Wedding woe

[melita916]

I'm reading this thread and it takes me back to my wedding. I still consider myself a newlywed (3 yrs in April). Planning a wedding is already stressful, and what comes to mind is me stressing out about not meeting peoples expectations for the wedding we had. "will they like the food? are they gonna say bad things about the decorations? will they say our wedding looked cheap?" ETC ETC ETC...

I had to remind myself the goal of that day is for us to become husband and wife and to celebrate. neither one of us had our siblings as part of the court, but they were all present sitting in the front row with our families, and they were all happy

now of course, our families are different. this is how we wanted it, and no one was hurt.

this is just my opinion. no one needs to agree or disagree lol!

 

[kaylagrl]

On the first point about changing your opinion; you are entitled to it. Its of no consequence to me.

As to how I enforce rule number two; it's quite simple actually and I have a story that exemplifies.
A couple of weeks ago I traveled out of state with three purposes in mind, my wife had her own purposes. Mine were to see my daughter, to see my dad, and to have a conversation with the pastor.
On Sunday evening when I was had planned to see the pastor, I invited a friend of mine to come and join us, as there would be other fellows from the church there as well. My friend's wife tried to manipulate the situation so that I would be at their house rather than the pastor's house. She spent extra money on food and tried to get us to stay through dinner, but this was the time that I had scheduled to spend at the pastor's house. I had agreed to pick up her husband and he could ride with me. so when I showed up and they had this spread of food out and my buddy said let's eat before we go.
I told him to pack up his dinner and take it with him he could eat it in my truck. His wife looked at me in her upset way, I asked her are you upset? To which she said yes. I told her, these have been my plans since I came here. I hugged her kissed her on the forehead told her that I love her, and then told her husband if you're going; come with me, and we left.

Yeah I was just stating my opinion was the same, not that you were trying to change it. But as to your story I certainly wish I could do that with my family. But if I tried there would be melt downs all around and misery for weeks. smh

A story so you can see what I mean. My sister brings her boys up to visit a few times a year. We get together with my parents, her and her two boys, me and my husband. She seems content to let the boys sit in front of the tv playing video games and fighting over who's turn it is to play. But to me, it's time to get outside, make some memories and spend one on one time with the boys. My mother agrees.

We have a local old time village, well known around here, with lots of place to walk and have fun. Once we got there my sister and my father were ready to leave after 10 mins. We had to take two cars to fit everyone. My oldest nephew was skipping rocks in the river with my mother. To me it was a bonding time. So my husband quietly said to me that my sister and father were waiting in the car to leave. I told him I didn't care and we went on. I was taking pictures of the boys and my mother, just recording the memories. But behind my back my sister said that the boys were bored, that they didn't like getting their picture taken and there was nothing to do. She's a health nut and is obsessed with staying skinny as a rail. Her intentions were to go running. So my husband who usually stays out of my family issues spoke up and said " There's all kinds of property here, if you want to run, no one is stopping you. No one wants to come up with ideas of places to go but then you criticize your sister when she comes up with something. If you have a better idea of a place to go, let's hear it. " He said she didn't answer him and that was the end of it. Funny thing is, we walked up around the corner near a barn and there were baby ducks in a pen. My oldest nephew asked me to take a picture of him petting them. That kind of thing happens all the time with my family and they raise cane over it almost every time we get together. So I wish I had the stones to handle things the way you did in your story. But I'd never hear the end of it if I did.

 

[kaylagrl]

I'm reading this thread and it takes me back to my wedding. I still consider myself a newlywed (3 yrs in April). Planning a wedding is already stressful, and what comes to mind is me stressing out about not meeting peoples expectations for the wedding we had. "will they like the food? are they gonna say bad things about the decorations? will they say our wedding looked cheap?" ETC ETC ETC...

I had to remind myself the goal of that day is for us to become husband and wife and to celebrate. neither one of us had our siblings as part of the court, but they were all present sitting in the front row with our families, and they were all happy

now of course, our families are different. this is how we wanted it, and no one was hurt.

this is just my opinion. no one needs to agree or disagree lol!

Ugh, I feel ya! Weddings are stressful. Luckily I have a friend that runs a restaurant so I was good to go there. I don't have much family where I live so no issue there either. And my décor was Dollar Tree crafting rofl. Well some of the ideas were. I'm not a big spender and if I can find a corner to cut I will. Funny thing is, everyone talked about how beautiful the décor was. Humm,maybe I should become a wedding decorator, not! lol

 

[Locoponydirtman]

Yeah I was just stating my opinion was the same, not that you were trying to change it. But as to your story I certainly wish I could do that with my family. But if I tried there would be melt downs all around and misery for weeks. smh

A story so you can see what I mean. My sister brings her boys up to visit a few times a year. We get together with my parents, her and her two boys, me and my husband. She seems content to let the boys sit in front of the tv playing video games and fighting over who's turn it is to play. But to me, it's time to get outside, make some memories and spend one on one time with the boys. My mother agrees.

We have a local old time village, well known around here, with lots of place to walk and have fun. Once we got there my sister and my father were ready to leave after 10 mins. We had to take two cars to fit everyone. My oldest nephew was skipping rocks in the river with my mother. To me it was a bonding time. So my husband quietly said to me that my sister and father were waiting in the car to leave. I told him I didn't care and we went on. I was taking pictures of the boys and my mother, just recording the memories. But behind my back my sister said that the boys were bored, that they didn't like getting their picture taken and there was nothing to do. She's a health nut and is obsessed with staying skinny as a rail. Her intentions were to go running. So my husband who usually stays out of my family issues spoke up and said " There's all kinds of property here, if you want to run, no one is stopping you. No one wants to come up with ideas of places to go but then you criticize your sister when she comes up with something. If you have a better idea of a place to go, let's hear it. " He said she didn't answer him and that was the end of it. Funny thing is, we walked up around the corner near a barn and there were baby ducks in a pen. My oldest nephew asked me to take a picture of him petting them. That kind of thing happens all the time with my family and they raise cane over it almost every time we get together. So I wish I had the stones to handle things the way you did in your story. But I'd never hear the end of it if I did.

If you dont mind I'll tell you how I would handle that scenario.
I would simply tell my sister that I enjoy her visits and want the children to have a real family experience, but they will not sit on the couch and fuss about video games. We go play at the river or farm or what ever. When you come you are welcome to sit around with Dad, go running, or what ever (use nice words) I am going to take the kiddos to play and have fun with Mom.
Then when she comes, take the kiddos to play.
I don't concern myself with the dramatics of people and if they lie to me I say shut up that's a lie, you will not lie in my presence. If they persist I make them leave my presence.
I don't argue either, if you want to argue you can leave.

 

[kaylagrl]

If you dont mind I'll tell you how I would handle that scenario.
I would simply tell my sister that I enjoy her visits and want the children to have a real family experience, but they will not sit on the couch and fuss about video games. We go play at the river or farm or what ever. When you come you are welcome to sit around with Dad, go running, or what ever (use nice words) I am going to take the kiddos to play and have fun with Mom.
Then when she comes, take the kiddos to play.
I don't concern myself with the dramatics of people and if they lie to me I say shut up that's a lie, you will not lie in my presence. If they persist I make them leave my presence.
I don't argue either, if you want to argue you can leave.

I need you to come speak to my family. rofl I have pretty much had to bring it down to that. Here's what we're doing, you can come or stay. The kids always want to come along. But then the issue becomes if they come along they try to manipulate how long we stay and what we do. Father and sister stick together and mother is afraid to choose because they make her suffer if she goes along with any ideas I have. As I say, they bring forth no ideas and complain when I come up with something. It doesn't happen every time but more often than not. I love my family, I just wish they would stop the drama and enjoy making some memories. I'm not going to sit and watch kids fighting over a video game, they do that all week at home. When they come to visit their grandparents and family that is what they are here to do. TV and phones go off. Never once have the boys complained. We took them up into the mountains this summer and had a bbq outside in a local park. My oldest nephew,while eating his burger said "this food is 1000 times better than any restaurant". That makes it worth it all to me. Thanks for your advice, I appreciate it.