Shocking parents

[Lanolin]

Was reading this book, Have a new kid by Friday. By Dr Kevin Leman. Am not a parent, I work in schools but just thought I would read this book.
I started the first chapter when I came across this sentence...

Parents today are great excuse makers, and they tend to put themselves in blame positions - I couldnt get her homework done because I had a business dinner" -- rather than call a spade a spade. "'My daughter didnt get her homework done because she was too lazy to do it' They spend more time warning and reminding than they do training. Page 27

Firstly, what parents does the childs homework for them?! I am assuming homework here means work from school to be done at home, not household chores.

Secondly, the other excuse, is blaming as well. A child might not do something not because the are lazy, they just dont know how! I.e bad instructions.

Children tend to take things on face value. If you make things too complicated for them they wont do it. Its too much effort for little reward.

Anyway, just wondering what your take on this is...if you are a parent. Do you do a childs homework for them? Thats weird. Why would you need to do their homework? Besides, its on the teacher to assign homework, not the parent.

Or maybe its an american thing...as this book is an american book. Americans also tend to always call children 'kids' which I find strange too but, a kid if treated like a kid, will act like a kid. No surprises there. As for warning and reminding, yes Ive noticed that happens when children arent trained properly on how to do things. It takes time, not two seconds of telling someone. You need to show them.

I feel like an amateur psycholgists and could write a book cos Im wondering if some parents just dont have common sense.

 

[Subhumanoidal]

Look at American culture in the present. Our 'college adults' need safe spaces where there is no risk of being offended by an opposing view and believes America needs to become Socialist and get free handouts. "Participation trophies", ie, a trophy for losing. Does that sound like a generation with common sense?
Perhaps the example set forth about homework was not intended to be literal, but merely to make a point?
But there has always been an issue parents making excuses for their kids, that's nothing new. But each generation takes it further than the previous.
And your argument about 'they just don't understand the homework' is a bit of a sidetrack from the point being that a parent makes an excuse for a child not even trying. You're trying to turn what's meant to get a point across into a real world situation, rather than picking up on what the intended message is.
I mean we don't have a generation of young adults that feel entitled because they didn't understand the homework, it's because when it wasn't done because they were sitting online sexting, someone covered their butts for making no effort.

Americans calling them kids is irrelevant to anything here. It's just common terminology. Every culture has things that sound off to another. In England cigarettes are called fags, in the US a fag is a homosexual. Ultimately, though, those terms are hold no meaning to anything of relevance. Just like the term 'kid' holds no relevance.

The basics and concepts of raising children are pretty simple. It's the real world application of these simple ideas that makes it difficult.

The point about warning more than training is 100% valid. A parent that always warns and threatens, yet never follows through teaches that child that their words are meaningless, thus not to be taken seriously. And therefore can be ignored. And that mentality will permeate the entirety of their relationship.
The same notion applies to a parent that spends a lot of time warning before acting. If a child knows you will give 5 warnings before taking action, then they know they can ignore you 4 times without any repercussions. This will carry into the rest of their life, potentially creating procrastinating habits. And when, in the real world, they don't get 4 chances they will be left confused.
Whereas if a parent that says what's expected, then takes action if not obeyed, shows themselves as the authority and to be respected, and will also teach that child better habits into adulthood.
Naturally young children, or training new expectations would allow more grace.

Most parents do lack common sense. Parents are more prone to parent out of their moods, feelings, insecurities, ego, neediness, selfishness, addiction, etc... rather than even take the time learn to do things right. Because to do it right is a bigger inconvenience. At least at younger ages.
Provide a child with a foundation that has tons of love, security, support and encouragement. Follow that up with consistent, balanced, discipline. Do those two things with them as young as possible and you'll be off to a good start. But that's not a popular belief or understanding.

 

[Lanolin]

I thought about this, i didnt read any more of the book cos it seems to be written for a certain kind of american parent, who treats their child like a trophy. Look what I had A kid!

It just kind of nasueated me that a parent would do their homework for them. How they going to learn if the parent does it for them? And then they will teach them to LIE about it at school!

 

[Locoponydirtman]

We homeschooled ours so I guess that means all school work was homework. So no we didn't do it for them. We did our best to help them figure out how to work independently and solve problems on their own.

On a side note; I always felt that homework from school, teaches children to violate the sanctity of the home, and created generations of men and women who were unable to establish appropriate work life and home life boundaries. Which has significantly contributed to the decline of the family.

 

[blueluna5]

Was reading this book, Have a new kid by Friday. By Dr Kevin Leman. Am not a parent, I work in schools but just thought I would read this book.
I started the first chapter when I came across this sentence...

Parents today are great excuse makers, and they tend to put themselves in blame positions - I couldnt get her homework done because I had a business dinner" -- rather than call a spade a spade. "'My daughter didnt get her homework done because she was too lazy to do it' They spend more time warning and reminding than they do training. Page 27

Firstly, what parents does the childs homework for them?! I am assuming homework here means work from school to be done at home, not household chores.

Secondly, the other excuse, is blaming as well. A child might not do something not because the are lazy, they just dont know how! I.e bad instructions.

Children tend to take things on face value. If you make things too complicated for them they wont do it. Its too much effort for little reward.

Anyway, just wondering what your take on this is...if you are a parent. Do you do a childs homework for them? Thats weird. Why would you need to do their homework? Besides, its on the teacher to assign homework, not the parent.

Or maybe its an american thing...as this book is an american book. Americans also tend to always call children 'kids' which I find strange too but, a kid if treated like a kid, will act like a kid. No surprises there. As for warning and reminding, yes Ive noticed that happens when children arent trained properly on how to do things. It takes time, not two seconds of telling someone. You need to show them.

I feel like an amateur psycholgists and could write a book cos Im wondering if some parents just dont have common sense.

As a parent and a teacher I actually hate homework. I don't believe it's normal for a child or human in general to sit 8 hours a day and then sit and do more.

That being said if I have to give homework as a teacher I give 1 or 2 problems which allows me to know if the child understands it. I already know this typically from class but it's homework...

My son will have to do his homework when he gets it, as it's typically part of the grade. If it's busy work (80% of the work) I have no problem taking half to get it over with.

I'd rather him spend time reading for enjoyment, playing an instrument, focusing on God, and even just enjoying his life...

Kids are not little adults. Even adults need to have balance or they get burned out.

As a parent I'm not going to tell my kid I think homework is ridiculous, as I want him to be respectful. Though it's statistically proven homework doesn't help. A child has a reading topic, then a different math topic, then focuses on history, then something else for science. The brain is not able to make pathways bc nothing is linked as a way to remember it. The short term memory works for the test and then it's gone..

 

[Lanolin]

So you make up an excuse for your child? And do it for him? Um How is that respectful.

Why dont you practise what you preach isnt that being a hypocrite.
Most schools children arent actually sitting down for 8 hours, at primary schools they arent, there always sports and movement. Children up to age 10 usually arent give. Homework, its only from ages 13 and over and by then they are not actually children but young adults.

If its busy work then why are YOU doing it. Lol. Why not talk to the teacher and be honest and say, my child not doing homework hes either too smart or his brain is too full he doesnt need to do it. Dont lie and do it for him.

I find teachers who are parents probably the worst because they arent teaching their own children, so they think they know better about the subject. Children do learn if they do something over and over, thats what a lot of learning is.

Also if you hate homework why are you even doing it when its not even for you. I guess if your child goes to one one those schools that divides up topics by class and each topic is unrelated to anything else. If thats the case then why did you send the child to that school why not homeschool. If you a teScher yourself why did you not teach you own child. Just seems silly to me.

If he doesnt do it then he doesnt do it and the teacher will learn not to give him homework cos it wont get done. Some children actually thrive on homework because they can learn in their own time without soomeone else hovering over them. Its their chance to be creative. But depends on what kind of homework it is i suppose. If its pointless homework then its pointless, but even then its not for the parent to do unless its like 'read out loud to your parent' the point being, the child needs to read so to the parent can listen. Or spell out some words. There is actually a point to that.

I cannot remember ever having my parent ever do homework for me, if they did I would have thought they were nuts or slightly overbearing, or maybe insecure! Just cos my dad could add things up in his head quicker than me didnt mean Id give him my maths homework to do. If a student needs to do assesments outside of class time then how is it honest if the parents does these assessments for them? How can they even learn if someone else is doing all their work. Thats just plain cheating.

 

[Magenta]

Children up to age 10 usually arent give. Homework, its only from ages 13 and over and by then they are not actually children but young adults.

Things must have changed a lot since I was in elementary school, because I had homework long before the age of thirteen.

I guess if your child goes to one one those schools that divides up topics by class and each topic is unrelated to anything else. If thats the case then why did you send the child to that school why not homeschool. If you a teScher yourself why did you not teach you own child. Just seems silly to me.

Why is it silly to seek a profession and career that will help finance the home? Somebody has to bring home the bacon, as it were. Isn't that one of the purposes of obtaining an education in the first place? Being a teacher who desires to share their gift and/or passion of teaching with as many students as possible does not seem silly at all to me.

 

[love_comes_softly]

Some parents make endless excuses for their children, not all. This is a huge problem in our society and goes beyond just this homework topic.

Homework, whether it's it's a good thing or not, is given in the elementary schools AND many parents do the homework for them. I've always wondered if it's more of a pride issue with the parents.

 

[Lanolin]

Its ok to ask for help, but parents shouldnt be doing homework for their children.

I was online homework help for school children at libraries and no way would I DO their homework for them, I was there to help them FIND answers, not answer for them. Otherwise how would they even learn?

If its just pride. Thats terrible. I mean there are abusive parents that beat their children up, at one extreme, and Im not as shocked about that cos violence is kinda all around and people drink amd take drugs or are just not around .... as I was about these parents who do their childs homework. Are they like helicopeter parents or what? Do they not want their child to think for themselves?

 

[blueluna5]

So you make up an excuse for your child? And do it for him? Um How is that respectful.

Why dont you practise what you preach isnt that being a hypocrite.
Most schools children arent actually sitting down for 8 hours, at primary schools they arent, there always sports and movement. Children up to age 10 usually arent give. Homework, its only from ages 13 and over and by then they are not actually children but young adults.

If its busy work then why are YOU doing it. Lol. Why not talk to the teacher and be honest and say, my child not doing homework hes either too smart or his brain is too full he doesnt need to do it. Dont lie and do it for him.

I find teachers who are parents probably the worst because they arent teaching their own children, so they think they know better about the subject. Children do learn if they do something over and over, thats what a lot of learning is.

Also if you hate homework why are you even doing it when its not even for you. I guess if your child goes to one one those schools that divides up topics by class and each topic is unrelated to anything else. If thats the case then why did you send the child to that school why not homeschool. If you a teScher yourself why did you not teach you own child. Just seems silly to me.

If he doesnt do it then he doesnt do it and the teacher will learn not to give him homework cos it wont get done. Some children actually thrive on homework because they can learn in their own time without soomeone else hovering over them. Its their chance to be creative. But depends on what kind of homework it is i suppose. If its pointless homework then its pointless, but even then its not for the parent to do unless its like 'read out loud to your parent' the point being, the child needs to read so to the parent can listen. Or spell out some words. There is actually a point to that.

I cannot remember ever having my parent ever do homework for me, if they did I would have thought they were nuts or slightly overbearing, or maybe insecure! Just cos my dad could add things up in his head quicker than me didnt mean Id give him my maths homework to do. If a student needs to do assesments outside of class time then how is it honest if the parents does these assessments for them? How can they even learn if someone else is doing all their work. Thats just plain cheating.

Oh no cheating....on homework. What do you think Google is? Lol

You are confusing homework with studying. Studying is fine but I'm not wasting everyone's time by him working on a word search or other mundane tasks. Especially when we could actually be doing something for his life.

My husband and I teach our son to think out of the box. We are both entrepreneurs with a side business. We teach him skills to be a creator and inventor where schools typically fail.

My parents were not involved in my education growing up. It was fine, but I learned how to get out of the things I hated with school on my own as kids do. I sat in front of a chalkboard the whole day and read a textbook at night for homework. often I would skip the chalkboard and just read the textbook while the teacher "taught" us. I was also tutoring for academics and violin, babysitting, and working at fast food. I hated school at that point in high school.

I will definitely pull my kid out of brick and mortar school by high school. My best friend graduated at 16 bc she was home schooled. Kids can even get college credit during high school. Like I said thinking outside the box and teaching kids to take control of their life. Working smarter but not harder.

That's great that you think a teacher is the worst parent. Not quite sure what to say to that. Lol

 

[Lanolin]

Oh no cheating....on homework. What do you think Google is? Lol

You are confusing homework with studying. Studying is fine but I'm not wasting everyone's time by him working on a word search or other mundane tasks. Especially when we could actually be doing something for his life.

My husband and I teach our son to think out of the box. We are both entrepreneurs with a side business. We teach him skills to be a creator and inventor where schools typically fail.

My parents were not involved in my education growing up. It was fine, but I learned how to get out of the things I hated with school on my own as kids do. I sat in front of a chalkboard the whole day and read a textbook at night for homework. often I would skip the chalkboard and just read the textbook while the teacher "taught" us. I was also tutoring for academics and violin, babysitting, and working at fast food. I hated school at that point in high school.

I will definitely pull my kid out of brick and mortar school by high school. My best friend graduated at 16 bc she was home schooled. Kids can even get college credit during high school. Like I said thinking outside the box and teaching kids to take control of their life. Working smarter but not harder.

That's great that you think a teacher is the worst parent. Not quite sure what to say to that. Lol

Why did you bother sending your children to school then?
Also schools are way differnt today from when you were going.

 

[love_comes_softly]

Are they like helicopeter parents or what? Do they not want their child to think for themselves?

There are many reasons why a parent would do their child's homework. Some parents don't know how to help their child and they think, by doing it for them, they are helping. Some parents want it done a certain way. Other parents don't want to look bad because they can't get their child to do it. I think in all these examples, the parents are doing it out of love in their own way. I don't think they know what kind of issues it creates.

I will admit, my mom helped me plenty on homework assignments when I was younger. She did it out of love.

 

[Lanolin]

Using Google is researching.
Uh word search, why would a teacher assign a words search for homework, thats a bit basic, but if its an activitiy that helps with vocabulary then the child can easily do it.

 

[Lanolin]

There are many reasons why a parent would do their child's homework. Some parents don't know how to help their child and they think, by doing it for them, they are helping. Some parents want it done a certain way. Other parents don't want to look bad because they can't get their child to do it. I think in all these examples, the parents are doing it out of love in their own way. I don't think they know what kind of issues it creates.

I will admit, my mom helped me plenty on homework assignments when I was younger. She did it out of love.

Helping is fine, but not doing it for them. I would draw the line there.

 

[blueluna5]

Why did you bother sending your children to school then?
Also schools are way differnt today from when you were going.

I find value in it at the elementary level. That doesn't mean I agree with everything.

I know what schools are like today. They are FAR from perfect. I wouldn't say they are better either.

 

[Lanolin]

I didnt like high school either I dont know if they have changed much, totally different from primary.

But exams were done away with in my last year. Also some teachers want to pass all students, even if they dont do the work themselves. There are pros and cons of exams vs internal assessments. But then I suppose its up to teachers, problem is with some highschools you have five differnt teachers cos each subject has its own teacher. Wherars primary its generally just one teacher per class.

I think the parents need to get on board with the school they send their child to, otherwise whats the point at being at odds with them. The school isnt meant to be the daycare/baby sitter. If there is no trust there then your child is caught in between and they just going to get mixed messages, things like its ok to cheat and lie to get ahead. Well no.

 

[Lanolin]

In some ways I think boarding school might be a better option for students for a well rounded education. That way, theres no line between school work and homework. And no confusion over whos teaching and looking after you. Some people think it can be cruel, but some boarding schools offer a nurturing home envrionment and way better opporuntities than what you might have at home. Comes with a price thougn

 

[Lanolin]

I was at school today, each term every child gets given a book club newsletter to buy new books. I asked one of the teachers how many orders do you get does anyone actually buy any books.
He say well maybe about 5. Out of the whole school of 400 students.

Why because parents just dont want to spend any money on childrens books. So even if a child would like a book, their parents wont buy them any. Even if they win a reading challenge it seems parents wont reward them.

Im kinda glad my dad bought readers digest books. Even though we never won the sweepstakes, at least we had books in the house.

 

[Mii]

I was at school today, each term every child gets given a book club newsletter to buy new books. I asked one of the teachers how many orders do you get does anyone actually buy any books.
He say well maybe about 5. Out of the whole school of 400 students.

Why because parents just dont want to spend any money on childrens books. So even if a child would like a book, their parents wont buy them any. Even if they win a reading challenge it seems parents wont reward them.

Im kinda glad my dad bought readers digest books. Even though we never won the sweepstakes, at least we had books in the house.

Yeah but what is a library for? Free books! I did appreciate the accelerated reader program at school (which is like a point based system where you take tests that see how much you remember). I actually felt pretty guilty because at the time this guy convinced me to take a few A.R tests for him so he could win for the class and I did but I basically cheated my legitimate friend out of getting first place and he did it honestly. 0/10 would not do again. A dusty memory of the past for ya




In regards to the OP though...this is an interesting topic. A refreshing break from all the stuff in BDF. I was in regular secular school and I eventually ended up not doing my homework for some classes because it was 10% of my grade and I was fine with a B. Projects I kind of had to do unfortunately. I would even shoot for getting an A without doing "hardly" any homework...I may have done things I could do on the way to school, at lunch of something but typically not. I was blessed with excellent recall and most things were a breeze.

I would advocate for a complete overhaul of the education system at this point...sure you have the oddballs like me that still remember cloud formations from earth science but I presume that most of that is lost generally speaking.

It's a tough thing to speak to honestly, because I don't have children. I loathed school. Something I could probably write a book on. There were things I appreciated and I had a handful of good teachers including college I could probably count 7 with some that had their moments.

I was out sick with mono for like 40 days toward the end of one semester in high school and I crammed and passed every test in history in a few days and the teacher simply told me in his office "you are the reason why I know our education system needs work". 40 days in 3...I'll take it

As I'm writing this I feel like I'm sounding a bit pretentious. I had classes I failed too. Algebra 2 I just didn't get and couldn't understand its importance. I was an ace at math once I figured it out up until algebra 2 somehow...it frustrated me that I legitimately had to do every piece of homework and agonize over it in order to have any idea on what to do and I just didn't have the discipline

I eventually had some issues with credits not transferring and got my GED at 17 and went to college with my SAT scores.


I just don't think standardizing education was ever the right move. People are very different and their learning styles are all different.

I am interested in teaching though...Pedagogy would be a unique career.



Oh as an aside. I saw this thread a while ago and just felt too far removed from it but I heard something on the radio about the exact same thing "doing a child's homework for them" and it he boiled it down to spending time with your family and that was all that really mattered. It caused it to regain relevance somehow lol. I'll think about it some more. Tis a good topic for parents/parents to be. Ty

 

[Lanolin]

People tend to remember the last thing they are told and then forget the first. Thats why cramming works because its fresh in your mind.
And if its in big letters.
I found it interesting that as people age, everything has to be dumbed down again.

Reading Jesus going about teaching the disciples is often an exercise in frustration because the disciples, who hadnt yet received the holy spirit, were very slow to catch on. They couldnt grasp the simplest things cos they were always thinking of the natural or carnal, and not the supernatural or spiritual.

Well Jesus wasnt going to let them go they had to do their homework as it were cos he wasnt always going to be with them. They had to practise, they had to follow his instructions and recieve the holy spirit they couldnt just wait for him to come back in the flesh. And so it is with us.