Hello to all here 
I feel that I need to add some detail to my very short introduction now that I'm starting to find my feet here.
First I'd like to say thank you to you all for making me feel so welcome and I feel that I should start by saying I hope that you will bear with me when I make mistakes on here, I am new to the Christian faith and have a lot to learn but I would like to share with you all how I came to be posting today.
I have led a life that like many didn't have a very good start in life, abuse in many forms and from an early age had to take care of myself. I have been a soldier, a police officer and laterly worked in community/social work. I never sought Gods love and guidance. I qualified in science which only (in my case certainly) pushed me further away from God. I was too self reliant and proud and I have to admit that I denied God many times.
My life spirelled out of control and I did many things that I'm ashamed of and although I also did many selfless things I could only seem to focus on the negative. No positive direction followed along with depression and anxiety. I have sinned, shamed myself and not understood the beautiful gift that God had given me. I had learned a lot but really the more thatI learned the less I understood.
I recently found myself alone with no friends because I couldn't accept help from others and the more people tried to help me the more I pushed them away. I sat at home alone and every day was thinking "I just don't want to live any more" and started making plans to end my life. Then I was flicking through the channels on tv, not really able to focus on what I was looking at and I came accross TBN/UK. A lady was talking and leading prayer and I went to change the channel but I just couldn't. The lady(sorry I didn't catch her name) was offering a prayer for people who were suffering and asked for people watching to touch the part of the body in which they felt pain and to pray to God to be healed. I placed my hands on my head and asked God to please heal me and to enter into my heart and to guide me.
THE most amazing thing happened and I don't know how to explain it fully but I felt lighter, and just happy. I wish that I could explain it better to you all. I thought to myself "Why would God bother with me? I'm nothing. I don't deserve for God to help me" But a voice kept telling me "God loves you and forgives you and has always been there waiting for you to let Him into your life" I have to say that I broke down and cried for the first time in my life, but I felt that they were tears of absolute joy. I thanked God out loud for the warmth He had brought to me. An incredible experience and one that I still can't do justice with words.
I thank God every day that now. I know that my path will show me many things that I will find hard to understand but I now know that with Gods love and guidance I will find my way and pray that I will be able to live a more positive life in His name.
Sorry for the long post but I just wanted to share this with you all and to say God bless you all and thank you all for taking the time to read.
I feel that I need to add some detail to my very short introduction now that I'm starting to find my feet here.
First I'd like to say thank you to you all for making me feel so welcome
and I feel that I should start by saying I hope that you will bear with me when I make mistakes on here, I am new to the Christian faith and have a lot to learn but I would like to share with you all how I came to be posting today.I have led a life that like many didn't have a very good start in life, abuse in many forms and from an early age had to take care of myself. I have been a soldier, a police officer and laterly worked in community/social work. I never sought Gods love and guidance. I qualified in science which only (in my case certainly) pushed me further away from God. I was too self reliant and proud and I have to admit that I denied God many times.
My life spirelled out of control and I did many things that I'm ashamed of and although I also did many selfless things I could only seem to focus on the negative. No positive direction followed along with depression and anxiety. I have sinned, shamed myself and not understood the beautiful gift that God had given me. I had learned a lot but really the more thatI learned the less I understood.
I recently found myself alone with no friends because I couldn't accept help from others and the more people tried to help me the more I pushed them away. I sat at home alone and every day was thinking "I just don't want to live any more" and started making plans to end my life. Then I was flicking through the channels on tv, not really able to focus on what I was looking at and I came accross TBN/UK. A lady was talking and leading prayer and I went to change the channel but I just couldn't. The lady(sorry I didn't catch her name) was offering a prayer for people who were suffering and asked for people watching to touch the part of the body in which they felt pain and to pray to God to be healed. I placed my hands on my head and asked God to please heal me and to enter into my heart and to guide me.
THE most amazing thing happened and I don't know how to explain it fully but I felt lighter, and just happy. I wish that I could explain it better to you all. I thought to myself "Why would God bother with me? I'm nothing. I don't deserve for God to help me" But a voice kept telling me "God loves you and forgives you and has always been there waiting for you to let Him into your life" I have to say that I broke down and cried for the first time in my life, but I felt that they were tears of absolute joy. I thanked God out loud for the warmth He had brought to me. An incredible experience and one that I still can't do justice with words.
I thank God every day that now. I know that my path will show me many things that I will find hard to understand but I now know that with Gods love and guidance I will find my way and pray that I will be able to live a more positive life in His name.
Sorry for the long post but I just wanted to share this with you all and to say God bless you all and thank you all for taking the time to read.
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