See if my true story can SMASH your would be faith.
My true Story, is the reason I said that. I was indoctrinated via the Lutheran Catechism. I thought I was a Christian all of my life, but found out I was fooling myself all along. I thought sitting on a pew in the Lutheran Church, made me a Christian. I went to Sunday School and Church all the way through, High School. I was an Acolyte (Altar Boy), I went to Lutheran Service Volunteer School, Memorizes Verses, Was PROUD that I was a Lutheran, etc., etc. AND FOUND OUT THAT I WAS NEVER SAVED, until shortly before my 29th Birthday.
When I was 28, I married a woman for ALL THE WRONG REASON, after only knowing her for 6 months. Six months after that, while I was employed at the Post Office, my wife demanded a DIVORCE, because I could not earn enough money to by her the things she wanted in life. That was on Christmas Eve 1977. I hit BOTTOM BIG TIME, and I did not want to live another day. I attempted suicide THREE times during the next week. First time I had a pistol against temple, trigger half pulled. When a SHEAR TERROR of KNOWING I was in the gates of HATES, and would walk in, IF I FINISHED PULLING THAT TRIGGER. It did not care it if hurt my parents, or my brother, or my sister, I JUST WANTED TO CEASE TO EXIST. That TERROR WAS WAY BEYOND what another man could put in me with a knife to my throat intent on KILLING ME. I stood there shaking, and dropping the Pistol instantly, and thankfully it Fell on the Bed.
Two night Later, I TRIED AGAIN. Pistol against my Temple, Trigger half pulled, only this time I called my soon to be Ex. I wanted her to HEAR THE GUN SHOT, and then silence. One again that TERROR WAS WAY BEYOND what another person could ever put in me. AND I KNEW I WAS IN THE GATES TO HATES WAITING TO WALK IN. This time the pistol with a half pulled trigger hit that floor, and I just hung up the phone. I do not know why the Pistol did not go off, hitting the floor.
A couple nights later, I sat at a bar, getting as drunk as I could. Thinking about the country road near my place, where I saw them POUR VERY LOOSE GRAVEL, and KNOWING, it was the Perfect Place to arrange a fatal Motorcycle Accident. The Bar closed, so I rode my bike home, and to leave my helmet there, and then went directly to that LOOSE GRAVEL MILE. As I approached the Mile, I taunted GOD, by SHOUTING AT THE SKY, "If you want to take me, YOU can do it anywhere you want to on this mile!" I even knew the BIBLE said, "Thou shall not temp the LORD." I leaned out over the handle bars, because I wanted to hit head first when I lost control. I hit that MILE full throttle, and to me it seems like I was riding on Pavement for the whole mile. I stopped a little while at the next intersection, looking back at the mile in bewilderment, still as drunk as I could get without passing out.
I went slowly back home, and sat up most of the night, trying to make sense of what had happened on that mile. Finally about 5:00, not sure I did not look at the clock, I decided to go to bed. As I walking into the bedroom, a thought came into my mind, "I cannot ride a bike like that, even sober. GOD must have reached down and held the bike steady for the whole mile." A flood of GUILT washed over my whole body for my enter lifestyle, again, and again, and again. I fell to my knees, and later to prone position, as major tears, came over me, wave, after wave, and I CRIED out to HIM, "LORD FORGIVE ME! LORD FORGIVE! If You have a purpose for my life, then You are going to have to come into it, and control my life, because I CANNOT DO IT!" I had never heard a prayer like that in the Church of my youth. I believe the Holy Spirit gave it to me, when I needed it most. It was a TOTAL Surrender to HIM, and I KNEW IT.
I continued two Cry and Weep like baby, and continued to PRAY, "LORD FORGIVE ME! LORD FORGIVE! ", as my mind raced through all the offenses to GOD that I could think of. I Cried till the Tears ran out, and then Cried some more, for what seemed like an hour. THEN SOMETHING UNUSUAL HAPPENED. I do not know if it was a VISION, or a DREAM, but I had NEVER HAD A DREAM with so vivid in details and feelings.
I found myself at the FOOT OF THE CROSS, on my KNEES reaching up to HIM. Still pleading for FORGIVENESS, and Still CRYING. I looked and the NAILS were not in HIS HANDS, they were IN HIS WRISTS. The Church that I grew up in only mentioned they were in HIS HANDS. Years later I learned that the JEWS consider the Wrist to be PART OF THE HANDS. As I starred at the NAILS, I saw blood come out around those Nails. It fell and splashed on my outstretched forearms, and THE BLOOD FELT WARM! That is where the Vision or Dream ended. BUT I KNEW IT MEANT I WAS FORGIVEN!
DID HE TAKE CONTROL OF MY LIFE: OH YES, DID HE EVER. But that is another story. However that NIGHT was the very first NIGHT that I was BORN AGAIN, FOR REAL. IT HAS TO BE REAL IN YOUR HEART {in your Human Spirit} FIRST, to be BORN AGAIN, as you surrender to HIM out of pure Agape LOVE. Prior to that night, I only believed in my head before. Even the Demons can believe in their heads.
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