Hey Everyone,
It's a given that many of us hope to find a special someone. But, we're also all pressed for time, as well as getting a little (cough, cough) older. Everyone tells us to "wait on the Lord", but then we are also told that God won't drop someone into our lap, so we actually have to get up (gasp!) and start looking!
However... How aggressively are we allowed to be looking?
* Is it ok to write a generic "Hey, I'd like to get to know you" message, and send it out to a hundred possible candidates at one time?
* Is it ok to instant message 10 different people you might be interested in--all at one time? And if you don't have any luck that day, is it ok to instant message another 10 the next day, just waiting for someone to tug on the line?
* If a person IS talking to several possible candidates at once, how do they juggle them all fairly, and how do you start deciding who gets eliminated? How do you narrow it down to one lucky candidate, or is it ok to keep several people "on the line" "just in case" one doesn't work out?
I have to be honest in saying that if I get a feeling or proof that I'm just a number on a hook, my choice will be to bail out immediately. I understand that most people probably feel they don't have the time to approach people one at a time, take the time to get to know them, and then risk having that time "wasted" when things don't work out and they could be getting to know 10 other "maybe's" at the same time, but that seems to be the way it works now days.
Granted, I'm probably the last person anyone would want to look to as an example of how to find someone. I've always stuck to the "old-fashioned" ways of meeting people on forums (strike up a friendship and see where it goes over some time), and that's probably why I'm still single after many long years--but I've made great friends along the way, and I have no regrets.
However, I understand that most people want to find someone as soon as possible (and maybe even get married on their birthday of this year
), but what is the difference between "actively looking"... and simply throwing out line after line or casting a net as wide as possible--or is this the way to go?
Where is the line between doing all we can do, and making people feel as if they're being put on hold--while the other person makes sure there isn't someone better on another line?
I'd really like to hear everyone's thoughts about this, because it's happening all the time.
It's a given that many of us hope to find a special someone. But, we're also all pressed for time, as well as getting a little (cough, cough) older. Everyone tells us to "wait on the Lord", but then we are also told that God won't drop someone into our lap, so we actually have to get up (gasp!) and start looking!
However... How aggressively are we allowed to be looking?
* Is it ok to write a generic "Hey, I'd like to get to know you" message, and send it out to a hundred possible candidates at one time?
* Is it ok to instant message 10 different people you might be interested in--all at one time? And if you don't have any luck that day, is it ok to instant message another 10 the next day, just waiting for someone to tug on the line?
* If a person IS talking to several possible candidates at once, how do they juggle them all fairly, and how do you start deciding who gets eliminated? How do you narrow it down to one lucky candidate, or is it ok to keep several people "on the line" "just in case" one doesn't work out?
I have to be honest in saying that if I get a feeling or proof that I'm just a number on a hook, my choice will be to bail out immediately. I understand that most people probably feel they don't have the time to approach people one at a time, take the time to get to know them, and then risk having that time "wasted" when things don't work out and they could be getting to know 10 other "maybe's" at the same time, but that seems to be the way it works now days.
Granted, I'm probably the last person anyone would want to look to as an example of how to find someone. I've always stuck to the "old-fashioned" ways of meeting people on forums (strike up a friendship and see where it goes over some time), and that's probably why I'm still single after many long years--but I've made great friends along the way, and I have no regrets.
However, I understand that most people want to find someone as soon as possible (and maybe even get married on their birthday of this year
), but what is the difference between "actively looking"... and simply throwing out line after line or casting a net as wide as possible--or is this the way to go?Where is the line between doing all we can do, and making people feel as if they're being put on hold--while the other person makes sure there isn't someone better on another line?
I'd really like to hear everyone's thoughts about this, because it's happening all the time.
It's funny that you use the 'Many Fish in the Sea' reference...
- for both my older son and daughter I converted a 'value focused thinking' tool/spreadsheet (used to assist decision makers) with the many fish in the sea analogy... Where I used the reference of a 'Gold Fish' as being someone's First Choice...
In both of their cases they were the first choice 'Gold Fish' of their respective first serious HS girlfriend or boyfriend...
The objective of my use of this tool for both of them was to illustrate to them that while their first serious HS boyfriend or girlfriend CHOSE them and pursued them - that they too have a choice in realizing their own preferences in who they decide to date...
The tool is merely intended to drive that point home - it is by no means intended to be predictive... Albeit, I always tease my daughter that I get a vote as to who she is allowed to marry...
As it pertains to the reference to 'Baiting'...
- While I have always been a one woman at a time kinda guy; I do suspect that there is a preliminary phase that calls for gaining knowledge and insights about the various fish in your pond that allows you to make sound choices based upon the limited information that is available to you at the time...
- This poses quite the conundrum bc in order for people to make informed decisions they require information and knowledge; while acknowledging that we will never have access to perfect information nor all information. Our human intuition is likely to play a key role...
- I do believe that this is a two way street and that it is in everyone's best interest to keep all their options open and hopefully do that in as respectful and dignified a manner as is christianly possible...
Personally, I'm in the process of turning over a new leaf as it pertains to my renewed appreciation to give all my trust and faith to HIM...
I believe that one of my challenges in the past was that I was too fixated on seeking out my Gold Fish... In hindsight, I suspect that I might be better off waiting for the lord to bring someone into my path who deems me as their 'Gold Fish' such that I might be able to consider a hybrid approach (to my own advise to my kids) to consider each new prospective fish (no catfish please) on a case by case basis to deem if in fact that she might just be the one (with the soul) that HE deems is worthy of earning my heart and soul...
I'm expecting some sort of sign from above maybe fireworks, lightning or a brick to fall from the sky with her name on it as an absolute sign from HIM to me ... Until then, I'm just gonna strive to keep myself busy, mind my own business and strive to NOT go fishing or putting any bait out in any waters they don't belong; while keeping my heart, soul and options open to HIM...
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