Don't Settle

[Didymous]

A lot of people become tempted to settle for partners who either aren't believers or aren't as focused on a relationship with God as they are one with you. You need someone who first seeks God, not seeks you and then God as an after thought. A relationship pleasing to God is unlike any other wordly relationship in that the focus is not on each other, but the Lord.

Relationships that do not focus on God will only end in heartache, which is why in the Gospel is says in 2 Corinthians 6:14 "Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?". For a non-believer, your faith will be questioned and possibly even make you turn from church, fellowship and possibly even your faith. Those to someone who doesn't match your intensity for a relationship will God could become a ball and chain that holds you back from pursuing a closer relationship with the Lord. Let iron sharpen iron, not rock blunt iron.

Don't be afraid to wait, some people don't get married until they're 40! 50! Or even older! God has a plan for you, and he has a partner for you, for he saw man should not be alone. So, therefore, don't settle for someone you know won't honour God.

Thank for sharing your thoughts, David. I agreed with most of them.

 

[seoulsearch]

But see you aren't saying anything I haven't heard 1000 times. And, as I even admitted in my post to the OP I'm well aware it's something i struggle with. I've admitted it many times in the forums and have even spoken with other users numerous times about advice on it. I've focused on how users who I admired on how they approached people to see what they do differently.
So suggesting I dont see it couldn't be more wrong. I've been working at it for years. But it's something that even when I try, often doesn't come across well.
And as a result of this it's caused many people on here to purposefully treat me poorly and then justify it as something I deserve. But unlike some here I don't advertise everything I am dealing with.
It's a big part of why I quit previously. People felt it was acceptable to be mean, willfully, rather than approach me privately and ask me about it.
And, sadly, often times a big part of it is because it's written and I can't say everything as easily as I could talking. Many things I've said with the best of intentions I got trashed for.
As far as I'm concerned I made a genuine effort to be nice to the OP, and even after explaining it to you you still dont see it. So, see, even when I try people complain. Perhaps it's not worth the effort if I dont even get credit for trying.

It frustrates me greatly that I struggle so much with something so seemingly simple. But no one cares about that. They just want it fixed. So loving.

Thank you for responding so honestly, Sub. I'm also flattered that you would give a nod to some of my threads as possible examples - thank you.

I sincerely admire that you've not only recognized something you'd like to change, but are actively working on it as well.

You have a gift for sorting out important pieces of information in any given situation, and then presenting them in a logical way.

I know it might not seem like much, but whenever you've seen a "like" or other positive emoji from me, it's been a pat on the back towards the changes you are trying to make.

Unfortunately, I'm not able to catch all of your posts, but I will continue to do this, and I truly hope you won't give up.

 

[David-J]

Thank for sharing your thoughts, David. I agreed with most of them.

I'm glad you at least agreed with most of it. I want the focus to be on not settling for someone who is either going to cut your relationship with God or act like a ball and chain around the ankle rather and above everything else in the post and after. God bless!

 

[David-J]

David, I loved this post! My daughter recently started dating an unbeliever and I keep trying to tell her this but she doesn't listen. I pray for her all the time.

All we can do is pray, because the only person who can truly make the difference in her heart is the Lord. Like in Proverbs, let us pray for wisdom for her from the Lord! I wish you and her the best! God bless!

 

[David-J]

Hey hey, David-J, welcome to the forum today.

Sorry, that's the best I could do off-the-cuff. I'm wittier when I have time to think up something... I promise.

I agree with everything about your initial post except the part about God having a partner for somebody. But Subhumanoidal objected to that part thoroughly, strenuously, extensively and with much vituperation so I'll consider that part sufficiently objected to. I'll focus on the other 97% of your post.

The problem is so many people are so afraid of being lonely. So they jump at any chance, and they keep jumping when there is no chance. They just keep jumping, hoping to grab that partner that society says will cure their loneliness. And when they do find somebody, ANYBODY, they hold on as tight as they can. And a lot of times they hold on to the wrong person. Anything to not be lonely.

The first thing I usually ask is, "Why are you so afraid of being alone?" But nobody wants to think about that, so I have almost given up asking. These days I just sigh and let them go on blundering through relationships. Maybe they'll figure it out in a few years. I hope.

Thank you for response! I've responded to what was objected, this mainly being my own fault of not explaining my point clear enough which I clarify in my response. I am glad though you focused on the main point of the post, which was all I ever intended to put forward.

Anyhow, on to the rest of what you said! I agree, speaking from experience, it's a fear of being alone that drives people into that position. For me, that fear comes from a lack of confidence and a remaining self loathing from my previous life before Christ. With that mindset, at least in my case, I'm left saying "well I have no other choice, this is the best someone like me could get". But, I've learned when those thoughts crop up to simply respond "if that were true, how do I have Christ?" and it brings me back to my senses. I think if people like me can have that mindset drilled in, it won't fix these underlying issues, but it will help in the long term of fighting them off. Of course, the main weapon in that arsenal is the King himself.