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Uh, hey guys.
I'm feeling pretty troubled about this. I know I complain about my church on here a lot, but I'm kind of at the point where I'd love to leave the church my husband and I attend entirely. We have had so many bad experiences with the membership, the way the church handles itself, etc. (I might make a post sometime explaining in detail, but I kind of want to be spared the GET OUT RIGHT NOW responses - it's harder than it looks, we're trying. Pray for us)
We kept forgiving and overlooking a lot of things, chalking it up to man being sinners, etc etc, but now we are completely fed up.
Back in May, a little after my husband proposed to me, a pastor from our church contacted my husband to see about his 40 year old brother staying at his place. Originally, the time limit was a month, but because H and I were not yet married, I was living with family, and it turned out that H did not mind the pastor's bro being at his place longer, but H stated that he wanted the brother out once we were married.
Well H and I got married in early November, and being newly weds, it's been tough. Especially since bro was out of work for three weeks during December and unable to drive due to issues with documents needed to obtain a license. Since H goes to work and I look after the place and keep it tidy for him, I was home alone with the bro all of those days.
The kicker is that we really like this guy, save for some things we don't really fault him for since he's human and not really seeking The Lord. He knows we like him, but we just don't feel right living with an adult man as a married couple. It has been about eight or so months? H is going to tell him to start looking for somewhere else to live and give him by April. I am feeling guilt and grief in my heart about telling this man we consider a friend that he has to go.
The issue is that this pastor used guilt on H when he called him today to discuss the matter with him and figure out a plan to help his bro transition into new housing. He assumed, even though H made it clear he wanted his bro out after our wedding, that we had intended to keep his bro here indefinitely... If H was not married and did not have me here, it would be no issue. Pastor sees no problem at all with a newly married couple housing an adult male when pastor could very easily transition him into a place with other single guys or with another male. The issue is that we are married and need privacy and H does not feel comfortable with me being here alone with pastor's bro while H is at work. Pastor's bro is paying about $65 per week to live here, and H has told him many times that he actually does not have to pay.
Does anyone think we are wrong on this? The pastor we speak of has issues in general and ties into a problematic clique in our church. He is considered "the cool pastor" among the young people. (Late 20's and 30's crowd -Husband and I are in early 30's)
H is a nice guy, but everyone assumes he is a pushover. God has strengthened him in leadership during our engagement and the weeks leading up to our marriage.
What say you guys?
I'm feeling pretty troubled about this. I know I complain about my church on here a lot, but I'm kind of at the point where I'd love to leave the church my husband and I attend entirely. We have had so many bad experiences with the membership, the way the church handles itself, etc. (I might make a post sometime explaining in detail, but I kind of want to be spared the GET OUT RIGHT NOW responses - it's harder than it looks, we're trying. Pray for us)
We kept forgiving and overlooking a lot of things, chalking it up to man being sinners, etc etc, but now we are completely fed up.
Back in May, a little after my husband proposed to me, a pastor from our church contacted my husband to see about his 40 year old brother staying at his place. Originally, the time limit was a month, but because H and I were not yet married, I was living with family, and it turned out that H did not mind the pastor's bro being at his place longer, but H stated that he wanted the brother out once we were married.
Well H and I got married in early November, and being newly weds, it's been tough. Especially since bro was out of work for three weeks during December and unable to drive due to issues with documents needed to obtain a license. Since H goes to work and I look after the place and keep it tidy for him, I was home alone with the bro all of those days.
The kicker is that we really like this guy, save for some things we don't really fault him for since he's human and not really seeking The Lord. He knows we like him, but we just don't feel right living with an adult man as a married couple. It has been about eight or so months? H is going to tell him to start looking for somewhere else to live and give him by April. I am feeling guilt and grief in my heart about telling this man we consider a friend that he has to go.
The issue is that this pastor used guilt on H when he called him today to discuss the matter with him and figure out a plan to help his bro transition into new housing. He assumed, even though H made it clear he wanted his bro out after our wedding, that we had intended to keep his bro here indefinitely... If H was not married and did not have me here, it would be no issue. Pastor sees no problem at all with a newly married couple housing an adult male when pastor could very easily transition him into a place with other single guys or with another male. The issue is that we are married and need privacy and H does not feel comfortable with me being here alone with pastor's bro while H is at work. Pastor's bro is paying about $65 per week to live here, and H has told him many times that he actually does not have to pay.
Does anyone think we are wrong on this? The pastor we speak of has issues in general and ties into a problematic clique in our church. He is considered "the cool pastor" among the young people. (Late 20's and 30's crowd -Husband and I are in early 30's)
H is a nice guy, but everyone assumes he is a pushover. God has strengthened him in leadership during our engagement and the weeks leading up to our marriage.
What say you guys?
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if this happened to me I'll be very uncomfortable living with another adult(not related to me) especially a man, too...I guess your husband's right about him feeling uncomfortable leaving u alone with an adult man especially that he is not your relative.
