My only concern was for the emotional distress you were displaying in your OP. I wasn't going to go into a whole bunch of Internet Drama in telling you how to heal yourself
Just thought that it might help you to refocus on positive thoughts if you portrayed positive thoughts.
The Avatar being a character in a book you are writing, makes it a legitimate Avatar to use...........but, still, if seeing it all the time causes you to see yourself in it, the one piece of advice I would offer is to start seeing Christ in you. I bet that would look a whole lot different!
We are not born with a spirit of fear, and you can take heart in that.
2 Timothy 1:7) For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
I hope you get things worked out/under control, and that the help you are receiving proves beneficial. Just make sure you keep God in the mix! Prayer can be a powerful healing device.
Merry Christmas