So you finally found him/her! Now what?
- Thread starter Krumbeard
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Initially, I was thinking, SLOW things down considerably.
Pondering it a bit more, I'd ask why they are in debt. I couldn't really make any decision without knowing why they were in so much debt. What if it was necessary debt like medical expenses?
It certainly would make me more cautious.
Pondering it a bit more, I'd ask why they are in debt. I couldn't really make any decision without knowing why they were in so much debt. What if it was necessary debt like medical expenses?
It certainly would make me more cautious.
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Talk it out with him, hopefully the finding out wasn't something like he went to pay for the date with his credit card and it was declined, but I'd want to know how this debt happened, is it currently growing or shrinking, what are his current attitudes toward debt etc.
Ultimately if he's got a solid budget and plan to get the credit cards paid off, not too big of a deal, may turn any wedding planning into a super budget wedding but I could live with that (I think). But if he sees no problem with having tens of thousands of dollars in debt and doesn't believe in budgeting, living within his means, or trying to get out of debt, then yeah that's probably going to be a dealbreaker. I'm not going to be jointly financially responsible for anything with that guy.
Ultimately if he's got a solid budget and plan to get the credit cards paid off, not too big of a deal, may turn any wedding planning into a super budget wedding but I could live with that (I think). But if he sees no problem with having tens of thousands of dollars in debt and doesn't believe in budgeting, living within his means, or trying to get out of debt, then yeah that's probably going to be a dealbreaker. I'm not going to be jointly financially responsible for anything with that guy.
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I'd think I'd postpone the idea of marriage until I knew exactly why he was in debt.
I'd also wonder what else I might not know.
Then I'd proceed with caution.
I'd also wonder what else I might not know.
Then I'd proceed with caution.
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R
I guess as everyone has already said you would have to find out the reason for the debt. Was it something that could not be helped or does the person have a spending or gambling problem or maybe did not make wise business decisions. It would be a problem if the reason could have been prevented but maybe not so if it could not have been helped or prevented.
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If we have been dating several months and I don't know about several thousand dollars of credit card debt... something is wrong in our communication somewhere.
Do we assume in this hypothetical scenario that she has been hiding this from me? If so, why? Do we assume the topic has not come up yet? I'm big on discussing things, so if it hasn't come up yet I want to know how we missed the topic.
Do we assume in this hypothetical scenario that she has been hiding this from me? If so, why? Do we assume the topic has not come up yet? I'm big on discussing things, so if it hasn't come up yet I want to know how we missed the topic.
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M
Ps I think it’s irresponsible of someone to start a relationship off knowing they
have thousands and thousands of debt to deal with. They need to sort themselves
out first and not dump it onto someone else. At the very minimum sort out a
budget and repayment plan.
But then I also would not marry someone after 7 months. That’s barely enough time
to see the real person.
have thousands and thousands of debt to deal with. They need to sort themselves
out first and not dump it onto someone else. At the very minimum sort out a
budget and repayment plan.
But then I also would not marry someone after 7 months. That’s barely enough time
to see the real person.
M
PPS. I suspect I will never marry now I’ve just realised another requirement
to add to my long list....
Loves the Lord
Born again
Involved in a local church
Has a good reputation
Non smoker
Little or non drinker
Non gambler
Doesnt do porn
Doesn’t mind cooking, gardening and cleaning and doesn’t expect me to do it all.
Wants a wife not a mother.
Not into thousands of debt....
to add to my long list....
Loves the Lord
Born again
Involved in a local church
Has a good reputation
Non smoker
Little or non drinker
Non gambler
Doesnt do porn
Doesn’t mind cooking, gardening and cleaning and doesn’t expect me to do it all.
Wants a wife not a mother.
Not into thousands of debt....
L
I'm a fool and would help him pay it. Na, I'm just kidding...well sorta. I would have to ask him why he hid it from me for so long. And also why he has it. If it was for college or a medical bill, I might continue the relationship. Then I would help him pay it off if we get married.
Sometimes emergencies come along and there really isn't anything we can do to avoid them once the situation hits. When my grandma passed (we had insurance for her) we needed to pay thousands of dollars to get her buried. My family and I are paying the credit cards off (nothing too drastic) but it felt like it was unavoidable. So I definitely understand that sometimes people just have debt.
The problem isn't so much the money as it is that he hid it from me for months. I would wonder what else he was hiding.
Oooo and I better not find out homeboy was using the money on another woman. Then my inner bad girl will come out! LOL
Hey OP, that would be a fun add on to this thread. If you found out the debt was used on another man/woman...what would you do about it? hehe
Sometimes emergencies come along and there really isn't anything we can do to avoid them once the situation hits. When my grandma passed (we had insurance for her) we needed to pay thousands of dollars to get her buried. My family and I are paying the credit cards off (nothing too drastic) but it felt like it was unavoidable. So I definitely understand that sometimes people just have debt.
The problem isn't so much the money as it is that he hid it from me for months. I would wonder what else he was hiding.
Oooo and I better not find out homeboy was using the money on another woman. Then my inner bad girl will come out! LOL
Hey OP, that would be a fun add on to this thread. If you found out the debt was used on another man/woman...what would you do about it? hehe
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Assuming they aren't already doing a payment plan.
And assuming their intent is to "dump it on someone else".
People always have a list of things that need to be sorted out before marriage, but if people attempted to do them all humanity would die out because no one would ever marry.
And assuming their intent is to "dump it on someone else".
People always have a list of things that need to be sorted out before marriage, but if people attempted to do them all humanity would die out because no one would ever marry.
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