If you’re planning to go on a date with someone special, who should pay for it?

[Lynx]

For me, it's not more "Im a guy, therefore I SHOULD pay", rather this: Hey. I'm intrested in going out, finding out more about you and having some good clean fun together. If you want to go Dutch, ok I can do that. But, I would rather pay for it. I want you to not have a worry about taking care of a thing for the date, just enjoying yourself and allowing me the opportunity to share in your company for a while.

Yeah, this.

If it becomes a matter of male ego to pay, we shouldn't be having this date in the first place. If it's just "what men are supposed to do" it's a social obligation. BlessedByGod's reason is the only good one (that I know of) for insisting on paying.

 

[Butterflyyy]

Yeah, this.

If it becomes a matter of male ego to pay, we shouldn't be having this date in the first place. If it's just "what men are supposed to do" it's a social obligation. BlessedByGod's reason is the only good one (that I know of) for insisting on paying.

.... such a shame you guys are so far away....

 

[Butterflyyy]

I have paid on dates... the few times I've been on dates. I have no particular aversion to paying, except for one thing: expectation. If a woman "expects" that I would pay, I would encourage her to keep looking... because I would. Ain't got time for silly chivalry and fake notions of romance.

If a woman has means, and she wants to go on the date, she should pay for herself. The days of men being the primary breadwinners while the women stay at home waiting for "gentlemen callers" are long since done. Women are not above men, that they should be worshiped, nor below, that they should be treated as needy. They are equal... and should pay their own way as equals.

Well I hope romance and chivalry dies still exist..... and I have been a stay at home Mother all my married life and for 9 years after that...a very busy one....
You may as well start as you mean to go on.... I say to my sons, if you don't have a full time job and can't look after a wife, don't have a girl-friend yet-you need to be able to look after her if babies come along. It's not 'needy' it's responsibility.... in the scriptures it says... Laban gave to Jacob his daughter Rachel... he gave her, his precious daughter, to a man he knew would work hard to keep good care of her.... that is love. There's nothing wrong with traditional roles, and generally were the back-bone of society along with the rest of the many Christian standards we have lost in our countries.
My Grandad used to come home from a very hard week's work on a Friday and put his arms around my Grandmother who was stood at the oven, and drop his wage packet into her apron pocket. She would then give him a bit back so he could go and unwind at the cinema after she had accounted for what was needed for running their home and feeding/ clothing their 6 kids
It ought not to be about money, it ought to be about love.

 

[Butterflyyy]

Ive now heard that women are paying for themselves so theres no obligtion for sex etc...and yes..thats the way society rolls..been single and dating for awhile now and it doesnt seem to matter if its a christian man or not sad to say

There's no obligation or sex, etc.
Society isn't Christianity.
And if a Christian man with this attitude took me on a date he would be in for learning a lesson

 

[Butterflyyy]

I have paid on dates... the few times I've been on dates. I have no particular aversion to paying, except for one thing: expectation. If a woman "expects" that I would pay, I would encourage her to keep looking... because I would. Ain't got time for silly chivalry and fake notions of romance.

If a woman has means, and she wants to go on the date, she should pay for herself. The days of men being the primary breadwinners while the women stay at home waiting for "gentlemen callers" are long since done. Women are not above men, that they should be worshiped, nor below, that they should be treated as needy. They are equal... and should pay their own way as equals.

Dino... I would definitely keep looking.... Christian women are looking for men who want to love and care for them like Christ does.... who are selfless...
I'm not suggesting you allow yourself to be taken advantage of by some money-grabber; but if this was the attitude of a guy towards me I would feel hurt and not go on anymore dates with him.

 

[Lynx]

Wait, what?

Butterflyyy, I think Dino said the same thing BlessedByGod said (and I concurred with) in different words.

 

[Mikhal]

I dont pay out of Obligation, or gender role, or whatever..
I pay because it is how I am, its just the heart that GOD Gave me.
If i go to dinner with my kids and their friends, Everyone just knows that Im going to pay.
Just like Tipping, I believe EVERYONE deserves gratuity for waiting on me. If they do a bad job, it may not be as big as it would have been. We never know what a person is going through in their life and a little generosity goes a long way.

 

[Butterflyyy]

Wait, what?

Butterflyyy, I think Dino said the same thing BlessedByGod said (and I concurred with) in different words.

...BlessedbyGod said he WANTS to pay, because he doesn't want her worrying about anything and he wants to take care of her which is loving and kind... very different to what Dino said, I think.

 

[melita916]

Whoever does the asking does the paying/planning (because there are a lot date ideas that don’t require money )

On our first couple of dates, hubby paid. But then we took turns.

 

[OneOfHis]

Scenario: you are going on a date with someone that you are very interested and invested in. You’ve known them for a while now, say 2-3 months, and you both finally agree to go on this special date.

In terms of expenses (travel, food, venue, etc) who should pay for the date? Her? Him? Both?

Well... usually one of us would invite the other if we agree on meeting up... right?

If I invited this lady on a date, I would want to treat her. If she invited me, I would expect she had intentions to pay for herself but I would still lightly insist on taking care of it. (unless she invited me somewhere crazy expensive, in which case I may suggest a different place or decline the offer entirely)

If we went out and she refused to let me treat her, I'd feel a tiny bit shot down.


I don't care about myths or how others feel about it.

(as far as travel expenses go, I would offer to pick her up or meet her but I would not offer to buy her a cab/uber when it is cheaper to drive)

 

[Dino246]

Well I hope romance and chivalry dies still exist..... and I have been a stay at home Mother all my married life and for 9 years after that...a very busy one....
You may as well start as you mean to go on.... I say to my sons, if you don't have a full time job and can't look after a wife, don't have a girl-friend yet-you need to be able to look after her if babies come along. It's not 'needy' it's responsibility.... in the scriptures it says... Laban gave to Jacob his daughter Rachel... he gave her, his precious daughter, to a man he knew would work hard to keep good care of her.... that is love. There's nothing wrong with traditional roles, and generally were the back-bone of society along with the rest of the many Christian standards we have lost in our countries.
My Grandad used to come home from a very hard week's work on a Friday and put his arms around my Grandmother who was stood at the oven, and drop his wage packet into her apron pocket. She would then give him a bit back so he could go and unwind at the cinema after she had accounted for what was needed for running their home and feeding/ clothing their 6 kids
It ought not to be about money, it ought to be about love.

I agree with everything you say here, but you are talking about couples who are already married, while I was not.

A married couple do well to be in full agreement about how the bills get paid and how the housework and childcare get done. Your experience is traditional and very honourable; I trust that you did what you could to keep household and personal expenses within his income. When I was married, we both worked and all the income was shared... until about three years before the split. She stopped working regularly and started spending her time on volunteer projects while telling me to "get a better job" so that "we" could afford expensive toys. By the way, I did most of the housework too.

My earlier post was written with a dating situation in mind, period. I know many single women who earn more than I do; it is ludicrous to think that, were we dating, I should be expected to pay for everything, though I'd be happy to pay some of the time. As you say... start as you mean to go on. I would not mean to go on being the slave mule while she uses her rather significant income freely on her own interests.

By the way, the husband earning an income to support his wife and family while she keeps house and nurtures children is biblically sound, but has nothing at all to do with "romance" or "chivalry".

 

[Lanolin]

I think if its the lady who suggests the date then the man is a real gentleman if he does offer to pay for them both, and she would be rude ro refuse. But dont always assume.

I also think if the man does this he is a keeper. Also it shows he will be a good provider. It might not be he literally pays for the meal or transport but offers to drive or brings food.

I recall going with someone who kept asking me to his zumba class. The first time he asked me he picked me up and paid, but the other times it was like oh its $4. If he couldnt offer to pay a measly $4 then I thought well I dont really need to go with him I can just go on my own if I really wanted to go to the class.

Dinner and movies can be a bit contetious because I know how expensive that can be you are looking at least $30 to do that each, so a man must be rather serious if hes willing to spend that much. The only thing is many men (maybe not christians) just assume that buys a night in bed with the lady.

 

[Mikhal]

I think if its the lady who suggests the date then the man is a real gentleman if he does offer to pay for them both, and she would be rude ro refuse. But dont always assume.

I also think if the man does this he is a keeper. Also it shows he will be a good provider. It might not be he literally pays for the meal or transport but offers to drive or brings food.

I recall going with someone who kept asking me to his zumba class. The first time he asked me he picked me up and paid, but the other times it was like oh its $4. If he couldnt offer to pay a measly $4 then I thought well I dont really need to go with him I can just go on my own if I really wanted to go to the class.

Dinner and movies can be a bit contetious because I know how expensive that can be you are looking at least $30 to do that each, so a man must be rather serious if hes willing to spend that much. The only thing is many men (maybe not christians) just assume that buys a night in bed with the lady.

He made you pay $4? ... Im so sorry, im not trying to be rude, but that is HORRIBLE

 

[tourist]

Most people aren't homeless....so in winter you can go to each other's place and watch a movie and make popcorn. Finding ways to be with the one you want to be with isn't hard. Just takes a little imagination and planning. It doesn't take a lot of money either....

I'm thinking movie night at home with popcorn snuggled next to my honey. What's dat winter you talkin' bout? It's hard to imagine. Money? Oh yeah, that be comin' sooner rather than later.

"'Cause I don't care too - much for money,
Money can't buy me love".

 

[Miri]

If it helps I don’t drink, so I would be a cheap date!

 

[Dino246]

I'd appreciate some feedback from the ladies, especially if you disagree with my perspective.

If you go on a date (or a few) with a man whom you are assessing as a potential marriage partner, and you assess on the basis of him acting like a gentleman (which includes paying the bill), and you consider this perfectly acceptable behaviour on your part, please answer these questions:

What do YOU bring to the table?
What about you would you think it appropriate for HIM to assess?
How would YOU demonstrate the strengths or traits that you want him to find attractive?

 

[Butterflyyy]

I'd appreciate some feedback from the ladies, especially if you disagree with my perspective.

If you go on a date (or a few) with a man whom you are assessing as a potential marriage partner, and you assess on the basis of him acting like a gentleman (which includes paying the bill), and you consider this perfectly acceptable behaviour on your part, please answer these questions:

What do YOU bring to the table?
What about you would you think it appropriate for HIM to assess?
How would YOU demonstrate the strengths or traits that you want him to find attractive?

I would bring me.... and Jesus
I would hope he sees the Light shining from me without him having to purposely assess anything about me...
And I would feel ingenuine if I were trying to demonstrate any strengths or traits that he would find attractive... I guess I would hope that he saw honesty, genuineness and kindness... sincerity... Christ's character in me...
Hope it helps

 

[Pipp]

Lol I work... I dont mind paying for him from time to time

 

[Lanolin]

He made you pay $4? ... Im so sorry, im not trying to be rude, but that is HORRIBLE

I didnt bring any spare change and had actually lost my eftpos card so he offered to pay. But im wondering what he would have done if I hadnt that excuse.

He later asked me out to dinner and movie but I didnt fancy paying for my own meal so I politely demurred on that one. Im not sure which movie or place to have dinner he had in mind, but if it was mcdonalds and a horror movie I dont think I would have been keen.

 

[Mikhal]

I cant even imagine the shock you must have felt when he told you it was $4...
Sounds like McDonalds might have been a bit High End for this Guy, lol.