A vision for my Singleness (addressing fellow singles and the non-single married people)

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.

BrotherMike

Be Still and Know
Jan 8, 2018
1,617
1,671
113
#41
As I get older being single gets harder, wondering if its to late to meet someone. I have prayed and ask God, I know with him in control of my life, Its never to late to meet that right person in my life.
Never too late and don’t give up on Gods promises for us! He will give us the desires of our hearts in His timing when He sees us ready.
 
H

Heart_Melody

Guest
#42
Thank you for the encouraging post! Luckily, my family doesn't put me under scrutiny for being single. Phew! :) I also don't allow the holidays to get me depressed wishing I had someone to love and be loved. It's Jesus' birthday and so glad I get another year to celebrate His birth and the reason why God sent His son. Of course, it would be nice to be kissed under the mistletoe and have someone to cuddle watching Hallmark Christmas movies, but trusting in Jesus is my source of strength. He is in control!

I'll be honest and say going to church alone is not the most comfortable thing I do. Of course, we go to church to learn about His word and worship God so that is my focus. I see all the couples and think, wow wouldn't it be nice to be in their shoes. You're right, there is not much for the 30 to ? year old singles. There is a identity crisis with this age group and I think more churches need to cater to this. The only thing that comes to mind that would be a quality solution is a singles small group. I know some churches do have singles small groups for older people other than college age, but they are very hard to find. They can form fun group events for more quality time to get to know fellow singles.

You are right, Jesus was single. That does give us some comfort and peace knowing being single is ok! I also know when a man finds a wife, he finds a good thing. The best thing to do is worship Him while we wait. I focus on the peace that passes understanding every day to carry me through singleness. Stop chasing a relationship out of loneliness is great advice, as I did that once and will never do that again :). Fruits of the spirit and having total peace from God is what we should look for.

We do have so much more time being single. Using this time to improve ourselves and storing treasure in heaven is what we should be doing with our extra time. As a introvert, I embrace more alone time lol but also need to be in tune to what God has in store for us.

I agree... embrace our singleness and find out what God wants us to do with our extra time. The joy of the Lord is our strength... bask in His presence to fulfill loneliness until if or when He blesses us with a future spouse. 2020 is a great year to start :)
Brother MIke!
Thank you soso much for your reply - and participation in the thread.
You added so much value to it with your own thoughts, to me at least. I see what you are saying. Look for the other singles and see if they have a group like this. Thankfully in my new church I feel a purpose - but I can't say I have found a group of people in my situation. But it's okay because I trust 100 procent that God has me here for his purpose and I am thrilled to learn and serve.

This year for 2020 I want to be very disciplined about interceding and praying and keeping prayer journal... I actually got a Daily planner which I want to use for the prayers so I can hopefully cultivate a habit of revisiting my prayers weekly and monthly to keep track of those that get answered.

Also I've been forever working on some books that need publishing and writing. And I am not very disciplined at working on them consistently. So Hopefully this coming year I can finish them too...

But 2019 was an amazing amazing year for me in so many ways - lets say a year ago I could have never guessed to be where I am now.
And I hope to grow closer to Papa daily myself.

God bless you! Lets be friends ok?
 
H

Heart_Melody

Guest
#44
As I get older being single gets harder, wondering if its to late to meet someone. I have prayed and ask God, I know with him in control of my life, Its never to late to meet that right person in my life.
Thanks for Sharing Brother Von!
I agree with Mike - it's not too late! Don't give up hope but also look for Jesus coming too - our marriage supper might be in heaven first.
 

BrotherMike

Be Still and Know
Jan 8, 2018
1,617
1,671
113
#45
Hello again Heart_Melody and very nice to meet you as well,

First, I don't know if I would call it contentment, for as I am sure that you know, being single yourself, that there are times when we miss and desire to have that special relationship of marriage with all of its spiritual, emotional and physical comforts and benefits. And Just like with everything, there are always the pros and cons. :rolleyes:

I will share with you and the other readers my reasons for being single. I'll try not to make it too long :sleep:.

I came to believe in the Lord when I was about 14 and was eager to learn all that I could. For years I studied and prayed regularly. I would share Christ whenever the opportunity arose in conversation and share what I had learned. But there was something that was always interfering with my life in Christ, which was sexual immorality. I'd go through relationship after relationship, being sexually immoral in all of them. No matter how I tried, confessed or prayed, I could never seem to get it out of my life.

This went on for many years during my life as a Christian, but I never could seem to break away from it completely, even though I continued to pray and ask for forgiveness. And because I was in Christ, I had two natures, the old sinful nature and the new man in Christ. And because of this, I could not live happily in that state. What's more, that life style leads to doing the rest of the acts of the sinful nature, partying, drugs, drunkenness and everything else relating to the sinful nature. I was never happy and I got to a point where I didn't have any strength to fight against it and just went along like that for many years. However, I knew that continuing to willfully live in the sinful nature would lead to death.

At one point in my life and thanks be to God, I just could not live that way any longer, because the struggle between those two natures was tearing me up inside. I wanted to be free from sexual immorality once and for all, as well as everything that was attached to it. So I was determined to get it out of my life. I prayed to God saying that this was either going to lead me death or that He was going to help me to overcome it.

So, from that point on, the battle line was drawn. I removed everything from my life that would be a temptation for sexual immorality, no dating, no girlfriends, etc., etc. From that time forward I was always on my guard, because I was serious about being free of it and not letting it continue in my life. And I believe that because God saw that I was serious about it, that He rescued me from it, helping me to overcome it. It was a hard battle because of my own desires and because the powers of darkness want us to remain living sexually immoral lives. I think that this is probably one of the most controlling and troublesome sins for most Christians. Many of them even reason with themselves saying, "oh, it's ok, we are eventually going to get married, so its ok if we sleep together," or something to that affect.

From that time and as the years went by, I just decided to remain single and stay celibate. I didn't have the desire to date or get romantically involved, which is where I am today.

I'm just waiting for the Lord's promise to come and take His church back to the Father's house to those places that He went to prepare for us (John 14:1-3), or to die and my depart and go immediately to be in the presence of the Lord waiting for the resurrection (2 Corinthians 5:6 and Philippians 1:21-23) . I'd prefer to be alive, changed and caught up, but it's not my decision ;)

My main reason was and is to live a life that is glorifying and pleasing to God by honoring Him with my body, which as Paul wrote, "is our reasonable act of worship."

"Therefore I urge you, brothers, on account of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God, which is your spiritual service of worship." - Romans 12:1

So, there you have it.

- Don
Beautiful testimony brother! Bible says flee from temptation and kudos to you to fully surrender your life for Christ. I met someone who didn't want a kiss until the wedding day. That really surprised me but thinking about it made me respect her even more for wanting to follow what God wants us to do and what the Holy Spirit told her to do. I admire your dedication for Jesus and He will bless you for it.
 

von1

Senior Member
Apr 22, 2010
1,527
1,385
113
60
#47
Thanks for Sharing Brother Von!
I agree with Mike - it's not too late! Don't give up hope but also look for Jesus coming too - our marriage supper might be in heaven first.
Thanks for the post, and the advice, God Bless
 
H

Heart_Melody

Guest
#48
Thanks for the post, and the advice, God Bless
You're very welcome.
I thank God for sharing it with me I think - it's not just for me

God bless you brother
 

BrotherMike

Be Still and Know
Jan 8, 2018
1,617
1,671
113
#49
Brother MIke!
Thank you soso much for your reply - and participation in the thread.
You added so much value to it with your own thoughts, to me at least. I see what you are saying. Look for the other singles and see if they have a group like this. Thankfully in my new church I feel a purpose - but I can't say I have found a group of people in my situation. But it's okay because I trust 100 procent that God has me here for his purpose and I am thrilled to learn and serve.

This year for 2020 I want to be very disciplined about interceding and praying and keeping prayer journal... I actually got a Daily planner which I want to use for the prayers so I can hopefully cultivate a habit of revisiting my prayers weekly and monthly to keep track of those that get answered.

Also I've been forever working on some books that need publishing and writing. And I am not very disciplined at working on them consistently. So Hopefully this coming year I can finish them too...

But 2019 was an amazing amazing year for me in so many ways - lets say a year ago I could have never guessed to be where I am now.
And I hope to grow closer to Papa daily myself.

God bless you! Lets be friends ok?
Sounds good! Bible says to uplift and encourage each other and I’m always up for being friends to my brothers and sisters in Christ who want to seek Him first.

Sometimes all it takes is a seed to get a singles group started. Speak up to a small group leader and Pastoral staff and see if someone is willing to lead one. What are we capable of and what is our calling at our church? What spiritual gifts can we give to help others?

That’s a great idea to keep a daily prayer journal. I think it would be great to have at least one goal for each category of spiritual, mental, and physical. I want to have some Jesus and me time each morning, just got to figure out what. I think of the verse this is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it. We should rejoice and be thankful God gave us life each day! The joy of the Lord is our strength. Maybe I’ll look for a small devotional for every day of the year. Something like Jesus Calling... any suggestions?

2019 was my 2-14 year. I look to rebound in 2020 and make it undefeated or close to it! :)

Anyone have suggestions for the new year? Goals? Resolutions? I should start a new post with this...
 
H

Heart_Melody

Guest
#50
Sounds good! Bible says to uplift and encourage each other and I’m always up for being friends to my brothers and sisters in Christ who want to seek Him first.

Sometimes all it takes is a seed to get a singles group started. Speak up to a small group leader and Pastoral staff and see if someone is willing to lead one. What are we capable of and what is our calling at our church? What spiritual gifts can we give to help others?

That’s a great idea to keep a daily prayer journal. I think it would be great to have at least one goal for each category of spiritual, mental, and physical. I want to have some Jesus and me time each morning, just got to figure out what. I think of the verse this is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it. We should rejoice and be thankful God gave us life each day! The joy of the Lord is our strength. Maybe I’ll look for a small devotional for every day of the year. Something like Jesus Calling... any suggestions?

2019 was my 2-14 year. I look to rebound in 2020 and make it undefeated or close to it! :)

Anyone have suggestions for the new year? Goals? Resolutions? I should start a new post with this...
I will definitely keep that in mind!

And when it comes to some devotionals I love - here are a few.

My utmost for His highest - by Osawald Chambers (I did this one while being a missionary about 5 years in a row...
Morning and Evening Devotional - by Charles Spurgeon
Streams in the Desert - its by a lady... Cowman or something like that... Its a collective of her own writings and quotes and poems of others to create an amazing and uplifting experience.

I feel like I need a physical goal myself too - I have no affordable Gym around and I need to do more outside to be honest.
I wonder if I should start running or something. I really want to get stronger.


And perhaps I should also learn to be better to myself - Kinder towards myself in mind and spirit. What do you think?
 
H

Heart_Melody

Guest
#52
Yes I have read it before - Personally I didn't connect to it too much. I don't remember why. Perhaps I felt that it was very shallow? I am an artist at heart and I thrive on poetically deep things so usually older books speak more to me - But that being said - I know of many people that have enjoyed this devotional many years and I have gifted it many times to friends myself!
 

BrotherMike

Be Still and Know
Jan 8, 2018
1,617
1,671
113
#53
I will definitely keep that in mind!

And when it comes to some devotionals I love - here are a few.

My utmost for His highest - by Osawald Chambers (I did this one while being a missionary about 5 years in a row...
Morning and Evening Devotional - by Charles Spurgeon
Streams in the Desert - its by a lady... Cowman or something like that... Its a collective of her own writings and quotes and poems of others to create an amazing and uplifting experience.

I feel like I need a physical goal myself too - I have no affordable Gym around and I need to do more outside to be honest.
I wonder if I should start running or something. I really want to get stronger.

And perhaps I should also learn to be better to myself - Kinder towards myself in mind and spirit. What do you think?
I’ve heard good things of the first two devotionals. I think I’ll get the Jesus Calling one for next year.

As far as a physical goal, one good way to get motivated and have accountability is find a friend at church. Easier said than done but pray about it before seeking one. Always good to be with someone so you are safe.

Kindness is a fruit of the spirit and definitely a good one to do for yourself. My mom was a perfectionist and one of the things I need to work on is being more compassionate and kindness to myself because Jesus is only perfect! One of the things I’ve realized in the last few years is to focus on Gods passionate, powerful, personal love for us. In return it will enable us to love and share kindness to ourselves and others.
 

Butterflyyy

Well-known member
Oct 31, 2019
1,610
1,318
113
#54
Hello again Heart_Melody and very nice to meet you as well,

First, I don't know if I would call it contentment, for as I am sure that you know, being single yourself, that there are times when we miss and desire to have that special relationship of marriage with all of its spiritual, emotional and physical comforts and benefits. And Just like with everything, there are always the pros and cons. :rolleyes:

I will share with you and the other readers my reasons for being single. I'll try not to make it too long :sleep:.

I came to believe in the Lord when I was about 14 and was eager to learn all that I could. For years I studied and prayed regularly. I would share Christ whenever the opportunity arose in conversation and share what I had learned. But there was something that was always interfering with my life in Christ, which was sexual immorality. I'd go through relationship after relationship, being sexually immoral in all of them. No matter how I tried, confessed or prayed, I could never seem to get it out of my life.

This went on for many years during my life as a Christian, but I never could seem to break away from it completely, even though I continued to pray and ask for forgiveness. And because I was in Christ, I had two natures, the old sinful nature and the new man in Christ. And because of this, I could not live happily in that state. What's more, that life style leads to doing the rest of the acts of the sinful nature, partying, drugs, drunkenness and everything else relating to the sinful nature. I was never happy and I got to a point where I didn't have any strength to fight against it and just went along like that for many years. However, I knew that continuing to willfully live in the sinful nature would lead to death.

At one point in my life and thanks be to God, I just could not live that way any longer, because the struggle between those two natures was tearing me up inside. I wanted to be free from sexual immorality once and for all, as well as everything that was attached to it. So I was determined to get it out of my life. I prayed to God saying that this was either going to lead me death or that He was going to help me to overcome it.

So, from that point on, the battle line was drawn. I removed everything from my life that would be a temptation for sexual immorality, no dating, no girlfriends, etc., etc. From that time forward I was always on my guard, because I was serious about being free of it and not letting it continue in my life. And I believe that because God saw that I was serious about it, that He rescued me from it, helping me to overcome it. It was a hard battle because of my own desires and because the powers of darkness want us to remain living sexually immoral lives. I think that this is probably one of the most controlling and troublesome sins for most Christians. Many of them even reason with themselves saying, "oh, it's ok, we are eventually going to get married, so its ok if we sleep together," or something to that affect.

From that time and as the years went by, I just decided to remain single and stay celibate. I didn't have the desire to date or get romantically involved, which is where I am today.

I'm just waiting for the Lord's promise to come and take His church back to the Father's house to those places that He went to prepare for us (John 14:1-3), or to die and my depart and go immediately to be in the presence of the Lord waiting for the resurrection (2 Corinthians 5:6 and Philippians 1:21-23) . I'd prefer to be alive, changed and caught up, but it's not my decision ;)

My main reason was and is to live a life that is glorifying and pleasing to God by honoring Him with my body, which as Paul wrote, "is our reasonable act of worship."

"Therefore I urge you, brothers, on account of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God, which is your spiritual service of worship." - Romans 12:1

So, there you have it.

- Don
May I ask a question Don?
When you were younger, and you stumbled as you did, would you have considered that marrying a Christian woman was a Biblical solution, in accordance with the scripture that says it is better to marry than to burn with desire?
Best regards
Butterflyyy
 

Butterflyyy

Well-known member
Oct 31, 2019
1,610
1,318
113
#55
Sounds good! Bible says to uplift and encourage each other and I’m always up for being friends to my brothers and sisters in Christ who want to seek Him first.

Sometimes all it takes is a seed to get a singles group started. Speak up to a small group leader and Pastoral staff and see if someone is willing to lead one. What are we capable of and what is our calling at our church? What spiritual gifts can we give to help others?

That’s a great idea to keep a daily prayer journal. I think it would be great to have at least one goal for each category of spiritual, mental, and physical. I want to have some Jesus and me time each morning, just got to figure out what. I think of the verse this is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it. We should rejoice and be thankful God gave us life each day! The joy of the Lord is our strength. Maybe I’ll look for a small devotional for every day of the year. Something like Jesus Calling... any suggestions?

2019 was my 2-14 year. I look to rebound in 2020 and make it undefeated or close to it! :)

Anyone have suggestions for the new year? Goals? Resolutions? I should start a new post with this...
Daily Light Devotional book or app has been a tremendous blessing in my life... it is only scripture so no opinion from man👌 It has a wonderful history behind it... I hope it is a blessing🙂....
December 28, Evening

We would see Jesus.
- John 12:21

O Lord, we have waited for thee; the desire of our soul is to thy name, and to the remembrance of thee.

The Lord is nigh unto all them that call upon him, to all that call upon him in truth.

Where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.—I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.—Lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world.

Let us run with patience the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith.

Now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face.—Having a desire to depart, and to be with Christ; which is far better.

Beloved, now are we the sons of God; and it doth not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that, when he shall appear, we shall be like him; for we shall see him as he is. And every man that hath this hope in him purifieth himself, even as he is pure.
Isa 26:8, Ps 145:18, Matt 18:20, John 14:18, Matt 28:20, Heb 12:1-2, 1 Cor 13:12, Phil 1:23, 1 John 3:2-3


https://www.youdevotion.com/light/december/28
 
H

Heart_Melody

Guest
#56
May I ask a question Don?
When you were younger, and you stumbled as you did, would you have considered that marrying a Christian woman was a Biblical solution, in accordance with the scripture that says it is better to marry than to burn with desire?
Best regards
Butterflyyy
I had wondered the same thing
 

Ahwatukee

Senior Member
Mar 12, 2015
11,159
2,375
113
#57
May I ask a question Don?
When you were younger, and you stumbled as you did, would you have considered that marrying a Christian woman was a Biblical solution, in accordance with the scripture that says it is better to marry than to burn with desire?
Best regards
Butterflyyy
Hello Butterflyyy,

Yes, I did. In fact, I asked several different women in my life to marry, but it never got to that point. It always ended up being sex before marriage, which lead to other problems. As I said, it was a major problem. And after years of it, my goal was first to be free from it and get right with God, which is why I removed all related temptations from my life. It was that on-going dating and looking for a wife that kept me in that state. Another problem was that, I never felt comfortable with the idea of marriage, as it made me feel (for a lack of a better word), hemmed in, unfree. So, the only right thing to do was to cut myself off from it completely and stop looking. I figured that if it was God's will for me to be married, then it would happen. After that and as the years have gone by, I felt that I was just one of those who was not meant to be married.

I believe as Jesus said each has their proper gift, some people have the gift to be married and others the gift to remain single. Once God helped me to overcome this, I made the decision to remain single to be completely available for whatever the Lord had for me to do. I have learned to live with those times of loneliness and feel more comfortable being single.

Blessings in Christ!
 

Butterflyyy

Well-known member
Oct 31, 2019
1,610
1,318
113
#58
Hello Butterflyyy,

Yes, I did. In fact, I asked several different women in my life to marry, but it never got to that point. It always ended up being sex before marriage, which lead to other problems. As I said, it was a major problem. And after years of it, my goal was first to be free from it and get right with God, which is why I removed all related temptations from my life. It was that on-going dating and looking for a wife that kept me in that state. Another problem was that, I never felt comfortable with the idea of marriage, as it made me feel (for a lack of a better word), hemmed in, unfree. So, the only right thing to do was to cut myself off from it completely and stop looking. I figured that if it was God's will for me to be married, then it would happen. After that and as the years have gone by, I felt that I was just one of those who was not meant to be married.

I believe as Jesus said each has their proper gift, some people have the gift to be married and others the gift to remain single. Once God helped me to overcome this, I made the decision to remain single to be completely available for whatever the Lord had for me to do. I have learned to live with those times of loneliness and feel more comfortable being single.

Blessings in Christ!
Thank you very much for replying so honestly and openly.

God bless🙂
 

Ahwatukee

Senior Member
Mar 12, 2015
11,159
2,375
113
#59
Thank you very much for replying so honestly and openly.

God bless🙂
And thank you for your understanding. I only hope that others reading this behind the scenes who are going through the same situation (and I'm sure there are many), that the Spirit would convict them into action to do whatever they need to in order to resolve the sexual immorality in their lives. For it is definitely a problem. In fact, within the letters to the seven churches in Revelation, the churches are rebuked three times regarding sexual immorality.

These and other sins are what we believers are to overcome, which is repeated at the end of each letter with the words "he who overcomes" with a promise for those who do. If we reverse it for those who don't overcome, then reverse the promise and attach the consequences.

Today, we do not eat foods sacrificed to idols, but the sexual immorality is still rampant, even within the church.
 

Butterflyyy

Well-known member
Oct 31, 2019
1,610
1,318
113
#60
And thank you for your understanding. I only hope that others reading this behind the scenes who are going through the same situation (and I'm sure there are many), that the Spirit would convict them into action to do whatever they need to in order to resolve the sexual immorality in their lives. For it is definitely a problem. In fact, within the letters to the seven churches in Revelation, the churches are rebuked three times regarding sexual immorality.

These and other sins are what we believers are to overcome, which is repeated at the end of each letter with the words "he who overcomes" with a promise for those who do. If we reverse it for those who don't overcome, then reverse the promise and attach the consequences.

Today, we do not eat foods sacrificed to idols, but the sexual immorality is still rampant, even within the church.
Yes, I have been shocked by what I have encountered in the last three years since I tried Christian dating sites, a lot of wolves in sheep's clothing in a way... but to be fair, a lot of Godly men also.
My daughter is 19, she has told me about young people a bit older than her in the church which saddens me and I have a close friend who is 30 and she too has shared with me the sad truth as you described it. It reminds me of the scripture,' My people perish for a lack of knowledge,' and there seems to be a great lack of true shepherds who care for and feed the Lord's flock. The good teachers in my country are much older and seemingly dying out. I pray God would raise up Godly men to lead in this nation; we are desperate. The teaching and authority from the pulpit is rare about these matters. I travel half an hour to get to a decent church, and I can't think of one other church where the teaching is good unless I were to travel farther.
I do think though that as a believer matures, there is more possibility for them to overcome such temptation, and as you said, remove the stumbling blocks from our lives. I guess any sin can be like this, where we keep stumbling and eventually overcome, through repentance and prayer and strengthening ourselves spiritually.
I see in scripture that to have desire though, is natural... and Paul does give the solution for this as marriage. I see what you are saying, if you really don't have peace about being married but you have the desires then you have to make a choice, especially if it is causing you to sin. However, not all believers would feel 'hemmed in' by marriage- I do appreciate your honesty about that-I would hate to be in a marriage where the husband felt like that. It is the hope of my heart that I will one day be in a marriage where the husband loves being married and loves me which all of his heart as Christ loved the Church, and where I love him completely and devotedly. I hope I can serve the Lord with a man who serves the Lord passionately. But I never want a man to take the place of the Lord in my heart and life.
My heart goes out to the many single Christians who wait on the Lord faithfully, for a spouse and who long to one day have children. It seems to me there is nothing wrong in desiring that, and it also seems that these people are being failed somehow by the culture and the Church.
I hope I can serve such brethren by being given to hospitality and prayer for them; I have friends who organise dinners and conferences every 6 months at their church but such opportunities to socialise with like- minded believers are very rare.

We will all be glad when Jesus returns won't we😁

Blessings 🦋