does anyone really care

disandat777 · Apr 15, 2019

I lost everything in life that I ever loved I've been alone for eighteen years after my divorce I go to church but because I don't have a family the congregation is standoffish. No one talks to me my family will have nothing to do with me. outside of Jesus I only have one good friend left. I lost everything and everyone if you have been through this kind of thing and are trying to rebuild your life please post a comment so I can feel like I'm not alone and maybe you can give me advice on how to heal my heart from the pain I feel thank you for your support

Adelia · Apr 15, 2019

I understand. My husband passed away. I have been estranged from my family for 20 years. Church is generally more inclusive to couples and families.
There is hope. I had to ask myself one question. "What is it about me that people do not want to be around?" I had to pray for wisdom and understanding. I had to want change. I was the one who had to continue to put one foot in front of the other without expectation. I had to learn to serve in my church and do so with a happy heart.
I still do not have a relationship with family members but have a church full of people who have filled the gap. I love them and am loved.
My church has a huge outreach ministry that I got involved in. It has blessed my life in so many ways that I could not begin to list them.
Jesus hears our prayers. I had to learn to be obedient to the direction of the Holy Spirit.
I pray you will be filled with the peace and joy that I have been.

RickyZ · Apr 15, 2019

I've been in that situation since the day I was born. All I want on my headstone is "stymied, stonewalled, irrelevant". And no, after 62 years I haven't found anything short of death that's going to change that. God says perseverance is the key, We know where we end up, there's just a lot of bad road between here and there. It's a war of attrition, but in the end we DO win.

Dino246 · Apr 16, 2019

disandat777 said:

I lost everything in life that I ever loved I've been alone for eighteen years after my divorce I go to church but because I don't have a family the congregation is standoffish. No one talks to me my family will have nothing to do with me. outside of Jesus I only have one good friend left. I lost everything and everyone if you have been through this kind of thing and are trying to rebuild your life please post a comment so I can feel like I'm not alone and maybe you can give me advice on how to heal my heart from the pain I feel thank you for your support

Welcome to CC...
To some extent, I can relate. With that shared understanding, I'll pray for you.

G00WZ · Apr 16, 2019

disandat777 said:

I have never been married or had children, so i don't know anything about divorce... I have had people and things come and go though, I have had built things and had them taken away. The conclusion i came to is that nothing belongs to me, i may have taken part in the things, as they were done through me, or to me, but it isn't about me. In the end all things go to God, He has plans beyond my limited perspective within myself so i have to step outside of myself and allow His wisdom/ truth to fill the void... Even if i cant see it. Key is to trust God and His wisdom/ truth, and to believe in the good that He has as a plan.

As for the church congregation being weird with you don't worry about it, people tend to try to avoid things and people that they do not understand. Don't expect people to accept you, and don't expect for people to deny you.. If they accept you, great, if not, great too. Also a thing to note, if you are around people who are constantly being weird and not accepting
you, that means its probably about time to move on... I actually learned this through experience, but sometimes God will actually
use people to push you away so you can move onto new places and bigger things. Also another way to know that its time to leave is when things are stagnant, and you feel like you aren't growing spiritually anymore.

If i could give any type of useful advice it would be to look for understanding, seek to know God's perspective, and not just to "heal"..
Healing is the byproduct of understanding and walking with truth. And while you wait, trust on the understanding from the one who is higher than yourself.

Hungry · Apr 16, 2019

disandat777 said:

To answer the title: does anyone really care? No, not really. I’m not saying about you in particular just in a general sense. We all are invested in our own little worlds. It’s been said, “if you want a friend, be a friend.” It implies you make the first move. If you have been alone for eighteen years, perhaps you need to work on your approachability. I get that you have lost a lot, so maybe your sadness presents itself in your demeanour, as negativity. Most people gravitate to positive people, ones who smile and laugh. Perhaps joining a small group or Bible study group that allows more interaction will present that opportunity to make a connection. My dad has been alone for decades. It’s not because people didn’t love him. It’s because he is so bitter and blames everyone for his misfortunes and contantly complains...about everything. He would rather be alone than deal with the toll relationships bring.

Bingo · Apr 16, 2019

Adelia said:

I understand. My husband passed away. I have been estranged from my family for 20 years. Church is generally more inclusive to couples and families.
There is hope. I had to ask myself one question. "What is it about me that people do not want to be around?" I had to pray for wisdom and understanding. I had to want change. I was the one who had to continue to put one foot in front of the other without expectation. I had to learn to serve in my church and do so with a happy heart.
I still do not have a relationship with family members but have a church full of people who have filled the gap. I love them and am loved.
My church has a huge outreach ministry that I got involved in. It has blessed my life in so many ways that I could not begin to list them.
Jesus hears our prayers. I had to learn to be obedient to the direction of the Holy Spirit. ( "Amen"...

)
I pray you will be filled with the peace and joy that I have been.

JustEli · Apr 16, 2019

disandat777 said:

hi disandat,
If you read through my thread "hello" here in the singles forum, you might find some
of the things I wrote helpful, at least I hope so.
Eli

Didymous · Apr 16, 2019

disandat777 said:

I lost three women before I was a Christian. My sincerest condolences for your loss. Maybe you should find a different church?

cinder · Apr 16, 2019

disandat777 said:

I'm pretty sure all of us who are single and childless (or just attend church without children) feel like we're ignored and invisible at church. And often much of church seems irrelevant to us. I'd like to say it will get better, but since most of us here face that feeling, no guarantees.

Despite that, most of the time church people aren't intentionally standoffish or uninterested or uncaring; they're just uncertain of what we may need, how they can help us, what similar life experiences we might be able to relate to (because the ones foremost in their mind are almost always family and children), and usually that mix of feelings leaves them feeling inadequate so they leave that task for someone better qualified. So don't assume lack of connection is intentional rejection.

One way you might be shooting yourself in the foot relationally though, is with big statements about your hardships. I don't know enough about your situation to know exactly what has happened to make you say you've "lost everything in life that [you] ever loved" but I do know that such an opening statement is likely to intimidate people from even beginning to connect. My advice would be every week find one thing to praise God for and lead with that as you attempt to converse with people at church. Find a positive spin on things in your life, even if it seems like a pathetically small positive in the face of all the negative.

Hamarr · Apr 16, 2019

I haven't been through a divorce but I have been completely alone and have felt like I have lost everything. I have posted before about being suicidal for years. The thing is when you feel you need others, they tend to draw back. I don't blame them in a lot of ways because I was dealing with some really heavy stuff and most people weren't equipped to deal with that. They needed to set boundaries with me to protect themselves.

It's been easier to reach out and make friends as I have gotten to a point where I like myself. It did take an awful lot of work to get there, though. Lots of counseling, a recovery group, and spending a lot of time on my own reading everything I could to understand. In my case, I felt cut off from God until I was able to clear out enough stuff mentally to go back to reaching out to God like I had before.

I agree with Cinder about feeling invisible at church, especially in a larger church. Everything is really oriented around family. I have found most of my friendships lately through recovery/support groups instead. Those friendships have been the most valuable since they have been in a similar place and understand what I am going through.

tourist · Apr 16, 2019

disandat777 said:

By some strange coincidence I was alone too for 18 years after my divorce before remarrying. My late second wife died a premature death after 11 years and 2 months of marriage and I lost everything too and was very much a broken and severely depressed man.

God pulled the pieces together again and will do the same for you too. I believe that there is an element of truth in that time heals all wounds and believed that you have suffered a sufficient amount of time. I have been where you are and it is very much a lonely, desolate and isolated place in the cage I resided in my mind and thoughts.

I will say a prayer for God to extend His capable hand and lift you from this pit of despair that you find yourself in. Believe me, you are not alone in this as there are others as well.

BibleCutie25 · Apr 16, 2019

disandat777 said:

Well I was never married but I lost the love my life (walked of my life but he is still alive) almost 10 years ago and he was very emotionally abusive. I still have my not good days when I think of the past and it’s a lot details that were devastating that I won’t post online but God brought me far from that awful season and I am healed from it. Sometimes even if you don’t feel like your heart is healed you have to say it by faith. Remember we can’t please God with out faith. Thats a scripture in the New Testament Hebrews 11:6. But draw near to God he loves you so much and wants to heal your pain and he will if you let him, continue to praise him and stay in his word. Here is a song dealing with pain and grief that I hope comforts you. Love your sister in Christ BibleCutie25 💙
.

AmosMoses · May 30, 2019

Wise words

Deade · May 30, 2019

cinder said:

Yes, just like cinder said: quit shooting yourself in the foot. All of us have stopped doing or having things we loved. Let us rather take a positive look at those things and be thankful for the time we had with them.

We do not fit the worldly standard so many people will not associate with us just for that. And yes, many of the larger churches are just that: worldly. Shake it off and enjoy the isolation while meditating about the things of God. Like Paul said, the things of this world he gives up to obtain Christ. Php. 3:8 "Yea doubtless, and I count all things but loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord: for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and do count them but dung, that I may win Christ,"

Let us not forget we have treasure in heavenly places. 1 Cor. 15:19 "If in this life only we have hope in Christ, we are of all men most miserable."

Brandon123 · Jun 1, 2019

Jesus cares for you and many you may not know care for you as well!

love_comes_softly · Jun 1, 2019

disandat777 said:

I'm so sorry for this deep loss you have experienced. I pray that the Lord fill this loss in your life with His presence and something special.

When I read the part about the congregation, I did have the thought that even though it hurts that the congregation seems standoffish, try not to assume that it's because you don't have a family. I find that assuming things can really lead to a hurtful path. Maybe try stepping out a bit and seeing where that will take.

Most importantly, you are not alone in Jesus and you certainly aren't alone here. There are many who struggle with loss daily here and others who may not be able to relate, but they do care.

SparkyM · Jun 2, 2019

Lean on jesus, let him carry the load with you
Dont let your current situation cloud your vision, you are being tested and in this time you need to carry on your relationship with jesus. He will pay you back 10 fold

R29kIElzIExvdmU · Jun 2, 2019

It seems we are in the same situation at the same time not cause they are still alive just that i've lost all their affections cause i pushed them all away on purpose now i am here just like you i feel alone no one to talk well since even if i talk to them they don't feel like they want a convo with me *sigh* just like a living hell just waiting to die cause yeah we can't commit suicide and the only one you can talk to is the LORD and God

As well as posting anonymous online what a life we had....

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does anyone really care

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