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I haven't been here lately because of a family crisis. Friday before last we found out my mother has cancer. There is cancer all through my family, mom lost her only sister to cancer. So it was a frightening moment. We have found out that can be treated with radiation and chemo. We are thanking God for that. She has 5wks ahead of her for treatments and then an operation. So we have a long road ahead. I would appreciate your prayers during this time.
My mother took severe bleeding a couple wks. ago. My father and I rushed her to emergency and were there for hrs. while tests were done. They cleared her but wanted her to see a gyno. that Monday. I was in touch with my sister during this time and updated her. On Mon. my father and I took her to her appointment and after 3hrs. they called us into the room to tell us that she had cancer. At that moment the doctor said she was going to send her to a hospital in the city. We had no time to process the devastating news. We've lost so many in our family to cancer. They took her down to emergency to wait for an ambulance and I stayed with her while my father went home to meet my sister. So I got into the ambulance with her and went to the bigger hospital and sat in the trauma room waiting for a room to come open. We were there for some time before my sister and father made it. Then for the next three days my sister stayed with my mother in the hospital.
So my sister was heading back to her place, about 3hrs drive when she asked to speak to my husband and I. Hubby was feeling sick so she and I went out and talked alone. She basically said mom can't have any stress and laid down the rules of how things were going to be handled. She wasn't rude but she did take charge. Now I have health issues where I couldn't stay in the hospital with mom and I greatly appreciate my sister leaving her children and husband and spending time with mom. My issue is that my sister has nothing to do with mom most of the time. She never calls her, as in does not call her. My mother took a bad fall downstairs almost two yrs. ago and my sister never called or visited to see how she was doing. I cared for my mother, who was unable to walk, I did all the housework, did all the meals then went home to do the same at my house. So when my sister said how things needed to be organized and cleaned and food made I reminded her I had already done that for a month for mom and dad. Honestly I've pulled back and stayed completely out of it all. Mom keeps calling and I just feel, and I told my sister, that it's her turn to have a relationship with mom and heal their issues. The problem is my sister and my father have blamed me for those issues. Right now I'm staying far into the background.
My husband said it's time for my sister to step up. I love my sister dearly. I know she's had to deal with an abusive husband and has her own drama to deal with. I guess her approach just upset me. Almost like she was there to save the day and I needed to back off, which I have done. She and my father are very close, he and I are not. I was hoping that things would change in the family dynamic with this crisis, but I don't know. My father informed me that if anything happens to my mother that it is "so much worse for the spouse" than the children. He keeps calling to say how hard all of this is for him and told my mother that he was having as hard a time as she was because he was stressed about her being sick. smh I called him yesterday because my nephews were supposed to visit. He said he can't stop crying and it was so much harder on him. And I'm here at my house all alone keeping myself away from mom so my sister and father can be with her. The only one who has called me is my mother. And I'm like "why aren't they calling to say how she's doing?" I'm just seeing my father in a different light also. He seems more worried about himself than mom. During Christmas he had a big argument with her, they are almost constantly arguing, and had her crying. I didn't know at that time that she had started bleeding, but he did. When I found out I was so full of anger.
My husband and I are close to my mom. She has come on trips with us, my father doesn't want to come. I have so many pictures of places we have been together. My sister said one time she sees the pictures online and said "how do you think that makes me feel"? I said "your mother has been here all this time, where have you been? no one is stopping you from taking her anywhere". I feel like there is a jealousy between my father, sister and my husband and I. And yet, my sister has always turned to me when her husband gets out of control and she needs support,not to either of my parents. We have such an odd relationship as a family. I want things to be better, I just don't know how to change these issues. Sorry for the long post. I don't blame you all if you don't want to read it and answer. Maybe I just needed to vent.
My mother took severe bleeding a couple wks. ago. My father and I rushed her to emergency and were there for hrs. while tests were done. They cleared her but wanted her to see a gyno. that Monday. I was in touch with my sister during this time and updated her. On Mon. my father and I took her to her appointment and after 3hrs. they called us into the room to tell us that she had cancer. At that moment the doctor said she was going to send her to a hospital in the city. We had no time to process the devastating news. We've lost so many in our family to cancer. They took her down to emergency to wait for an ambulance and I stayed with her while my father went home to meet my sister. So I got into the ambulance with her and went to the bigger hospital and sat in the trauma room waiting for a room to come open. We were there for some time before my sister and father made it. Then for the next three days my sister stayed with my mother in the hospital.
So my sister was heading back to her place, about 3hrs drive when she asked to speak to my husband and I. Hubby was feeling sick so she and I went out and talked alone. She basically said mom can't have any stress and laid down the rules of how things were going to be handled. She wasn't rude but she did take charge. Now I have health issues where I couldn't stay in the hospital with mom and I greatly appreciate my sister leaving her children and husband and spending time with mom. My issue is that my sister has nothing to do with mom most of the time. She never calls her, as in does not call her. My mother took a bad fall downstairs almost two yrs. ago and my sister never called or visited to see how she was doing. I cared for my mother, who was unable to walk, I did all the housework, did all the meals then went home to do the same at my house. So when my sister said how things needed to be organized and cleaned and food made I reminded her I had already done that for a month for mom and dad. Honestly I've pulled back and stayed completely out of it all. Mom keeps calling and I just feel, and I told my sister, that it's her turn to have a relationship with mom and heal their issues. The problem is my sister and my father have blamed me for those issues. Right now I'm staying far into the background.
My husband said it's time for my sister to step up. I love my sister dearly. I know she's had to deal with an abusive husband and has her own drama to deal with. I guess her approach just upset me. Almost like she was there to save the day and I needed to back off, which I have done. She and my father are very close, he and I are not. I was hoping that things would change in the family dynamic with this crisis, but I don't know. My father informed me that if anything happens to my mother that it is "so much worse for the spouse" than the children. He keeps calling to say how hard all of this is for him and told my mother that he was having as hard a time as she was because he was stressed about her being sick. smh I called him yesterday because my nephews were supposed to visit. He said he can't stop crying and it was so much harder on him. And I'm here at my house all alone keeping myself away from mom so my sister and father can be with her. The only one who has called me is my mother. And I'm like "why aren't they calling to say how she's doing?" I'm just seeing my father in a different light also. He seems more worried about himself than mom. During Christmas he had a big argument with her, they are almost constantly arguing, and had her crying. I didn't know at that time that she had started bleeding, but he did. When I found out I was so full of anger.
My husband and I are close to my mom. She has come on trips with us, my father doesn't want to come. I have so many pictures of places we have been together. My sister said one time she sees the pictures online and said "how do you think that makes me feel"? I said "your mother has been here all this time, where have you been? no one is stopping you from taking her anywhere". I feel like there is a jealousy between my father, sister and my husband and I. And yet, my sister has always turned to me when her husband gets out of control and she needs support,not to either of my parents. We have such an odd relationship as a family. I want things to be better, I just don't know how to change these issues. Sorry for the long post. I don't blame you all if you don't want to read it and answer. Maybe I just needed to vent.
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