Is divorce ok?

aharp · May 15, 2019

I came to this chat group seeking some marriage support, but I see a lot of support for divorce. Is the general consensus that it is ok to divorce if you are unhappy? I really believe God has called me to serve my very pessimistic, emotionally withdrawn, spouse. I believe He will use this and has for the last almost 27 years. I just get tired and discouraged! I have seen God work through our 8 children, so I know He is honoring our commitment. Maybe some more encouragement to persevere and trust on here would be good. Hearing from those who have stayed with those spouses??? Are you out there??

Locoponydirtman · May 15, 2019

I don't know who has claimed that divorce is okay for the sake of happiness. I've never met a divorced person who was happy.

Godsgirl83 · May 15, 2019

aharp said:

YUP! RIGHT HERE!!!!!!!!
I cannot speak for anyone else as I do not know their circumstances for divorce. And I'm not going to criticize, bash or put people down who have been through divorce, that is between them and God. HOWEVER, God designed marriage to be a reflection of His love for His bride (the church) when you join yourself with someone the 2 become 1, and with God become 3 and a strand of 3 cords IS NOT easily broken.
What I can tell you from personal experience now is this: I thought about this one night when things in our marriage were rough (married over 10 years now......) if we divorced because we were not liking each other at the time for WHATEVER REASONS and then I met someone else and re married then things happen and we didn't like each other ........ then met someone else etc......... WHAT a mess! What heartache! I asked myself, do I REALLY want to RUN from problems and never get through them or do I want to face them relying on the Lord and see what HE CAN DO through 2 broken hurting people? It hasn't always been easy, but I have learned to lean upon the Lord, I have a better relationship with HIM now because of it, and am starting to see how He works things together for His good and glory.
STAND STRONG!

Adstar · May 15, 2019

aharp said:

What matters is what the Bible declares about divorce and when it is and is not applicable.. Don't ever assume the general consensus of society is ever correct..

notuptome · May 15, 2019

Love demands sacrifice. Christ left heaven and endured the cross to redeem us from our sins. God knows your heart and will comfort and strengthen you to serve Him. Find your solace in Christ and make no provision for fulfilling the flesh.

Stay strong in Christ.

For the cause of Christ
Roger

DerVille · May 15, 2019

aharp said:

Well Jesus said: "But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery." He also said "That which God has joined together let no man put asunder.

So based on Jesus's words he even allows for divorce for "sexual immorality". Outside of that there doesn't seem to be much room for it. It says it "makes her the victim of adultery" and "anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

So if you want to get really specific on what it says.....you may separate and no longer be with someone, if they abuse you or you can't stand them but to be "divorced" and then to re-marry, the bible appears to say no to that.

Papou · May 15, 2019

aharp said:

27 years of marriage, 8 children and now you are thinking about divorce. For me this would be a disaster ! This will impact your whole family like it or not.

Unfortunately this happens more and more ... Be happy, laughs, and Smiles with all your family. This is contagious as you will see. Organized some activities, travels to get a change from your days to days life.

I am not against divorce but in your cases ....

Magenta · May 15, 2019

There is a lot of support for divorce because the church in general treats divorced people as if they were lepers, even when they were the victim of infidelity, which is Biblical grounds for divorce. Divorce is heart-breaking for many who go through it, and for a Christian who has an unfaithful spouse especially in light of how they are treated afterwards by those who are supposed to LOVE them. I do commend you for wishing to be the Light of Christ in the life of those with whom you are yoked

aharp · May 15, 2019

Locoponydirtman said:

Truth!

aharp · May 15, 2019

Godsgirl83 said:

YUP! RIGHT HERE!!!!!!!!
I cannot speak for anyone else as I do not know their circumstances for divorce. And I'm not going to criticize, bash or put people down who have been through divorce, that is between them and God. HOWEVER, God designed marriage to be a reflection of His love for His bride (the church) when you join yourself with someone the 2 become 1, and with God become 3 and a strand of 3 cords IS NOT easily broken.
What I can tell you from personal experience now is this: I thought about this one night when things in our marriage were rough (married over 10 years now......) if we divorced because we were not liking each other at the time for WHATEVER REASONS and then I met someone else and re married then things happen and we didn't like each other ........ then met someone else etc......... WHAT a mess! What heartache! I asked myself, do I REALLY want to RUN from problems and never get through them or do I want to face them relying on the Lord and see what HE CAN DO through 2 broken hurting people? It hasn't always been easy, but I have learned to lean upon the Lord, I have a better relationship with HIM now because of it, and am starting to see how He works things together for His good and glory.
STAND STRONG!

You are wise beyond your 10 years! Thank you!

aharp · May 15, 2019

Papou said:

I am not thinking divorce, just trying to be content, thankful and trust. You are so right, the repercussions would be eternal! I just needed some "hang in there! Encouragement.

aharp · May 15, 2019

DerVille said:

Well Jesus said: "But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery." He also said "That which God has joined together let no man put asunder.

So based on Jesus's words he even allows for divorce for "sexual immorality". Outside of that there doesn't seem to be much room for it. It says it "makes her the victim of adultery" and "anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

So if you want to get really specific on what it says.....you may separate and no longer be with someone, if they abuse you or you can't stand them but to be "divorced" and then to re-marry, the bible appears to say no to that.

Truth! I have considered separation. He is very passive aggressive and has been emotionally abusive in the past. But the Lord has me here to serve. I will.

aharp · May 15, 2019

notuptome said:

Love demands sacrifice. Christ left heaven and endured the cross to redeem us from our sins. God knows your heart and will comfort and strengthen you to serve Him. Find your solace in Christ and make no provision for fulfilling the flesh.

Stay strong in Christ.

For the cause of Christ
Roger

Thank you!

Didymous · May 16, 2019

aharp said:

No.

theanointedwinner · May 16, 2019

Matthew 19:8

Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning"

Deade · May 16, 2019

DerVille said:

I think Jesus gave us this example of divorce for sexual immorality to illustrate that when the unfaithfulness happens the adultery has already occurred. Divorcing the unfaithful spouse does not bring about adultery but the remarriage of either party constitutes adultery. So, even if you have been cheated upon remarriage is not an option. You cannot ask God to consecrate your marriage more than once. I hope this makes sense to you all.

Krumbeard · May 16, 2019

aharp said:

Hello aharp,

Yes we are out here, as you've seen.

I read your post the day you posted it and have been thinking about it since.
First, 27 years is a great accomplishment! Praise the Lord! Marriage is hard work. And can be discouraging at times. I had 14 years. There was fun, frustration, anger, love, forgiveness, unwanted surprises. There were obstacles, my pride and hypocrisy. BUT, God used those unexpected, unwanted circumstances, my problems and hers to teach us both lessons. Those things were not easy and I had entertained the thought of divorce, but as you know and others have said, it is a messy thing. I admire your commitment. That is an awesome trait. Thank you for being an example.

Second, Congratulations on your 8 children. That is a big responsibility and commitment. I am glad you are seeing the rewards for your work. I come from a family with 6 kids. As a grown man I still look to my parents for an example to follow, advice and prayers. If they were to divorce, it would impact me greatly. Not only because of the shock of it but because it would weaken that foundation in my mind. (If mom and dad can do it than maybe it's not so bad after all.) Even though I know that the bible didn't change. Your kids are influenced by the things you do or do not do even though they may be grown and moved away.

Third,
I hope this is an encouragement to continue on. Keep at it. I have been praying about this. I am saddened when I hear of people separating or divorcing. I know it happens for all different reasons and I try not to judge, but it makes me sad.

I had a conversation with someone once that was married twice and divorced twice. She concluded "What's the point in getting married? It's just a piece of paper anyway." Oh, so not true. It is a representation of Christ and the church. What he does for us, how we're to live for him.

Keep it up! Keep plodding! Keep trusting God! (Easier said than done.) Keep praying! Keep learning! And keep finding the blessings in this!

Krumbeard · May 16, 2019

aharp said:

Hello again aharp,
I wanted to mention this in the post above. My pastor recommended a book to me which I found to be very helpful.

"Walking with God through pain and suffering"
By Timothy Keller

DerVille · May 17, 2019

Deade said:

Well his words seem pretty straight forward. You are putting your interpretation on "what Jesus really means here when he says this".

If you want to interpret it that why that is fine. It isn't a plain, obvious truth you are defining however, you are imparting some opinion of trying to read between the lines with Jesus words.

That can be your opinion, that doesn't make it an obvious biblical dictate.

GardenofWeeden · May 17, 2019

My husband and I have been married 27 years, and while it's been mostly a good life, there were times where divorce would have been easier than the hell we put each other through. For whatever reason, people (not necessarily in this site) have started trusting their emotions and feelings instead of relying on God to sustain us. I dunno why this has become more a normal thing, but I don't advocate for divorce in any marriage other than for the safety of one spouse, or because of cheating. The only way to honor the vow we make before God in marriage is to love the one another unconditionally, as Christ loves us. I don't love him in spite of his flaws, but because those flaws, those things that drive me BONKERS, are part of what makes him the man with whom I chose to spend the rest of my life, until death. Believe me, after 27 years there are a LOT of things that drive me insane, but one thing that keeps me here. I choose to love him daily. Love isn't an emotion or a feeling, it's a choice, or a verb if you will. We have to choose God, who is love, so that makes love a choice itself. And like you, God uses my faith in Love to move my husband often, just like He uses my husband to move me.

And before anyone replies with a disagreement about this, it's my opinion, and I really don't care if others agree or not.

Is divorce ok?

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