Is marrying for love inherently Christian?

[Court_11]

We know it is wrong to marry for money. Is it also wrong to marry for love? Is there a third category, marrying for God’s will, that is mutually exclusive from these other two and therefore superior?

Or, if there is love in a marriage is there God?
Are there cases where a loving marriage is ungodly?

 

[danja]

I believe someone needs to pray a lot about whether one should marry the person he or she is with or not.God of course will give an answer .

 

[BrotherMike]

I haven’t read this book yet, but I’ve been told it’s a great one. I think striving to be Holy together rather than happy is the way to go. Love is a choice.

Sacred marriage -

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0310337372/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_t1_KIs7DbGHRJGBR

 

[zeroturbulence]

Genesis 29:18 NLT:

Since Jacob was in love with Rachel, he told her father, “I’ll work for you for seven years if you’ll give me Rachel, your younger daughter, as my wife.”

 

[ArtsieSteph]

I think honestly you can be in love with the wrong person. They can be wrong for you, not God's will, not your family's intention, ect. ect. ect. So I don't think it's inherently Christian to do so. Our emotions and intentions don't dictate or change what is godly correct.

 

[Butterflyyy]

It makes me think of Boaz and Ruth... and also Isaac &Rebekah... I reckon if God leads two people together then they will love each other.
If I thought I was in love then I would seek God for direction in such a significant, life-changing decision as marriage.

 

[cinder]

We know it is wrong to marry for money. Is it also wrong to marry for love? Is there a third category, marrying for God’s will, that is mutually exclusive from these other two and therefore superior?

Or, if there is love in a marriage is there God?
Are there cases where a loving marriage is ungodly?

I'll probably get some pushback on this, but I'm not sure that I can agree that it's completely wrong to marry for money (or at least economic considerations). People used to do that when they needed to and they called them marriages of convenience. Not all of those were miserable or situations where the people were wrong to marry. Also used to be if you got your girlfriend pregnant you felt like you had to take responsibility for your actions and marry her whether you felt super in love at that point or not. There were good reasons (and sometimes bad reasons) for such practices when they existed, and good reasons not to continue them in modern society.

What is wrong is to approach your marriage relationship (whether it's a future marriage or one you're already in) with the attitude and intention to take and get all you can and give as little as possible. If you're viewing another person as a source of raw material to supply all your wants and needs, that's not love (not even if what you expect to get is love or emotional support or the right to suffocate someone else with how much you take care of them) that's a lot like treating another person as a consumer product. Now in marriage two people to come together and meet at least some of each others wants and needs, but the difference between I want to meet your needs because I love you and you demand I meet your needs and give little to nothing back is huge.

The other thing I want to say is that I think a lot of God's concern with our marriages is not so much what made us get married in the first place, but how we conduct ourselves in our marriages (and all our relationships for that matter). And it's never too late to improve that.

 

[Lynx]

We know it is wrong to marry for money. Is it also wrong to marry for love? Is there a third category, marrying for God’s will, that is mutually exclusive from these other two and therefore superior?

Or, if there is love in a marriage is there God?
Are there cases where a loving marriage is ungodly?

"We know it is wrong to marry for money."
Wait, what? Who wrote this rule book? I've never seen it. Why did nobody tell me that was against the rules?

"Is it also wrong to marry for love?"
It could be. If you're in love with a Mafia don and he's in love with you, I'd still recommend caution. But please don't tell the Mafia don I said that...

" Is there a third category, marrying for God’s will, that is mutually exclusive from these other two and therefore superior?"
Yes there is, it happened a lot in the Bible, and that doesn't make it automatically superior. You would have to define how it is superior first... But anyway, Hosea-Gomer and Joseph-Mary instantly spring to mind. There are others in the Bible too.

One last thought on this thread, an old quote I heard from somebody wiser than I: "Marrying for sex is like buying an airline for the packs of free peanuts." Some things are worse than marrying for money I guess.

 

[tourist]

We know it is wrong to marry for money. Is it also wrong to marry for love? Is there a third category, marrying for God’s will, that is mutually exclusive from these other two and therefore superior?

Or, if there is love in a marriage is there God?
Are there cases where a loving marriage is ungodly?

I really don't believe that it is God's will that anyone get married but I'm sure that there are marriages that He approves with. What is wrong about marrying for financial stability? My take is that you should not marry a person that you don't love.

 

[Framer]

I believe someone needs to pray a lot about whether one should marry the person he or she is with or not.God of course will give an answer .

How long for the answer ?

 

[Lanolin]

um marrying TO love someone rather than FOR love.
is Christian. Love doesnt just happen its something you do. Marrying someone doesnt mean one person does everything. Its something you do together, willingly.

 

[Deade]

um marrying TO love someone rather than FOR love.
is Christian. Love doesnt just happen its something you do. Marrying someone doesnt mean one person does everything. Its something you do together, willingly.

There you go Lanolin. You hit the nail on the head. I would say don't marry someone you weren't physically attracted to, but expect Love to grow from that attraction. This type agape love is something a couple grows together. That means sometimes putting you mate's desires above yours. Major decisions should be jointly made.

I see a lot of young folks that want, and expect, full control over their spouses. That isn't love, that is ownership. The only thing that grows from that is jealousy and suspicion. If either one you you are unfulfilled with your hope and dreams, disaster awaits.

 

[Tinkerbell725]

um marrying TO love someone rather than FOR love.
is Christian. Love doesnt just happen its something you do. Marrying someone doesnt mean one person does everything. Its something you do together, willingly.

I agree. One sided love is the worst kind of love ever.

 

[BrotherMike]

um marrying TO love someone rather than FOR love.
is Christian. Love doesnt just happen its something you do. Marrying someone doesnt mean one person does everything. Its something you do together, willingly.

Totally agree, love is a choice

 

[BrotherMike]

How long for the answer ?

I’d wait as long as you get peace from God.

 

[Princesse]

The primary reasons people marry differs for each. Oftentimes the want or need that screams the loudest is the one we sate. Thus, the person who craves financial security will place a greater primacy on a high wage earner than one who desires togetherness. It doesn’t mean the other isn’t important. But in relation to first its securing doesn’t matter to the same degree.

I think it’s imperative we form God-honoring unions. And that means telling the truth and being upfront with our wants and needs before we reach the alter. We shouldn’t behave one way and another when the deal is sealed. That’s dishonest.

And if you’re unable to meet their needs or have difficulty doing so. It’s best to tell them. Keeping that to yourself to prevent a fracture is equally deceptive. This happens more than it should because of the time invested and reluctance to start again.

God has never told me I had to fall in love with anyone. But He’s prompted me to pray for my suitors, be patient when I’m tempted otherwise, restrain a comment, or consider a possibility I hadn’t before. In short, be Christ-like in my engagements.

 

[Lanolin]

Nobodys mentioned having babies so far in all the threads on the singles forum, except for one clued up person.. I guess it doesnt occur to people thats what you do when you get together with someone ypu marry.

 

[1ofthem]

I would think if it is God's will to marry someone then you would love that person and also be attracted to that person in some way.

Paul says it's best to stay unmarried but if you can't handle it (lust) then it is better to marry than to burn.

I'm not saying it's cool just to marry anyone you are attracted to and "think you are in LOVE with". You should seek out God's will, but I don't think it would be God's will for someone to marry someone they don't love and are not attracted to. If that is the case, then just be friends with them..No need to marry and be miserable...just my thoughts on it.

 

[GWYW_Bob]

We know it is wrong to marry for money. Is it also wrong to marry for love? Is there a third category, marrying for God’s will, that is mutually exclusive from these other two and therefore superior?

Or, if there is love in a marriage is there God?
Are there cases where a loving marriage is ungodly?

This is difficult to answer. Throughout history, there have been many reasons why people got married. They got married without a ceremony and married without witnesses, but the reasons were many.

My understanding is this-remain single if you believe and others agree, that you have a divine gifting of being able to be single, otherwise to avoid sexual sin, get married. Not romantic at all but practical. Men get married for sex. We need marriage for more than that (there are more benefits) but without that draw or attraction, I doubt any man would get married. In fact, the Bible would seem to say that if a man or woman has continency (can live without sex), they don't need to marry and God would have them be single, but that is a gifting of God. Not all or even most singles have the gift of singleness.

To answer your good question, I would vote for number 3, marrying because it is God's will (for me). Staying single if that is God's will for another. Most need marriage I believe. I kept driving to get married because I believed it to be God's will so I had to accomplish it. That is different than believing that marriage is God's will but I'm not going to do anything to accomplish it.

 

[Butterflyyy]

This is difficult to answer. Throughout history, there have been many reasons why people got married. They got married without a ceremony and married without witnesses, but the reasons were many.

My understanding is this-remain single if you believe and others agree, that you have a divine gifting of being able to be single, otherwise to avoid sexual sin, get married. Not romantic at all but practical. Men get married for sex. We need marriage for more than that (there are more benefits) but without that draw or attraction, I doubt any man would get married. In fact, the Bible would seem to say that if a man or woman has continency (can live without sex), they don't need to marry and God would have them be single, but that is a gifting of God. Not all or even most singles have the gift of singleness.

To answer your good question, I would vote for number 3, marrying because it is God's will (for me). Staying single if that is God's will for another. Most need marriage I believe. I kept driving to get married because I believed it to be God's will so I had to accomplish it. That is different than believing that marriage is God's will but I'm not going to do anything to accomplish it.

Do you think that God would have led you to your spouse even if you didn't try to find a spouse? (Assuming you did actively try)....