I’m single and not really digging it.
- Thread starter Aerials1978
- Start date
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I appreciate your honesty. As Kinda said, it is too soon to jump back in but you are real enough to speak your truth. I remember when my 18 year marriage ended I was shell shocked. One of the horrible parts was feeling the desperate need to be held and comforted and yet I needed to deal with my situation and care for my son. For me, it would have been selfish, in terms of someone else's needs, to seek out a new relationship. After 20 years of being with someone I could not conceive of dating but the need and pain were immense.
The image that came to mind is that you are in the backyard swimming in your pool, think idealized 1950s pool party ( I don't have one but work with me here), and then suddenly the house and everything around falls away like a cheap movie set and you are not in a pool. You are in the middle of the ocean, at night and you are terrified. There is not a boat in sight. You struggle and panic. You want the nightmare to end. It is the end of forever and so much that defined your world. You are buffeted by waves of emotions and events. Unfortunately you are blindfolded so you have no idea when it will be calm or scary. People say that time heals. I think that time moves you through events and eventually you go from "Why Lord?" to "What next Lord?".
There is nothing wrong with wanting love, hoping for love, and wanting to give love. Channel some of that into your friendships, volunteer work and developing the things you didn't have time for before. Take classes, take trips, even day trips to places that might not have interested your partner but do interest you.
For me, I ran away from home. No, I didn't join the circus but I used points and airmiles and went on a very atypical adventure. I jumped into a foreign culture and redefined how I saw myself. For me, it was life changing. I had some of the lies I'd believed about myself, ripped away. I started to heal. Not only did I begin to heal emotionally but my health which was the key to why he left, began to renew.
I realize I've strayed a bit from the topic but while you are missing some real things from being part of a couple, find some things that you couldn't do before and explore them now. It doesn't fix everything but allow yourself time to do the work you need and get to know your own self through new eyes. All the best, laughingheart
The image that came to mind is that you are in the backyard swimming in your pool, think idealized 1950s pool party ( I don't have one but work with me here), and then suddenly the house and everything around falls away like a cheap movie set and you are not in a pool. You are in the middle of the ocean, at night and you are terrified. There is not a boat in sight. You struggle and panic. You want the nightmare to end. It is the end of forever and so much that defined your world. You are buffeted by waves of emotions and events. Unfortunately you are blindfolded so you have no idea when it will be calm or scary. People say that time heals. I think that time moves you through events and eventually you go from "Why Lord?" to "What next Lord?".
There is nothing wrong with wanting love, hoping for love, and wanting to give love. Channel some of that into your friendships, volunteer work and developing the things you didn't have time for before. Take classes, take trips, even day trips to places that might not have interested your partner but do interest you.
For me, I ran away from home. No, I didn't join the circus but I used points and airmiles and went on a very atypical adventure. I jumped into a foreign culture and redefined how I saw myself. For me, it was life changing. I had some of the lies I'd believed about myself, ripped away. I started to heal. Not only did I begin to heal emotionally but my health which was the key to why he left, began to renew.
I realize I've strayed a bit from the topic but while you are missing some real things from being part of a couple, find some things that you couldn't do before and explore them now. It doesn't fix everything but allow yourself time to do the work you need and get to know your own self through new eyes. All the best, laughingheart
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@laughingheart Your strength inspires me! I am so sorry you had to go through such a difficult time... But wow, you are an amazing woman of God. I hope you are able to mentor / advise some younger women out there, I'm sure they'd benefit from your wisdom! You keep on shining, sister!
I admire all of you people here who have gone through a separation / divorce... that's gotta be really rough. May the Lord bring comfort and peace to all your hearts and souls <3
I admire all of you people here who have gone through a separation / divorce... that's gotta be really rough. May the Lord bring comfort and peace to all your hearts and souls <3
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But, but, but surely there might be an extra chocolate dip donut, or even an old fashioned that might be taking up space and probably and over abundance of cashews you need to have tidied up for you? 
Somebody brought two boxes of assorted donuts to w*rk yesterday and I might possibly have eaten three old fashioned. I waited until everybody got a donut before I ate the... er, I mean before I maybe, hypothetically ate the second and third.
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After my divorce in my first marriage I spent the next 18 years alone and celibate. Around the 15 year mark I realized just how lonely I really was. Said a prayer for God to search and find a woman of my heart's desire and that's exactly what He did. I felt like the way that you did in that first paragraph.
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Oh, only four months? I've been single all 32 years of my life. And you don't see me whining about it. Suck it up, ya big baby!
Just kidding. I hope you find
love....contentment....happiness....joy. I hope you find those things if you haven't already.
Just kidding.
I hope you find
Cheers to us singles!
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um just wondering how long were you married for? was it longer than 4 months?
surely you must remember a time when you were single. You dont HAVE to sit by yourself, just sit next to someone in church. Make friends...make two friends. Make three friends.
or be like Jesus and make 12 friends. Come on. I challenge you. if you have 12 friends then you can even make a soccer team.
surely you must remember a time when you were single. You dont HAVE to sit by yourself, just sit next to someone in church. Make friends...make two friends. Make three friends.
or be like Jesus and make 12 friends. Come on. I challenge you. if you have 12 friends then you can even make a soccer team.
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“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” —Elizabeth Appell
There was a time when marriage was a focus and I wondered when it would occur. But as the years passed I realized my conception was earthbound and I needed to ascend to His realm. I glimpsed my womanliness as a beauteous pie. Custom knit through holy hands. Wife and mother were intricate pieces but they weren’t the whole.
That is probably true for most. We diminish our capacity when we limit ourselves to this or that. God’s scope is greater. Embracing my purpose was the turning point. Pouring myself in His work recalibrated my heart. Guarding my thoughts is foremost. I can’t entertain every wayward notion or allow emotions to hinder me. I prune a lot.
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
~princesse
There was a time when marriage was a focus and I wondered when it would occur. But as the years passed I realized my conception was earthbound and I needed to ascend to His realm. I glimpsed my womanliness as a beauteous pie. Custom knit through holy hands. Wife and mother were intricate pieces but they weren’t the whole.
That is probably true for most. We diminish our capacity when we limit ourselves to this or that. God’s scope is greater. Embracing my purpose was the turning point. Pouring myself in His work recalibrated my heart. Guarding my thoughts is foremost. I can’t entertain every wayward notion or allow emotions to hinder me. I prune a lot.
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
~princesse
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