Hi Everyone,
I think that most everyone is of the opinion that catfishing -- presenting oneself in a deceitful manner in which they are usually trying to appear better off (whether in regards to looks, success, commitment, etc.) than they actually are -- is wrong.
No one wants to find out that the wealthy, beautiful, devoted person they're talking to is actually not that person at all and, worse, is spinning the exact same fairytale to a gaggle of other suitors.
So what happens if a person actually wants to DOWNPLAY their success? Would this be considered just as deceptive and equally wrong?
I've grown up with a few friends who are classic A-type alphas with go-getter personalities who won't stop until they're at the top of their game. They started out with nothing and, despite the worst life had to throw at them (sometimes all at once and multiple times over), they relied on God to get them through and are starting to see some results.
However, one of the problems they have encountered in the dating scene is that a potential suitor might find out something about them (that they own a business or own their house, for example), and start assuming they are able to spend a lot of money on them, financially assist them, etc.
The ironic thing is that none of the people I know really even see themselves as successful (they just see themselves as needing to apply themselves and work hard), and they talk about what goals they're still trying to meet rather than the ones they've already achieved. As one of them put it, "Owning a business just means I'm responsible for ALL of the bills."
The one thing they're tired of though is having others assume something about them and develop an attitude of entitlement towards them because of it. This has been causing them to significantly downplay (aka, lie) about some of their circumstances until they know a potential significant other is trustworthy, not going to use them for anything, and is going to stick around.
Now I know some people are going to say, "Oh, what a terrible burden to have!!! Whoa is me, what a problem!", but it's still a real issue for some and as Christians, these people still wonder how they can be honest and yet maintain a protective guard, but not miss out on finding someone who likes them just for them.
For instance, let's say that C is 42 and has worked their way up to running a successful administrative department. C's plans include paying off their house (and only has 6 years to go,) then has several other financial goals to meet after that (such as helping family members.)
How would C (who could be a male or a female) approach this when dating? If C states right off that they are the head of a department at an important organization, potential suitors often assume C has money and can easily take them to the best places in town, buy them expensive gifts (or pay things off for them,) and take them on extravagant outings. (And if C DOESN'T do any this, suitors will see them as being "cheap.")
But at the same time, if C just says they work at such-and-such organization, potential suitors sometimes think they are a loser for just being one of the mass drones and then quickly move on.
* If C downplays their position or success, are they being honest?
* If not, what would be the most truthful approach?
* If it were you, would you tell people right away about your situation (when they asked about your job, etc.), or would you wait a while before divulging much information? (What indicators would mean it's the right time to disclose this?)
I know it's a shame that money has to come into play, but the truth is, it does, along with the assumptions it brings. Most catfishing stories are about people who try to present themselves as having something they don't have.
But if someone else has something it will cause problems if it's presented up front, what is the best way to handle it?
Looking forward to your thoughts!
I think that most everyone is of the opinion that catfishing -- presenting oneself in a deceitful manner in which they are usually trying to appear better off (whether in regards to looks, success, commitment, etc.) than they actually are -- is wrong.
No one wants to find out that the wealthy, beautiful, devoted person they're talking to is actually not that person at all and, worse, is spinning the exact same fairytale to a gaggle of other suitors.
So what happens if a person actually wants to DOWNPLAY their success? Would this be considered just as deceptive and equally wrong?
I've grown up with a few friends who are classic A-type alphas with go-getter personalities who won't stop until they're at the top of their game. They started out with nothing and, despite the worst life had to throw at them (sometimes all at once and multiple times over), they relied on God to get them through and are starting to see some results.
However, one of the problems they have encountered in the dating scene is that a potential suitor might find out something about them (that they own a business or own their house, for example), and start assuming they are able to spend a lot of money on them, financially assist them, etc.
The ironic thing is that none of the people I know really even see themselves as successful (they just see themselves as needing to apply themselves and work hard), and they talk about what goals they're still trying to meet rather than the ones they've already achieved. As one of them put it, "Owning a business just means I'm responsible for ALL of the bills."
The one thing they're tired of though is having others assume something about them and develop an attitude of entitlement towards them because of it. This has been causing them to significantly downplay (aka, lie) about some of their circumstances until they know a potential significant other is trustworthy, not going to use them for anything, and is going to stick around.
Now I know some people are going to say, "Oh, what a terrible burden to have!!! Whoa is me, what a problem!", but it's still a real issue for some and as Christians, these people still wonder how they can be honest and yet maintain a protective guard, but not miss out on finding someone who likes them just for them.
For instance, let's say that C is 42 and has worked their way up to running a successful administrative department. C's plans include paying off their house (and only has 6 years to go,) then has several other financial goals to meet after that (such as helping family members.)
How would C (who could be a male or a female) approach this when dating? If C states right off that they are the head of a department at an important organization, potential suitors often assume C has money and can easily take them to the best places in town, buy them expensive gifts (or pay things off for them,) and take them on extravagant outings. (And if C DOESN'T do any this, suitors will see them as being "cheap.")
But at the same time, if C just says they work at such-and-such organization, potential suitors sometimes think they are a loser for just being one of the mass drones and then quickly move on.
* If C downplays their position or success, are they being honest?
* If not, what would be the most truthful approach?
* If it were you, would you tell people right away about your situation (when they asked about your job, etc.), or would you wait a while before divulging much information? (What indicators would mean it's the right time to disclose this?)
I know it's a shame that money has to come into play, but the truth is, it does, along with the assumptions it brings. Most catfishing stories are about people who try to present themselves as having something they don't have.
But if someone else has something it will cause problems if it's presented up front, what is the best way to handle it?
Looking forward to your thoughts!
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