started to talk to me about how we are made, both telling me things and leading me in scripture.
And after learning some things, I started discerning the different voices I was hearing from. Such as that of the heart and that of the spirit man. The voice of the soul is you consciously speaking to yourself. Your heart tells you things you already know and your spirit man tells you things you don't yet know. Like knowing what a person is both thinking [saying to themselves] and feeling, without them telling you. That came from the spirit man.
There is much I missed, and failed to understand, especially about the spirit man, but I will give you the short version, for brevity, of some of the things I was told, shown and come to understand, minus the scripture verses, because it gets quite detailed and somewhat complex, for me anyway.
Very few people seem to be able to even comprehend the fact that we have more than one person or being abiding in us, but scripture teaches otherwise.
On the contrary, scripture teaches that we have both good and bad spirits in each of us, and are influenced by the dominate spirit at particular moments.
From what I can tell, no one spirit rules all the time.
One things I learn was, that which rules the heart, controls the person at that time.
For as the spirit is in the man, so is the man, and as a man thinks in his heart, so is he, and the spirits are the ones who give us our thoughts, both the good ones and the bad.
One of the things I was shown was that we are made, not only like God, where we have more than one being in us, but also like the temple of God in the old testament.
It had an outer court, a door attached to the perimeter wall, an inner court, and another structure within the inner court. And this structure was divided into two parts. One of which was reserved for the Holy Spirit, known as the Holy of Holies.
The outer court, which is, I believe, where all the decisions were made, represents the physical brain and conscious soul of the person. The outer part of the walls of the temple is the physical body, while the inner part is the body of the heart, also known as the heart of flesh. The
second person of our triune being. The inner court is the hidden man, spoken of in the bible. Also known as the heart. This second man/person within us, can and does hear, speak, see, feel, thinks, and gets emotional.
And within this second man is another being, called the
spirit man. Which is the third person of our triune being. And of which is the structure within the inner court, subdivided into two parts. This spirit man also hears, speaks, sees, feels, thinks, and gets emotional, just like the heart. Now within the spirit man are
many other spirit being, I believe, such as yourself, who again, hears, speaks, sees, feels, thinks, and gets emotional, just like the heart and soul of the person does. These spirit affect both the thought and actions of the person. Some of these spirits are good and some are bad. This goes for those who are born again children of God, as well. We have both good and bad spirits in us. Most Christians don't believe that.
These spirits are
NOT angels and/or demons, but
seeds, with intelligence. Another word for seed is,
offspring, which is a
child of something. Keep in mind, everything and every person produce after their own kind. A stalk of corn produce corn seed or offspring after their own kind, as do humans, animals, and
SPIRITS.
Jesus said, "either make the tree good and his fruit will be good, or else make the tree corrupt and his fruit will be corrupt, for a tree is known by his fruit.
Almost all of what I have said thus far I can backup with scripture, but as I stated above, it is lengthy and complex. But if you ever want to know the scriptures that I got this from, because God ALWAYS backed up everything He told me with scripture, I would be more than happy to go over them with you.
Knowing the truth is important to me, so I wanted to know what God had to say about this subject in the bible, because to me, the bible is truth.
When a person is born again, they do NOT receive Jesus and Holy Spirit themselves, but a seed or offspring of and from both, the flesh and blood of Jesus, respectively, via the word the person received in their heart. That word, is a seed/offspring/
SPIRIT, both of and from God, but is NOT God Himself, like many think.
Both God and the devil increase through words received. Many words/programmed spirits, are created and received through or via experiences. They come to us as thoughts. If we receive these thoughts due to an experience, then we are, or eventually become, what we received. Like the ordained Baptist preacher and His wife who turned atheist due to, according to this man, his dying three time, and the last time was for an hour and 15 minutes. Without any brain damage, mind you. If he was dead that long, then not having any brain damage was a miracle in itself.
He told me, all he saw was blackness, and therefore, both he and his wife rejected the truth of the bible and Christ. All because he believed his experiences over the word of God.