When to let go-when to hold on?

[Choosejoy]

If your kids are old enough to have memories of his behavior it may be worth it to get them a little counseling, if possible.
Both to help cope with their dad leaving as well as an outside influence speaking against his behavior.

Great advice! So important! They are in counselling and its helped! Its a long road but counselling is a super import step! Thanks for advising that! ❤️

 

[Subhumanoidal]

Great advice! So important! They are in counselling and its helped! Its a long road but counselling is a super import step! Thanks for advising that! ❤️

Great to hear. So few ever consider that need for their kids. Or some just aren't able. No doubt it's a struggle but it sounds like you're doing well for yourself. Perhaps better than you realize.

 

[Choosejoy]

Great to hear. So few ever consider that need for their kids. Or some just aren't able. No doubt it's a struggle but it sounds like you're doing well for yourself. Perhaps better than you realize.

Yeah I have seen that a lot and its heart breaking!! Theres still a lot of stereotypes atound counselling! Its a shame!

Perhaps! Thanks for saying that!!! Several people have said that lately actually! I need to let that soak in!

 

[blue_ladybug]

Have your kids talked about how they feel about this whole situation? It's good that they're in counseling. This is how abusers become abusive: as children, they see one parent abuse the other, and they learn and repeat that behavior as adults. With any luck, your kids won't develop their father's bad behavior.

 

[blue_ladybug]

By the way, how old are your kids?

 

[Choosejoy]

Have your kids talked about how they feel about this whole situation? It's good that they're in counseling. This is how abusers become abusive: as children, they see one parent abuse the other, and they learn and repeat that behavior as adults. With any luck, your kids won't develop their father's bad behavior.

I agree!! Yes they are talking thankfully and learning to talk more and more. They have learned/belived tobbe silent and that their feels and invalid. However they are learning to be open. The have always been anle to be open with me and little by little they shared less and less. We working on that now and they are free to be themselves and they will not be repeating anything like this! The bigger concern is more that they will accept this treatment from their relationships in the future because the have learned to tolerate unacceptable love. My daugter already began a super toxic relationship believing its okay. Was a very scary time for me trying to get her out of the relationship. Lots of prayers! Lots of healing to do!

 

[Choosejoy]

By the way, how old are your kids?

Teenagers

 

[Choosejoy]

An abusive man has already abandoned his family. If he has abandoned providing for his household he is worse than an unbeliever per 1 Timothy 5:8.
But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
1 TIMOTHY 5:8 NASB

This is a sin that is unto death, which does not mean he can't repent or be drawn back to repentance by the Lord, but that as Paul out it in his letter to Corinth. In 1 corithinans 5:5 Paul says to hand a man over to Satan for the destruction of his flesh, so that God can save his soul. I know this man isn't abusing his family in the same way, but he is having an affair with his fathers wife, which is a whole other can of worms. However I say this because your husband has abandoned his family in his abuses, and does not provide for them in his neglect. Now according to scripture he is worse than an unbeliever (worse than) according to scripture. Being engaged in behavior that categorically makes you worse than an unbeliever is likely what John means by sin unto death in this passage;
If anyone sees his brother committing a sin not leading to death, he shall ask and God will for him give life to those who commit sin not leading to death. There is a sin leading to death; I do not say that he should make request for this.
1 JOHN 5:16 NASB
Which I would say is comparatively similar to the situation in which Paul says put this man out so Satan can destroy his flesh; but this is not necessarily the end for this guy because Paul adds that God may save his soul. And indeed later you find in the second letter to the Corinthians, Paul says to accept the man back into the fellowship;
But if any has caused sorrow, he has caused sorrow not to me, but in some degree—in order not to say too much—to all of you. Sufficient for such a one is this punishment which was inflicted by the majority, so that on the contrary you should rather forgive and comfort him, otherwise such a one might be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. Wherefore I urge you to reaffirm your love for him. For to this end also I wrote, so that I might put you to the test, whether you are obedient in all things. But one whom you forgive anything, I forgive also; for indeed what I have forgiven, if I have forgiven anything, I did it for your sakes in the presence of Christ, so that no advantage would be taken of us by Satan, for we are not ignorant of his schemes.
2 CORINTHIANS 2:5‭-‬11 NASB

So with out the action taken in 1corinthians the reconciliation of 2 Corinthians isn't possible.

Ok to my point.
He is in the place of one who is worse than an infidel, and must be put out for a time until he repents. This is his only hope.
As for you, what you can do is pray that his sin is ever before him. That the holy spirit convict him day and night for his sins until he breaks under the load of his sin and convinces him of his need for Christ so that he repents. And for you that the spirit of the Lord be your strength and wisdom and comfort that will continually seek an intimate relationship with Christ.

I hope that I am clear and that it is helpful. If not I do apologise.

WOW WOW WOW! Thank you for taking thr time tonpost this I cant express in words how incredable this is!!! Thank you so much!!! I will be coming back to these words many times as I walk through grief and healing etc! Thabk you so so much!!!!

 

[StephanieMM]

I’m in a situation like you’re daughter. What you grew up with and learned to cope with appears normal, but we need to do more than cope through life.

 

[Choosejoy]

I’m in a situation like you’re daughter. What you grew up with and learned to cope with appears normal, but we need to do more than cope through life.

Thabkbyou for messaging! Im sorry you grew up that way also!! I totally agree we are meant to thrive and enjoyblifr not just get through! Are uou getting help?

 

[StephanieMM]

Yep. I’m in therapy now. It’s going to take some time though. One thing I learned is that our time is finite and we don’t have enough time to put into some people to see them change and see them get better. We have to use our time wisely, and personally getting healthy is a good use of that time while we’re here on earth. I believe you heard from God with that restoration you want with your family, but that may not be fine this side of heaven due to our limited nature here. Just keep focused on your healing and moving forward. If he “comes to himself” this side of heaven and it works out, good, but if not, as long as you keep moving forward, you’ll be doing your best and God will be pleased with that. You already have a miracle. To have been through what you have and still be filled with joy is miraculous! What’s your secret?

 

[Choosejoy]

Yep. I’m in therapy now. It’s going to take some time though. One thing I learned is that our time is finite and we don’t have enough time to put into some people to see them change and see them get better. We have to use our time wisely, and personally getting healthy is a good use of that time while we’re here on earth. I believe you heard from God with that restoration you want with your family, but that may not be fine this side of heaven due to our limited nature here. Just keep focused on your healing and moving forward. If he “comes to himself” this side of heaven and it works out, good, but if not, as long as you keep moving forward, you’ll be doing your best and God will be pleased with that. You already have a miracle. To have been through what you have and still be filled with joy is miraculous! What’s your secret?

Wow thank you for all your words so amazing!! That was so encouraging! Youre so right! Im glad yoo are in therapy! So key to healing! And so wise time is finite! We have a limited amount and needs ro be spent so secretly! ❤️ That is true what you say it is a miricle that I am where I am thats true! Pondering all you said thank you! Honestly God is my seceret...its HIS joy I feel Im doing nothing but seeking Him Relentlessly in each moment, and my dependance on him is everything. Its got me through hell and holds me p in this broken place we are in now. So its ALL HIM! The lower I feel the more I cry out. The louder I play His music. The more I pray. Quite litterally my life line.