I'm in a quandry

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
Homewardbound

Homewardbound

Well-known member
#22
Dec 10, 2018
1,078
593
113
#22
Demi777 said:
Sometimes you have to shake the dust off of your shoes and pray. That is my advice
Click to expand...
I agree, I am doing that. I wish him the best.
I am going to recommend a marriage counsellor too, when (or if) he starts complaining at me again. I am too worn out with it.
 
Demi777

Demi777

Senior Member
#23
Oct 13, 2014
6,889
1,958
113
Germany
#23
Homewardbound said:
I agree, I am doing that. I wish him the best.
I am going to recommend a marriage counsellor too, when (or if) he starts complaining at me again. I am too worn out with it.
Click to expand...
If he complains tell him told ya. And hang up. Hes gotta wake up himself
 
7

7seasrekeyed

Guest
#24
#24
there's that old saying

if you keep doing the same things you will keep getting the same results

he's gotta see if for himself
 
Homewardbound

Homewardbound

Well-known member
#25
Dec 10, 2018
1,078
593
113
#25
Demi777 said:
If he complains tell him told ya. And hang up. Hes gotta wake up himself
Click to expand...
Well, Demi777, as much as I would like to do the "I told ya so" it wouldn't solve anything. My plan is to tell him to go seek professional help.
I am so done with trying to encourage and help, only to have it ignored. Pray for me Demi777, I need it!
 
Demi777

Demi777

Senior Member
#26
Oct 13, 2014
6,889
1,958
113
Germany
#26
I know the feeling. Ive cut many ties. God bless you
Homewardbound said:
Well, Demi777, as much as I would like to do the "I told ya so" it wouldn't solve anything. My plan is to tell him to go seek professional help.
I am so done with trying to encourage and help, only to have it ignored. Pray for me Demi777, I need it!
Click to expand...
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#27
Feb 21, 2014
70,920
9,668
113
#27
It was Kenny Rogers who once said, "you gotta know when to walk away, know when to run".. You need to walk away. This person isn't gonna listen to you, he's determined to do what he wants and consequences be darned..
 
Homewardbound

Homewardbound

Well-known member
#28
Dec 10, 2018
1,078
593
113
#28
blue_ladybug said:
It was Kenny Rogers who once said, "you gotta know when to walk away, know when to run".. You need to walk away. This person isn't gonna listen to you, he's determined to do what he wants and consequences be darned..
Click to expand...
I'm with ya! Like Demi777's encouragement, sweep the dust off the feet and move on. He's still a friend, but he has to learn....thanks for your feedback! very blessed to receive it!
 
B

blueluna5

Well-known member
#30
Jul 30, 2018
652
387
63
#30
Homewardbound said:
I have a friend that I have known for a long time. I met him during a time when his first marriage was just starting to head for the rocks.
Needless to say, it did hit the rocks. (strike one) About 8 months or so later, he married again...to an abusive and strong headed woman. That marriage started going south within the first year or so, as I understand.
I lost track of him for about 7 or 8 years, and when we reconnected, it was all about how bad things were for him. For almost 18 months I tried to do my best to help him out, but his marriage ended. (strike two).
He was introduced by phone to someone in Idaho that my wife and I know. A person who has been in and out of alcohol rehab 3-4 times, and not at all walking with the Lord. 2 weeks after their first phone call together, he tells me they are in love and want to get married...I tried to caution him to go a bit slower, but he got mad at me about it, telling me I should be happy for him finding someone. I stopped trying to help and encourage at that point. I recently heard he married her after only being together face to face for a day or so.
Am I wrong not to be happy for him? I just see another cycle of issues and hassles, with him wanting to dump his problems on me.
What can I do?
Click to expand...
Experience is the best teacher. Your friend is not learning from his own experiences.

Why do you think words would work?
 
Jan7777777

Jan7777777

Active member
#31
Oct 19, 2018
224
154
43
#31
He should have dated her longer and see if they connect, of course praying for the soul mate would have been his best bet, but then doesn't sound like he listens to reasoning, let him figure it out, sounds like he falls in love too fast, that isn't real love, he sounds like he just wants to be married, let him work it all out its his life, tell him you will pray for him and that's about all he seems to allow you to do, we do learn from our mistakes.
 
T

TheLearner

Well-known member
#32
Jan 14, 2019
8,176
1,573
113
68
Brighton, MI
#32
You may want to help him make a list what he wants in a wife and what he has to offer.
 
T

TheLearner

Well-known member
#33
Jan 14, 2019
8,176
1,573
113
68
Brighton, MI
#33
Demi777 said:
If he complains tell him told ya. And hang up. Hes gotta wake up himself
Click to expand...
It is better to lay down the phone and walk away. Where does he look for a wife? At church? Maybe he is not looking in the right place.

I know a person who looked for a mate in a mental institution. He wondered why it did not work out. The next one He found at Church, they have been married for over 30 years now.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#34
Mar 13, 2014
42,550
17,022
113
69
Tennessee
#34
Homewardbound said:
That is my plan for sure, move on. What bothers me is that the ink wasn't even dry on his second divorce before he proposed to his third wife...
Click to expand...
Some guys learn the hard way. The ink was dry on my divorce degree for 18 years before I remarried. Marry in haste, repent in leisure. My mom told me that before my first marriage. Now I am not saying I made a hasty decision but it certainly was an unwise one. Regarding my first marriage, I really regret only one day of it and that one day is the day of the wedding.
 
Homewardbound

Homewardbound

Well-known member
#35
Dec 10, 2018
1,078
593
113
#35
AgapeShellArt said:
First stop trying to fix him and his problems and give them to God instead through prayer.

He isn't going to listen to what you say but wants you to listen to his problems.

You have to honestly ask yourself if you can listen without judging him or trying to fix his problems but with love and compassion so when it does fail he knows he isn't alone....or are you in a place in your life where anymore weight from someone else's burdens will be too much and toxic to your life?

I don't know where you are but pray and ask God if you should stay and listen or distance yourself more.

He will tell you in your heart and give you peace and joy. God bless.
Click to expand...
I am at a point now where I just do not want to be a dumping ground for his misery. He has been married now for about six weeks, and he is starting in again about *stuff*. I told him last time he spoke to me that he needs to find professional help to bring his problems to...don't know if he will, but...
 
Deade

Deade

Called of God
#37
Dec 17, 2017
16,724
10,531
113
78
Vinita, Oklahoma, USA
yeshuaofisrael.org
#37
Deade

Deade

Called of God
#38
Dec 17, 2017
16,724
10,531
113
78
Vinita, Oklahoma, USA
yeshuaofisrael.org
#38
Deade said:
Hahaha... Yeah, praying for patience brings you trouble, I think that is what TheLearner was thinking.

View attachment 193456
Click to expand...
I forgot my scripture. giggle.gif

James 1:2, 3 "My brothers, count it all joy when you fall into different kinds of temptations, knowing that the trying of your faith works patience."
 
Homewardbound

Homewardbound

Well-known member
#39
Dec 10, 2018
1,078
593
113
#39
Deade said:
I forgot my scripture. View attachment 193459

James 1:2, 3 "My brothers, count it all joy when you fall into different kinds of temptations, knowing that the trying of your faith works patience."
Click to expand...
I learn some lessons quickly, some...well....not so quickly!
I need to remember to ask the Lord during those trying times what it is He wants to teach me.
I don't do that enough I guess. maybe I need to ask what I am to learn when dealing with my quandary.
 
JosephsDreams

JosephsDreams

Senior Member
#40
Dec 31, 2015
4,313
467
83
#40
Some people just wont listen, or use common sense. A friend of mine is so needy with wanting a woman, he makes a fool of himself. And I have told him more then once, but no avail.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.