Can I just get real for a second...

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littlelady

littlelady

Junior Member
#1
Dec 28, 2015
69
71
18
#1
OK, so I need to get some stuff off my chest that's really weighing me down. I'm too embarssed to talk to friends about this so posting anonymously on the internet as one does... :LOL::confused:

My life has felt pretty up and down lately but was on a positive track there and I felt like God was really present. Out of nowhere, I feel flat, detached, unfulfilled, and like I'm failing. I feel like a big disappointment to my family, and I don't even know why I feel this way as they never say anything to criticise my singleness. But the weight of this feeling is crushing me. I'm turning 30 this year and I know that's not a magic age where you have to figure your life out but for some reason it is triggering big anxiety and pressure in me. I feel like I'm dragging behind everyone around me, missing all these big milestones. In my head I know this is nonsense and I know full well happiness comes from God and within myself, it can never be dependant on another person. I've been down that road a few times and it ain't pretty.

Am I where I want to be in my relationship with God? No. Do I feel like I'm reaching my potential and who He designed me to be? Not yet. Should THIS be my biggest concern? Absolutely. So why am I getting all up in my head because I'm not with someone? I know a fulfilled life is nothing to do with marriage, although of course it is a blessing. But there is so much more to life!

I feel so lonely at the moment, were before I felt free and like the road ahead was full of promise and opportunity. I feel ashamed that I'm even worrying about all this because I know it's very melo-dramatic and self-centred - hence the internet post.

I feel like there are certain criteria I need to meet to be valued, which goes against everything I know about God and His love for me. Am I the only one who ever feels this way?

I'm working on my relationship with God and doing the "go-to" remedy of praying, reading His Word, surrounding myself with loved ones and church family, and taking note of all I have to be thankful for. This emptiness just won't go away yet and I needed to vent. Thanks for reading if you made it this far! Pat on the back for you :)
 
melita916

melita916

Senior Member
#2
Aug 12, 2011
10,467
2,704
113
#2
little lady, I know exactly what you're talking about. I felt the same way when I was 30 yrs old. I was actually depressed for a short time because I felt like I was being left behind in the world of relationships. I was single with no prospects. it got to a point that I felt I wasn't relationship material because it felt like no one would ever be interested in me.

even though I was surrounded by my loving family and friends, involved in different ministries at church, and had a really good job, I just felt alone. I cried a lot. I was completely honest with the Lord on how I felt. I even felt a little bitter because I felt like I was doing "everything right" and yet no guy wanted me. oh this silly heart. no wonder the Bible says we can trust our hearts.

it didn't happen over night, but as I kept sharing my feelings with the Lord, I eventually got to the point where I was ok being single... not in a "men are horrible! I don't want one!" kind of way. it was more like "you know what. I'm alive. I have purpose. that purpose was given to me by God before I even knew what marriage was." did I want to get married one day? maybe. but I guess God reassured me that I was going to be ok - not because of anything I did but because He is good to all of us.

I don't really have any "step by step" advice to give. just wanted you to know you're not alone in this. :)
 
Lighthearted

Lighthearted

Senior Member
#3
Oct 17, 2016
1,779
818
113
54
#3
littlelady said:
OK, so I need to get some stuff off my chest that's really weighing me down. I'm too embarssed to talk to friends about this so posting anonymously on the internet as one does... :LOL::confused:

My life has felt pretty up and down lately but was on a positive track there and I felt like God was really present. Out of nowhere, I feel flat, detached, unfulfilled, and like I'm failing. I feel like a big disappointment to my family, and I don't even know why I feel this way as they never say anything to criticise my singleness. But the weight of this feeling is crushing me. I'm turning 30 this year and I know that's not a magic age where you have to figure your life out but for some reason it is triggering big anxiety and pressure in me. I feel like I'm dragging behind everyone around me, missing all these big milestones. In my head I know this is nonsense and I know full well happiness comes from God and within myself, it can never be dependant on another person. I've been down that road a few times and it ain't pretty.

Am I where I want to be in my relationship with God? No. Do I feel like I'm reaching my potential and who He designed me to be? Not yet. Should THIS be my biggest concern? Absolutely. So why am I getting all up in my head because I'm not with someone? I know a fulfilled life is nothing to do with marriage, although of course it is a blessing. But there is so much more to life!

I feel so lonely at the moment, were before I felt free and like the road ahead was full of promise and opportunity. I feel ashamed that I'm even worrying about all this because I know it's very melo-dramatic and self-centred - hence the internet post.

I feel like there are certain criteria I need to meet to be valued, which goes against everything I know about God and His love for me. Am I the only one who ever feels this way?

I'm working on my relationship with God and doing the "go-to" remedy of praying, reading His Word, surrounding myself with loved ones and church family, and taking note of all I have to be thankful for. This emptiness just won't go away yet and I needed to vent. Thanks for reading if you made it this far! Pat on the back for you :)
Click to expand...
You are not alone! Yes, I've felt that way and sometimes the devil tries to pull me right back down.
Sounds like you're doing all the right things.
He does have a plan for you and His timing is perfect...stay ready for Him to move!
 
1

17Bees

Senior Member
#4
Oct 14, 2016
1,380
813
113
#4
Not sure what it is about a decade's end that inspires introspection. Maybe feeling the cold steel edge of passing time, I reckon. I think it's hard for any of us to truly accept mercy - the full meaning of God's mercy. Grace makes us feel like we need to earn it somehow. We punish ourselves and question our motives and harshly judge our outcomes, seek atonement, however the mercy - the Grace of our Lord God - requires no penance. It only requires faith. And no, littlelady, you've not reached your potential. None of us will till we meet our Maker, I guess.

That said, our love for our God of Israel doesn't always take the check after a candlelight dinner, does it. Doesn't hold your hand on a walk down the beach, doesn't hold the door. I do believe though, that God understands our clocks, our passings of time, and our loneliness. And I personally know God's miracles are sometimes quiet-like and a surprise. Like a flower in the snow.

So I think your faith and your love for God doesn't go unnoticed or unanswered and in a way, it keeps you awake. You will sometimes see the unseen and notice the small things that grow big. God speed your journey!
 
BrotherMike

BrotherMike

Be Still and Know
#5
Jan 8, 2018
1,617
1,671
113
#5
Love it when people are real. I'll say this you are not alone. We all go through ups and downs in life. Society creates expectations, but the most important thing is what does God think of you? I myself have been going through some lows and as well felt have let my family down. They don't know the whole picture and thats fine. We do what we can to move forward. Nothing wrong with taking time to tap into God's passionate, personal, powerful love for us. It helps us to love ourselves and love others. This is something I'm exploring to be a better man for my future wife. Sometimes we just need to surrender, die to self, and focus on the eternal. We should trust God's timing is being done, not ours. With that said, maybe God wants us to go through some growing before we are ready to bring someone else into our life. Keep seeking Him... He will give us the desires of our hearts when He sees we are ready.
 
Subhumanoidal

Subhumanoidal

Well-known member
#6
Sep 17, 2018
4,100
3,197
113
#6
@littlelady
There's a very simple explanation for this. You're a normal human. :eek:
While many may suggest that one is never to feel bad or negative, it's not actually realistic, nor expected. All throughout the bible we see people struggle with a variety of problems. They didn't all maintain some happy mindset 24/7/365, so why would you expect yourself to? Even Jesus himself didn't maintain that.
I suspect what's going on is you're feeling normal, reasonable things then adding pressure to yourself, making it worse, for how you feel. So what may have been something more easily dealt with, you instead compound by putting undo and unrealistic expectations on yourself that bring you further down. Give yourself a break.
People are governed by hormones, emotions, personal expectations and more. Any one of which can serve to bring us down. So why believe you're exempt from them? You may not be thinking that consciously, but it's apparent it's going on in your mind.
People get lonely. They get down. It's ok. Just keep working at overcoming it, or better yet, finding the source.
Go to a doctor and have things checked out to make sure nothing is going on that may be causing this shift. Also it may be a good time to sit down and rethink where you're at and where you want to aim. Sometimes what we wanted before we just keep doing, even if it may no longer fit us, simply out of habit.
Lastly i disagree that 30 is insignificant. As one on my 4th decade i can tell you each decade mark i hit was significant to me. Especially 30 and 40. People tend to view their 20s as the time of possibilities and possibilities, once people hit their 30s they tend to feel they're on the path they will stay on, which may even lead to feeling trapped or stuck. I remember hitting 30 was tough on me and i felt much of what you're saying.
Sometimes we just need some small adjustments to our thinking and we do much better.
 
L

LadyInWaiting

Guest
#7
#7
Hi LittleLady! I don't really know what to tell you as I'm on the same boat. :( I'll be 30 later this year too. It's really disheartening when you see all your friends (some which are younger) getting married and having babies. It's definitely scary because we only have a small window of fertility.
The best thing you can do it to try to focus on Jesus. What I like to do it read the Word and also read some devotionals daily. One of my favorites is Charles Stanley's devotionals. You can find them here...https://www.intouch.org/Read/Magazine/daily-devotions
Check out Jesus Calling too!
Spending time with my family (esp my mom) also helps. Going outside for a walk does me good too. Basically, try to do fun things that are good and pleasing to God. Pray for his will in your life. Pray for your acceptance of whatever he brings for you. You have to try to get to a point where you are 100% okay if you never marry or have kids. It's easier said than done though. I'm probably like at a 20% myself right now lol. But it's getting there. A year ago I was dead set on getting married and having a family. Now, I feel like if it doesn't happen, I might be okay.
Anyways, don't feel lonely, there are many of us who understand and feel the same way you do. GBU!
 
Pipp

Pipp

Majestic Llamacorn
#8
Sep 17, 2013
5,543
2,722
113
Georgia
#8
Praying for you sista! I'm 35 now, and I still have those days.. those "GOD, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME ?? AM I SO HORRIBLE?? AM I UNLOVABLE???" moments . Thank the Lord they are rare these days though. Just keep on keeping on for God , love others and love yourself.
 
L

LadyInWaiting

Guest
#9
#9
Pipp said:
Praying for you sista! I'm 35 now, and I still have those days.. those "GOD, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME ?? AM I SO HORRIBLE?? AM I UNLOVABLE???" moments . Thank the Lord they are rare these days though. Just keep on keeping on for God , love others and love yourself.
Click to expand...
I didn't know others had those "am I so unloveable?" moments. (((hugs)))
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#11
Aug 2, 2009
24,653
4,317
113
#11
Ah yes, 30 is the age everyone freaks out about because your 20's are supposed to be the best, most exciting times of your life and now 30 supposedly means you're "over the hill" as if someone flicked a switch... like life automatically enters the doldrums and a mid-life crisis is about to knock on your door...

Well the truth is that nothing's going to change except the number when you have to fill in your age on a form. All the worries about turning 30 only exists in your head. :sneaky:(y):D
 
Oncefallen

Oncefallen

Idiot in Chief
Staff member
#13
Jan 15, 2011
6,070
3,461
113
#13
zeroturbulence said:
Ah yes, 30 is the age everyone freaks out about because your 20's are supposed to be the best, most exciting times of your life and now 30 supposedly means you're "over the hill" as if someone flicked a switch... like life automatically enters the doldrums and a mid-life crisis is about to knock on your door...

Well the truth is that nothing's going to change except the number when you have to fill in your age on a form. All the worries about turning 30 only exists in your head. :sneaky:(y):D
Click to expand...

No kidding, my life didn't start until 30. I got married at 43, started a small business at 49...........
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#14
Aug 13, 2014
27,726
9,656
113
#14
Ah good, I'm not the only one. I'm a flat 40 years old, never done all the things you're supposed to get done in your halcyon 20's. Never got married, bought a house, any of those life landmark things.

I haven't seen the middle age crisis thing yet. I think it's a myth. I'm still living my life as it comes.
 
littlelady

littlelady

Junior Member
#16
Dec 28, 2015
69
71
18
#16
These replies have been so encouraging- thank you all so SO much! I feel slightly less despairing and alone now, and it's comforting to know this is something we all deal with at some point! Love to you all, you're the best 😊
 
J

jbrooks5912

Guest
#18
#18
littlelady said:
OK, so I need to get some stuff off my chest that's really weighing me down. I'm too embarssed to talk to friends about this so posting anonymously on the internet as one does... :LOL::confused:

My life has felt pretty up and down lately but was on a positive track there and I felt like God was really present. Out of nowhere, I feel flat, detached, unfulfilled, and like I'm failing. I feel like a big disappointment to my family, and I don't even know why I feel this way as they never say anything to criticise my singleness. But the weight of this feeling is crushing me. I'm turning 30 this year and I know that's not a magic age where you have to figure your life out but for some reason it is triggering big anxiety and pressure in me. I feel like I'm dragging behind everyone around me, missing all these big milestones. In my head I know this is nonsense and I know full well happiness comes from God and within myself, it can never be dependant on another person. I've been down that road a few times and it ain't pretty.

Am I where I want to be in my relationship with God? No. Do I feel like I'm reaching my potential and who He designed me to be? Not yet. Should THIS be my biggest concern? Absolutely. So why am I getting all up in my head because I'm not with someone? I know a fulfilled life is nothing to do with marriage, although of course it is a blessing. But there is so much more to life!

I feel so lonely at the moment, were before I felt free and like the road ahead was full of promise and opportunity. I feel ashamed that I'm even worrying about all this because I know it's very melo-dramatic and self-centred - hence the internet post.

I feel like there are certain criteria I need to meet to be valued, which goes against everything I know about God and His love for me. Am I the only one who ever feels this way?

I'm working on my relationship with God and doing the "go-to" remedy of praying, reading His Word, surrounding myself with loved ones and church family, and taking note of all I have to be thankful for. This emptiness just won't go away yet and I needed to vent. Thanks for reading if you made it this far! Pat on the back for you :)
Click to expand...
Going through your post it seems you put aloy of burdens in yourself. We all do expexially when it comes to finding that special one.

Regardless we must never forget we are baught with a price and that price is what made falling in love even more possible because He first loved us.

IN respects to this i can sense you may be down and out and feeling lonely. Maybe your family or friends are pressuing you or maybe you just see them and u want what they have and you want to provide them with a bigger family (grandkids)

Tell me if i am wrong, anyway putting alot of pressure on yourself over this is not really what God intended. His plan is more important than earthly desires.

Yes i should practice my own preaching and when i reread i tend to go by it and changr prospectives, thats how the Spirit works at times.

Anyway with this being said, if they are pressurimg you just express kindly your heart. But if they are not you are sinply just doggin yourself to have perfection but in truth you had love all along and that man named JEsus is the one who loves you and you are being prepaird for a setvice and that one will come your way in HIs timing.
 
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