Hilarious post
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For his sake, I hope that wasn't their first date. 
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Two hippies are walking down the road and they came upon a Catholic Priest with a broken arm.
One says, Hey man what happened to your Arm?
Priest, I fell in the bathtub.
Each continues to talk on.
One hippie turns to the other, hey man what is a bathtub?
The other, I don't know it must be a Catholic Thing.
One says, Hey man what happened to your Arm?
Priest, I fell in the bathtub.
Each continues to talk on.
One hippie turns to the other, hey man what is a bathtub?
The other, I don't know it must be a Catholic Thing.
Top Ten Ways You Know You're in a Bad Church
10. The church bus has gun racks
9. The staff consists of "Senior Pastor, Associate Pastor, and Socio-Pastor"
8. The Bible they use is the "Dr. Seuss Version"
7. Their is an ATM in the lobby
6. The church services are B.Y.O.S. -- "Bring Your Own Snake"
5. The choir wears leather robes
4. There is no cover charge, but communion is a 2 drink minimum
3. They have karaoke worship time
2. The ushers ask "Smoking or Non-Smoking?" before seating you
1. The only song the church organist knows is "Innagaddadavita"
10. The church bus has gun racks
9. The staff consists of "Senior Pastor, Associate Pastor, and Socio-Pastor"
8. The Bible they use is the "Dr. Seuss Version"
7. Their is an ATM in the lobby
6. The church services are B.Y.O.S. -- "Bring Your Own Snake"
5. The choir wears leather robes
4. There is no cover charge, but communion is a 2 drink minimum
3. They have karaoke worship time
2. The ushers ask "Smoking or Non-Smoking?" before seating you
1. The only song the church organist knows is "Innagaddadavita"
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The first mention of "race fixing" in the Bible.
Jesus told Lazarus to "come Fourth."
* The first mention of "Formula 1 Racing" in the Bible.
"All of Isreal heard the roar of his Triumph."
* The first mention of "smoking" in the Bible.
"Sarah lit up on a camel."
* The first mention of "football" in the Bible.
"Jesus going up for the cross."
* The first mention of "laxatives" in the Bible.
"Moses took two tablets and went up on the mount."
* The first mention of "tennis" in the Bible.
"Joseph served on Pharaoh's court."
* The first mention of "motorcycles" in the Bible.
"Joshua's Triumph was heard throughout the land."
* The first mention of "computer languages" in the Bible.
"Go FORTH and multiply!"
* The first mention of "programming style" in the Bible.
"GO TO, and let us confuse their language."
* The first mention of "sex" in the Bible.
"Jesus was Layed in the tomb." or
"Jesus going to Mount Olive."
* The first mention of "constipation" in the Bible.
"Baalam's ass would not move."
* The first mention of "drugs" in the Bible.
"Mary Magdalen getting stoned."
* The first mention of "elasticity" in the Bible.
"Jesus tying his ass to a tree and then walking 40 miles
into the desert."
* The first mention of "Baseball" in the Bible.
"And Rachael took a pitcher to the well."
* The first mention of "The lord's name" in the Bible.
"Our father who art in heaven HALLOWED be thy name."
* The first mention of "baseball" in the Bible.
"In the Big-Inning"
Jesus told Lazarus to "come Fourth."
* The first mention of "Formula 1 Racing" in the Bible.
"All of Isreal heard the roar of his Triumph."
* The first mention of "smoking" in the Bible.
"Sarah lit up on a camel."
* The first mention of "football" in the Bible.
"Jesus going up for the cross."
* The first mention of "laxatives" in the Bible.
"Moses took two tablets and went up on the mount."
* The first mention of "tennis" in the Bible.
"Joseph served on Pharaoh's court."
* The first mention of "motorcycles" in the Bible.
"Joshua's Triumph was heard throughout the land."
* The first mention of "computer languages" in the Bible.
"Go FORTH and multiply!"
* The first mention of "programming style" in the Bible.
"GO TO, and let us confuse their language."
* The first mention of "sex" in the Bible.
"Jesus was Layed in the tomb." or
"Jesus going to Mount Olive."
* The first mention of "constipation" in the Bible.
"Baalam's ass would not move."
* The first mention of "drugs" in the Bible.
"Mary Magdalen getting stoned."
* The first mention of "elasticity" in the Bible.
"Jesus tying his ass to a tree and then walking 40 miles
into the desert."
* The first mention of "Baseball" in the Bible.
"And Rachael took a pitcher to the well."
* The first mention of "The lord's name" in the Bible.
"Our father who art in heaven HALLOWED be thy name."
* The first mention of "baseball" in the Bible.
"In the Big-Inning"
For his sake, I hope that wasn't their first date.
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A bored young man decided life would be more fun if he had a pet.
So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a talking centipede, (100-legged bug), which came in a little white box to use for his house.
He took the box back home, found a good spot for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to church with him. So he asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go to church with me today? We will have a good time." But there was no answer from his new pet. This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked again, "How about going to church with me and receive blessings?" But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation.
The guy decided to invite the centipede one last time. This time he put his face up against the centipede's house and shouted, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to church with me and learn about God?" This time, a little voice came out of the box, "I heard you the first time! I'm putting on my shoes!"
So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a talking centipede, (100-legged bug), which came in a little white box to use for his house.
He took the box back home, found a good spot for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to church with him. So he asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go to church with me today? We will have a good time." But there was no answer from his new pet. This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked again, "How about going to church with me and receive blessings?" But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation.
The guy decided to invite the centipede one last time. This time he put his face up against the centipede's house and shouted, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to church with me and learn about God?" This time, a little voice came out of the box, "I heard you the first time! I'm putting on my shoes!"
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