First, I hope you both stick around. That said I'll tell you a story. I use to be in traveling ministry in a family group. We had a pastor and wife friends that we stopped in to stay with a couple days on our way to the US. They had a set of twins, one with a bad heart and the eldest, all boys under 5yrs old. Hard enough to have twin babies, but the little one being sick made it harder on the wife especially. She was a nurse across the border, he of course was busy as pastor of a good size church. Their house was a mess, I mean mess!! It looked like a bomb went off. Sticky dirty floors,clothes everywhere, everywhere was a mess. She kept apologizing for everything.
So one day when they were out myself,my mother and my sister went to work. We went through her entire house. We cleaned, we vacuumed, dusted, washed the floor, did the laundry and folded it. The house was sparkling when they both came home from work. They didn't know what to say, she was choking back tears, they were stunned to silence. When she could finally speak she thanked us and hugged us each telling us we'd never know what it meant to her. We didn't know something so small would make such an impact. It was like we had given her a million dollars.
So the moral of the story is this. You admit your wife is a wonderful woman, but also a very busy woman. It fact it seems you both are. This is what I would say, where you see a mess, help your wife out and clean it. Don't point it out to her, that is not much to clean up, help her joyfully. And to your wife, teach your children to help in clean up (maybe you have already) but don't try to do it all yourself. You need their help. Yes, hubby was a bit bone headed to send you that text, but as my hubby says " I'm a man and from time to time I will do stupid things,cause I'm a man. Forgive me." lol Be good to each other and patient, you seem to have a big load on your shoulders. And God bless you for adopting children and giving them a Godly,loving home.