May-December relationships

[Lanolin]

What is your view or experience on these? Are they good or bad, or indifferent? Does it matter if theres disparity between ages between men and women? Or do you find it a bit creepy.

What about the practical said are you ready to act as someines caregiver if they are much older or younger than you. Or do you think things ought to be equal, and thats in ages as well. Most people as they go through school socialise and form relationships in their peer groups which usually wont be much more than five years difference.

Anything more than that its more like a power and control thing do you think. A teacher student relationship works because its just that, but in a marriage theres things like retirement issues to think about in longterm. What about your own parents relationship did has it been an issue?

 

[tourist]

What is your view or experience on these? Are they good or bad, or indifferent? Does it matter if theres disparity between ages between men and women? Or do you find it a bit creepy.

What about the practical said are you ready to act as someines caregiver if they are much older or younger than you. Or do you think things ought to be equal, and thats in ages as well. Most people as they go through school socialise and form relationships in their peer groups which usually wont be much more than five years difference.

Anything more than that its more like a power and control thing do you think. A teacher student relationship works because its just that, but in a marriage theres things like retirement issues to think about in longterm. What about your own parents relationship did has it been an issue?

Besides maintaining full-time employment, also to include doing all of the shopping, laundry and housekeeping, I was a caregiver to my late second wife for the entire 11 year 2 month marriage. I knew going into the marriage that the woman I was going to marry was in serious health decline. God asked me to count the costs before deciding because once I said yes, there was no going back. I considered it a good work that my heavenly father prepared for me to accomplish, through His grace, beforehand. It was not a May - Dec romance as we were both the same age. She died at 59 years old. The costs was well worth the price of admission and I had no regrets.

 

[IFOLLOWHIM]

Bless you @tourist !

 

[Deade]

What is your view or experience on these? Are they good or bad, or indifferent? Does it matter if theres disparity between ages between men and women? Or do you find it a bit creepy.

What about the practical said are you ready to act as someines caregiver if they are much older or younger than you. Or do you think things ought to be equal, and thats in ages as well. Most people as they go through school socialise and form relationships in their peer groups which usually wont be much more than five years difference.

Anything more than that its more like a power and control thing do you think. A teacher student relationship works because its just that, but in a marriage theres things like retirement issues to think about in longterm. What about your own parents relationship did has it been an issue?

I am directly affected by this issue. My father died from kidney failure in 1945, six months before I was born. He was in his early sixties, my mother was 28. He had raised another family before starting ours. He had three grown children that will have nothing to do with us. I don't even know why. Obviously some falling out.

My point is that there was little chance he would be around to raise the four children he had with my mother. What were they thinking? My mother lost two of my siblings due to accidental death and has had a hard time raising the two remaining and five cousins dumped on us. Some us are are own worst enemies.

 

[Lanolin]

I am directly affected by this issue. My father died from kidney failure in 1945, six months before I was born. He was in his early sixties, my mother was 28. He had raised another family before starting ours. He had three grown children that will have nothing to do with us. I don't even know why. Obviously some falling out.

My point is that there was little chance he would be around to raise the four children he had with my mother. What were they thinking? My mother lost two of my siblings due to accidental death and has had a hard time raising the two remaining and five cousins dumped on us. Some us are are own worst enemies.

Aw sorry to hear that. Yes some parents with young children you might mistake them for grandparents. I have wondered how some families work with second marriages.

Also it does seem men will latch on to much younger women for their second marriage, if the first didnt work out. They dont need to be widowed either. As a woman whos been asked out by much older men, who might even have offspring nearly my age I am going wha...why are you even asking me I could be like your daughter?!

 

[ArtsieSteph]

I think it depends on what God has intended. I mean He has people like some 80 years apart in the OT. That being said I know that if a person is indeed to have such a gap that they should be convinced and made a decision about it.

 

[Lanolin]

I think it depends on what God has intended. I mean He has people like some 80 years apart in the OT. That being said I know that if a person is indeed to have such a gap that they should be convinced and made a decision about it.

Who was that I wonder...are you sure that was intended?? But then they lived much longer in those early days.

 

[Deade]

Who was that I wonder...are you sure that was intended?? But then they lived much longer in those early days.

I even fostered at risk PTSD boys in my early sixties. I figured I had at least another 10 years left to me. But I made sure they were old enough to stay until adulthood if they worked out. I had two at different times, neither worked out long term (school problems). I would not do that today, at 73.

 

[JesusLives]

I had a friend who married a man 25 years older than she was. I believe they were married 36 years and then he passed away. While it wouldn't have worked for me they seemed to be a good match. She is in her 60's now he's been gone about 5 years. This is the only relationship like this I have been around and I loved them both. She misses him terribly so I think when the relationships are good ones that the one left is lonely.

She remarried about two years ago I have never met this man but believe he is closer to her age. We live in two different states now and most communication is through FaceBook.

I would not want to do that as I want to be able to have same memories and not decades apart. Like shared types of music, things that go on in the current events etc.... not one talking about horse and buggy's and the other talking cars... then there is that left alone thing sooner than it should be like my friends.

 

[ArtsieSteph]

Who was that I wonder...are you sure that was intended?? But then they lived much longer in those early days.

Oh I don’t know. I’m assuming God intended it at that time, since people lived like 200-400 years. Now probably not so much.

 

[Lanolin]

Yea the shared memories thing. You cant have much shared memories if you grew up like 10 or 20 or so years apart. Theres a generation gap right there. You want to stay with the person as long as you are able I reckon, not be left widowed or out of the loop cos that person is behind you or way ahead of you in maturity.

 

[tourist]

I had a friend who married a man 25 years older than she was. I believe they were married 36 years and then he passed away. While it wouldn't have worked for me they seemed to be a good match. She is in her 60's now he's been gone about 5 years. This is the only relationship like this I have been around and I loved them both. She misses him terribly so I think when the relationships are good ones that the one left is lonely.

She remarried about two years ago I have never met this man but believe he is closer to her age. We live in two different states now and most communication is through FaceBook.

I would not want to do that as I want to be able to have same memories and not decades apart. Like shared types of music, things that go on in the current events etc.... not one talking about horse and buggy's and the other talking cars... then there is that left alone thing sooner than it should be like my friends.

Since we are only 17 days apart in age we don't have a May - Dec relationship. What we have is an November relationship. You are older than I am so I must conclude that it is the younger guys that gets your motor humming. Personally, I am into older women but that's just me.

 

[ArtsieSteph]

I think often times too, these relationships often get harsh judgement from people who don’t know them. If the couple aren’t Christian I can’t attest if they are correct or not in their assumption, but I still feel like even in Christian circles there are judgements that aren’t necessarily fair.

If it’s an older man, often times there are assumptions that he is somehow lecherous or perverted that he wanted a “young hot wife.” If there is a VERY large difference, often time the wife is judged as a gold digger who wanted the man for his money and is just waiting for him to die. With an older woman the judgements don’t tend to be as harsh on her part, other than being referred to as “a cougar.” Most of the time the judgement is more leveled on the young man, who is thought to have just been willing to use his charm to ensnare a wealthy old widow.

I think that truly is my only sadness at these kind of relationships: that the world automatically gives them some sort of brand right away.

 

[Lanolin]

The christian couples that I know that are about 20 years apart in age (older man, younger wife) are lovely, but they still have their difficulties because he is aging and she is still young, he is retiring and shes still got years of working life ahead of her. And because they also had their own business, that makes the burden to keep working fall on her. He also was previously in a marriage or relationship so has a grown up daughter while she hasnt any children of her own. They have fostered a few though.

The other couples that i knew with a big age difference separated. One married an older man who was as old as her dad. The other also married the same and separated and now has died. He laso had grown children from a previous marriage. Both regretted their marriages and dont really like to talk about them. I think they found it wonderful the first few years but as time went on the age gap really showed up. Both had children with their exes.

When I talked with the man who married the younger wife (the christian couple) he said being with her made him feel young. I dont pre-judge them but his wife has said to me privately her fears about what she is going to do when hes retired and she actually wants to keep working. I also knew another couple but closer in age where the husband decided to retire and the wife was not ready, but she acrually did quit her job and was very unhappy. So she took it up again. But now they are both retired they go travelling a lot, although she doesnt really want to travel as much as he does. Its because shes a christian and hes not where the inequality shows up.

 

[Lanolin]

I think I would like a may-may relationship as my birthday is actually in may. Lol

Having your birthday in december is just hard going with the christmas rush and everything.

I dont know why the phrase picks on us May babies though. Why dont they call it June-december or January-December...?!

 

[CozHElivesIcanface2morrow]

Yea the shared memories thing. You cant have much shared memories if you grew up like 10 or 20 or so years apart. Theres a generation gap right there. You want to stay with the person as long as you are able I reckon, not be left widowed or out of the loop cos that person is behind you or way ahead of you in maturity.

You can make new memories together... 😂

What is your view or experience on these? Are they good or bad, or indifferent? Does it matter if theres disparity between ages between men and women? Or do you find it a bit creepy.

In my opinion It’s the connection that you have with the other person that is important more than the age difference.

Don't mind the people raising their eyebrows because when the sun goes down it is not between you and them but it is between you and your love and the Lord. The opinion and approvals of other people don't matter as long as God approves the relationship 😊

As the song says;
🎶 Nobody wanna see us together
But it don't matter, no 🎶

What about the practical said are you ready to act as someines caregiver if they are much older or younger than you.

Yes 😊 Because if you love someone all that matters to you is the other person's well-being how the other person feels, the other person's happiness and needs Taking care of him/her for you is a great joy and a great privilege 😊 but it is quite a sad thing for me to see my love in pain,sick or unable to move same feeling I'll feel if the situation is reverse. But I am ready for the toughest and roughest times with God's help 😇

 

[17Bees]

You can make new memories together... 😂




In my opinion It’s the connection that you have with the other person that is important more than the age difference.

Don't mind the people raising their eyebrows because when the sun goes down it is not between you and them but it is between you and your love and the Lord. The opinion and approvals of other people don't matter as long as God approves the relationship 😊

As the song says;
🎶 Nobody wanna see us together
But it don't matter, no 🎶



Yes 😊 Because if you love someone all that matters to you is the other person's well-being how the other person feels, the other person's happiness and needs Taking care of him/her for you is a great joy and a great privilege 😊 but it is quite a sad thing for me to see my love in pain,sick or unable to move same feeling I'll feel if the situation is reverse. But I am ready for the toughest and roughest times with God's help 😇

I'm no detective, but with all the emoticons floating around and the encouraging words and the one of a kind brilliant smile (that kinda takes my breath away), this has to be SMD! I'm glad you're here!

 

[Lanolin]

Thats true, I wouldnt want to hang round anyone whos always be looking back into the past all the time. Even if they were the same ages as me. History is only relevant if its HIStory.

The thing with being a christian is you DO have a shared history if the other person is because you both have the Bible. You both have a testimony. You have both been saved, you have that in common. I cant imagine going out with an unbeliever past the third date when you find out they dont even know who Jesus is and never heard of Him.

I think thats what makes some may-december relationships work that would have never worked if one of them didnt know Him.

 

[JesusLives]

I think I would like a may-may relationship as my birthday is actually in may. Lol

Having your birthday in december is just hard going with the christmas rush and everything.

I dont know why the phrase picks on us May babies though. Why dont they call it June-december or January-December...?!

shift key not always working so random capitals my apologies...

may/December relationships probably because may is closer but representing younger part of the year being closer to the first of the year showing a little bit of age without being the first month and December being at the end representing the older/oldest in the group....or last in the group of months...

being a 23rd of December child I know all about the bad luck of a December birth - combination gifts of birthday and Christmas and then feeling guilty if I get a birthday gift as an adult I know it's hard to come up with extra funds being put out to make me feel special... and don't get me started on Christmas tree or santa birthday cakes.... probably the reason why I always asked for a pineapple upside down cake as it usually would just be a regular cake and not chistmasy….

 

[Lanolin]

May is not so bad its just sometimes my birthday happens to fall on mothers day, which is kind of annoying because im technically not a mother. Then people say to me Im a mothers day gift to my mother. Lol

So I dont know how that works out on your birthday if you are your own gift.