The Virgin Porn Addict -- Why Do We Differentiate So Much Between Sins of the Heart and the Body?
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M
No worries; my post was carefully not aimed at anyone in particular. 
Just wanted to make sure I didn’t sound like a holier than thou delusional person. 😂
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M
Nope, not at all.
Are there "holier than thou" folks who aren't delusional?
Are there "holier than thou" folks who aren't delusional?
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As someone who is a virgin but has entertained lust (but no longer does) I would say it is different from someone sleeping around. Not in terms of moral superiority, but sanctity. Being set apart. You value the intimacies of love, an emotional intimacy that leads to physical intimacy. You value the giving of yourself physically to another person, saving yourself for them.
I haven’t ever held a woman intimately, kissed a girl, held hands with a girl or taken part in any intimacy involved in a relationship. In this respect I am set apart, preserving myself for the person I wish to share myself with, rather become one with.
Me lusting doesn’t all of a sudden make my virginity, physically, any less of a gift of myself to my future spouse when I haven’t shared those physical intimacies with any other person (in actuality). You’ve imagined things, and (is this still PG?) relieved yourself, but didn’t actually sleep with anyone. It’s sin, yes. But it doesn’t discount the purity of your physicality in waiting for a person that you do wish to share these intimacies with.
In other words, some people may have a dirty mind but clean hands. That mind can be made clean by God, but that body is either used or not used. It has either shared in love or hasn’t.
For me, I wish I was the only hand she ever held. The only lips she ever touched. But I can’t hold this against her because she simply is looking for love. In that way, I should have compassion.
I haven’t ever held a woman intimately, kissed a girl, held hands with a girl or taken part in any intimacy involved in a relationship. In this respect I am set apart, preserving myself for the person I wish to share myself with, rather become one with.
Me lusting doesn’t all of a sudden make my virginity, physically, any less of a gift of myself to my future spouse when I haven’t shared those physical intimacies with any other person (in actuality). You’ve imagined things, and (is this still PG?) relieved yourself, but didn’t actually sleep with anyone. It’s sin, yes. But it doesn’t discount the purity of your physicality in waiting for a person that you do wish to share these intimacies with.
In other words, some people may have a dirty mind but clean hands. That mind can be made clean by God, but that body is either used or not used. It has either shared in love or hasn’t.
For me, I wish I was the only hand she ever held. The only lips she ever touched. But I can’t hold this against her because she simply is looking for love. In that way, I should have compassion.
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I know for me, I came to a place where I realized I didn’t want to entertain lust because I wanted to honor God and her (future wife). I made it a conviction that I cannot serve blatant sin and God. I choose to honor Him and her. I wanted to make sure to have it under wraps now, and be ready to be faithful to her, not only in deed but heart.
Not everyone entertains things for the same reason. For some people it is just the pleasure of it, for others such as myself at the time it was because of a loss of hope. Thinking I couldn’t ever be loved and I was in despair. But God set me free from that, by His providence and truth.
Not everyone entertains things for the same reason. For some people it is just the pleasure of it, for others such as myself at the time it was because of a loss of hope. Thinking I couldn’t ever be loved and I was in despair. But God set me free from that, by His providence and truth.
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One of the keys here is that you actually serve God in some capacity. Put yourself in a position where others look up to you. This forces your lifestyle to be above reproach, to be, what’s the word, living in such a way that it can be mirrored. Be an example to them.
How can you be upon God’s holy pulpit and be living a vile life? Will not your conscience weep? If you as a leader are to be something they can emulate, then your walk for the sake of love must be righteous.
Search your heart, lay upon your bed, and find understanding (even ask the Lord to reveal it to you). “Why do I do what I do?” Sin isn’t always the root but the symptom of something deeper, something emotional.
How can you be upon God’s holy pulpit and be living a vile life? Will not your conscience weep? If you as a leader are to be something they can emulate, then your walk for the sake of love must be righteous.
Search your heart, lay upon your bed, and find understanding (even ask the Lord to reveal it to you). “Why do I do what I do?” Sin isn’t always the root but the symptom of something deeper, something emotional.
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It's not about begging for forgiveness, it says about true repentance, damaged trust, and hurt.
If he loves her he won't be looking for a Biblical excuse to leave will he....but if she has been imagining having some kind of sexual intimacy with his friend etc. then I think the damage would be done and there is now a serious division there. Surely it would repel him. And what is she going to do about that??
It's not about doing it once and being sorry and forgiven it's about unfaithfulness; it absolutely repulses me; I would rather not have married such a man in the first place. I hope for a man like Job who made a covenant with his eyes. I pray that the Lord puts me in the care of someone who would look after my heart better than THAT; someone who is spiritually mature enough and vigilant enough to protect our marriage, and me.🙂
If he loves her he won't be looking for a Biblical excuse to leave will he....but if she has been imagining having some kind of sexual intimacy with his friend etc. then I think the damage would be done and there is now a serious division there. Surely it would repel him. And what is she going to do about that??
It's not about doing it once and being sorry and forgiven it's about unfaithfulness; it absolutely repulses me; I would rather not have married such a man in the first place. I hope for a man like Job who made a covenant with his eyes. I pray that the Lord puts me in the care of someone who would look after my heart better than THAT; someone who is spiritually mature enough and vigilant enough to protect our marriage, and me.🙂
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I agree with what you are saying for the most part Dino, however reading Romance novels, going out with the girls etc is not necessarily sin and could be happening for various reasons, some of them valid in some situations, for example a man may be so pre-occupied with work that he is neglecting his relationship with her.
I also know first hand that a man can be just as guilty of the behaviour you described, it is not only women who behave like that in some marriages.
I also know first hand that a man can be just as guilty of the behaviour you described, it is not only women who behave like that in some marriages.
One of the reasons I wrote this thread is because I personally believe that the point about sins of the heart vs. physical sins was the point Jesus was trying to make to the Pharisees.
The Pharisees didn't think they had a need for a Savior because they believed they were the experts in the law. They reveled in knowing all the laws (both the ones God had commanded, and the ones that they had added on to that), and prided themselves in thinking they kept all of them.
The Pharisees thought they were righteous and blameless because they truly believed they had never broken any of these laws.
So these men were standing before Jesus saying, "Why would I need to be rescued from sin? I've never murdered, I've never committed adultery. I don't need to be saved from sin because, in keeping all these laws, I have never sinned."
They believed that having "a clean body", so to speak (never committing the sins physically) kept them pure (or at least a good distance above everyone else.)
And all Jesus had to say to them was, "Oh really? You think you've kept God's commandments? You say you've never murdered... Well have you ever hated someone? Then you've broken God's command against committing murder. You say you've never committed adultery... Well have you lusted? Then yes, you are guilty of breaking that command, the same as someone who does so of the body."
Jesus was clearly telling them, "I know you don't think you've sinned and don't need forgiveness or a Savior, but the person who does these things even only in their mind needs forgiveness and a Savior just as much as those who have committed them physically."
However, the attitude of the Pharisees was often prevalent in the Christian circles I was raised in.
The Pharisees didn't think they had a need for a Savior because they believed they were the experts in the law. They reveled in knowing all the laws (both the ones God had commanded, and the ones that they had added on to that), and prided themselves in thinking they kept all of them.
The Pharisees thought they were righteous and blameless because they truly believed they had never broken any of these laws.
So these men were standing before Jesus saying, "Why would I need to be rescued from sin? I've never murdered, I've never committed adultery. I don't need to be saved from sin because, in keeping all these laws, I have never sinned."
They believed that having "a clean body", so to speak (never committing the sins physically) kept them pure (or at least a good distance above everyone else.)
And all Jesus had to say to them was, "Oh really? You think you've kept God's commandments? You say you've never murdered... Well have you ever hated someone? Then you've broken God's command against committing murder. You say you've never committed adultery... Well have you lusted? Then yes, you are guilty of breaking that command, the same as someone who does so of the body."
Jesus was clearly telling them, "I know you don't think you've sinned and don't need forgiveness or a Savior, but the person who does these things even only in their mind needs forgiveness and a Savior just as much as those who have committed them physically."
However, the attitude of the Pharisees was often prevalent in the Christian circles I was raised in.
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The covers on many secular romance novels suggest inappropriate content, and "going out with the girls" is a euphemism for drinking and dancing with and enjoying the attentions of other men. Even the Christian romance novels can lead the reader to compare her own husband with an unrealistic, sanitized ideal.
My opening point was that the sin of one person does not justify the sin of the other. It seems like you're excusing the woman's behaviour in a "situational ethics" kind of way; by that logic, the husband of a woman who was unavailable is also justified in seeking other outlets.
However, I'm fairly certain that's not what you're saying. Perhaps you could explain further?
My opening point was that the sin of one person does not justify the sin of the other. It seems like you're excusing the woman's behaviour in a "situational ethics" kind of way; by that logic, the husband of a woman who was unavailable is also justified in seeking other outlets.
However, I'm fairly certain that's not what you're saying. Perhaps you could explain further?
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I’m sure we all agree that our hearts are desperately wicked and need to continually pray without ceasing and strengthen our armor of God, separately and together. People make excuses when their eyes are not where they should be, still makes it wrong. It takes work to keep that flame going. Do what it takes to appreciate, respect, and love each other as much as you can. Love is a choice.
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L
Thank you, sister! I sometimes get a little nervous revealing how I feel about this topic because I really don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. So I'm glad ya'll did not take it the wrong way.
I know several people that have had sexual relationships, but they are on fire for Jesus. And that's really what should matter most. Where the person is now and not where they have been before.
I know several people that have had sexual relationships, but they are on fire for Jesus. And that's really what should matter most. Where the person is now and not where they have been before.
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Thank you, sister! I sometimes get a little nervous revealing how I feel about this topic because I really don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. So I'm glad ya'll did not take it the wrong way.
I know several people that have had sexual relationships, but they are on fire for Jesus. And that's really what should matter most. Where the person is now and not where they have been before.
I know several people that have had sexual relationships, but they are on fire for Jesus. And that's really what should matter most. Where the person is now and not where they have been before.
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lol I feel she's is going out flirting with other guys then that's definitely not okay; I'm trying to point out that if she was emotionally unavailable it isn't necessarily sin like lusting after another us. I also wanted to make the point that a woman may be emotionally unavailable because she is hurting, but I am not justifying it; sometimes in a marriage, its vital that there is communication and submission from both sides to each other because of loving and caring about each other. So any selfishness in whatever form and whether it's from a male or female, is wrong. Both male or female are wrong if they lust after another or are manipulative and selfish... I just think the gender is irrelevant as both are capable of sinning. Lol sorry I seemed to beat around the bush there😅
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