Does God expect us to be ready?

[ToastAndTea]

... Before bringing us a prospective marriage partner? I have often felt that God is purposely witholding people from my life because I'm not as financially secure as I should be, or maybe not emotionally ready? But I don't know if I will ever be at the point I need to be in order to receive or to have the person that God wants for me.

I just wanted people's perspectives on how we know we're ready to receive the partner God has for us. I feel like I have been single for ages and I am so ready to get involved but I want to do the right thing and I feel it is holding me back.

 

[Dino246]

Does God expect us to be ready? No. Does He work with us to prepare? Yes.

What is "ready" anyway? Fully prepared? Not going to happen. God's design for marriage is two people supporting and challenging each other as they both grow toward holiness. He allows challenges in life to refine us; marriage is a great rasp to remove selfishness (children even more so).

There is much that a person can do to prepare for marriage. Obviously, getting your financial house in order, taking care of yourself physically, and maintaining your own space (not your mom's basement!) are worthwhile. Having an income is a no-brainer. Many people think these outward steps are enough... there are inner-space steps to take as well.

These include praying through your past: hurts, resentments, traumas, relationships (family included). It includes working on conquering any patterns of sin (full success may not be achieved). It means growing in integrity and faithfulness, especially in the area of sexual purity. Probably the most important is simply growing in your relationship with the Lord. He'll guide you through the rest.

Of course, none of this guarantees you a spouse, because life just doesn't work that way. However, it does guarantee that should a wonderful person come along, you will be more ready than if you had done nothing. The effort at self-improvement is never wasted, because it is its own reward, and it leaves you more fit for service in the Kingdom, married or not.

 

[seoulsearch]

Hi ToastAndTea,

This is a great topic, thank you for posting!

I think Dino said it all (at least, he listed everything I could have thought of), but I just wanted to let you know you're not alone in your train of thought. I've often wondered if I'm ready to meet someone as well, and I'm not exactly sure how God would let me know either.

I know there are times when I think I'm on the right track, and then I'll talk to other people and think, "Wow, these people have their acts together a whole lot more than I do--I must have a long way to go!" But this also makes me very discouraged.

I do believe that God sometimes leads us into seasons of self-improvement (all guided by Him, of course), and we usually have no idea how long that season is going to last. I've often told God out of frustration, "Ok, am I perfect yet?" because it often feels that's how I'd have to be in order to be "ready"! (Of course, I know I'll never be perfect in this lifetime--but this is my own lame way of complaining to God about the long wait!)

I honestly don't know how or when God would tell me that I'm ready, or at least, ready enough, because I do think the answer is different for everyone. I've met some people who seemed to meet someone and get married at their lowest point (sometimes for the better, and sometimes for the worst), and I've known other people who seemed to have worked on nearly every area they can in their lives and they're still waiting.

I often wonder, if I were ready or met the right person, would God somehow bowl me over with a feeling of, "This is it!!! Don't let this person get away!!!", but I really have no idea. I guess I'd like to think what would happen is that I'd meet someone who was able to meet me where I'm at, and isn't trying to pursue several others at the same time and doesn't have a ready line of alternates to pursue when I ask to take time to get to know each other. But again, I really don't know how God would work in that area of my life.

All I can say is, we're all in this together, and the great thing about this forum is that we can all keep each other company and pray for each other while we're working and waiting.

Best wishes, and please keep on posting!

 

[Hamarr]

Dino has a lot of good stuff to say about this.

I have wondered this a lot myself. A lot of what is beneath it is the feeling of not being good enough. That I am unworthy.

I’ve posted a bit about my experiences and working through. I have been really beating up on myself for not trying when I was younger. I was doing some step reading this morning when it dawned on me how foreign the concept of love is and how emotionally walled off I was out of need to protect myself growing up. We said the word love a lot but it wasn’t shown at all. Working through helps me to forgive myself.

I do feel more ready over time as I learn to love myself and feel God’s love for me. I have my moments where I am down that can feel like setbacks but those always seem to lead forward to more growth.

Btw, I am really glad to see these topics lately. Discussing them is a huge help in not feeling unique in struggling.

 

[cinder]

Dino has a lot of good stuff to say about this.

I have wondered this a lot myself. A lot of what is beneath it is the feeling of not being good enough. That I am unworthy.

I’ve posted a bit about my experiences and working through. I have been really beating up on myself for not trying when I was younger. I was doing some step reading this morning when it dawned on me how foreign the concept of love is and how emotionally walled off I was out of need to protect myself growing up. We said the word love a lot but it wasn’t shown at all. Working through helps me to forgive myself.

I do feel more ready over time as I learn to love myself and feel God’s love for me. I have my moments where I am down that can feel like setbacks but those always seem to lead forward to more growth.

Btw, I am really glad to see these topics lately. Discussing them is a huge help in not feeling unique in struggling.

Your post made me think of this song, granted it's an old one but I thought you might like it.

 

[ToastAndTea]

Hi ToastAndTea,

This is a great topic, thank you for posting!

I think Dino said it all (at least, he listed everything I could have thought of), but I just wanted to let you know you're not alone in your train of thought. I've often wondered if I'm ready to meet someone as well, and I'm not exactly sure how God would let me know either.

I know there are times when I think I'm on the right track, and then I'll talk to other people and think, "Wow, these people have their acts together a whole lot more than I do--I must have a long way to go!" But this also makes me very discouraged.

I do believe that God sometimes leads us into seasons of self-improvement (all guided by Him, of course), and we usually have no idea how long that season is going to last. I've often told God out of frustration, "Ok, am I perfect yet?" because it often feels that's how I'd have to be in order to be "ready"! (Of course, I know I'll never be perfect in this lifetime--but this is my own lame way of complaining to God about the long wait!)

I honestly don't know how or when God would tell me that I'm ready, or at least, ready enough, because I do think the answer is different for everyone. I've met some people who seemed to meet someone and get married at their lowest point (sometimes for the better, and sometimes for the worst), and I've known other people who seemed to have worked on nearly every area they can in their lives and they're still waiting.

I often wonder, if I were ready or met the right person, would God somehow bowl me over with a feeling of, "This is it!!! Don't let this person get away!!!", but I really have no idea. I guess I'd like to think what would happen is that I'd meet someone who was able to meet me where I'm at, and isn't trying to pursue several others at the same time and doesn't have a ready line of alternates to pursue when I ask to take time to get to know each other. But again, I really don't know how God would work in that area of my life.

All I can say is, we're all in this together, and the great thing about this forum is that we can all keep each other company and pray for each other while we're working and waiting.

Best wishes, and please keep on posting!

Dear Seoulsearch, Thanks for the reminder that we're not alone. It's always helpful to know there are others out there who are going through what we are. I think we get discouraged when we compare ourselves to others. I guess it's always a good idea to get our value from what God's word says. I am feeling like I am going through a season of preparation and its the hardest season I think I have ever experienced. I know God is working in your life too. Please know if you ever need a friend to talk to, or a shoulder to cry on, I am right here (virtually anyway). I guess as long as we are here, we might as well try to encourage each other in Christ.