Solo parenting a complexed teenage Son

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Katwhe2

Katwhe2

Member
#1
Aug 24, 2019
61
38
18
#1
Hi. I'm a solo mum to 2 sons- 12&16, and sort of struggling to understand my 16year old, at the moment. There are many layers of complexities that have happened in my sons life. 1.. his Dad isnt around or reliable, 2.. he doesnt want to be raised by a "woman" 3.. he wants to join his Dads gang.
I dont have support from my family, as.. due to loosing an important family members, my family on both sides have fallen apart.
At present I'm finding it hard to help my Son as hes become too aggressive and thinks it's ok to be like that. I miss my Son alot and would like to help him but he finds fault in everything and anything I try to support him with and it's getting hard. Any advice on how to help a teen make would be great please.
 
Z

zaoman32

New member
#2
Aug 31, 2019
3
4
1
#2
I think it would be wise to seek out professional counseling or therapy for him. Teenage years are notoriously difficult because the child is really starting to come to terms with how things are in the world. I think a contributing issue to your sons behavior is his dads actions. He's got a lot going on psychology that you personally just may not be able to deal with at all. You may think you can fix everything, but that may very well not be a possibility. Get someone to help who can confront these issues.
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#3
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
113
#3
Pray!

Do that before you even get to therapy or counselling. You cant make him go anyway. Dont think your prayers arent effective, get the church to pray too.

Is he in school? Does he go to any youth groups? Does he so any sports or got any challenges to look forward to, could he go to a summer camp? Does he have any good friends?

I know the modern thing is oh lets go have therapy and counselling, but talking about stuff often doesnt resolve anything and just means more time and money spent in a room with a counseler. i know because in my difficult teenage years thats what people thought was needed. Well it wasnt. Teenagers are often confused and they are growing up and there is nobody to show them the way.

Well we do have someone and his name starts with J.
 
Katwhe2

Katwhe2

Member
#4
Aug 24, 2019
61
38
18
#4
zaoman32 said:
I think it would be wise to seek out professional counseling or therapy for him. Teenage years are notoriously difficult because the child is really starting to come to terms with how things are in the world. I think a contributing issue to your sons behavior is his dads actions. He's got a lot going on psychology that you personally just may not be able to deal with at all. You may think you can fix everything, but that may very well not be a possibility. Get someone to help who can confront these issues.
Click to expand...
Thank you for your advice, I greatly appreciate your sharing of wisdom... Hes had therapy and other programmes, when he was 10-12. It helped him then but as he started to realise he was the only boy, with a Mum attending everything, while all of the other boys had their Dads.. he started missing his Dad more. That's about when things for my Son started spiraling. He wont attend any counseling, sports or school or any activities good for his age group. I've tried, along side with added support from outside agencies but.. as I've learnt from the family courts.. I cant force or compel my son to attend anything he doesnt want to, as here in Nz children are protected from this.. even if its court directed.
 
Katwhe2

Katwhe2

Member
#5
Aug 24, 2019
61
38
18
#5
Lanolin said:
Pray!

Do that before you even get to therapy or counselling. You cant make him go anyway. Dont think your prayers arent effective, get the church to pray too.

Is he in school? Does he go to any youth groups? Does he so any sports or got any challenges to look forward to, could he go to a summer camp? Does he have any good friends?

I know the modern thing is oh lets go have therapy and counselling, but talking about stuff often doesnt resolve anything and just means more time and money spent in a room with a counseler. i know because in my difficult teenage years thats what people thought was needed. Well it wasnt. Teenagers are often confused and they are growing up and there is nobody to show them the way.

Well we do have someone and his name starts with J.
Click to expand...
Praise the Lord!! For you Lanolin! Thank you for sharing your beautiful wisdom and likeness of experience. This is exactly the stage of where my Son is at. It's hard watching my beautiful boy go through so much.. God bless you!! you are 100% right, stronger Faith and Prayer is the answer.. I will press harder into Christs solution and step out of the flesh angst and worries and sit in the Lords peace. God is our only solution :) I will continue to pray for my Son, please add my Son to your prayers. God Bless and Thank you!!
 
1christian1

1christian1

Banned
#6
Sep 13, 2018
2,587
885
113
#6
zaoman32 said:
I think it would be wise to seek out professional counseling or therapy for him. Teenage years are notoriously difficult because the child is really starting to come to terms with how things are in the world. I think a contributing issue to your sons behavior is his dads actions. He's got a lot going on psychology that you personally just may not be able to deal with at all. You may think you can fix everything, but that may very well not be a possibility. Get someone to help who can confront these issues.
Click to expand...

Katwhe2 said:
Thank you for your advice, I greatly appreciate your sharing of wisdom... Hes had therapy and other programmes, when he was 10-12. It helped him then but as he started to realise he was the only boy, with a Mum attending everything, while all of the other boys had their Dads.. he started missing his Dad more. That's about when things for my Son started spiraling. He wont attend any counseling, sports or school or any activities good for his age group. I've tried, along side with added support from outside agencies but.. as I've learnt from the family courts.. I cant force or compel my son to attend anything he doesnt want to, as here in Nz children are protected from this.. even if its court directed.
Click to expand...

That is truly amazing that the fathers are the majority at events. here in the U.S. I am the only Father that attends my Daughters events, I have had to fight for 2 years for her, when she was 5. now she is 14. I have raised her Catholic. God is the answer. You have come here for a reason...
 
Katwhe2

Katwhe2

Member
#7
Aug 24, 2019
61
38
18
#7
1christian1 said:
That is truly amazing that the fathers are the majority at events. here in the U.S. I am the only Father that attends my Daughters events, I have had to fight for 2 years for her, when she was 5. now she is 14. I have raised her Catholic. God is the answer. You have come here for a reason...
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GOD bless your wisdom and strength!! Thank you so much for sharing your journey, espicially from a solo Dads experience! You are absolutely amazing!! And a righteous role model for your daughter! God is definately the ABSOLUTE answer ❤
 
1christian1

1christian1

Banned
#8
Sep 13, 2018
2,587
885
113
#8
Katwhe2 said:
GOD bless your wisdom and strength!! Thank you so much for sharing your journey, espicially from a solo Dads experience! You are absolutely amazing!! And a righteous role model for your daughter! God is definately the ABSOLUTE answer ❤
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Keep the faith Kat...
 
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