I have heard from my single sisters in Christ locally on this and began to wonder how much of an issue this really is so I will pose the question here.
It seems one of the biggest issues ladies have to deal with in dating relationships is "Christian" guys wanting to get into a physical relationship and have sex before marriage. How real is this and how often do you run into it?
Thank you in advance.
In my limited dating experience, this is absolutely true, and a big reason as to why I'm still single.
I was on two popular Christian dating sites for several years, and met one guy for lunch. He was very interesting to talk to, and I was impressed that he was humble (he credited his success at the car shop where he worked to his team and not himself,) and told me that he drove 3 hours every Sunday to get to and from his old church, which he said he loved and felt committed to. He was also from another culture that I found to be quite fascinating, and in my head, I was thinking that maybe someday we could get together with his family and they could teach me how to cook their native foods.
I had enjoyed talking to him and at the end of the date, went to give him a hug. I just intended it to be a friendly hug, but he held on to me and was kind of running his hand through my hair.
I do feel sorry for guys in that, we tell them we want them to step up and be leaders, but I realize that it must be very difficult for them to read signals for us as well.
I wasn't really comfortable with him caressing my hair (call me a prude, that's fine, but I would think that would be something more for an official girlfriend), but looking back, maybe he thought he would be able to kiss me. Instead, I just quickly pulled away and thanked him again for the nice time.
Because we lived quite a distance from each other, we had agreed to meet somewhere in the middle at a public shopping square, so we each had about the same distance to drive home in opposite directions.
I kid you not, AS SOON as I walked through my door, my phone started blowing up with texts in which he asked me, "How soon do you think two people should start sharing their bodies?" We hadn't even talked about anything like that during our conversations. And to him, it wasn't even a matter of "if", but "when", and he seemed to think nothing of it, which is something I've encountered quite often within the Christian dating community.
I honestly didn't think of this guy as a creeper or a predator AT ALL, but I think he was like so many people--a lonely person who was hoping to make a genuine connection with someone. In truth, it made me quite sad, because his texts had an air of expectation, and I knew I couldn't see him again, and told him so in my replies.
And I'm certainly not saying that women aren't susceptible to temptations, either. I've had situations where... Maybe I had an interest with a guy... but other women (within the same Christian circle) were sending him "sexy" or even nude pictures of themelves or were much more "exciting conversations" than me -- and I can't (and won't) compete with that.
Please know that I am NOT trying to knock men as a whole at all. I'll tell you one thing, the guys who are all too eager to scrump and dump just make all the good guys out there stand out all the more, and make me feel an even greater sense of appreciation for them.
I know that for myself, the times when I had to fight errant thoughts were when someone could actually prove that they were loyal, not looking at every other woman who walked their way or clicking on every scantily-clad image that passed along their screens, but made me feel like what I felt or said was genuinely valuable and one-of-a-kind.
I guess it's for the better that I have only felt this way a very minute number of times in my life, and something would always destroy that sense of security in a relatively short time, eliminating the feelings of temptation or even attraction.
I often ask God what I should do, because over the years, my best defense has been just to lock myself away and try my best not to feel anything.
