Horrors of Dating

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ArtsieSteph

ArtsieSteph

Senior Member
#21
Apr 1, 2014
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#21
It could have to do with a regional sensibility too. I know that people in certain areas think it’s nicer (or maybe even just easier) to just back off and not continue the conversation.

Personally I find it much more respectful to just tell me if they have no interest. Then we can part ways with a handshake and go on.
 
laughingheart

laughingheart

Senior Member
#22
Sep 21, 2016
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#22
There is no easy answer. No matter what you do it can be awkward. A few years ago I went on a dating site. My profile resembled that of a medieval nun lol. I had a policy, that is someone took the time to write an actual message, I would reply (this excluded one word messages or bits of brilliance like "Hey babe"). One fellow who wrote had a lot of photos of him on his bicycle and he talked a lot about his passion for cycling. That was wonderful but it was not an interest of mine. I wrote him back thanking him for the message and said I didn't think we were a match. He said his perfect date was going for a glass of wine and I don't drink etc. I thought I was polite and wished him well. In response he was livid. Who did I think I was to judge if we would work. I didn't know anything and probably wasn't worth his time, etc. etc. Let's just say I ended up blocking him. If I hadn't responded, some would have said I was rude. There was no winning with that one. A male friend told me that any responses from me were an invitation to engage and that I was naive to think that my need to be polite would be seen as such. The good news is that my very short experience with online dating gave me a lot of material for comedy writing and even a stand up monologue. :) The bottom line is that if a woman quits engaging in conversation it is her way of exiting, and leaving you free to meet someone better suited for you.
 
AfterForever

AfterForever

Member
#23
Aug 11, 2019
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#23
I hate dating. I know it's strong words, but I have a strong dislike for the discomfort it causes people, and the results.
Never had much luck at it...been married twice, seen how our world works and in my own mind, if a man doesn't take the way of the devil in life, he's not going to be successful in dating. Height doesn't help (5'6"), that cuts most out right there. After all, who wants to introduce their short date to their friends/family? Shameful...

But I am a believer, and I've decided to pursue the hobbies my exes wouldn't let me do. Always had to be "their" thing.
I have two car projects, a motorcycle, and I play guitar. And I may soon learn to play drums as well...basically I'm doing all the things I've wanted to do that I couldn't, due to sacrificing my hobbies for my Mate's hobbies and their friends. Sorry about how this sounds, but it's the truth. I used to be a nice guy, but now I am Me. For better or worse. I'm a good guy, however our world places no respect for that anymore. So my best friend is Jesus. I can count on Him.
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#24
Dec 15, 2018
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#24
I reckon just let people be themselves. Dont try to change them cos the object of dating isnt to try and change the other person. If you dont have anything in common whats the point? You got to have one thing in common at least!

If not then You dont have to keep responding it just prolongs an awkward conversation. So its better just not to engage IMHO.

Its rather idiotic to try and stop a man from enjoying his hobbies just as it is for a man to chain a woman to the house like chattel for the rest of her life. Ive observed some men treat women worse than animals, red flags would be gushing over how cute women are initially and then realising uh oh they not just a pretty face shes got brains and a mind of her own!
 
AfterForever

AfterForever

Member
#25
Aug 11, 2019
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Indiana
#25
Yes I've observed many men treat their women like chattel over the years, and it's surprising how acceptable it is. Certain types of men can pull that off and succeed.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#26
Aug 13, 2014
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#26
So laughingheart... Do you happen to have a link to a video of that stand up monologue?
 
TabinRivCA

TabinRivCA

Well-known member
#27
Oct 23, 2018
13,052
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#27
AfterForever said:
Yes I've observed many men treat their women like chattel over the years, and it's surprising how acceptable it is. Certain types of men can pull that off and succeed.
Click to expand...
During my 2 marriages, both in Heaven now, they were afraid to lay a hand on me. They knew I had a trigger finger and would call the police at the drop of a hat. Problem solved.
To the OP 'quitters never win' and 'winners never quit'. You can't go into a relationship with a negative or fearful attitude showing. Like was said before, go in expecting to have a good time. If something clicks it has to go both ways and if not, don't give up.
This one Christian comic male says he was getting older, losing his hair etc and couldn't find the wife for him. He of course did keep praying and finally God had his wife. She was a very rich friend or sister of a friend from the ME and they are very happy. God bless.
 
AfterForever

AfterForever

Member
#28
Aug 11, 2019
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Indiana
#28
TabinRivCA said:
During my 2 marriages, both in Heaven now, they were afraid to lay a hand on me. They knew I had a trigger finger and would call the police at the drop of a hat. Problem solved.
To the OP 'quitters never win' and 'winners never quit'. You can't go into a relationship with a negative or fearful attitude showing. Like was said before, go in expecting to have a good time. If something clicks it has to go both ways and if not, don't give up.
This one Christian comic male says he was getting older, losing his hair etc and couldn't find the wife for him. He of course did keep praying and finally God had his wife. She was a very rich friend or sister of a friend from the ME and they are very happy. God bless.
Click to expand...
You're right....Thanks :)
 
laughingheart

laughingheart

Senior Member
#30
Sep 21, 2016
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#30
Lynx said:
So laughingheart... Do you happen to have a link to a video of that stand up monologue?
Click to expand...
LOL I do, but I am working on something better right now. I was in an acting class and had been working on some writing. I asked my teacher to look it over and see what she thought. The next thing I know she announces that I'm going to be performing it, the next week, at our end of season performance. I did my best to get out of it but the next week, in front of 70 people (which was huge for me) I performed. It was scary for a lot of reasons. If I failed I failed as a writer and an actress. Unlike monologues, where people know to clap when the person on stage stops talking, in comedy, if you are not funny at the beginning, there are no laughs at the end and no applause. Somehow I made it through and since then have written a couple more, and prefer that people just read them or maybe one day, someone else will perform them. I'm a lot funnier when I'm not the one trying to be funny. :)
 
laughingheart

laughingheart

Senior Member
#31
Sep 21, 2016
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#31
One of the funniest moments for me, with trying to meet someone online, was this.
Me: "So you say you are a Christian."
Them: "Yes I am"
Me: " So which church do you attend?"
Them:" The blue one."
pause
Me:"What type of church is it?"
Them: "Oh, I don't like to judge."

See folks, you can't even make up stuff this good. I smile and shake my head every time I think of it. Life is hilarious.
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#32
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
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#32
One thing in common ok lets find some things that are common to both men and women....just to make it easier for conversation starters

We breathe the same air
We live on the same planet
We are humans
When we are hungry, our tummies make growling noises
The weather is affecting us, and when it rains, we can get wet.

....anything else?
 
Subhumanoidal

Subhumanoidal

Well-known member
#33
Sep 17, 2018
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#33
LittleMermaid said:
Sometimes guys keep talking and talking to you. You try to be nice and tell them they're a good friend and you love them like a brother but they still want to talk all the time. So in those cases, I have ghosted before.
Click to expand...
Nothing in here suggests you came out and plainly and clearly stated that you had no interest in them romantically and that you asked them to please refrain from further pursuing a romantic relationship. It rather suggests you tried to drop hints, and when the hints weren't picked up you disregarded them.
If you said things plainly and clearly, then yes, it was right to disappear on them if they weren't respecting that. But if you didn't say things so clearly, then what that means is you poorly communicated then punished them for what you failed to do properly. Communication isn't hoping they get it, communication is making it clear enough that you don't have to wonder if they get it or not.
Hints and being subtle may work fine between women, but if you're dealing with men and aren't direct and clear, then it falls on you, not them.
 
Subhumanoidal

Subhumanoidal

Well-known member
#34
Sep 17, 2018
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#34
laughingheart said:
One of the funniest moments for me, with trying to meet someone online, was this.
Me: "So you say you are a Christian."
Them: "Yes I am"
Me: " So which church do you attend?"
Them:" The blue one."
pause
Me:"What type of church is it?"
Them: "Oh, I don't like to judge."

See folks, you can't even make up stuff this good. I smile and shake my head every time I think of it. Life is hilarious.
Click to expand...
That may be the best story i've heard on CC in a long time haha.
 
L

LittleMermaid

Guest
#36
#36
Subhumanoidal said:
Nothing in here suggests you came out and plainly and clearly stated that you had no interest in them romantically and that you asked them to please refrain from further pursuing a romantic relationship. It rather suggests you tried to drop hints, and when the hints weren't picked up you disregarded them.
If you said things plainly and clearly, then yes, it was right to disappear on them if they weren't respecting that. But if you didn't say things so clearly, then what that means is you poorly communicated then punished them for what you failed to do properly. Communication isn't hoping they get it, communication is making it clear enough that you don't have to wonder if they get it or not.
Hints and being subtle may work fine between women, but if you're dealing with men and aren't direct and clear, then it falls on you, not them.
Click to expand...
Honestly, I don’t really care. I’m just glad they are not bothering me anymore. :giggle:
 
Dino246

Dino246

Senior Member
#37
Jun 30, 2015
25,366
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#37
Lanolin said:
One thing in common ok lets find some things that are common to both men and women....just to make it easier for conversation starters

We breathe the same air
We live on the same planet
We are humans
When we are hungry, our tummies make growling noises
The weather is affecting us, and when it rains, we can get wet.

....anything else?
Click to expand...
For men and women, attraction is as effective as fear at disconnecting the higher brain functions.
 
ArtsieSteph

ArtsieSteph

Senior Member
#38
Apr 1, 2014
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Arizona
#38
Dino246 said:
For men and women, attraction is as effective as fear at disconnecting the higher brain functions.
Click to expand...
True. I have seen so many people like psychically drop their mouths in shock when they see a very attractive person. FYI though boys please don't stare for a long period of time if you can help it even if she is pretty. It comes off as startling to the person receiving said glances.
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#39
Dec 15, 2018
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#39
Dont be 'nice'. Be rude and say

You talk too much! When are you going to shut up and let me think? I like peace and quiet. Leave me alone ok?
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#40
Dec 15, 2018
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#40
They'll then back off once they know you can get mad.

Women can get mad too you know it aint pretty. Youare far better off being ghosted than deal with a womans anger.
 
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