Hey, (warning this is going to be a long one... so click away if you wish, just needed to get this of my heart, I cannot seem to tell anyone)
I’m really confused whether my father is a good man or not....
He seems so friendly and genuine, but does so many things that contradict those actions. He really seems to care about family but I don’t know
He can be really nice to me and other people, he is sometimes kind and he is a Christian, mostly attends Church on Sundays. But I don’t want to be around him at all or his family.
A quick summary of our history, he and my mother slept together young, and I was born when he was 21, he wasn’t very present in my life up and till 6, and my earliest memories of him are, partying and having many girlfriends. I was mostly raised by my mother( they never got married), and he is currently married to my stepmom, with his 2 kids.
There are some good times we have had, but I never seem to be able to recall them, I only remember the bad experiences and memories. He mostly leaves me when I need to study, but if not he forces me to spend time in the living room with everyone else, I am mostly ignored.
My father, he always tells me regarding my marks that what ever I get is my best and he’ll be proud, even if it is a fail, if it was my best effort he’ll be proud. But when the marks do come, he tells me that I could do better. He expects me to be the person he wants me to be, always look neat, because I am female, and if I dress a certain way I like he’ll tell me, that is not how a woman should dress. I used love wearing my hair down, but it is not “neat” so I always have to tie it, and now I hate my hair down. He never called me directly fat, but always mentions stuff how about it’s not healthy being fat, and how it’s not pretty being fat, no one likes fat people, and when I was younger when it would come to dinner, he’ll say grownups then round stomachs, I always dished last. We don’t talk much at all, and we don’t have the best relationship, he once blamed me for our bad relationship, and he once told me that other people’s happiness should always be put above my own. He communicates through me to speak to my mom, despite my moms efforts to try and talk to him. When my mom didn’t have a job, he refused to give her more money to be able to feed me, despite having the funds. The first time I told him what I want to study, he told me I’ll never be able to do it, because I’ll be terrible at it, and I’ll never get the marks for it. He still believes children should be seen and not heard, but tries to speak to me during dinner(sometimes). I don’t have full depression, but I do have slightly, he told me depression doesn’t exist because I have God in my life. He is abusive to our dogs, and it really hurts me, I try my best to try and stop it, but I don’t push it to far, afraid if the backlash. Last year, half way through I dropped drama, and accounting for science and biology, my marks weren’t the best, seeing as half the years work I missed. He told me he was severely disappointed and I’ll get nowhere in life with these marks, I believe he tried to manipulate me, by telling lies about my mom( which I have managed to disprove) during an emotional stage. I can’t cry, and keep my emotions bottled up, because he once told me( I was 8) that I’m grownup and I shouldn’t cry. I’m a introvert and struggle to talk to people I don’t know, he told me that I shouldn’t be so shy, and should talk more to people, so that I don’t come off as rude, even though I’m still friendly. I am a totally different person around my father, I’m the person he wants me to be. I try and not make him mad, because I’m afraid of what he’ll say to me.
My stepmother, she was always friendly and nice in the beginning, know she is cold and mean. When I great her, she greets me back rudely, I am always the one to great her first. She ignores me totally, and blames my mom for our bad relationship. When I have a visit with friends, and she and my father have plans, she’ll come shout at me in my room, pretending to look for clothes( I sleep in the guest bedroom, I have 1 shelf for all my things). She finds it an inconvenience to fetch me from school, because she is “busy”. She prefers her kids above me, and when they blame me for braking something, she gets angry at me. I quit violin, because she found the sound terrible, resulting me no longer to be able to practice. I can’t practice piano, because it bothers her and she always has a headache, she usually turns her music really loud, when I start to practice. I once dound some free time to help with dinner, I cut up all the veggies for her, and she didn’t thank me, just said I would of done it myself, and you did it wrong. When I decide to wear a dress, she gives me this horrible look, and all my confidence disappears. She is also a Christian. She talks about me behind my back, and is only friendly around company. When I was younger and I really didn’t want to be around my father anymore, she told me he cries himself to sleep because of me( and he told me he doesn’t, currently she’s denying ever saying that)
My Mother, she is really big Believer, she’s kind, sweet, unselfish. She is the best mom I could have. But....
You know when you are in those moods? You’re irritated with everyone and everything. I don’t know why I sometimes feel that way, but she usually tells me to stop acting like a b*tch. It hurts me, when I told her this she just said it happens to her to, and people call her a b*tch and she isn’t hurt by it. When I’ve had a bad day at school and someone called me names and I tell her, she just says I shouldn’t let words hurt me. I understand that, but it still hurts. I was molested when I was younger, when I told her she just gasped and said that’s terrible, and we never spoke about it again, and I don’t have the courage to tell her again.
I don't want my father and his family in my life, I just want to get away from him. I’m seeing my father soon again, after not seeing him in a long time( finally got the courage to tell him, I don’t want to spend so much time at his house, that is after he told me he won’t be mad, but being mad when I told him). So in conclusion...... am I a bad person for not wanting to be around him?
I’m really confused whether my father is a good man or not....
He seems so friendly and genuine, but does so many things that contradict those actions. He really seems to care about family but I don’t know
He can be really nice to me and other people, he is sometimes kind and he is a Christian, mostly attends Church on Sundays. But I don’t want to be around him at all or his family.
A quick summary of our history, he and my mother slept together young, and I was born when he was 21, he wasn’t very present in my life up and till 6, and my earliest memories of him are, partying and having many girlfriends. I was mostly raised by my mother( they never got married), and he is currently married to my stepmom, with his 2 kids.
There are some good times we have had, but I never seem to be able to recall them, I only remember the bad experiences and memories. He mostly leaves me when I need to study, but if not he forces me to spend time in the living room with everyone else, I am mostly ignored.
My father, he always tells me regarding my marks that what ever I get is my best and he’ll be proud, even if it is a fail, if it was my best effort he’ll be proud. But when the marks do come, he tells me that I could do better. He expects me to be the person he wants me to be, always look neat, because I am female, and if I dress a certain way I like he’ll tell me, that is not how a woman should dress. I used love wearing my hair down, but it is not “neat” so I always have to tie it, and now I hate my hair down. He never called me directly fat, but always mentions stuff how about it’s not healthy being fat, and how it’s not pretty being fat, no one likes fat people, and when I was younger when it would come to dinner, he’ll say grownups then round stomachs, I always dished last. We don’t talk much at all, and we don’t have the best relationship, he once blamed me for our bad relationship, and he once told me that other people’s happiness should always be put above my own. He communicates through me to speak to my mom, despite my moms efforts to try and talk to him. When my mom didn’t have a job, he refused to give her more money to be able to feed me, despite having the funds. The first time I told him what I want to study, he told me I’ll never be able to do it, because I’ll be terrible at it, and I’ll never get the marks for it. He still believes children should be seen and not heard, but tries to speak to me during dinner(sometimes). I don’t have full depression, but I do have slightly, he told me depression doesn’t exist because I have God in my life. He is abusive to our dogs, and it really hurts me, I try my best to try and stop it, but I don’t push it to far, afraid if the backlash. Last year, half way through I dropped drama, and accounting for science and biology, my marks weren’t the best, seeing as half the years work I missed. He told me he was severely disappointed and I’ll get nowhere in life with these marks, I believe he tried to manipulate me, by telling lies about my mom( which I have managed to disprove) during an emotional stage. I can’t cry, and keep my emotions bottled up, because he once told me( I was 8) that I’m grownup and I shouldn’t cry. I’m a introvert and struggle to talk to people I don’t know, he told me that I shouldn’t be so shy, and should talk more to people, so that I don’t come off as rude, even though I’m still friendly. I am a totally different person around my father, I’m the person he wants me to be. I try and not make him mad, because I’m afraid of what he’ll say to me.
My stepmother, she was always friendly and nice in the beginning, know she is cold and mean. When I great her, she greets me back rudely, I am always the one to great her first. She ignores me totally, and blames my mom for our bad relationship. When I have a visit with friends, and she and my father have plans, she’ll come shout at me in my room, pretending to look for clothes( I sleep in the guest bedroom, I have 1 shelf for all my things). She finds it an inconvenience to fetch me from school, because she is “busy”. She prefers her kids above me, and when they blame me for braking something, she gets angry at me. I quit violin, because she found the sound terrible, resulting me no longer to be able to practice. I can’t practice piano, because it bothers her and she always has a headache, she usually turns her music really loud, when I start to practice. I once dound some free time to help with dinner, I cut up all the veggies for her, and she didn’t thank me, just said I would of done it myself, and you did it wrong. When I decide to wear a dress, she gives me this horrible look, and all my confidence disappears. She is also a Christian. She talks about me behind my back, and is only friendly around company. When I was younger and I really didn’t want to be around my father anymore, she told me he cries himself to sleep because of me( and he told me he doesn’t, currently she’s denying ever saying that)
My Mother, she is really big Believer, she’s kind, sweet, unselfish. She is the best mom I could have. But....
You know when you are in those moods? You’re irritated with everyone and everything. I don’t know why I sometimes feel that way, but she usually tells me to stop acting like a b*tch. It hurts me, when I told her this she just said it happens to her to, and people call her a b*tch and she isn’t hurt by it. When I’ve had a bad day at school and someone called me names and I tell her, she just says I shouldn’t let words hurt me. I understand that, but it still hurts. I was molested when I was younger, when I told her she just gasped and said that’s terrible, and we never spoke about it again, and I don’t have the courage to tell her again.
I don't want my father and his family in my life, I just want to get away from him. I’m seeing my father soon again, after not seeing him in a long time( finally got the courage to tell him, I don’t want to spend so much time at his house, that is after he told me he won’t be mad, but being mad when I told him). So in conclusion...... am I a bad person for not wanting to be around him?
