Why do marriages fail?

[presidente]

I think a lot of them agree to any couple getting married even if they arent believers, dont tell them what to expect or how to behave, as long as they pay the marriage license fee. Most people decades ago, would get married in a church and then would never attend again until someone in their family dies for the funeral. They want to the ministers blessing but they dont eant to have to obey or do anything further with the church family that they supposedly married into.

There are judges for that sort of thing now. But if the preacher does marry a couple...let's say they are both virgins, their parents consent (more likely 200 years ago)... and the clergyman marries them. At least they aren't shacking up. If clergy don't want to see society shacking up, then performing a wedding prevents that.

Performing weddings is a 'cultural duty' of clergy, not a Biblical one.

 

[Lanolin]

Not reading, believing and obeying the Bible.

There are plenty of Christians, clergy included, that will give someone who was divorced for no Biblical reason at all the advice to go marry someone else, or try to match them up, instead of saying stay single or reconcile with your ex.

I Corinthians 7 10 And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband:
11 But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.

Matthew 19:9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.

yea I dont understand that especially people who go out with someone who is separated and not divorced, but then they meet someone and divorce their spouse later. They didnt work on praying for their spouse while they were apart as it says in the bible thats what you meant to do when you separate. theres a reason for it, not so you can both go off and find someone else. you actually meant to reconcile after you have been separated for a while cos its a time to work on your own issues apart.

 

[presidente]

yea I dont understand that especially people who go out with someone who is separated and not divorced, but then they meet someone and divorce their spouse later. They didnt work on praying for their spouse while they were apart as it says in the bible thats what you meant to do when you separate. theres a reason for it, not so you can both go off and find someone else.

If a couple are abstaining from sexual relations for fasting, I wouldn't call that 'separating' considering how our society uses the term as a step toward divorce.

 

[Lanolin]

There are judges for that sort of thing now. But if the preacher does marry a couple...let's say they are both virgins, their parents consent (more likely 200 years ago)... and the clergyman marries them. At least they aren't shacking up. If clergy don't want to see society shacking up, then performing a wedding prevents that.

Performing weddings is a 'cultural duty' of clergy, not a Biblical one.

but they shouldn the doing that without telling them the gospel. Otherwise they should not even marry them and say its doomed to fail. I dont know about 200 years ago but apparently this happened with one of my former bosses, who married at 19 or some ridiculous age.
now he is sepearated and going with someone else but I think about his ex-wife being unfairly maligned cos they couldnt keep their vows. They arent even divorced. Its the children who then have to go back and forth etc and manage their parents separation.

 

[Lanolin]

If a couple are abstaining from sexual relations for fasting, I wouldn't call that 'separating' considering how our society uses the term as a step toward divorce.

I would. Cos thats what its called.

I dont consider what society says is even accurate.

 

[Lanolin]

I would call what most people say 'separating' isnt its just abandoning or leaving. Or call it by its real name adultery.

 

[presidente]

I would. Cos thats what its called.

I dont consider what society says is even accurate.

So if you or your wife wanted to fast for 40 days and you agreed not to have sex during that time, would you tell people, "I am separated from my wife right now."?

You can create your own definitions of things, but if everyone else uses the word for something else, that will lead to confusion.

The Bible doesn't say anything about spouses going off and living in different households so that they can be closer to God.

 

[Lanolin]

my observation is when married couples stop sleeping together its some genuine reason like they snore, or one is a sleepwalker, or one just hogs the bed or smells bad. or maybe one is a night owl and the other is morning person, but I dont think that obstacle ever stopped anyone from sharing their bed.

besides where are they going to sleep if not together on the floor or something. but then richer people with bigger houses may have separate bedrooms. But they ought to at least EAT together. or talk to each other.

 

[Lanolin]

So if you or your wife wanted to fast for 40 days and you agreed not to have sex during that time, would you tell people, "I am separated from my wife right now."?

You can create your own definitions of things, but if everyone else uses the word for something else, that will lead to confusion.

The Bible doesn't say anything about spouses going off and living in different households so that they can be closer to God.

uh..Im not married or a husband but no that wouldnt confuse me of course people say they are spearated if they in different locations.

Isnt that what they mean! Im not confused about that at all. if they want to lie and not say they are apart cos they hate each other well...thats on them

 

[Lanolin]

i have seen couples who lie to their children and strangers that they are actually not sleeping together but with other people but they pretend they are.

Im like, why not just be honest that you are comitting adultery. lol

 

[presidente]

but they shouldn the doing that without telling them the gospel. Otherwise they should not even marry them and say its doomed to fail. I dont know about 200 years ago but apparently this happened with one of my former bosses, who married at 19 or some ridiculous age.
now he is separated and going with someone else but I think about his ex-wife being unfairly maligned cos they couldnt keep their vows. They arent even divorced. Its the children who then have to go back and forth etc and manage their parents separation.

If 50% of marriages end in divorce (not sure if that is it, but let's say) then 50% don't. And there are plenty of unbelievers who stay together. There are predominantly Muslim and pagan countries where the divorce rates are lower. Being an unbeliever doesn't doom one's marriage to failure, and marriage existed before Christ was born as a Man on this earth.

The Bible doesn't tell elders, pastors, overseers, priests, deacons, etc. to perform marriage ceremonies. There is nothing resembling this in the Bible. The closest thing is when Boaz called the elders of the city as witnesses to the fact that he agreed to take Ruth to wife when he completed a transaction to redeem a kinsman's inheritance.
Hebrews would marry by the groom or his father paying the bride's father a bride price-- if she were a virgin-- and later throwing a party. The groom would take her into his home. Later they had some kind of betrothal cup they drank from and a contract and dowry for the woman, but these are extra-biblical Jewish customs.

The pagan Romans had a custom where the bride and groom stood before a pagan priest who officiated and said certain words. The bride's words would be something like, "Where you are Gaius, I am Gaia.' Girls had the feminine version of their father's name at first, then a feminine version of their husband's name in Roman culture.

Skip forward 500 years into Christianity and it becomes church practice to have a church elder perform a similar ceremony. After the Reformation, Roman Catholics started to count marriage as a sacrament.

If an ordained minister chooses to perform ceremonies-- and serve a societal role-- it is up to him whether he wants to do this for unbelievers. Doing so may provide an opportunity to preach the gospel to them and give them some marriage counseling as to what marriage should be. It is not sin for two sinners to marry if they do it right. The same ordained minister could refuse to marry on the second go-round if they divorce.

 

[presidente]

uh..Im not married or a husband but no that wouldnt confuse me of course people say they are spearated if they in different locations.

Isnt that what they mean! Im not confused about that at all. if they want to lie and not say they are apart cos they hate each other well...thats on them

What I am saying is the Bible doesn't endorse being 'separated' the way we use it. On government forms, there are options, single, divorced, separated. Legal separation is a step towards divorce.

There is nothing endorsing 'separation' in this sense in the Bible. It does say for a wife not to depart, but if a woman departs, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. Paul said not to do it. But if she does it, she shouldn't remarry. That does not make separation good. He doesn't say it is something to do to save the marriage.

Earlier in the chapter, he says for the husband and wife to render to each other 'due benevolence' and not to defraud each other except it be with consent for a time that they may give themselves to fasting and prayer, and come together again lest Satan tempt them for their lack of self-control.

IMO, that goes against the practice of some medieval Catholics of allowing couples to separate and go off into monasteries and convents after being married, since the verse says to come together again. Vows of celibacy would prevent that.

 

[presidente]

my observation is when married couples stop sleeping together its some genuine reason like they snore, or one is a sleepwalker, or one just hogs the bed or smells bad. or maybe one is a night owl and the other is morning person, but I dont think that obstacle ever stopped anyone from sharing their bed.

If those are the reasons, they could still have sex then.

 

[SUNDOWNSAM]

There are many reasons I think and the more we talk about it , the better the chances we have of bringing change. Could it not be very helpful to go thru a marriage preparation course, together, one that is designed to make both partners aware of the things that go wrong and what could be done in advance to avoid them or fix them or at least be prepared and know what to look for as red flags? I think this alone would help tremendously.

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The problem lies in the fact that many enter marriage not knowing that in a marriage there is a role that must be played, one must play the husband and the other must play the wife, the man is to love his wife and the wife is the reverence her husband, but they need to understand that both are equal and that there must be order in the marriage; the man is to be the head, not to take advantage, but the love his wife as Yeshua loves the church and the woman is to be in subjection to the husband as the church is to Yeshua. They must yield to each other, learn to forgive each other, selfishness must be put away, they need to learn to love and give of each other without depriving each other. All the above sounds perfect, but we must work together in that perfect marriage. As for me, I got married once 2014, I will be entering my 7 year marriage this year and this year I will turn 65. I should have waited to 99 to get married

What I am trying to convey, trust has to be created, assurance have to establish prior to entering a marriage.

 

[SUNDOWNSAM]

There are many reasons I think and the more we talk about it , the better the chances we have of bringing change. Could it not be very helpful to go thru a marriage preparation course, together, one that is designed to make both partners aware of the things that go wrong and what could be done in advance to avoid them or fix them or at least be prepared and know what to look for as red flags? I think this alone would help tremendously.

Biblical counseling can be good for Christians but again, we must define Christian from a biblical standpoint. Christian is to be born again, to be a new creation, to abide in Christ and He in you... Once established that both parties are Christian then biblical counseling can move forward using scripture as the “rule book.” Guided by the Spirit this counseling (discipleship) will bear fruit as the Lord has promised the Christian He will start and finish a work of sanctification in every believer, improvement WILL be made.
If however the counselor, or either party involved fail to properly examine step one, whether or not they are truly in the faith, then all else is futile. A goat can read scripture all day and never change his anger problem, or pornography problem... Why? Because he’s a goat, you can’t disciple a goat into a sheep, this is impossible for man, only God grants this. Problems in marriage or sin? Honestly examine first that you are in the faith. Ask yourself, has God begun a work in me that He will finish (sanctification)? Or have I began a work in me that cannot be achieved because I’m doing it alone, without God? The later is what most congregants are experiencing.

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One cannot blind themselves to the fact that there are marriages outside christianity that are successful and that is because they understand what it means to be married, it will be a blessing if Yeshua was the center.

 

[SUNDOWNSAM]

I am assuming by 'depart' you mean passes away, not departs to run off with the secretary or rock drummer.

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In the context that is what I was insinuating, so you are correct in the statement you made.

 

[presidente]

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In the context that is what I was insinuating, so you are correct in the statement you made.

The Bible never recommends couples live in separate homes for a while. It does say they are not to defraud one another of due benevolence, except to give themselves to prayer and fasting for a while, and come together again lest Satan tempt them due to a lack of self-control.


If a husband and wife were fasting food and sex, would they call themselves 'separated?'

 

[Alertandawake]

Being that I myself never been married, I can only give my opinion, but it is a possibility one reason why marriages fail is because people maybe pressured into it, so they don't feel the odd one out. But that is my opinion.

 

[Lanolin]

The Bible never recommends couples live in separate homes for a while. It does say they are not to defraud one another of due benevolence, except to give themselves to prayer and fasting for a while, and come together again lest Satan tempt them due to a lack of self-control.


If a husband and wife were fasting food and sex, would they call themselves 'separated?'

YUP cos they are separated i.e not living together as one. I think the Bible does talk about 'the marriage bed' in Hebrews 13:4

Unless you think that having separate bedrooms means they are just flatting or something.

yea I cant make people tell the truth about their situation but people uses euphemisms to say they are not together but seperated DOES NOT MEAN you can then go off with someone else. You would STILL be comitting adultery anyway. Just cos Batheshebas husband was away in battle doesnt mean King David had the right to bed her cos they were seperated. she was still married to Uriah.

She could only legitimately go with King David if her husband 1) died or 2) they were divorced.

King David went for the first one. Isnt that silly. Hoping someone will die so you can bed their wife. if they got divorced maybe it would have been awkward though.

 

[SUNDOWNSAM]

The Bible never recommends couples live in separate homes for a while. It does say they are not to defraud one another of due benevolence, except to give themselves to prayer and fasting for a while, and come together again lest Satan tempt them due to a lack of self-control.


If a husband and wife were fasting food and sex, would they call themselves 'separated?'

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I really do not understand your question, but I will say this... if there is no divorce they are still married under the law even if they are living separately.