A vision for my Singleness (addressing fellow singles and the non-single married people)

[BrotherMike]

Another problem was that, I never felt comfortable with the idea of marriage, as it made me feel (for a lack of a better word), hemmed in, unfree. So, the only right thing to do was to cut myself off from it completely and stop looking.

Eternity matters most and I want to say I have a lot of respect for you to do whatever it takes to be right with God. You know what you need to do, and I pray you continually seek Him for wisdom and direction in your life.

If I found a right woman God placed in my life, I wouldn’t feel trapped but grateful for her. Love is a choice and when committed that love grows deeper. I might never find a right one, but if that day comes I will make sure we both felt it was a blessing we could cherish forever.

 

[Ahwatukee]

Yes, I have been shocked by what I have encountered in the last three years since I tried Christian dating sites, a lot of wolves in sheep's clothing in a way... but to be fair, a lot of Godly men also.
My daughter is 19, she has told me about young people a bit older than her in the church which saddens me and I have a close friend who is 30 and she too has shared with me the sad truth as you described it. It reminds me of the scripture,' My people perish for a lack of knowledge,' and there seems to be a great lack of true shepherds who care for and feed the Lord's flock.

Yes, it is because, even though their intentions may be good, their desires take over, overriding God's will to fulfill theirs. And then there are some, as you called them, "wolves in sheep's clothing" whose purpose is only to fulfill their desires, having eyes full of lust and adultery. I was led by my desires once, but I thank God that He didn't leave me there.

The good teachers in my country are much older and seemingly dying out. I pray God would raise up Godly men to lead in this nation; we are desperate. The teaching and authority from the pulpit is rare about these matters.

I travel half an hour to get to a decent church, and I can't think of one other church where the teaching is good unless I were to travel farther.

I think that today, many of the churches are concerned with being politically correct. They are also concerned about the numbers of their congregation in regards to income. On top of that, we also have those who have crept into the church congregations and have inundated the church with false teachings.

"But there were also false prophets among the people, just as there will be false teachers among you. They will secretly introduce destructive heresies, even denying the sovereign Lord who bought them—bringing swift destruction on themselves."

And

"For the time will come when people will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths." - 2 Tim.4:3

I do think though that as a believer matures, there is more possibility for them to overcome such temptation, and as you said, remove the stumbling blocks from our lives. I guess any sin can be like this, where we keep stumbling and eventually overcome, through repentance and prayer and strengthening ourselves spiritually.
I see in scripture that to have desire though, is natural... and Paul does give the solution for this as marriage. I see what you are saying, if you really don't have peace about being married but you have the desires then you have to make a choice, especially if it is causing you to sin. However, not all believers would feel 'hemmed in' by marriage- I do appreciate your honesty about that-I would hate to be in a marriage where the husband felt like that. It is the hope of my heart that I will one day be in a marriage where the husband loves being married and loves me which all of his heart as Christ loved the Church, and where I love him completely and devotedly. I hope I can serve the Lord with a man who serves the Lord passionately. But I never want a man to take the place of the Lord in my heart and life.

My heart goes out to the many single Christians who wait on the Lord faithfully, for a spouse and who long to one day have children. It seems to me there is nothing wrong in desiring that, and it also seems that these people are being failed somehow by the culture and the Church.
I hope I can serve such brethren by being given to hospitality and prayer for them; I have friends who organise dinners and conferences every 6 months at their church but such opportunities to socialise with like- minded believers are very rare.

We will all be glad when Jesus returns won't we😁

Blessings 🦋

I pray that the Lord will bless you in this! You are correct in that, there is nothing wrong with desiring to be married and to raise a family. For scripture states that in the beginning God made them male and female. And for this reason, a man is to leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and the two shall become one flesh. Everyone has their perfect gift from God.

 

[Ahwatukee]

Eternity matters most and I want to say I have a lot of respect for you to do whatever it takes to be right with God. You know what you need to do, and I pray you continually seek Him for wisdom and direction in your life.

If I found a right woman God placed in my life, I wouldn’t feel trapped but grateful for her. Love is a choice and when committed that love grows deeper. I might never find a right one, but if that day comes I will make sure we both felt it was a blessing we could cherish forever.

Hello BrotherMike,

I agree! And I would also be grateful to have a wife if God brought one into my life. If she was God-sent, then I'm sure that my feelings about feeling hemmed in or trapped would change. As scripture states, everyone has their proper gift from God.

I truly hope that the Lord will bring that special woman into your life.

Since the Lord has not brought anyone into my life since going through all of that, my choice was to remain unmarried.

I used to joke about it saying, "If a woman ever came up to me and said 'can I water your camels too?' Then she'd be the one"

Blessings in Christ!

 

[BrotherMike]

I used to joke about it saying, "If a woman ever came up to me and said 'can I water your camels too?' Then she'd be the one"

Haha, definitely 👍

Thank you for the wishes... more of Him, less of me. He is in control

 

[LordsHandmaiden]

Hi.

I have come to a place in my life with Him that took awhile to get to.

My flesh cried out for a partner,a counter-part companion if you will. I am now at peace in my life where I see the blessedness in being on my own.

He is with me at all times,knows my heart and even the secrets of my life,yet He loves me.

I am now free to study,pray and worship Him without encumberances at any time. I am beholden only to Him.

I embrace the singleness of my life but I do understand the loneliness also.

May we all come to a place of His choosing that we be in His will and not our own!

 

[Ahwatukee]

Hi.

I have come to a place in my life with Him that took awhile to get to.

My flesh cried out for a partner,a counter-part companion if you will. I am now at peace in my life where I see the blessedness in being on my own.

He is with me at all times,knows my heart and even the secrets of my life,yet He loves me.

I am now free to study,pray and worship Him without encumberances at any time. I am beholden only to Him.

I embrace the singleness of my life but I do understand the loneliness also.

May we all come to a place of His choosing that we be in His will and not our own!

Amen! I also have come to that same place. I only wish that I could have done it from the beginning.

 

[LordsHandmaiden]

Amen! I also have come to that same place. I only wish that I could have done it from the beginning.

Yes I do also.
It would have spared a lot of regret and hurt in my life and heart.
Sometimes it takes a bit of Him re-directing us through trials to get us to the place He wants us to be.
I'm glad I found my happy place in Him!

 

[Lanolin]

sorry I havent read all the latest but...going back to OP

she mentioned she grew up in the Bible Belt. I wonder what that is like. Im thinking wow is there really a place in the world where everyone just marries their high school sweetheart, never divorces, and has great grandchildren by the time they are 60?

I didnt grow up in the Bible belt its more like a world where its dog eat dog in some aspects.Very hard for a cat person lol. A lot of peoples mentalities are , you are on your own, look out for number one, dont expect anyone to help you.

So for those who are single its like totally fine and normal to stay so. But going into a church culture where its like baby city can be a bit disconcerting. apparently some places are like that in america esp Utah with the mormans. But then they had polygamy and celestial marriages which is total strange to anyone outside of that culture.

 

[Princesse]

I think this topic is over spiritualized. Most of the things I’ve read rarely mirror the truths I’ve witnessed in successful partnerships or the women I assisted in finding long-term companions.

The bottom line is knowing yourself and what you can tolerate. Not the ideal you. Hopeful you. But the one who greets you every day. That’s the person they’re getting. We have a habit of overselling non essentials and minimizing the elephants that tear us apart.

In the end, character is the make or break in most relationships. Not their bible reading or prayer habits. But their inability to be honest, honor commitments, or manage finances wisely. That will send someone packing and often does.

The best way to find the one you seek is being clear about the life you want. Write it down on a three column sheet of paper. Use the first to describe your ideal life. Include your hopes and dreams and the things you want to experience.

In the second column, indicate where you stand in those areas. Are you making progress, stagnate, or need assistance to move forward? What will it take to get you there? Be explicit. This is your matrix. The final column is for your prospect. This is where you demonstrate how he pairs with the things you’ve said.

If you resign your scrutiny to emotion you’ll overlook important issues. They’ll crop up later when euphoria dims and you’re seeing him up close. For every aspect he matches; put it to the test. Seek their input and firsthand examples. Don’t build your hopes on “all the time responses” which may be every now and then.

Thus, if someone says they workout several times per week that’s great! We can trade stats and cheer each other on. Active people frequently do so. In like fashion, if I say I love to cook I shouldn’t have trouble taking a picture of my dinner. It builds interest and anticipation. And helps you earn their trust.

This works equally well for challenges. How does the other respond when you’re not at your best? Are you better or worse with their feedback? How do you handle their faults? Do they trip a switch or render sympathy? How do you behave when mistakes occur? Are apologies swift or hard to come by?

Keep in mind, we are being sanctified. No one has reached the mark at this juncture. The person who exhibits steady progress is best. Stumbles will occur. But a teachable spirit is priceless. I insist in this quality for all I guide and my partners.

As you become better acquainted with one another. Detail the godly elements you observe in their character. Allow them to demonstrate how He impacts their lives. Let them volunteer a word, experience, song, etc. which brightened their day. See how frequently He comes up in your discourse without prompting.

You should be able to see the light within him without being told. Its glimmer will differ for each. Evidence you’ve gleaned without force is often more genuine than the laundry lists that fill profiles. Each season brings gains and losses. It’s best to see where you are sooner than later.

Finally, don’t avert the hard stuff. If you struggle with something; gauge their willingness to help. Start with small concerns and build to major ones. Look for consistent examples of empathy and concern. Avoid presenting an image of super human strength. Healthy unions include equal measures of vulnerability and transparency.

Since I began with advice, I’ll close with my own statement for the subject. I wrote this two months ago.

Presence...Passion...and Purpose are my mantras. I abide with Him and He in me.

Singleness brought an interlude of personal enhancement. I delight in His refinement and the many qualities He’s added to my person. I view marriage as a vocation and broach the subject with intention and enthusiasm. My philosophy is expressed through these ideals:

Surrender...Service...and Submission. The embodiment of divine order. The bookends reenforce the reality God is the conduit of my obedience. Not man.

Respect...Admiration...and Love. The manifestation of the principles made real and demonstrated to my beloved. It’s the fulfillment of ‘we’ consciousness. The union is solidified.

The privilege of devoting myself to another and pouring liberally into him is my aim. I’ve discovered the importance of ladyship, its role in my calling, and the wonders of exhibiting the disposition He prefers.

I am beautiful because of Him.

 

[GWYW_Bob]

A vision for my Singleness

Dear sisters and brothers,
I hope you spent a lovely Christmas - even as the single sister - single uncle, daughter or son which hasn't been hitched yet I hope you are standing your ground under the scrutiny of all the old grannies and aunties and the cheek tweaks and awkward smiles and "thanks for that aunt Matilda" s. I know it isn't easy to be single when you desire a spouse, especially during this time of year - Honestly! All I want is a sweetheart to kiss at midnight on New Years while toasting the new year (with something sparkly!).

So I thought I would post a thought or two about our Season in life and ask that we all be patient and trust God's process and to ask those which have passed over this season to not leave us behind.



"It is so true that in today’s church culture - especially may I add for the ones in the so called “Bible Belt”- that being single is viewed as something to be despised and frowned upon. We are “abnormal” not “fully grown” parts of an adult culture, where being married and having a family is being idolized to the max.

This is leaving a deep identity crisis for many of my age (if you don’t know, I will be 33 in July “Woop….”) and deepens our sense of loneliness to the max. Where is there a place for us - middle aged single people? Should we go to the young adults ministries where issues are being handled that rarely pertain to our own situation? Where 18-24 year old's look at us as weird “Old wanna be young” people? We are not stranded Beach Whales. We are single. Not lepers.

But there is the single college ministries and then we hop into the married couple ministries. The mother or expecting mother ministries. The children’s ministries. The old People ministries and prayer groups where people of this category are seen as freaks as well and I get a sense of “Oh I wonder how long she will hang in there”.

Really? Because we seem to forget that our Saviour, blessed and holy Jesus himself was indeed SINGLE! And in his ministry he was in his thirties! He was happy, not chasing this idol called marriage. Or relationship. He was fulfilled by the ministry his Father had for him, his relationship which was perfect with Holy Spirit and Father God AND his disciple and the people he knew on a horizontal level here on earth.

YOUNG SINGLE PEOPLE - Stop chasing a relationship with a person out of loneliness. There is probably nothing worse than to be lonely in a marriage you fell into out of desperation to escape loneliness and now you feel trapped because you are also not meant to be divorced. And I mean who wants to be that person at 24? WAIT for the Lord but don’t be discouraged or even depressed.

Jesus and Paul had so much to say to single people. We are the enviable ones. The ones that can focus their entire lives on serving Jesus, being used by Him for His amazing works. Getting to know him more deeply than our fellow sisters and brothers in marriages might never be able to. But if we keep running and hiding from the truth that SINGLENESS isn’t a curse…. It’s a tremendous blessing in fact…. Then we will never be fulfilled in our season of life.

The only events we see celebrated is Engagements, Marriages, Baby announcements, Births and all this stuff - because having a family seems to be what people expect us all to submit to. All of which - when we scroll through Instagram - makes us feel even more abnormal and lonely. Well perhaps just take a Sabbatical from the whole social media thing. To reconnect to God’s heart for you - that he doesn’t view you as a freak for being single but wants you to reach out to HIM in the midst of it more than ever.

I am going to attach a Sermon from Bridgetown Church on singleness to this post - and if you are not single or if you are single - please listen to it. Because the single people in your communities need to have the church as a family come around us too - we are part of your family and we can do more than you can - give us a part in your churches. Because we have TIME! GOSH TIME IS ALL WE HAVE! We don’t have children that depend on us every minute of every day so REACH OUT and let us take part in the ministries of our churches. We are not incapable and not dysfunctional in our singleness. Please stop looking on us as if we need to reach a different stage in life to be acceptable members of our family - we aren’t the freaky weird aunt or uncle. We are in the prime of our lives - just like you - and we want to be taken seriously.

Help us to be able to embrace the gift of Singleness - whether it is for life or for a Season.

Yours in love -
All Single Christians"

Sermon Link:
https://open.spotify.com/episode/2BNwqdht2Uxna209FlY57f

A lot of truth here but the singles 1 Corinthians 7 is referring to are the ones who are gifted (not many) for a lifetime of singleness. A lifetime. Paul wanted people of his day to consider singleness (it isn't bad or wrong), but even Paul said it wasn't practical for most people so they should marry. Paul had his chance to tell the younger widows in 1 Timothy 5:14 to stay single but instead he told them to marry, bear children and guide the house. That is because they didn't have the gift of singleness. Otherwise he would have instructed them to stay single.

Paul and Jesus had no interest in earlthy marriage, none. Jesus however is going to marry the church one day. She is betrothed to him already. God was married to Israel and endured 700 years of spiritual adultery. God will marry again in Christ. Marriage is God's idea and has been his plan since he brought the first woman to the first man to be his wife, establishing an example throught time. The exception is eunuchs or those who God has gifted for a lifetime of singleness for the sake of the kingdom.

One would think singles could make the best pastors since they would be more unencumbered but the reality is, churches want married pastors because they can relate to the majority of people and are less inclined to commit sexal sin (I realize that regretfully happens).

We have to let the Bible speak, most people can't tolerate being alone, and great troubles can come from trying to live a lifestyle one is not gifted for.

 

[cv5]

Belated congrats on being hitched brother 😉 how many years is that now?

About 2 1/2 years. And it's getting better all the time. And thank God for that.

BTW, the primary reason I never married (until now) was because I never met a woman that I thought was a truly saved Christian. There were casual adherents, hangers on, golddiggers, and one Pentecostal that was quite frankly half crazy because of severe gullibility and outrageous doctrinal issues. And I TRULY thought I was the LUCKIEST man alive to have never married any of them.

No, I was quite happy with my singleness knowing full well the contrary would've been intolerable daily horrific misery.

And just to let everyone know I was completely celibate in my singleness.

 

[Butterflyyy]

A lot of truth here but the singles 1 Corinthians 7 is referring to are the ones who are gifted (not many) for a lifetime of singleness. A lifetime. Paul wanted people of his day to consider singleness (it isn't bad or wrong), but even Paul said it wasn't practical for most people so they should marry. Paul had his chance to tell the younger widows in 1 Timothy 5:14 to stay single but instead he told them to marry, bear children and guide the house. That is because they didn't have the gift of singleness. Otherwise he would have instructed them to stay single.

Paul and Jesus had no interest in earlthy marriage, none. Jesus however is going to marry the church one day. She is betrothed to him already. God was married to Israel and endured 700 years of spiritual adultery. God will marry again in Christ. Marriage is God's idea and has been his plan since he brought the first woman to the first man to be his wife, establishing an example throught time. The exception is eunuchs or those who God has gifted for a lifetime of singleness for the sake of the kingdom.

One would think singles could make the best pastors since they would be more unencumbered but the reality is, churches want married pastors because they can relate to the majority of people and are less inclined to commit sexal sin (I realize that regretfully happens).

We have to let the Bible speak, most people can't tolerate being alone, and great troubles can come from trying to live a lifestyle one is not gifted for.

Hi Bob
There is a fundamental problem with what you are saying; whilst we see this principal in scripture there are, nevertheless, a great many single Christians who the Lord has not brought a spouse to. These people truly love Him, and certainly do not consider themselves as having the gift of remaining single. They cannot make these circumstances come about in their lives, try as they might; so it is in God's hands and they have to rest in Him in some cases for many years.
I don't agree that men only marry for the physical part of the relationship; there is companionship, serving one another, working together for the Lord, praying together; the Bible says that two are better than one. If I thought the only reason a man married for this reason I think it would put me off marrying. For example; what would happen if for some health reason this part of the relationship ceased- would this mean she was worthless in his sight and that he would regret having married her? This is not love. I hope that one day, the Lord brings me to a man who wants to marry because firstly he knows it to be God's will for him but also that he desires to show Christ loving His Church and laying His life down for it, for God's purposes and glory.
Blessings🦋

 

[Prycejosh1987]

So I thought I would post a thought or two about our Season in life and ask that we all be patient and trust God's process and to ask those which have passed over this season to not leave us behind.

It true, prayer can help to situation but at the same time, you might feel led to making moves yourself by God. Do not be afraid of rejection, you have to break a few eggs to make a cake. If its possible if your attracted to someone then show the subtle signs, like wink at them, etc. WOmen need to do things that cause guys they fancy to know that they fancy them. There are girls at my church that fancied me, and i only knew that years later when they found someone else. They showed no signs whatsoever.