I've been figuring out alot of things with God, and sometimes all I need to do is just talk to him about things. However, to talk things out with him it requires focus, so sometimes in talking and focusing solely on him, the world seems to fade, and in this way i feel distant from others. I know talking to God a bunch for help is good, but I talk to him so much in anxiety, I worry compared to others i must look like a freak. So much people talk to other people, and God being the person I'm calmest with, I talk with him. But because he's invisible, I worry if i look lonely to others, and if something is wrong with me for not doing as they do not having that much friends. I feel like I'm not good enough because i have to constantly cling onto God for help, and i'm not even good at clinging to him, because I get distracted and lost. Because of this distraction i can't even get myself to do easy homework like I should do, due to me not heading straight for God.
I feel like every friend I try to get close to abandons me.
I'm not actually "alone" but it's hard to not feel like it when everyone may see me that way.
Who cares what others think? I'm an introvert. I'm alone a lot, or spend time with a very limited number of people. It never crosses my mind how others might perceive it. And i've always been that way, even as a teen. I didn't care then, either. I've never had many friends. Most people don't care about such things. There's not a bunch of people watching you to count how many friends you have, what you're doing or not doing, etc... In fact few people will ever pay much attention at all. You're exaggerating something very small and making it into something very big in your own mind.
Besides, most people are more messed up than they show. It's not likely you'll look like a freak to with as many or more issues than you have. And any that might think that are likely the type of people you shouldn't be concerned about anyways.
People do, and will continue to leave. That's life. I'm in my 40s and can only think of 3 people i've known more than 5 years. And two of them i rarely hear from, so i barely count them to begin with. I've had a lot of people leave me, as well, over the years. Don't expect people to be long term. Some may, most won't. Learning to accept that will help.
Lastly, when viewing yourself, realize that this is one part of your entire life. Many things about yourself will change over the years. You may feel isolated and needing to isolate now. That may not be the case in 5 years. Or 5 months even, who knows. So whatever your situation is now, it won't always be that way, so don't view yourself and your life as always being like it is now.
But i will encourage you to be proactive and work towards growing. As a teen i had a lot of problems as well, and always counted on the idea that things would get better as an adult. They didn't. Because i didn't do anything to make it better. So don't wait for something to happen, do something about it.
