Situation at parent's house (where my daughter stays when I take care of her)

[cyph2cor517]

The one thing that gives me the most anxiety is that my 13 year old daughter stays with my parents, and there are certain shows they watch that really bother me.
A lot of them are crime shows where the plot will often revolve around a young girl who has been sexually abused, and they often have graphic descriptions of things that happen, with references to body parts and sex acts that occur.
I've brought this up to my parents several times.
It's difficult because I feel that even talking about this is dishonoring my parents. I've been told by my dad very angrily that I need to lighten up, or that I have serious mental issues that need to be dealt with.
It upsets me because as the parent I believe I should have some say as to what she's exposed to in an environment like this.
It's different from everywhere else where she can just change the channel on youtube, or where I can't do anything about it.
Just asking for prayers and thoughts on the matter.
Thanks!

 

[EternalFire]

I don't believe it is dishonoring your parents when you respectfully present them with scriptures such as Philippians 4:8. The material your daughter is viewing certainly is not in keeping with that verse.

If you have custody of your daughter, you don't have to let her stay with your parents. They can spend time with her at your place where you have control over what occurs.

 

[Bingo]

"Your thoughts have been heard, and sometimes we dishonor ourselves by not explaining our concerns,
especially when it comes to a child. I have learned, that recovering from an addiction, we may often
over react to different situations, sometimes due to our own 'guilt' feeling. We need to pray that we are
in God's care, and to act accordingly, for all concerned. I pray of the right answers' to be with you in all things."
'Praise God'

 

[cyph2cor517]

"Your thoughts have been heard, and sometimes we dishonor ourselves by not explaining our concerns,
especially when it comes to a child. I have learned, that recovering from an addiction, we may often
over react to different situations, sometimes due to our own 'guilt' feeling...

View attachment 210522 View attachment 210523

I think you hit the nail on the head here. Discernment in this area is something I actively seek because I do notice that a lot of my anger seems to somewhat be rooted in the fact that a lot of what is going on happened during my addiction, and I did nothing about it then. I'm seeking God to know what I can say something about, or can fix, and what is set because of the choices I made.

 

[3angelsmsg]

Hi sis,
One thing about teens are that they love to be disciplined and taught. Many times, I thought my parents were to lenient with me.

There is nothing wrong with setting the boundaries for your daughter, I do believe she would appreciate it. If not, then maybe in the long run. But you first need to love won her over and connect on deeper level.

 

[Bingo]

I think you hit the nail on the head here. Discernment in this area is something I actively seek because I do notice that a lot of my anger seems to somewhat be rooted in the fact that a lot of what is going on happened during my addiction, and I did nothing about it then. I'm seeking God to know what I can say something about, or can fix, and what is set because of the choices I made.

"Be patient and take it one day at a time, and we can't expect it to be easy. I have learned from experience,
not to dwell on the past, but let the past be a learning experience to make better choices, and in doing so,
those we care about, hopefully will also benefit from our new and better decisions. Also, I have learned the
more I strive to get right with myself, also others benefit, believe it. And, trust me, it takes time, and be ever
mindful, sometimes emotional harm we do to our loved ones leaves a scar that may heal, but always there,
never forget that! Experience is a great teacher, so long as we learn something of value, and move forward accordingly."
'Praise God'

 

[GardenofWeeden]

Instead of focusing on what your parents are doing, use times like this as a teaching moment with your daughter. Since you're wanting to raise her to share your beliefs, then share with her what your beliefs are about the topics in question. Some of my children's favorite memories are of going to Grandma and Grandpas and being allowed to things not allowed at home, but they still understood why they weren't allowed to do it at home, because we explained how we believe on things, and showed them why in the Bible. This helped teach them how to handle things when they went out with friends. They understood that just because a friend was allowed to do something, doesn't make it Biblical or right for them to do, and why they believe this way. This also continued to keep the door opened to learn from the Bible together as a family.

 

[Locoponydirtman]

The one thing that gives me the most anxiety is that my 13 year old daughter stays with my parents, and there are certain shows they watch that really bother me.
A lot of them are crime shows where the plot will often revolve around a young girl who has been sexually abused, and they often have graphic descriptions of things that happen, with references to body parts and sex acts that occur.
I've brought this up to my parents several times.
It's difficult because I feel that even talking about this is dishonoring my parents. I've been told by my dad very angrily that I need to lighten up, or that I have serious mental issues that need to be dealt with.
It upsets me because as the parent I believe I should have some say as to what she's exposed to in an environment like this.
It's different from everywhere else where she can just change the channel on youtube, or where I can't do anything about it.
Just asking for prayers and thoughts on the matter.
Thanks!

Why does your daughter stay with your parents?

 

[oldethennew]

Troll writing, once again...???why does this 'site' allow this???
Robo, this is becoming a fateful thing -
this should always be about the HEART, and not about .....!!!

 

[Locoponydirtman]

At any rate what ever happened that caused the daughter to stay at your parents, rather than with you; it's probably more important that you build a relationship with her rather than set a bunch of rules. I have never found a bunch of rules to be very helpful in building a relationship. Sit and talk with her about her and her feelings and thoughts and ideas, find ways to reinforce and support the good ideas. Let her vent at you. There is probably a lot of anger in her toward you and you should probably listen and apologize with out justifying.
Get off the gas about some TV show, look for what is good about it, like maybe the good guys are trying to bring the bad guys to justice, and the extended harm the bad guys cause by their bad actions. Watch it with her get her to express how exasperated she with the bad guys, and point out the good guys work.

 

[Solemateleft]

The one thing that gives me the most anxiety is that my 13 year old daughter stays with my parents, and there are certain shows they watch that really bother me.
A lot of them are crime shows where the plot will often revolve around a young girl who has been sexually abused, and they often have graphic descriptions of things that happen, with references to body parts and sex acts that occur.
I've brought this up to my parents several times.
It's difficult because I feel that even talking about this is dishonoring my parents. I've been told by my dad very angrily that I need to lighten up, or that I have serious mental issues that need to be dealt with.
It upsets me because as the parent I believe I should have some say as to what she's exposed to in an environment like this.
It's different from everywhere else where she can just change the channel on youtube, or where I can't do anything about it.
Just asking for prayers and thoughts on the matter.
Thanks!

Greetings Cyph2Cor - there is nothing wrong with having parental instincts to be protective of a young teenage daughter. There is also nothing wrong with expressing your concerns, desires and boundaries with your parents (her grandparents). It is also completely 'inconsiderate' of your parental role for your father to demean and dis-respect your perspective as a person, father and son... It would appear that your father's choice of words were intended to be more hurtful than helpful - seemingly for his own nefarious purpose/benefit.
All that being said - this scenario does provide you an honest opportunity to consider reflecting upon and consider if you are in fact objectively looking at the alternative perspective without bias... One way to help you to do such an honest reflection is to sit-down and list the pros and cons of your daughter being exposed to (I assume made for TV) crime shows... By listing these pros and cons - you will than be able to engage your father in an mature adult civil conversation on the specific cons of your concerns... Consider researching these crime shows to confirm the suitability of TV programs for kids. For example the Television content rating systems are systems for evaluating the content and reporting the suitability of television programs for children, teenagers, or adults.


Alternatively, you will than be armed to articulate that you have considered all the possible 'pros' and that you have come to the conclusion as your daughter's parent that you have decided xyz-boundaries...
You should also consider being prepared to articulate (in a calm, non-emotional, matter of fact manner) your decision to exercise alternative solutions as a consequence if they are un-willing to honor your parental decisions...
Good Luck, and God Bless

 

[cyph2cor517]

I want to thank everyone for your suggestions and caring responses
I would like to say that I have finally been able to break ground with my parents, and the communication is great, and there is much understanding there!
I am thankful for your prayers and I thank God for intervening and opening the door of communication with my parents!

 

[Aerials1978]

I want to thank everyone for your suggestions and caring responses
I would like to say that I have finally been able to break ground with my parents, and the communication is great, and there is much understanding there!
I am thankful for your prayers and I thank God for intervening and opening the door of communication with my parents!

Is you daughter living with your parents at this time?

 

[cyph2cor517]

Is you daughter living with your parents at this time?

She spends half the week with me and half the week with her mom.
i suppose you could say she is living there, since that's where she sleeps and where all her time is spent with me.

 

[chanchuinchoy]

Why your daughter stays with your parent instead of you? When she stays with someone other than you, surely she will follow or be influence by the lifestyle f whom she stays with?

 

[cyph2cor517]

Why your daughter stays with your parent instead of you? When she stays with someone other than you, surely she will follow or be influence by the lifestyle f whom she stays with?

I lived with my parents until 4 years ago, when I got married. My wife and I have never lived somewhere that my daughter would be able to stay.

Me and my wife are trying to move to a place where my daughter can stay with us, so this may not even be an issue in the months to come.