After remarriage, can't the wife have a higher status in the family than the husband's children

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garee

Banned
#21
Mar 28, 2016
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#21
1ofthem said:
I'm not really sure what you mean here. I think children should always be put first after God whether you are remarried or not. Not that they should be allowed to take over or make the rules, or anything. Just my opinion, you should love God first, then your kids, then husband/wife.
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I would think the two are considered one. We work it out and not work to be married but from the standpoint two are married. Together working in a hope of making the children first. First things first . Love and marriage then comes the baby carriage. Can't have one without the other. The woman is to respond to the love their husband should be showing. No interest from the husband no interest from the wife. Some times experience can be the best teacher.
 
1ofthem

1ofthem

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#22
Mar 30, 2016
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#22
garee said:
I would think the two are considered one. We work it out and not work to be married but from the standpoint two are married. Together working in a hope of making the children first. First things first . Love and marriage then comes the baby carriage. Can't have one without the other. The woman is to respond to the love their husband should be showing. No interest from the husband no interest from the wife. Some times experience can be the best teacher.
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Ok, and yes, I agree with the fact that a husband and wife should be working together in hope of making the children first.

I guess, I wasn't getting what she meant by putting the kids above the 2nd wife. I've heard some people say that a husband/wife should love each other more than they do their kids and I don't agree with that. But that's just my opinion on it anyhow.
 
rong

rong

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#23
Nov 20, 2018
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#23
kaylagrl said:
An odd question here but do you mean the children they have together or children he has from another marriage. What I'm saying is,are they her children?
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These are his children from a previous marriage.
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

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#24
Aug 2, 2009
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#24
If he is saying that his kids are more important than his new wife, then he should not have gotten married. There shouldn't be different levels of importance between his wife and his kids even if they are from a previous marriage. But if anyone should be less important, it should be his his ex-wife. Not his current wife.
 
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Locoponydirtman

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#26
#26
Solemateleft said:
I'm not sure his Christian response disagreed with the limits of the premise that was presented.
For example, if the divorced woman in your scenario has previously left her family prior to consideration to remarry, than the Response provided above describes a woman who is not a mature mother of her own children...
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Context
Divorced man remarries a wife. No context that she was also divorced.
 
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Locoponydirtman

Guest
#28
#28
1ofthem said:
I'm not really sure what you mean here. I think children should always be put first after God whether you are remarried or not. Not that they should be allowed to take over or make the rules, or anything. Just my opinion, you should love God first, then your kids, then husband/wife.
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Absolutely not! Children do not come first. It is the one who provides who is first and by order of provision made accordingly ie; God first, then father and mother, then children. The children first disorder is why so many children are self entitled spoiled brats. Privilege is directly linked to contribution. By this they learn reward for responsibility.
 
Dino246

Dino246

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#29
Jun 30, 2015
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#29
1ofthem said:
I'm not really sure what you mean here. I think children should always be put first after God whether you are remarried or not. Not that they should be allowed to take over or make the rules, or anything. Just my opinion, you should love God first, then your kids, then husband/wife.
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I respect your right to have an opinion... but I think your opinion is foolish and dangerous.

It takes two parents working closely together to raise healthy, well-adjusted children to adulthood. God's plan for family starts with marriage for good reason. When children come before spouse, the spouse is not an equal partner in parenting and both the children and the parents suffer. Wise parents make sacrifices for their children, so that their children develop healthy understanding of their value, identity, and place in the world. Wise parents don't sacrifice each other for their children.
 
1ofthem

1ofthem

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#30
Mar 30, 2016
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#30
Locoponydirtman said:
Absolutely not! Children do not come first. It is the one who provides who is first and by order of provision made accordingly ie; God first, then father and mother, then children. The children first disorder is why so many children are self entitled spoiled brats. Privilege is directly linked to contribution. By this they learn reward for responsibility.
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Reread my post...I did not say anything about allowing children special privilege, letting them set the rules, or spoiling them. I said they are first when it comes to who you should love. We are not some great martyrs just for having children. It is our responsibilities as parents to take care of our children, love, and protect them above anyone else in our lives.

Apparently we are coming at this from different angles or something. I do agree with you that children need rules and that they should not be allowed to take over and set their own rules, boss the husband or the wife, or anything like that. But when it comes to loving and protecting, they are first...Well to any good parent, anyhow....Just saying
 
calibob

calibob

Sinner saved by grace
#31
May 29, 2018
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#31
I think equal would be fair as I don't think a new comer should be elevated above flesh and blood but children should know their places too and be respectful of their father new wife as well. Unruly, disrespectful children must respect their fathers wishes and fathers should remain even handed as well. Any other way will lead to jealousy. Considering the new mother is most likely older and we all should at least respect our elders. I think it is the mans job traditionally to deal with an even hand and be a man if he can. Love his wife and his children.

We are talking more about roles and the new step mother has a different role to play than children. As with most jobs and a new assistant manager fills the role above that of persons with more seniority and must be respected and be respectful as well. In a traditional situation it is the managers (husbands') job to decide as he answers to the real boss (God) and the father, (husband) will have to answer for his leadership ability or lack thereof.
 
1ofthem

1ofthem

Senior Member
#32
Mar 30, 2016
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#32
Dino246 said:
I respect your right to have an opinion... but I think your opinion is foolish and dangerous.

It takes two parents working closely together to raise healthy, well-adjusted children to adulthood. God's plan for family starts with marriage for good reason. When children come before spouse, the spouse is not an equal partner in parenting and both the children and the parents suffer. Wise parents make sacrifices for their children, so that their children develop healthy understanding of their value, identity, and place in the world. Wise parents don't sacrifice each other for their children.
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Same goes for you...reread what I wrote.

And yes, opinions are like you know what's...we all got one. So forgive me, but to be brutally honest with you...I think your opinion is foolish and dangerous.

Like I told the other guy and even wrote in my first post here...No kids don't set the rules or boss either husband or wife around...But kids should come first when it comes to love, time, etc. And yeah you get married first and then have kids...so what...That only means that it's time to grow up you are responsible for another life... one that is helpless and depends on you for everything.

So yeah, work together on it, and hopefully both parents are wise, but you should know that is not always the case....

I'm still not sure exactly what this woman was talking about being put third...She didn't say anything about the children were spoiled and try to take over. It could be the fact that the wife is jealous of the children and wants her husband to spend all or most of his time or money on her and not them.

So if it was the children are making the rules and she has to listen to them.....then no I don't agree with it.

But if it is that she feels her husband is spending more time, money, or showing his kids more affections....Then she needs to grow up.

Once again, that's just my thoughts on it.
 
tourist

tourist

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#33
Mar 13, 2014
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#33
rong said:
Hi, everybody, let me ask you a question. I know a Christian brother who believes that a remarried wife should be in the third place in the family. He thinks that god is the first, his children are the second, and a remarried wife should be in the third place, right?
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No, God is first, remarried wife second, kids third, dogs forth, cats fifth, birds sixth....
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#34
Mar 13, 2014
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#34
claysmithr said:
In a Christian relationship, the wife is supposed to represent the bride of Christ. Do you think Christ's bride belongs in 3rd place?
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Actually in a Christian relationship the wife is supposed to represent the bride, period. It is the husband's bride, not Christ. His bride is the Church.
 
calibob

calibob

Sinner saved by grace
#35
May 29, 2018
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#35
Once again, that's just my thoughts on it.[/QUOTE]
Of course to me kids are in their 30's and grandkids are in High School.
Young children that need more discipline also need to learn more respect. Never forget, they may be taking care of us someday. If they can't or won't it may be upon our heads, in this lifetime. You better believe that.

Raise up a child in the way they should go...and when they are old they will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6 paraphrased by a 20th century Grandfather.
 
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Locoponydirtman

Guest
#36
#36
1ofthem said:
Reread my post...I did not say anything about allowing children special privilege, letting them set the rules, or spoiling them. I said they are first when it comes to who you should love. We are not some great martyrs just for having children. It is our responsibilities as parents to take care of our children, love, and protect them above anyone else in our lives.

Apparently we are coming at this from different angles or something. I do agree with you that children need rules and that they should not be allowed to take over and set their own rules, boss the husband or the wife, or anything like that. But when it comes to loving and protecting, they are first...Well to any good parent, anyhow....Just saying
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You ever hear of empty nest syndrome, where two parents find that after the kids leave they have nothing I'm common, or don't even know the other?
It's from put the relationship with the kids first.
The relationship between the parents is most important, if they have no relationship the family is broken. How do the kids fair then?
Also kids grow up and move away, spouses are for life.
It's rediculous to place the relationship with kids first. Yeah you live them and take care of them and teach and guide, but they are to become adults and go away. Your spouse is supposed to stay.
If you remarry after a divorce the new spouse goes right in to place as number 2 behind God.
 
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Locoponydirtman

Guest
#37
#37
Furthermore the most important impression you will ever make on your kids is the relationship that you have with your spouse.
 
Mel85

Mel85

Daughter of the True King
#38
Mar 28, 2018
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#38
For those who like visuals.... A3BF590C-BA5B-4203-BCE1-3588A02C5699.jpeg
 
1ofthem

1ofthem

Senior Member
#39
Mar 30, 2016
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#39
Locoponydirtman said:
You ever hear of empty nest syndrome, where two parents find that after the kids leave they have nothing I'm common, or don't even know the other?
It's from put the relationship with the kids first.
The relationship between the parents is most important, if they have no relationship the family is broken. How do the kids fair then?
Also kids grow up and move away, spouses are for life.
It's rediculous to place the relationship with kids first. Yeah you live them and take care of them and teach and guide, but they are to become adults and go away. Your spouse is supposed to stay.
If you remarry after a divorce the new spouse goes right in to place as number 2 behind God.
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I guess, to each their own and we are going to have to agree to disagree here.

Yes, kids grow up and move away, but that doesn't mean you don't love them anymore or they are not a part of your life.

And in reality marriages don't always last, even if one person is trying the best the can....I mean, this is evident even by the fact that you mention divorce and remarrying a second wife in your post .

This may sound ugly but it is the truth....You can always find another man or woman if it don't work out, but you can never replace one of your kids with anyone else. I mean, really this is evident by the fact that we are evening talking about a second wife here.

And no, I am not condoning divorce or any such thing, but good parents should love their children unconditionally and put them first in their life after God.

Seriously, I would not even want to be with a man that showed me more attention, affection, and loved me above his own kids. I would have no respect for him at all. And once again, that just my thoughts on it.
 
1ofthem

1ofthem

Senior Member
#40
Mar 30, 2016
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#40
Locoponydirtman said:
Furthermore the most important impression you will ever make on your kids is the relationship that you have with your spouse.
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I would say the most important impression you will ever make on your kids, is the relationship you have with the Lord, but I do agree that it is important to have a good relationship with your spouse and that this does leave an important impression on your kids, as well.
 
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