I'm new, Closet-Christian.

[Sophrosyne]

Hello, I'm new.. I grew up an atheist, yet my foster mom, prayed sometimes (when I was younger) with me.
I've tried searching other places to fill the void, women, drugs, alcohol, to satisfy myself.
I've been clean for 1½ years now, (I decided to stop after I Overdosed: A bit after my moms death)
It's only now, that i've been reflecting on everything that had happend, and i can't help but "know" it is not me that stopped with my addictions, it was God who put the strenght in me to stop.
Im at this point, where I'm scared to go to hell, scared that people who sin will go to hell, and i cant help but feel crazy.
For an example: I smoke cigarettes, a couple of months ago (and the previous years) I wouldn't think twice about it, in fact i would be like "well i've stopped with drugs and alcohol, one thing at a time) But I cant help but think things like "why did i even start to smoke?"
After some reflecting, I came to the conclusion that- I started to smoke cause it was the only thing that didnt "let me down" that was always there for me, and how cynical is that? How spirtual broken is that? The only thing that didnt let me down, was the one thing that will kill me eventually..
I don't need it, I only need God, I only wanna praise Jesus, but I am scared, I think mainly because if I do "Believe" - then I will be confronted with my own actions, and the consequences, living in fear. - and the other reason is because I've been brainwashed my whole life to the atheistic view.
I've always felt the truth when I've picked up the bible, but been scared.
Sorry long introduction, but I hope I will find good friends on here.

Also, i dont know if this is allowed, (posting a YouTube link) But this is only so people can get the kind of thoughts im struggling with;

(A video I made, expressing sorrow, I disagree with the things I sang and wrote singing 'How can we know what happens when we die, when we're not even sure of' what is happening while we're alive" but i wrote that.

 

[Bingo]

"Welcome... 'So' ..new member...to CC. You are invited to visit CRA Christians in Recovery (anonymous)
"Come as you are...all are welcome.".......
'Praise God'

 

[Adstar]

Hello, I'm new.. I grew up an atheist, yet my foster mom, prayed sometimes (when I was younger) with me.
I've tried searching other places to fill the void, women, drugs, alcohol, to satisfy myself.
I've been clean for 1½ years now, (I decided to stop after I Overdosed: A bit after my moms death)
It's only now, that i've been reflecting on everything that had happend, and i can't help but "know" it is not me that stopped with my addictions, it was God who put the strenght in me to stop.
Im at this point, where I'm scared to go to hell, scared that people who sin will go to hell, and i cant help but feel crazy.
For an example: I smoke cigarettes, a couple of months ago (and the previous years) I wouldn't think twice about it, in fact i would be like "well i've stopped with drugs and alcohol, one thing at a time) But I cant help but think things like "why did i even start to smoke?"
After some reflecting, I came to the conclusion that- I started to smoke cause it was the only thing that didnt "let me down" that was always there for me, and how cynical is that? How spirtual broken is that? The only thing that didnt let me down, was the one thing that will kill me eventually..
I don't need it, I only need God, I only wanna praise Jesus, but I am scared, I think mainly because if I do "Believe" - then I will be confronted with my own actions, and the consequences, living in fear. - and the other reason is because I've been brainwashed my whole life to the atheistic view.
I've always felt the truth when I've picked up the bible, but been scared.
Sorry long introduction, but I hope I will find good friends on here.

Also, i dont know if this is allowed, (posting a YouTube link) But this is only so people can get the kind of thoughts im struggling with;

(A video I made, expressing sorrow, I disagree with the things I sang and wrote singing 'How can we know what happens when we die, when we're not even sure of' what is happening while we're alive" but i wrote that.

You don't seem to have yet come to the knowledge of salvation..

Meaning you seem not to have come to the knowledge that Jesus suffered death on the cross to pay the penalty for all the sins of people who believe Jesus and trust in that payment he made ( called the Atonement ).. You also seem to not understand that this Atonement is a true loving gift that Jesus is offering to all people..

Salvation is the easiest thing to receive and keep.. All we must do is believe Jesus and trust that His Atonement saves us from the consequence of our sins and persist in that belief and trust till the day we die..

I hope you do find friends in here..
Remember a true friend will tell you the truth.. even if it hurts..
A false friend will tell you anything they think you want to hear..

 

[Didymous]

Hello Sophrosyne, and welcome!

 

[Sophrosyne]

You don't seem to have yet come to the knowledge of salvation..

Meaning you seem not to have come to the knowledge that Jesus suffered death on the cross to pay the penalty for all the sins of people who believe Jesus and trust in that payment he made ( called the Atonement ).. You also seem to not understand that this Atonement is a true loving gift that Jesus is offering to all people..

Salvation is the easiest thing to receive and keep.. All we must do is believe Jesus and trust that His Atonement saves us from the consequence of our sins and persist in that belief and trust till the day we die..

I hope you do find friends in here..
Remember a true friend will tell you the truth.. even if it hurts..
A false friend will tell you anything they think you want to hear..

Thank you, that is good advice on what a true friend is. Will strongly keep in mind.
And you are right-That hasnt "clicked" perhaps, because its hard to grasp that someone would love us sinners that much.. i still have an earthly mind.. I will read about it, thank you.

 

[Adstar]

Thank you, that is good advice on what a true friend is. Will strongly keep in mind.
And you are right-That hasnt "clicked" perhaps, because its hard to grasp that someone would love us sinners that much.. i still have an earthly mind.. I will read about it, thank you.

It is our great fortune that God has a perfect Godly mind and not a human earthy mind like us.. His love and forgiveness is far superior to ours.. He understands our faulty nature and desires to redeem as many of us as is justly possible.. And it is justice to have mercy upon the repentant.. We cannot attain perfection but we can believe that perfection is good. To embrace what is good is righteousness in spirit even when we fail to live up to that perfection each and every day..

 

[AuntieAnt]

Hello, I'm new.. I grew up an atheist, yet my foster mom, prayed sometimes (when I was younger) with me.
I've tried searching other places to fill the void, women, drugs, alcohol, to satisfy myself.
I've been clean for 1½ years now, (I decided to stop after I Overdosed: A bit after my moms death)
It's only now, that i've been reflecting on everything that had happend, and i can't help but "know" it is not me that stopped with my addictions, it was God who put the strenght in me to stop.
Im at this point, where I'm scared to go to hell, scared that people who sin will go to hell, and i cant help but feel crazy.
For an example: I smoke cigarettes, a couple of months ago (and the previous years) I wouldn't think twice about it, in fact i would be like "well i've stopped with drugs and alcohol, one thing at a time) But I cant help but think things like "why did i even start to smoke?"
After some reflecting, I came to the conclusion that- I started to smoke cause it was the only thing that didnt "let me down" that was always there for me, and how cynical is that? How spirtual broken is that? The only thing that didnt let me down, was the one thing that will kill me eventually..
I don't need it, I only need God, I only wanna praise Jesus, but I am scared, I think mainly because if I do "Believe" - then I will be confronted with my own actions, and the consequences, living in fear. - and the other reason is because I've been brainwashed my whole life to the atheistic view.
I've always felt the truth when I've picked up the bible, but been scared.
Sorry long introduction, but I hope I will find good friends on here.

Also, i dont know if this is allowed, (posting a YouTube link) But this is only so people can get the kind of thoughts im struggling with;

(A video I made, expressing sorrow, I disagree with the things I sang and wrote singing 'How can we know what happens when we die, when we're not even sure of' what is happening while we're alive" but i wrote that.

Welcome, brother Sophrosyne.

Hey, awesome talent you got there. Your music is beautiful! And the video is intriguing and compelling. By the way, kudos on the unique username! It's the Greek word σωφροσύνη used in I Timothy & in Titus, meaning self-control, temperance, sound mind.

Jesus desires that we put down that heavy burden of trying to be good and just rest in Him. The more we walk along with Him, learning about Him, the more we become like Him. You don’t have to worry about changing yourself. Our attitude conforms to Christ day by day. It's not by might or power, but by His Spirit. That’s the miracle of salvation and sanctification!

Jesus says, “Believe in Me.” That’s it. As you read His Word, the Spirit will give you supernatural understanding and you will see clearer and clearer the more you talk with Him. But I know you already know that in your heart of hearts. Else you wouldn’t be restless and striving to break out of that religious cycle of trying to be good enough in your own strength.

Just rest in the Lord, my friend. Learn about Him, nothing else. Don’t be afraid of how you look to God. You are the apple of His eye, you are His beloved son and precious friend. You are perfect in His sight. It’s written in Isaiah 54 that God will never be angry at you or abandon you. Never. His Word is true and the foundation of all life. The Law of the God’s Love is an absolute. You can safely trust in Him.

I pray you let God prove to you the liberty and peace He has given to you thru Christ Jesus. You can rest, son. Nothing will ever separate you from the love of God, not even your fears. He is so faithful.

 

[Sophrosyne]

Welcome, brother Sophrosyne.

Hey, awesome talent you got there. Your music is beautiful! And the video is intriguing and compelling. By the way, kudos on the unique username! It's the Greek word σωφροσύνη used in I Timothy & in Titus, meaning self-control, temperance, sound mind.

Jesus desires that we put down that heavy burden of trying to be good and just rest in Him. The more we walk along with Him, learning about Him, the more we become like Him. You don’t have to worry about changing yourself. Our attitude conforms to Christ day by day. It's not by might or power, but by His Spirit. That’s the miracle of salvation and sanctification!

Jesus says, “Believe in Me.” That’s it. As you read His Word, the Spirit will give you supernatural understanding and you will see clearer and clearer the more you talk with Him. But I know you already know that in your heart of hearts. Else you wouldn’t be restless and striving to break out of that religious cycle of trying to be good enough in your own strength.

Just rest in the Lord, my friend. Learn about Him, nothing else. Don’t be afraid of how you look to God. You are the apple of His eye, you are His beloved son and precious friend. You are perfect in His sight. It’s written in Isaiah 54 that God will never be angry at you or abandon you. Never. His Word is true and the foundation of all life. The Law of the God’s Love is an absolute. You can safely trust in Him.

I pray you let God prove to you the liberty and peace He has given to you thru Christ Jesus. You can rest, son. Nothing will ever separate you from the love of God, not even your fears. He is so faithful.

thank you for this comment
-Thank you for the compliment, but out of the 6 different melodies/songs i sang/played, I wrote 4 of them, the middle one I didnt write (the one about I am that I am) and the last one; with me playing it for my mom-that is bob dylans dont think twice) But thank you hehe.
And yes, that is exaclty why I chose the username ))

I will trust in God, not in myself. I will read way more. but thank you for taking the time to write this to me, it realy helps, ill read it a couple of times, also when i'm not feelings God

 

[AuntieAnt]

DOH! I should have recognized Dylan. LOL

If you're interested in finding friends on this site, I recommend you post in the Christian Singles Forum. It's filled with wonderful young adults who can relate to your struggles and offer true friendship. They are a real blessing! Even to an old gal like me.

 

[Sophrosyne]

DOH! I should have recognized Dylan. LOL

If you're interested in finding friends on this site, I recommend you post in the Christian Singles Forum. It's filled with wonderful young adults who can relate to your struggles and offer true friendship. They are a real blessing! Even to an old gal like me.

That sounds great! Thank you ) - (Don't blame yourself aout not recognizing Dylan hahaha, I have a bad habit of changing some lines from very famous songs, to make it more relatable to my own situation. and im pretty sure i did that as well, a little bit in the dylan song lol)

 

[Godsgirl83]

Welcome Sophrosyne!

Welcome, brother Sophrosyne.

meaning self-control, temperance, sound mind.

.

in the Bible in Proverbs 22:1 it says "a good name is rather to be chosen than great riches" by calling yourself this, you are saying you have temperance, sound mind and self control.
Praise God for your foster mom who prayed with you! She planted seeds into your life. In James 4:8 it says to "draw near to God and He will draw near to you"
You are precious and loved!

 

[oyster67]

but I am scared, I think mainly because if I do "Believe" - then I will be confronted with my own actions, and the consequences, living in fear. - and the other reason is because I've been brainwashed my whole life to the atheistic view.

That you so much for being open, honest, and sincere. I love you. Jesus love you even more. This is what motivated Him to go to the cross for you. He made it possible for you to come just as you are.

When AuntieAnt was talking about your name, 2 Timothy 1:7 came to mind...

1:7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

God bless you, brother.

 

[TabinRivCA]

Welcome to CC and very nice to meet you. Ditto all above comments and hope to see you around the forums, God bless!

 

[GodIsSpiritGodIsHoly]

Hello, I'm new.. I grew up an atheist, yet my foster mom, prayed sometimes (when I was younger) with me.
I've tried searching other places to fill the void, women, drugs, alcohol, to satisfy myself.
I've been clean for 1½ years now, (I decided to stop after I Overdosed: A bit after my moms death)
It's only now, that i've been reflecting on everything that had happend, and i can't help but "know" it is not me that stopped with my addictions, it was God who put the strenght in me to stop.
Im at this point, where I'm scared to go to hell, scared that people who sin will go to hell, and i cant help but feel crazy.
For an example: I smoke cigarettes, a couple of months ago (and the previous years) I wouldn't think twice about it, in fact i would be like "well i've stopped with drugs and alcohol, one thing at a time) But I cant help but think things like "why did i even start to smoke?"
After some reflecting, I came to the conclusion that- I started to smoke cause it was the only thing that didnt "let me down" that was always there for me, and how cynical is that? How spirtual broken is that? The only thing that didnt let me down, was the one thing that will kill me eventually..
I don't need it, I only need God, I only wanna praise Jesus, but I am scared, I think mainly because if I do "Believe" - then I will be confronted with my own actions, and the consequences, living in fear. - and the other reason is because I've been brainwashed my whole life to the atheistic view.
I've always felt the truth when I've picked up the bible, but been scared.
Sorry long introduction, but I hope I will find good friends on here.

Also, i dont know if this is allowed, (posting a YouTube link) But this is only so people can get the kind of thoughts im struggling with;

(A video I made, expressing sorrow, I disagree with the things I sang and wrote singing 'How can we know what happens when we die, when we're not even sure of' what is happening while we're alive" but i wrote that.

Hello Sophrosyne.
Greetings to you in Denmark, from your close neighbor Norway.

It is great to read that you are on the right track, and that you have picked up the Bible.
The words of life is found in this book, and only in this book.
God truly is a life changer, and a life saver. As a testimony, I can say to you that he completely
changed my life, and took away every fear, and he has taken me away from those paths I walked before,
and put me on new paths. This is a work only He can do, keep reading in the bible and you will see what he came to do.

He is everything good, and there is no darkness in God.
He did not come to condemn us, but to save us from the paths and ways that we walk without him.
As you have seen, all the misery without the loving instruction and guidance of a Father,
the ways we walk without God leads us into misery and also cause so much pain for those around us.
This is the seriousness of sin, it brings so much hurt, and ruins lives.

Take some time to read Luke 15, and reflect upon it.
And do not be scared, if God reveals himself to you, - he will take away all the scars and pains in your heart,
His love is amazing, and the fear of dying will go away. A home in heaven, waiting for you.
You know that what you read is the truth, but you do not need to be scared.

God is a Merciful and loving Father for his children.
I am so glad that you are on this path, stay on it, and listen to what he says.
He has good things coming for everyone that loves him.

Warm regards.

 

[ProphetExcalibur]

Hello, I'm new.. I grew up an atheist, yet my foster mom, prayed sometimes (when I was younger) with me.
I've tried searching other places to fill the void, women, drugs, alcohol, to satisfy myself.
I've been clean for 1½ years now, (I decided to stop after I Overdosed: A bit after my moms death)
It's only now, that i've been reflecting on everything that had happend, and i can't help but "know" it is not me that stopped with my addictions, it was God who put the strenght in me to stop.
Im at this point, where I'm scared to go to hell, scared that people who sin will go to hell, and i cant help but feel crazy.
For an example: I smoke cigarettes, a couple of months ago (and the previous years) I wouldn't think twice about it, in fact i would be like "well i've stopped with drugs and alcohol, one thing at a time) But I cant help but think things like "why did i even start to smoke?"
After some reflecting, I came to the conclusion that- I started to smoke cause it was the only thing that didnt "let me down" that was always there for me, and how cynical is that? How spirtual broken is that? The only thing that didnt let me down, was the one thing that will kill me eventually..
I don't need it, I only need God, I only wanna praise Jesus, but I am scared, I think mainly because if I do "Believe" - then I will be confronted with my own actions, and the consequences, living in fear. - and the other reason is because I've been brainwashed my whole life to the atheistic view.
I've always felt the truth when I've picked up the bible, but been scared.
Sorry long introduction, but I hope I will find good friends on here.

Also, i dont know if this is allowed, (posting a YouTube link) But this is only so people can get the kind of thoughts im struggling with;

(A video I made, expressing sorrow, I disagree with the things I sang and wrote singing 'How can we know what happens when we die, when we're not even sure of' what is happening while we're alive" but i wrote that.

Soph, glad you made it welcome to the CC!! Come on in the water's fine! 🔥🙏😇

 

[GtrPkr]

If a man lives all his days righteous and without sin then he has only done what is expected. But all the angels of heaven rejoice for the man who repents of sin and turns to God. You're in good company Sophrosyne, we're all sinners here! Take comfort in the fact that the price has already been paid and you, as we all, are already forgiven. For who but God can forgive? Thank God that we are all created in His image and instinctively seek Him out, for any who deny God are liars. Don't look for a spiritual epiphany, just seek to understand God's forgiveness, and the necessity of God's forgiveness, so the spirit that is already in you will allow you to forgive others. We're all just God's bickering little children trying to find our way. Welcome

 

[Sophrosyne]

Thank you all I really appreciate the warm welcome!!

 

[Godsgirl83]

Thank you all I really appreciate the warm welcome!!

Soph,

That's a beautiful link! Thanks for sharing. I'm gonna re-post.

 

[Sophrosyne]

thank you all for being so awesome

 

[Godsgirl83]

thank you all for being so awesome

you're awesome dude!