New Christians in Unmarried Partnerships.

[Ferdi]

I'd like your thoughts on this.
One half of the unmarried couple becomes a Christian while the other half cannot take Christ seriously (at least not yet).

They have children under 18, so splitting up is unappealing since broken homes are both unpleasant for children and major predictive markers on dysfunctional adulthood.

Continuing the current situation (unmarried but living together) is not desirable either, for obvious reasons.

What is the right thing to do here? Is it really - as I myself suspect - the duty of the Christian to leave their partner? Some Christians marry non-believers but as I understand it, this too is advised against, with what appears to be good Biblical evidence to support it.

Thoughts, please?

 

[Dino246]

That's a tough one. Given all the factors, I'd say the best short-term solution is for the couple to have separate bedrooms... in every sense. The unbeliever will likely be offended by that, and the believer will likely feel the temptation strongly, so moving out may be necessary to minimize it. Up-front explanations from the believer to the family about his/her beliefs and convictions may not be received well, but at least the issues will be clear.

Obviously, the believer should be praying for the partner's salvation, and looking toward marriage as the subsequent step. Also, the believer should be seeking support from believing friends and their local church.

 

[Aerials1978]

I'd like your thoughts on this.
One half of the unmarried couple becomes a Christian while the other half cannot take Christ seriously (at least not yet).

They have children under 18, so splitting up is unappealing since broken homes are both unpleasant for children and major predictive markers on dysfunctional adulthood.

Continuing the current situation (unmarried but living together) is not desirable either, for obvious reasons.

What is the right thing to do here? Is it really - as I myself suspect - the duty of the Christian to leave their partner? Some Christians marry non-believers but as I understand it, this too is advised against, with what appears to be good Biblical evidence to support it.

Thoughts, please?

Excellent question. I would say that if one is a Christian and the other isn’t, God doesn’t want them to spite, but become married. If that does not come to fruition, their relationship will not be blessed as they are essential living in sin. Of course since adolescence children are involved, God would want them to have a stable family even though unmarried. Since one member is a believer, I think Romans 8:28 is applicable:

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose

 

[Magenta]

Co-habitation has become so common that the laws have changed around it, and legally this couple is more than likely considered married. Are you sure they are not also considered married in the eyes of God? The Bible teaches that the believer married to a non-believer is not to leave their spouse, and married couples are never advised to deprive each other of sexual intercourse except by mutual consent for short periods of time so they can devote time to prayer.

 

[Poinsetta]

Excellent question. I would say that if one is a Christian and the other isn’t, God doesn’t want them to spite, but become married. If that does not come to fruition, their relationship will not be blessed as they are essential living in sin. Of course since adolescence children are involved, God would want them to have a stable family even though unmarried. Since one member is a believer, I think Romans 8:28 is applicable:

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose

I’m going with what @Aerials1978 he is the closest that I could get. 🤷‍♀️

 

[Poinsetta]

I'd like your thoughts on this.
One half of the unmarried couple becomes a Christian while the other half cannot take Christ seriously (at least not yet).

They have children under 18, so splitting up is unappealing since broken homes are both unpleasant for children and major predictive markers on dysfunctional adulthood.

Continuing the current situation (unmarried but living together) is not desirable either, for obvious reasons.

What is the right thing to do here? Is it really - as I myself suspect - the duty of the Christian to leave their partner? Some Christians marry non-believers but as I understand it, this too is advised against, with what appears to be good Biblical evidence to support it.

Thoughts, please?

Nah I don’t think I can leave my house unmarried. ☹️☹️

 

[Princesse]

The presence of children is the tipping point. If it was a question of cohabitating alone the answer would be different. But destroying a family in deference to faith (without other tangibles that were not mentioned) is inappropriate.

The honorable solution is marriage and the patient labor for the other’s salvation through love, example, and prayer. There are several resources for persons in your situation. I used them for another in the past. While we never lived together and weren’t in a relationship either. My reconciliation to God created a burden in my spirit for him.

I spent several years being a light, praying, and showing him God’s love through my behavior. He’s an atheist and was very vocal about his ambivalence to faith but our interactions and the constancy of lovingkindness have softened his heart. I didn’t preach or share the gospel. I lived it and that made all the difference. I am one of many the Lord will use on his behalf and that usually holds true for most. Your greatest witness is your character. Not bible quotes or the many tactics people use. They’ll read the truth through your behavior.

Note: While it’s important to hear the gospel. Oftentimes proximity creates a barrier. Friends and loved ones can be resistant to religious messages due to familiarity. But more receptive when the same is shared by strangers or another with less intimacy than you and I. It’s important to understand your role in the process and seek the Lord’s guidance.

Here are the resources I mentioned earlier:

When He Doesn’t Believe by Nancy Kennedy
Spiritual Mismatch by Lee Strobel
Winning Him Without Words by Lynn Donovan
Waiting for His Heart by Joy McClain
The Power of a Praying Husband/Parent by Stormie Omartian
Kingdom Man by Tony Evans
The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy Keller
Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas
The Mingling of Souls by Matt Chandler
Love & Respect by Emerson Eggerichs
The Spiritually Unequal Marriage Community

I have read and used all the information shared. This is the best I’ve encountered. There are new titles since that time. But this is a great starting point. Good luck.

 

[inukubo]

Well, biblically, if they are cohabiting, and especially if they have children, they are married. (Married=one flesh) There were no marriage licenses in Bible times. Then I would see Paul's advice in 1 Corinthians 7:12 as applicable -- do not divorce/separate if the unbeliever is content to stay.

 

[Ferdi]

The presence of children is the tipping point. If it was a question of cohabitating alone the answer would be different. But destroying a family in deference to faith (without other tangibles that were not mentioned) is inappropriate.

The honorable solution is marriage and the patient labor for the other’s salvation through love, example, and prayer. There are several resources for persons in your situation. I used them for another in the past. While we never lived together and weren’t in a relationship either. My reconciliation to God created a burden in my spirit for him.

I spent several years being a light, praying, and showing him God’s love through my behavior. He’s an atheist and was very vocal about his ambivalence to faith but our interactions and the constancy of lovingkindness have softened his heart. I didn’t preach or share the gospel. I lived it and that made all the difference. I am one of many the Lord will use on his behalf and that usually holds true for most. Your greatest witness is your character. Not bible quotes or the many tactics people use. They’ll read the truth through your behavior.

Note: While it’s important to hear the gospel. Oftentimes proximity creates a barrier. Friends and loved ones can be resistant to religious messages due to familiarity. But more receptive when the same is shared by strangers or another with less intimacy than you and I. It’s important to understand your role in the process and seek the Lord’s guidance.

Here are the resources I mentioned earlier:

When He Doesn’t Believe by Nancy Kennedy
Spiritual Mismatch by Lee Strobel
Winning Him Without Words by Lynn Donovan
Waiting for His Heart by Joy McClain
The Power of a Praying Husband/Parent by Stormie Omartian
Kingdom Man by Tony Evans
The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy Keller
Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas
The Mingling of Souls by Matt Chandler
Love & Respect by Emerson Eggerichs
The Spiritually Unequal Marriage Community

I have read and used all the information shared. This is the best I’ve encountered. There are new titles since that time. But this is a great starting point. Good luck.

Thank you so much for your reply and for those resources. I'm glad I posted this question here. Thank you again. <3 God be with you.

 

[Ferdi]

Co-habitation has become so common that the laws have changed around it, and legally this couple is more than likely considered married. Are you sure they are not also considered married in the eyes of God? The Bible teaches that the believer married to a non-believer is not to leave their spouse, and married couples are never advised to deprive each other of sexual intercourse except by mutual consent for short periods of time so they can devote time to prayer.

This was very helpful, thank you very much. <3

 

[Ferdi]

Well, biblically, if they are cohabiting, and especially if they have children, they are married. (Married=one flesh) There were no marriage licenses in Bible times. Then I would see Paul's advice in 1 Corinthians 7:12 as applicable -- do not divorce/separate if the unbeliever is content to stay.

That makes a lot of sense. I thought this was the case, too, but came to realise that there are a variety of conflicting opinions and views. At the very least, your assessment of the situation (I think) is not wrong. Anyway, thanks for your response.

 

[Ferdi]

Excellent question. I would say that if one is a Christian and the other isn’t, God doesn’t want them to spite, but become married. If that does not come to fruition, their relationship will not be blessed as they are essential living in sin. Of course since adolescence children are involved, God would want them to have a stable family even though unmarried. Since one member is a believer, I think Romans 8:28 is applicable:

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose

Excellent. Thank you very much for your reply. It is helpful to me. God be with you.

 

[Ferdi]

Thank you all for your responses to this, it has and continues to be helpful.

 

[1ofthem]

I'd just like to know why nowadays there are so many coming up with excuses as to why it is ok to live in sin. Paul addressed the married not the fornicators in those scriptures. Fornication (not being married) is a whole different beast described by the Bible... it is sin...just saying.

I can't get how people can say they love someone and have kids with them and live with them but not be committed enough to get married. I mean in most places a marriage license costs about 40 to 100 dollars...So if a couple is committed and loves each other what is the problem with that.

Getting a divorce costs a whole lot more. So could this be the reason people are choosing to live together; they are not really committed to the other and know that just breaking up with someone is a whole lot easier than divorce...IDK...

 

[Aerials1978]

I'd just like to know why nowadays there are so many coming up with excuses as to why it is ok to live in sin. Paul addressed the married not the fornicators in those scriptures. Fornication (not being married) is a whole different beast described by the Bible... it is sin...just saying.

I can't get how people can say they love someone and have kids with them and live with them but not be committed enough to get married. I mean in most places a marriage license costs about 40 to 100 dollars...So if a couple is committed and loves each other what is the problem with that.

Getting a divorce costs a whole lot more. So could this be the reason people are choosing to live together; they are not really committed to the other and know that just breaking up with someone is a whole lot easier than divorce...IDK...

Why have humans always chosen to live in sin? It’s by our very nature hence why we need a savior.

 

[1ofthem]

I also think it is funny how some people say living together and being married is the same thing because they didn't have marriage license back in the day. But when it all goes south and they break up and you ask them have they ever been married they say "NOPE"...lol.

I guess it's a good story to tell yourself while all is going well, but if it ends then oh, well at least you don't have to worry about getting a divorce...

 

[1ofthem]

Why have humans always chosen to live in sin? It’s by our very nature hence why we need a savior.

Yep, that is so true...But people often forget the next step...our savior forgives us of our sin and leads us out of it. He never said it's ok to just lay down in it and serve it...Once he saves us he leads us out, if we are willing to follow him.

 

[1ofthem]

And for the Record, I don't want to get into this we will all still sin until we get to Heaven stuff....That's true too, but slipping up and sinning verses totally disregarding the teaching of the Bible is two totally different stories...just saying...

 

[ArtsieSteph]

I remember that there was a verse in the Bible about winning over once partner just by their conduct, so I think obviously if the person is in a married relationship they should definitely try to live by that. I think if unmarried they should either tell the partner that they want to marry to have a better relationship, and if the other partner refuses then they just end it really.

Sadly no that situation is ever going to be simple.

 

[Lon1934]

I'd like your thoughts on this.
One half of the unmarried couple becomes a Christian while the other half cannot take Christ seriously (at least not yet).

They have children under 18, so splitting up is unappealing since broken homes are both unpleasant for children and major predictive markers on dysfunctional adulthood.

Continuing the current situation (unmarried but living together) is not desirable either, for obvious reasons.

What is the right thing to do here? Is it really - as I myself suspect - the duty of the Christian to leave their partner? Some Christians marry non-believers but as I understand it, this too is advised against, with what appears to be good Biblical evidence to support it.

Thoughts, please?

Economics will come into play more than religion and I envision this relationship splitting up.