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*Sigh* I would like to hold a discussion that would fit better in the ladies forum I have heard about, but since my list doesn't seem to have that link, I will post here. However, I am aware ANYONE (male/female..... married/not) can read and post here, so I'm asking that if you do not fall under the category of "married women" please keep your comments to yourself (Men.... well, be led by The Holy Spirit...... I am aware of the can of worms this will open....... and aware there are men here that will have biblical viewpoints to share, again please be led by The Holy Spirit and sensitive before posting..........) PLEASE HAVE RESPECT to me and anyone who shares here. Thanks.
How dose a wife have intimacy with her husband KNOWING he was viewing porn (be it online videos or just the thousands of images ANYONE in this selfies day of age can post) moments before? I know this because his demeanor changes, he doesn't think it does, but I'm his wife, I KNOW how he behaves/approaches things and when things are different.
I have struggled with this for a while now. It use to cause me to have the "What did I do wrong" "What's wrong WITH ME" "Does he still love ME" etc self worth battles. Until one day the Lord showed me how this is NOT ABOUT ME but rather a problem that my husband struggles with. Well then in a way it is my problem to, as we are "one". But I am able to move past myself now.
Now before anyone answers things along the lines of " he should find someone to talk to, covenant eyes," etc...... please know that my husband is a very private person, doesn't share things with a lot of people and has recently lost (within the last 2 1/2 years) the person he would HAVE talked with. And NO this isn't an issue because of grieving.
I see him with different eyes now. Not in a sense of "that's MY HUSBAND and I'm the insecure jealous wife" but rather with Fathers eyes of love and compassion. I see him (in this area) not as my husband, but as someone who is trapped in a "secret sin". I've been in the room when he thinks I'm asleep and logs on. I've seen the look on his face, not a "I'm turned on and enjoying this" look, but rather a demeanor of "I'm feeling controlled to do this, I know I shouldn't but here it goes" the look of shame and heavy sighs as he finally logs off and crawls into bed.
I've seen the look of shame he gets when I DO bring it up (and most of the time it ends up in him shutting down and me flying off the handle).
Now this post isn't about him, but ME!
I've tried to shut down, I've tried to withhold. But that only gives the devil more of a foothold. I CHOOSE to love unconditionally, and CHOOSE to continue "wifely duties" . But it is hard to move past the motions and reconnect in true intimacy when the back of your mind is questioning "what's on his mind now? "
So, even if he won't seek help, How as a wife do I move past this?
Thanks
How dose a wife have intimacy with her husband KNOWING he was viewing porn (be it online videos or just the thousands of images ANYONE in this selfies day of age can post) moments before? I know this because his demeanor changes, he doesn't think it does, but I'm his wife, I KNOW how he behaves/approaches things and when things are different.
I have struggled with this for a while now. It use to cause me to have the "What did I do wrong" "What's wrong WITH ME" "Does he still love ME" etc self worth battles. Until one day the Lord showed me how this is NOT ABOUT ME but rather a problem that my husband struggles with. Well then in a way it is my problem to, as we are "one". But I am able to move past myself now.
Now before anyone answers things along the lines of " he should find someone to talk to, covenant eyes," etc...... please know that my husband is a very private person, doesn't share things with a lot of people and has recently lost (within the last 2 1/2 years) the person he would HAVE talked with. And NO this isn't an issue because of grieving.
I see him with different eyes now. Not in a sense of "that's MY HUSBAND and I'm the insecure jealous wife" but rather with Fathers eyes of love and compassion. I see him (in this area) not as my husband, but as someone who is trapped in a "secret sin". I've been in the room when he thinks I'm asleep and logs on. I've seen the look on his face, not a "I'm turned on and enjoying this" look, but rather a demeanor of "I'm feeling controlled to do this, I know I shouldn't but here it goes" the look of shame and heavy sighs as he finally logs off and crawls into bed.
I've seen the look of shame he gets when I DO bring it up (and most of the time it ends up in him shutting down and me flying off the handle).
Now this post isn't about him, but ME!
I've tried to shut down, I've tried to withhold. But that only gives the devil more of a foothold. I CHOOSE to love unconditionally, and CHOOSE to continue "wifely duties" . But it is hard to move past the motions and reconnect in true intimacy when the back of your mind is questioning "what's on his mind now? "
So, even if he won't seek help, How as a wife do I move past this?
Thanks
Nothing yet, but I'm sure he's busy with all the behind the scene stuff here, not to mention I'm sure he has a life that is off site, as we all do
