Hey Mike
I was glad to read that you are doing the most important thing in this situation- praying.....
As you probably know; I have had a lot of problems with my kids over the years; they range from 12 to 24 years old, and 4 of them are boys... at present, the 14 year old has decided to go and live at his friend's house where the boundaries are slacker; there have been and probably still are issues with drug, alcohol and promiscuity and when I was young I too had a lot of issues. God has been gracious, loving and faithful; and I live in hope that if He can make me His child then He is able to bring them through and deliver them also.
I got the impression that your kids are younger than teens...
No one can judge this lady, her life sounds like it has been and still is very difficult; and it is through much suffering that we enter in to Heaven. Having an abusive ex has a huge, negative impact on the relationship with her and the kids and also on her mental health, very likely.
If you feel like this situation is too much for you personally to bear then just be really honest with her... it will hurt, yes, but you can pray for them, and as you rightly said, the longer you leavebit the harder it is going to be to end it... allow the spirit to lead you of course, but women like us needguyswho are 100% committed through thick and thin, no matter what... the way I see it is that if you had remained married and one of your kids or all of them had issues such as drugs etc. what would you do? You wouldget through the storms together with Jesus, and there may be many storms til He returns but His grace is enough. I realise that you are walking into a situation that is not your doing but then many folks are in situations that cause them suffering because of others- Corrie Ten Boom comes to mind. Our lives here are never going to be easy, and we must arm ourselves with this mind.
You have to be realistic with God and yourself and also her... if you are not able to deal with this then that is where you are at, and you do of course have your own responsibilities with your kids as I think I understand it... I'm sure the Lord will lead you; but yes it is extremely difficult dealing with these things... I often wonder whether things have to settle down with my kids before I can be in a relationship but it is taking years and I have been on my own well over 9 now; and I am torn between that mind-set and then thinking that I really need a strong, loving, wise and gracious Christian role-model in my family... but the Lord knows what's best.
I pray he leads you according to His will dear brother.
Remember... love is the greatest.... and love looks like the blameless Son of God, hanging on a cross, bleeding to death...it ain't pretty....
I can't stress enough though that you need to know His will of course; and you are wise to count the cost before you start building...
God bless you and your family... and this poor lady too...
Lots of love in Christ🦋X
Thank you for your sweet thoughtful reply! Praying is what gives us clarity and the Bible says to cast our cares on Him. God knows what's best for us. I did not know about your kids, and I totally agree with you that God is able to deliver anyone. Everyone has issues good and bad and we all fall down, we just have to work through them with God's help to get back up.
I have two boys ages 17 and 16. They are both great kids, very obedient, kind, and very sweet. I get lots of compliments about them. I am lucky, especially with some of the things they had to go through in their life. Another thing I have mulled over is the influence these kids could have on my kids. I love them too much and want to protect them.
I do have compassion, however we also have choices. If my kids were the ones who have a drug and alcohol addiction, I'd do whatever I can to reverse that. Love, attention, hugs, counseling, scripture... it's my responsibility to make sure they live up to be Godly Christian men who treat others with kindness. Ive always told them I'll be there for them every step of the way. I want to see them succeed and do well in life.
I totally get how an abusive controlling ex impacts the relationship with her and her kids. One time she told me that whenever the kids needed nurturing he would pull them away from her and say he's the one to go to for comfort. He also has laughed at the kids who called her names. Both of these were jaw dropping and wrong in all levels. I do have compassion for her, I also know what I will be getting into if I do decide to continue on. She needs a lot of emotional support dealing with her kids and ex. I also know the things that could happen with drug and alcohol addiction.
Sometimes I wonder God's plans in this... does He want me to help her? What lesson does God want me to learn through this encounter? This is why I'm praying... I can and have lead, however my personality is not the greatest to be a strong leader. I'm very gentle, easy going, laid back type B personality. No experience with drug or alcohol addiction. I've lived a sheltered life living in a Christian home (which I'm so thankful and blessed for) and was very protected from my parents.
I agree honesty is the best solution even though it does hurt. She told me she had a dream where we were both talking and crying together as we discuss our situation. She knows how I feel, I have told her in the past. I agree, 100 percent committed is what you and all of us should be looking for. Marriage is meant to be a covenant with God for life and not quit when we don't want to deal with it. I am in the beginning dating phase, so I have a choice if I am a right man for her.
Love is the greatest, God is love. That's all I want... His will. More of Him, less of me.
God bless you too sister as you wait. Praying and seeking Him is the best advice. I'm right there with you, about 9 years as well. All I want to do is worship Him while I wait, and Lord willing someday my desires of my heart be fulfilled.
