Some problems with work. A coworker will yell at me randomly like screaming and won't let me speak and just screaming and yelling. Like I can't respond but it makes me so angry. Also people going off and messing around and stuff with married guys. My boss is contacting me when he shouldn't and stuff like looking at me. It's not terrible but I'm getting tired of all the problems all the time.
Problems
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Hello Umzza 
I was just talking to some friends here about similar work problems, with a particular younger woman who often flew off the handle when she felt put upon in any way but refused to listen to anybody else's side of things. In fact, a couple of times she stuck her fingers in her ears and chanted, "La la la, I can't hear you." when I tried to explain something to her, and then denied it ever happened. One thing is for sure: we are powerless over others, their behavior in how they treat us, and their attitudes in general. If it is at all possible, expressing your point of view in a calm manner may be helpful, but such people are often not open to hearing anything of the sort. One of my former long-time co-workers simply mocked me when she saw she had succeeded in upsetting me, and the same person defended another co-worker throwing a picture of my daughter in the garbage that was in a shared work space. I bet she would not have had the same attitude if I had thrown a picture of her son in the garbage, but then again, I would never do such a thing, nor defend another for doing it, either.
Does your workplace have anything like Human Resources, or is there a trusted person at work you could talk to about the inappropriate behavior of your boss? I know you have heard me mention the 12 step program to you before, and again encourage you to look into it. In step one we acknowledge our powerlessness and the unmanageability of our lives. There is all kinds of literature available online about such things, and writing may help you clarify and express how you would like to respond even if you have nobody at present to hear you out.
Have you visited Bob's thread for Christians in Recovery? You are welcome to post there at any time, or just read through some of the pages, as Bob has posted a plethora of information on various aspects of the program geared to all sorts of issues. Here is a link for it -> Click!
I was just talking to some friends here about similar work problems, with a particular younger woman who often flew off the handle when she felt put upon in any way but refused to listen to anybody else's side of things. In fact, a couple of times she stuck her fingers in her ears and chanted, "La la la, I can't hear you." when I tried to explain something to her, and then denied it ever happened. One thing is for sure: we are powerless over others, their behavior in how they treat us, and their attitudes in general. If it is at all possible, expressing your point of view in a calm manner may be helpful, but such people are often not open to hearing anything of the sort. One of my former long-time co-workers simply mocked me when she saw she had succeeded in upsetting me, and the same person defended another co-worker throwing a picture of my daughter in the garbage that was in a shared work space. I bet she would not have had the same attitude if I had thrown a picture of her son in the garbage, but then again, I would never do such a thing, nor defend another for doing it, either. Does your workplace have anything like Human Resources, or is there a trusted person at work you could talk to about the inappropriate behavior of your boss? I know you have heard me mention the 12 step program to you before, and again encourage you to look into it. In step one we acknowledge our powerlessness and the unmanageability of our lives. There is all kinds of literature available online about such things, and writing may help you clarify and express how you would like to respond even if you have nobody at present to hear you out.
Have you visited Bob's thread for Christians in Recovery? You are welcome to post there at any time, or just read through some of the pages, as Bob has posted a plethora of information on various aspects of the program geared to all sorts of issues. Here is a link for it -> Click!
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Hello Umzza I was just talking to some friends here about similar work problems, with a particular younger woman who often flew off the handle when she felt put upon in any way but refused to listen to anybody else's side of things. In fact, a couple of times she stuck her fingers in her ears and chanted, "La la la, I can't hear you." when I tried to explain something to her, and then denied it ever happened. One thing is for sure: we are powerless over others, their behavior in how they treat us, and their attitudes in general. If it is at all possible, expressing your point of view in a calm manner may be helpful, but such people are often not open to hearing anything of the sort. One of my former long-time co-workers simply mocked me when she saw she had succeeded in upsetting me, and the same person defended another co-worker throwing a picture of my daughter in the garbage that was in a shared work space. I bet she would not have had the same attitude if I had thrown a picture of her son in the garbage, but then again, I would never do such a thing, nor defend another for doing it, either.
Does your workplace have anything like Human Resources, or is there a trusted person at work you could talk to about the inappropriate behavior of your boss? I know you have heard me mention the 12 step program to you before, and again encourage you to look into it. In step one we acknowledge our powerlessness and the unmanageability of our lives. There is all kinds of literature available online about such things, and writing may help you clarify and express how you would like to respond even if you have nobody at present to hear you out.
Have you visited Bob's thread for Christians in Recovery? You are welcome to post there at any time, or just read through some of the pages, as Bob has posted a plethora of information on various aspects of the program geared to all sorts of issues. Here is a link for it -> Click!
I was just talking to some friends here about similar work problems, with a particular younger woman who often flew off the handle when she felt put upon in any way but refused to listen to anybody else's side of things. In fact, a couple of times she stuck her fingers in her ears and chanted, "La la la, I can't hear you." when I tried to explain something to her, and then denied it ever happened. One thing is for sure: we are powerless over others, their behavior in how they treat us, and their attitudes in general. If it is at all possible, expressing your point of view in a calm manner may be helpful, but such people are often not open to hearing anything of the sort. One of my former long-time co-workers simply mocked me when she saw she had succeeded in upsetting me, and the same person defended another co-worker throwing a picture of my daughter in the garbage that was in a shared work space. I bet she would not have had the same attitude if I had thrown a picture of her son in the garbage, but then again, I would never do such a thing, nor defend another for doing it, either. Does your workplace have anything like Human Resources, or is there a trusted person at work you could talk to about the inappropriate behavior of your boss? I know you have heard me mention the 12 step program to you before, and again encourage you to look into it. In step one we acknowledge our powerlessness and the unmanageability of our lives. There is all kinds of literature available online about such things, and writing may help you clarify and express how you would like to respond even if you have nobody at present to hear you out.
Have you visited Bob's thread for Christians in Recovery? You are welcome to post there at any time, or just read through some of the pages, as Bob has posted a plethora of information on various aspects of the program geared to all sorts of issues. Here is a link for it -> Click!
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S
I understand how hard to face people like your co-workers everyday they will drain your energy...maybe find another one...if you can never seem stay comfortable and happy at your present work. An environment like that will suck the life out of you...but also remember we also need to examine ourselves if it is them or it is us...if you did already, in my opinion i guess it is time to find a new job already...
Father,you know umzza's situation right now she is facing hard days in her workplace please help her to find peace at work and give her wisdom as she works alongside them,wisdom to learn to deal her situation in a more gentle and loving manner and Lord if this work is not the best place for her please give her a way out guide her next step and give her a work that can let her work harmoniously with her co-workers. Thank you Lord!in Jesus name Amen ❤
Father,you know umzza's situation right now she is facing hard days in her workplace please help her to find peace at work and give her wisdom as she works alongside them,wisdom to learn to deal her situation in a more gentle and loving manner and Lord if this work is not the best place for her please give her a way out guide her next step and give her a work that can let her work harmoniously with her co-workers. Thank you Lord!in Jesus name Amen ❤
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Hello Umzza, good morning I wonder what you mean to say, "nothing seemed to happen." What did you do? The program does not work by osmosis or magic. In fact, it takes great courage and WORK to face ourselves honestly and examine our own beliefs, behaviors, and attitudes. We begin by asking for help. You acknowledge that you need help but fear stepping outside of your comfort zone. That is understandable. I went to meetings sporadically over a period of YEARS before I found or was gifted with the willingness to stop using mind and mood altering substances as a way to help me cope with my inability to cope with life on life's terms. In the meantime, I listened, and at some point I became sick and tired of being sick and tired of all the hurt in my life, and saw my own patterns that repeatedly drew me into situations that were harming me. Did everything change right away? No! I entered into another learning phase, and more was revealed as I continued going to meetings, listening, working the steps, and becoming more present and capable of processing and understanding what was going on in me, and around me. I am still sometimes very uncomfortable when called upon to share, but I don't let that stop me.
What are your interests, Umzza? It is one thing to listen to others talk about things which interest them, but if you see it as "crap" you need not engage on that level. You can bond and laugh with people who discuss more substantial topics, people you have more in common with, people you would consider your tribe, and not people you believe talk crap when there are far more compelling issues worthy of your attention. If it is unavoidable at work, I would suggest stepping outside your comfort zone to make connections with people who do not talk crap all the time. If you cannot do this, how could you expect anything to change? If nothing changes, nothing changes.
I wonder what you mean to say, "nothing seemed to happen." What did you do? The program does not work by osmosis or magic. In fact, it takes great courage and WORK to face ourselves honestly and examine our own beliefs, behaviors, and attitudes. We begin by asking for help. You acknowledge that you need help but fear stepping outside of your comfort zone. That is understandable. I went to meetings sporadically over a period of YEARS before I found or was gifted with the willingness to stop using mind and mood altering substances as a way to help me cope with my inability to cope with life on life's terms. In the meantime, I listened, and at some point I became sick and tired of being sick and tired of all the hurt in my life, and saw my own patterns that repeatedly drew me into situations that were harming me. Did everything change right away? No! I entered into another learning phase, and more was revealed as I continued going to meetings, listening, working the steps, and becoming more present and capable of processing and understanding what was going on in me, and around me. I am still sometimes very uncomfortable when called upon to share, but I don't let that stop me. What are your interests, Umzza? It is one thing to listen to others talk about things which interest them, but if you see it as "crap" you need not engage on that level. You can bond and laugh with people who discuss more substantial topics, people you have more in common with, people you would consider your tribe, and not people you believe talk crap when there are far more compelling issues worthy of your attention. If it is unavoidable at work, I would suggest stepping outside your comfort zone to make connections with people who do not talk crap all the time. If you cannot do this, how could you expect anything to change? If nothing changes, nothing changes.
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Codependency is characterized by a person belonging to a dysfunctional, one-sided relationship where one person relies on the other for meeting nearly all of their emotional and self-esteem needs. It also describes a relationship that enables another person to maintain their irresponsible, addictive, or underachieving behavior.
The following is a list of symptoms of codependency and being in a codependent relationship.
You don’t need to have them all to qualify as codependent.
Low self-esteem.
Feeling that you’re not good enough or comparing yourself to others are signs of low self-esteem. The tricky thing about self-esteem is that some people think highly of themselves, but it’s only a disguise — they actually feel unlovable or inadequate. Underneath, usually hidden from consciousness, are feelings of shame. Guilt and perfectionism often go along with low self-esteem. If everything is perfect, you don’t feel bad about yourself.
People-pleasing.
It’s fine to want to please someone you care about, but codependents usually don’t think they have a choice. Saying “No” causes them anxiety. Some codependents have a hard time saying “No” to anyone. They go out of their way and sacrifice their own needs to accommodate other people.
Poor boundaries.
Boundaries are sort of an imaginary line between you and others. It divides up what’s yours and somebody else’s, and that applies not only to your body, money, and belongings, but also to your feelings, thoughts and needs. That’s especially where codependents get into trouble. They have blurry or weak boundaries. They feel responsible for other people’s feelings and problems or blame their own on someone else.
Some codependents have rigid boundaries. They are closed off and withdrawn, making it hard for other people to get close to them. Sometimes, people flip back and forth between having weak boundaries and having rigid ones.
Reactivity.
A consequence of poor boundaries is that you react to everyone’s thoughts and feelings. If someone says something you disagree with, you either believe it or become defensive. You absorb their words, because there’s no boundary. With a boundary, you’d realize it was just their opinion and not a reflection of you and not feel threatened by disagreements.
Caretaking.
Another effect of poor boundaries is that if someone else has a problem, you want to help them to the point that you give up yourself. It’s natural to feel empathy and sympathy for someone, but codependents start putting other people ahead of themselves. In fact, they need to help and might feel rejected if another person doesn’t want help. Moreover, they keep trying to help and fix the other person, even when that person clearly isn’t taking their advice.
Control.
Control helps codependents feel safe and secure. Everyone needs some control over events in their life. You wouldn’t want to live in constant uncertainty and chaos, but for codependents, control limits their ability to take risks and share their feelings. Sometimes they have an addiction that either helps them loosen up, like alcoholism, or helps them hold their feelings down, like workaholism, so that they don’t feel out of control. Codependents also need to control those close to them, because they need other people to behave in a certain way to feel okay. In fact, people-pleasing and care-taking can be used to control and manipulate people. Alternatively, codependents are bossy and tell you what you should or shouldn’t do. This is a violation of someone else’s boundary.
Dysfunctional communication.
Codependents have trouble when it comes to communicating their thoughts, feelings and needs. Of course, if you don’t know what you think, feel or need, this becomes a problem. Other times, you know, but you won’t own up to your truth. You’re afraid to be truthful, because you don’t want to upset someone else. Instead of saying, “I don’t like that,” you might pretend that it’s okay or tell someone what to do. Communication becomes dishonest and confusing when you try to manipulate the other person out of fear.
Obsessions.
Codependents have a tendency to spend their time thinking about other people or relationships. This is caused by their dependency and anxieties and fears. They can also become obsessed when they think they’ve made or might make a “mistake.” Sometimes you can lapse into fantasy about how you’d like things to be or about someone you love as a way to avoid the pain of the present. This is one way to stay in denial, discussed below, but it keeps you from living your life.
Dependency.
Codependents need other people to like them to feel okay about themselves. They’re afraid of being rejected or abandoned, even if they can function on their own. Others need always to be in a relationship, because they feel depressed or lonely when they’re by themselves for too long. This trait makes it hard for them to end a relationship, even when the relationship is painful or abusive. They end up feeling trapped.
Denial.
One of the problems people face in getting help for codependency is that they’re in denial about it, meaning that they don’t face their problem. Usually they think the problem is someone else or the situation. They either keep complaining or trying to fix the other person, or go from one relationship or job to another and never own up the fact that they have a problem. Codependents also deny their feelings and needs. Often, they don’t know what they’re feeling and are instead focused on what others are feeling. The same thing goes for their needs. They pay attention to other people’s needs and not their own. They might be in denial of their need for space and autonomy. Although some codependents seem needy, others act like they’re self-sufficient when it comes to needing help. They won’t reach out and have trouble receiving. They are in denial of their vulnerability and need for love and intimacy.
Problems with intimacy.
By this I’m not referring to sex, although sexual dysfunction often is a reflection of an intimacy problem. I’m talking about being open and close with someone in an intimate relationship. Because of the shame and weak boundaries, you might fear that you’ll be judged, rejected, or left. On the other hand, you may fear being smothered in a relationship and losing your autonomy. You might deny your need for closeness and feel that your partner wants too much of your time; your partner complains that you’re unavailable, but he or she is denying his or her need for separateness.
Painful emotions.
Codependency creates stress and leads to painful emotions. Shame and low self-esteem create anxiety and fear about being judged, rejected or abandoned; making mistakes; being a failure; feeling trapped by being close or being alone. The other symptoms lead to feelings of anger and resentment, depression, hopelessness, and despair. When the feelings are too much, you can feel numb. Source
The following is a list of symptoms of codependency and being in a codependent relationship.
You don’t need to have them all to qualify as codependent.
Low self-esteem.
Feeling that you’re not good enough or comparing yourself to others are signs of low self-esteem. The tricky thing about self-esteem is that some people think highly of themselves, but it’s only a disguise — they actually feel unlovable or inadequate. Underneath, usually hidden from consciousness, are feelings of shame. Guilt and perfectionism often go along with low self-esteem. If everything is perfect, you don’t feel bad about yourself.
People-pleasing.
It’s fine to want to please someone you care about, but codependents usually don’t think they have a choice. Saying “No” causes them anxiety. Some codependents have a hard time saying “No” to anyone. They go out of their way and sacrifice their own needs to accommodate other people.
Poor boundaries.
Boundaries are sort of an imaginary line between you and others. It divides up what’s yours and somebody else’s, and that applies not only to your body, money, and belongings, but also to your feelings, thoughts and needs. That’s especially where codependents get into trouble. They have blurry or weak boundaries. They feel responsible for other people’s feelings and problems or blame their own on someone else.
Some codependents have rigid boundaries. They are closed off and withdrawn, making it hard for other people to get close to them. Sometimes, people flip back and forth between having weak boundaries and having rigid ones.
Reactivity.
A consequence of poor boundaries is that you react to everyone’s thoughts and feelings. If someone says something you disagree with, you either believe it or become defensive. You absorb their words, because there’s no boundary. With a boundary, you’d realize it was just their opinion and not a reflection of you and not feel threatened by disagreements.
Caretaking.
Another effect of poor boundaries is that if someone else has a problem, you want to help them to the point that you give up yourself. It’s natural to feel empathy and sympathy for someone, but codependents start putting other people ahead of themselves. In fact, they need to help and might feel rejected if another person doesn’t want help. Moreover, they keep trying to help and fix the other person, even when that person clearly isn’t taking their advice.
Control.
Control helps codependents feel safe and secure. Everyone needs some control over events in their life. You wouldn’t want to live in constant uncertainty and chaos, but for codependents, control limits their ability to take risks and share their feelings. Sometimes they have an addiction that either helps them loosen up, like alcoholism, or helps them hold their feelings down, like workaholism, so that they don’t feel out of control. Codependents also need to control those close to them, because they need other people to behave in a certain way to feel okay. In fact, people-pleasing and care-taking can be used to control and manipulate people. Alternatively, codependents are bossy and tell you what you should or shouldn’t do. This is a violation of someone else’s boundary.
Dysfunctional communication.
Codependents have trouble when it comes to communicating their thoughts, feelings and needs. Of course, if you don’t know what you think, feel or need, this becomes a problem. Other times, you know, but you won’t own up to your truth. You’re afraid to be truthful, because you don’t want to upset someone else. Instead of saying, “I don’t like that,” you might pretend that it’s okay or tell someone what to do. Communication becomes dishonest and confusing when you try to manipulate the other person out of fear.
Obsessions.
Codependents have a tendency to spend their time thinking about other people or relationships. This is caused by their dependency and anxieties and fears. They can also become obsessed when they think they’ve made or might make a “mistake.” Sometimes you can lapse into fantasy about how you’d like things to be or about someone you love as a way to avoid the pain of the present. This is one way to stay in denial, discussed below, but it keeps you from living your life.
Dependency.
Codependents need other people to like them to feel okay about themselves. They’re afraid of being rejected or abandoned, even if they can function on their own. Others need always to be in a relationship, because they feel depressed or lonely when they’re by themselves for too long. This trait makes it hard for them to end a relationship, even when the relationship is painful or abusive. They end up feeling trapped.
Denial.
One of the problems people face in getting help for codependency is that they’re in denial about it, meaning that they don’t face their problem. Usually they think the problem is someone else or the situation. They either keep complaining or trying to fix the other person, or go from one relationship or job to another and never own up the fact that they have a problem. Codependents also deny their feelings and needs. Often, they don’t know what they’re feeling and are instead focused on what others are feeling. The same thing goes for their needs. They pay attention to other people’s needs and not their own. They might be in denial of their need for space and autonomy. Although some codependents seem needy, others act like they’re self-sufficient when it comes to needing help. They won’t reach out and have trouble receiving. They are in denial of their vulnerability and need for love and intimacy.
Problems with intimacy.
By this I’m not referring to sex, although sexual dysfunction often is a reflection of an intimacy problem. I’m talking about being open and close with someone in an intimate relationship. Because of the shame and weak boundaries, you might fear that you’ll be judged, rejected, or left. On the other hand, you may fear being smothered in a relationship and losing your autonomy. You might deny your need for closeness and feel that your partner wants too much of your time; your partner complains that you’re unavailable, but he or she is denying his or her need for separateness.
Painful emotions.
Codependency creates stress and leads to painful emotions. Shame and low self-esteem create anxiety and fear about being judged, rejected or abandoned; making mistakes; being a failure; feeling trapped by being close or being alone. The other symptoms lead to feelings of anger and resentment, depression, hopelessness, and despair. When the feelings are too much, you can feel numb. Source
Hello Umzza, good morning I wonder what you mean to say, "nothing seemed to happen." What did you do? The program does not work by osmosis or magic. In fact, it takes great courage and WORK to face ourselves honestly and examine our own beliefs, behaviors, and attitudes. We begin by asking for help. You acknowledge that you need help but fear stepping outside of your comfort zone. That is understandable. I went to meetings sporadically over a period of YEARS before I found or was gifted with the willingness to stop using mind and mood altering substances as a way to help me cope with my inability to cope with life on life's terms. In the meantime, I listened, and at some point I became sick and tired of being sick and tired of all the hurt in my life, and saw my own patterns that repeatedly drew me into situations that were harming me. Did everything change right away? No! I entered into another learning phase, and more was revealed as I continued going to meetings, listening, working the steps, and becoming more present and capable of processing and understanding what was going on in me, and around me. I am still sometimes very uncomfortable when called upon to share, but I don't let that stop me.
What are your interests, Umzza? It is one thing to listen to others talk about things which interest them, but if you see it as "crap" you need not engage on that level. You can bond and laugh with people who discuss more substantial topics, people you have more in common with, people you would consider your tribe, and not people you believe talk crap when there are far more compelling issues worthy of your attention. If it is unavoidable at work, I would suggest stepping outside your comfort zone to make connections with people who do not talk crap all the time. If you cannot do this, how could you expect anything to change? If nothing changes, nothing changes.
I wonder what you mean to say, "nothing seemed to happen." What did you do? The program does not work by osmosis or magic. In fact, it takes great courage and WORK to face ourselves honestly and examine our own beliefs, behaviors, and attitudes. We begin by asking for help. You acknowledge that you need help but fear stepping outside of your comfort zone. That is understandable. I went to meetings sporadically over a period of YEARS before I found or was gifted with the willingness to stop using mind and mood altering substances as a way to help me cope with my inability to cope with life on life's terms. In the meantime, I listened, and at some point I became sick and tired of being sick and tired of all the hurt in my life, and saw my own patterns that repeatedly drew me into situations that were harming me. Did everything change right away? No! I entered into another learning phase, and more was revealed as I continued going to meetings, listening, working the steps, and becoming more present and capable of processing and understanding what was going on in me, and around me. I am still sometimes very uncomfortable when called upon to share, but I don't let that stop me. What are your interests, Umzza? It is one thing to listen to others talk about things which interest them, but if you see it as "crap" you need not engage on that level. You can bond and laugh with people who discuss more substantial topics, people you have more in common with, people you would consider your tribe, and not people you believe talk crap when there are far more compelling issues worthy of your attention. If it is unavoidable at work, I would suggest stepping outside your comfort zone to make connections with people who do not talk crap all the time. If you cannot do this, how could you expect anything to change? If nothing changes, nothing changes.
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Lord bless umzza and this prayer, solve the problems at work. Let the coworker, understand and never scream at umzza. Bless umzza to repond well to coworker and boss. Lord change boss attitude towards umzza, let the boss be respectful and honour umzza and this prayer. Lord bless this prayer, and let you be glorified, in Jesus loving name, Amen!
Idk do you think I'm codependent? I feel like that's just normal how people are. Like people like people or look up to people and then feel bad when people don't like them. I was raised with not very much social contact so when I had social contact it was a big deal to me. It was like whoaaa a person and they're nice to me. I don't think I'm as bad now though. I used to want friends but I'm starting to hate people now though. I think about God sometimes like I was feeling sick and pain today and was glad because I didn't have to go to my job or anything. Like it has been like that when I feel a lot of pain i have a day off sometimes so I feel happy about that. Honestly I don't really think much I feel like. I just want to sleep and work and then rest.