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J

JustEli

Well-known member
#321
Dec 23, 2018
1,374
983
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#321
uh ainta lookin, c only guess hahahahaahhaah
 
mailmandan

mailmandan

Senior Member
#322
Apr 7, 2014
25,457
13,396
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#322
The FBI had an open position for a new agent. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were completed, they had narrowed the field down to 2 possible applicants, in which one applicant was a man and the other a woman. For the final test, the FBI agents took the man to a waiting room where his wife was and handed him a gun. 'We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances.' Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. We need you to shoot her. The man said, "You can't be serious! I could never shoot my wife!" The FBI agents said, 'then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.'

The woman was given the same instructions and in the waiting room was her husband. She hesitated at first, but then took the gun and went into the waiting room. All was quiet for a few minutes. Then suddenly, you could hear 6 shots fired, commotion, banging on the wall and a loud thud, then all was quiet. The FBI agents opened the door to the waiting room slowly to check on the woman, who stood there wiping sweat from her face, who then said to the FBI agents, "what are you guys trying to pull? This gun had blanks in it and I had to pistol whip him to death!"
 
mailmandan

mailmandan

Senior Member
#323
Apr 7, 2014
25,457
13,396
113
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#323
Question: Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
Answer: Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.

Question: Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
Answer: Samson. He brought the house down.

Question: What is the difference between Catholics and Baptists?
Answer: Catholics will actually acknowledge each other at the liquor store.
 
fizzyjoe

fizzyjoe

Well-known member
#327
Oct 22, 2018
568
401
63
#327
mailmandan said:
Why men should not write advice columns...

Dear John,

I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't driven more than a mile down the road when the engine died and the car shuddered to a halt. I forget my cell phone, so I walked back home to get my husband's help.

When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. I caught him red handed having an affair with the woman who lived next door! I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for ten years. When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having an affair for the past six months.

I told him to stop or I would leave him. He explained that since he lost his job six months ago he's he been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. He won't go to counseling with me and I'm afraid I can't get through to him anymore.

Can you please help?

Sincerely, Sheila

Dear Sheila:

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no dirt in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the injectors.

I hope this helps.

John
Click to expand...
Emotions who needs em?😂
Just focus on the vehicle 😂🤣
 
H

Hamarr

Guest
#328
#328
mailmandan said:
Question: What is the difference between Catholics and Baptists?
Answer: Catholics will actually acknowledge each other at the liquor store.
Click to expand...
This reminds of a joke I heard from a Baptist:

Why should you always bring two Baptists fishing?

If you bring one, he'll drink all your beer. If you bring two, they won't drink any.
 
NYUK3206

NYUK3206

Member
#331
Jan 30, 2019
30
87
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#331
My doctor called me fat. I told him I wanted a second opinion and he said, “OK, you’re ugly too.”
 
NYUK3206

NYUK3206

Member
#332
Jan 30, 2019
30
87
18
54
#332
A bored young man decided life would be more fun if he had a pet.
So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a talking centipede, (100-legged bug), which came in a little white box to use for his house.
He took the box back home, found a good spot for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to church with him. So he asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go to church with me today? We will have a good time." But there was no answer from his new pet. This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked again, "How about going to church with me and receive blessings?" But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation.
The guy decided to invite the centipede one last time. This time he put his face up against the centipede's house and shouted, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to church with me and learn about God?" This time, a little voice came out of the box, "I heard you the first time! I'm putting on my shoes"
 
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